Absolute submission

Direction

2011-09-20T13:14:00.004Z

Direction, as insane as it may sound is not always about the A to Z of a map. There is evidence to show that working with direction can help you in a very positive way. Direction can be a course along which someone or something moves. Or a course that must be taken in order to reach a certain place or a position in ones career.
The act of directing, of aiming, regulating, guiding in a D/s lifestyle is the responsibility of the Dom or Master. Mine decided to be directional yesterday, and i’m all good with it, i need direction, i’ve always said that if the fences/ boundaries’ are not pointed out, i cannot be in the wrong for stepping over out of those fences, boundaries. There's no point in setting goals if you don't know what goal are set. There's no point in planning, in committing to actions and - just so you have the illusion of submission. Submission is about making a choice. Because i do have choices. i choose to hand over control, i choose to be owned, ichoose to submit.
MG will exert that control with a strong hand, hold me when I cry, rub my back when it hurts, tell me when I'm full of shit, and compliment my intelligence. He is a caring father and a good role model. In short, He really is the perfect man for me.
I think that allowing yourself to be who you really are makes for a more complete and balanced human being and that has proven to be true. Sometime we just get fogged in and cant see the wood for the trees for a while, but ultimately the fog clears and the path once more comes into view and we can tread our choosen direction once more

sub or slave

2011-08-07T11:56:00.005Z

A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her.
A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is incumbent upon her to obey.

I am fond of this definition because it describes not only my personal experience of submission and slavery, but with some minimal qualification also applies to every submissive or slave relationship i have known of.

At the heart of submission is the choice to submit and the option to say "No". The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the dominant's command. Submissive power exchange is about choice: about the option to decide how one feels about a demand and what one is going to do about it. At any point that the sub is not comfortable with this arrangement, it is within her rights to say "No, I'm not going to do that", and this becomes a signal to the couple that they need to renegotiate something. It does not completely derail the power dynamic between them.

A submissive chooses to submit and has the option to say 'no' in at least one aspect of hir life.

A submissive who is controlled in large tracts of her life – her sexuality, work, dress, social habits, etc - may fall into a space of obedience where orders in those arenas are never mulled over or reassessed (in the sense of "renewing the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her"). I contend that this is not counter to the definition I offer above but a special subset thereof: even for such a closely-controlled submissive, there remains some area of her life or aspect of her person where she retains autonomy, or where it is her option to decide if she wishes to submit in the moment.

In short: a submissive chooses to submit and has the option in some area or another to say "no" to a dominant command.
A slave commits to obey. A 'no' becomes a dealbreaker in a way it can never be for a submissive.

Mindset

2011-07-27T11:09:00.001Z

I read in another blog today of a sub struggling with some newly found disabilities and i can so understand from where she’s coming but in the same vein i think i have got my head around submission on a more mental level these days… Here's what she wrote….

”What kind of service is there in needing Master to take care me instead of me caring for Him? i understand that all stable relationships have their own precarious balance of give and take, but in our relationship, as a slave there are (to my way of thinking & feeling) a few absolutes. Number one for me is SERVICE. That is my “thing”, my banner, wave it high. “Can i get You…., Would You like…., Is there anything i can….” are my mantras. Now every time i turn around, i hear those very words spilling like waterfalls from the mouth of the One who used to shoot verbiage like “NOW!” It is unnerving how much our roles have changed. i still feel submissive, but in a different way. He has always called me His “pet”, but now i honestly feel more like a pet than anything else. i mean, before, i could do things, now He’s doing most of them for me. The worst of it is that i an not unable to complete tasks, it just takes me longer and i tire easily. I have too embraced the opportunity to go in new directions, but i have not. i am going to have to find a way to get my head around that. i know this, but i don’t know how & i feel so, SO guilty for all the changes that this is bringing into Master’s life as well.
I had these same thought on my return from the hospital 6 years ago and even today MG still does for me, more than i do for Him, but that’s a joining, a coming together of two loving souls and i have to say that far far outweighs the need for anything D/s.. MG will let me struggle if i really need help i can ask and He will always give me assistance, but still allowing my need to serve Him. Of course our play has mellowed with age and disabilities, but i think i was being naive if i thought I’d still be an hour a night on my knees as i got older, disabilities or not. Funnily enough it was a joke i once laughed at with MG but we are still and will always be Master & slave because i feel it’s an exception to the “actions speak louder than words” rule D/s is all about mindset.And my mind is set, rigid, unwavering on He is Master, i am slave and i'm planning on going to my grave with that mindset

In the meantime

2011-05-18T16:38:00.003Z

I realize I’ve been bad at posting lately. It’s a combination of factors.
I wake up each day, and then watch the clock, wondering how I’ll make it to the end of the day. I have trouble falling asleep, and once I do, I wake up early and can’t fall back asleep. . I don’t know why I’m so eager to make it through each day, I take it second-by-second, minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, day-by-day, week-by-week.Life doesnt get an easier, i struggle evey day and im sure ll continue to do so, Some days are easier than others.

i cant and dont expect life to get any easier on me, my situation cant improve so can only get worse as my health,/fitness follows my age. As i get older so my physical disabilities will become more and more of an issue, this scares the hell out of me.but as there is nothing i can do to change the facts of the case n point in dwelling on it but i needed some dominance in my life. we don’t have many rituals or requirements that I’m required to follow leftSo I need some dominance, to bring me back to center. I miss it, and when its been too long, I sometimes forgot how it makes me feel.In the meantime, i just keep my head above water.

Slave to:

2011-04-06T14:37:00.001Z

I believe that there are certain people--and, yes, they are most likely few and far between--whose place in the world is in the ownership of another. Yeah, i believe slavery has valid applications, and not just "ooh, fun sex slavery," either. i simply perform better when I'm told what to do than when i have to figure it out myself. On my own, i waffle and waver and never really get anywhere. i have no impulse control, and i basically just do whatever takes my fancy at the time, whether it's a good idea or not.

So.
Inability to make decisions.
Lack of direction.
Lack of willpower.
Yes, let’s not even bringing up the inherent desire to please, the way i submit to my Master’s wishes, etc.
One of two things happens to people like me. Either we find ourselves in abusive relationships, one after the other, or we somehow manage to fall into a situation where our need to be a possession, is used for good. Now, honestly, I'm too damn stubborn for the former. Somehow i got lucky enough to get the latter second time around.
The upshot of which is that i really believe i need more of this type of control in my life. i obviously suck at doing things without it. Not to mention how good, how secure, how WHOLE it makes me feel.
The truth is, i need it. i need my whole life to be subject to the whims of my Master. Not just parts of it. Not just, "Hey, do this one time.". Not that i think i'd be good at being micromanaged. That's not Master’s style at all anyway so no fear there.. Just tell me what you need done please. i need something to work towards .
idon't think the need to be owned has anything to do with age, sex, race, religion, financial status (or lack thereof), or anything else. i just think that there are certain people in the world who function at their best only when they are under control of another.
That's pretty much it.
Love You Master

Devotion and Respect.

2011-01-17T08:58:00.001Z

i try to make Master happy, because i love his happiness. It makes me happy to make him happy. There is a very real and fulfilling reinforcement for my obedience and submission to him. i love pleasing him, but not because i am "his slave". i love making him happy because the happier i make him, the more he will show his happiness, his appreciation, and his love for me - making me happy in return. It truly is a never-ending, wonderful cycle. But what most people miss is that this has absolutely nothing to do with D/s whatsoever.

Sure it makes us happy to participate in a D/s relationship. Because we understand that he is the Master and i am the slave, there are certain dynamics in place that make us happy by their very nature. He controls, i let him. No matter how much fun we have with it, though, the bottom line is that no matter what we call ourselves, it is simply because that is who we are.. And no matter what i call myself, i am going to revel in the knowledge that he is controlling and taking responsibility and making decisions, and because of that and the gratitude i feel that he lifts my unwanted burdens, i will offer and eagerly look for ways to please him. And the happier he is, the happier he will make me, and the world, or our little piece of it, becomes a beautiful garden of devotion and respect.

Need to be told i'm a "Good Girl"

2011-01-04T16:40:00.005Z

i still need to be told i a “good girl”

• Be helpful. say "Is there anything i can do for you Sir?"
• Be friendly. Always be nice. Don't gossip or say bad things about people behind their back. Smile!
• Be polite. Courtesy is a big part of being good. people will respect you more if you say things like please, thank you, and may i. Let older people go first.
• Learn helpful skills. Learn how to cook, do housework, –
• Be organized. "have a place for everything, and everything in it's place
•. Learn to ask politely for help, respect the advice given you.
• Dress like the good girl you are. Ditch the leather jacket and ripped up jeans! Get into a nice fitted pair of jeans and a cute colored tee shirt (pink, purple, or blue are some options). Get a few pretty skirts too. Make sure to also brush your hair and keep it in a nice style. A bit of bright jewelry is fine. Remember, good doesn't mean dull!
• Don't wear a lot of makeup. Too much of it makes you look trashy. Don't wear it at all if you don't feel like it. Or use natural makeup, lightly applied. The same goes for jewelry.
• Stick to good morals and values. Don't drink, smoke, do drugs. These things aren't important, they won't help your future-and they're definitely not good for you or your health. Stay away from it. Stick to your curfew hour.
• Stick to good music, books, movies, tv, etc. Have fun! It's okay to sometimes act a little immature and watch a good Disney movie show or read a kids' book again. You can still watch tv, listen to music, and see movies that are good-don't worry, they're just as good as the more "adult" ones, sometimes better! ;) Learn about different kinds of music and reading.
• Keep regular hours, and be sure to get plenty of sleep. Being well rested will help you feel healthier and it will be easier to be courteous to others.

Memory Lane

2010-12-07T09:23:00.007Z

"Footfalls echo in the memory, Down the passage which we did not take, Towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden.”
~T.S. Eliot

This slave finds a wistfulness for both what was, as well as what was "not". What "was" went too soon. The seasons change,time slips by and with each passing year this one longs to hold onto summer's fleeting days, reminding me of youthful laughter and warmth and pleasure.
The freezing of those perfect moments when they graced us is sadly impossible, time marches on, no matter what, we can but try to hold in memory every second and allow it to fill our soul to sustain during the chill and darkness.

Slavery's moments change as do all moments. My wistfulness comes due to lack of understanding of the impermanence of time. The moment which mark this slave's soul and heart keeps me forever bound to my Master even when the mark is no longer present on the flesh.

brat !

2010-11-17T09:07:00.003Z

i have seen in chat rooms ,discussions about what it means to be a brat. There are girls who are so proud of being a brat that they put it in their descriptions, an "in your face" kind of statement that says "this is how i am, i ain't changing for nobody, so THERE!"

Now, truthfully, if a girl is smartass, disobedient, making her own choices about her own behaviour, showing tremendous disrespect to most folks with a capped nick, intruding with ugly comments into ongoing scenes, and being silly and giggly just for attention.....AND states that she's proud of her behaviour....what does that tell a Dominant who is looking for a submissive to own?

Being a brat is, in my opinion, nothing more than choosing to have no self control. It's hard to not type things without the motivation of making someone proud of her restraint. Is it TOO hard not to? Or is it sheer laziness that makes some folks proud of their bratty behaviour? And what is funny to me is that so many of those brats want to top from the bottom when they DO find someone who wants to try with them....it's their nature, and they were attractive enough for the Dom to "own" them, why should they bother to change now?

When bratty behaviour is accepted, and encouraged, in a forum such as in a chat room, it is detrimental to the formation of relationships, truly D/s relationships, as well as to the room itself. Again, this is only my opinion, nothing more. But it has been both my observations, and my experiences, that have created such an opinion. You have got to desire to turn from sassy, reckless brat, into being the ideal sub any good Master could want, if it takes work so be it.

Man flu

2010-11-02T09:14:00.001Z

i’ve got a cold as has Master. This is first one this year. Obviously making up for last year.

Master had a flu jag, dont think its working, so as men must do in these situations He's told everyone within hearing distance that He's ‘not well’ in a weak, croaky, bunged up voice followed by lengthy bouts of sniffing and looking helpless.

manflu

I’ve just been looking up the common cold, and it’s much worse than i feared. Apparently Master is dying through a severe version of man flu. Just check out these scary facts and fiction points nicked straight from manflu.info site, i paid particular attention to the women role section)

Man Flu is simply a cold, the symptoms of which are greatly exaggerated by men.

FALSE – Man Flu is a serious and potentially life threatening illness, and will no doubt soon be on the Health and Safety Executive’s list of Reportable Diseases. Man Flu is a distinct disease in its own right, and should not be misdiagnosed as a mere common cold.

Women can catch Man Flu

FALSE – Man Flu does not attack humans with the XX chromosome, only those with the XY chromosome. This genetic mutation effectively immunises females against Man Flu. This may account for the reason that women widely believe that Man Flu is actually just the common cold, but with a bit of extra drama thrown in for good measure.

The best way to deal with Man Flu is to just ‘get on with it’

FALSE – Extensive research has proven that the only way to combat the crippling effects of Man Flu is complete withdrawal to the sofa and uninterrupted mollycoddling by the girlfriend / wife/slave.

Men have a slower recovery rate from Man Flu than women do from the common cold.

TRUE – The effects of Man Flu can linger for days and days, compared with just a few hours for the common cold. If the man is not permitted the correct period of convalescence following an attack of Man Flu he can be plunged back into a critical condition (see The Woman’s Role as Carer).

Man Flu is just a way for men to get sympathy / time off work / time in front of the telly

FALSE – Man Flu is a bona-fide and debilitating illness, would men make a meal of that sort of thing?

The pain and suffering of Man Flu is similar to that of child birth.

TRUE – Though at least with child birth it’s all done and dusted in a few hours, but Man Flu can last for weeks…

The best cure for Man Flu is a cocktail of Night Nurse, Day Nurse, chicken noodle soup and whiskey.

FALSE - There is no cure for Man Flu. Once infected the afflicted can only hope that the gods roll the dice in favour of life rather than slow, lingering death.

While suffering from Man Flu, men would like nothing more than to go to work and try to forget about their affliction.

TRUE - However, men recognise the huge risk of spreading Man Flu to other men. Indeed, a single cough in the wrong direction could hold enough Man Flu germs to wipe out a small rainforest tribe.

Flu Jab

Seasonal flu is a highly infectious respiratory illness caused by a flu virus. It spreads rapidly through the coughs and sneezes of infected people.
Seasonal flu immunisation, or the flu jab, is the injection of a vaccine against flu. It gives good protection from flu that lasts for one year.
The flu jab is offered to people in at risk groups,(Masters work give it for free, cuts down on sick days ) who are at greater risk of developing serious complications from flu. To stay protected, they need to have it every year.
The vaccine, which is normally available in the autumn, is made from the strains of flu that are expected in winter.

How effective is it?

The flu vaccines currently available give 70-80% protection against infection, with flu virus strains closely matching those in the vaccine.

Effective..? Nope cause Master had the jag last week and both of us now has flu, im dying quiely. Master being a man has the man flu strain and is dying loudly. All i can do is supply the necessary tissues and smile and say Yes Sir when He calls me rudholf.(red nose)

Communication

2010-10-25T12:15:00.003Z

Communication is a key part of any relationship, especially a D/s one and i've always tried to be as honest as possible..

i'd like to think that along the way, i've worked Him out almost as completely as He has me . There are moments where i can see straight into His head and know what He's thinking, other times we fnish each other sentence, Sometimes i'll do something for Him and He'll sigh that it was just what He wanted, but i'm not always right. Knowing when to act on my gut and when to wait for Him to guide me is one of the challenges of slavery, because He doesn't always want to correct me when i anticipate His wishes, but He doesn't want a passive doormat either. That's why communication will always remain the number one priority for us, and i will never take His knowledge of me for granted.

Not even REMOTELY D/s.

2010-10-20T07:57:00.001Z

My thoughts have been dwelling a lot lately on where we are now, where we've come from, and how we got here. It's such a wonderful thing to think about..

Basically, while our relationship is still very much a M/s relationship, the outward expression of M/s is not as necessary as it was in the very beginning.

Shocking, i know.

But that is what has happens we have settled into relationships. After many years (8+)...the fact is that we don't need to outwardly express what we are, simply because by living within the parameters set into place within the relationship,the control/submission is expressed daily, habitually, via the framework that Master built and set into place. Few people would ever know they were there unless they looked very hard to find them.

Probably 90% of our relationship will look "vanilla" because it IS "vanilla" in that there are hardly any outward expressions of M/s visible. We can relate as equals and you know what? It doesn't destroy what we have.

The only way we have been able to get to this point is because we liked each other as PEOPLE from the very beginning. We appeal to each other intellectually, emotionally, and in general. Yes, we do relate to each other in ways that aren't strictly D/s, or not even REMOTELY D/s.

i AM his slave and i always will be. The dynamic is there, it is strong and pure and very real. He controls what he wishes to control in my life, that, to me, is what being slave is all about.

i live my life, period. He can't live it for me, nor would he want to. He has his own life to live, and guess what?. Respecting each other as people, as a man and as a woman, as a friend, as a lover, as mature adults....that is the first cornerstone of any successful relationship, whether D/s or not.

Just because i am slave does not mean that i become useless as a human being for anything other than my Master's whim of the moment. Just because He is a Master does not mean that he becomes useless as a human being for anything other than exerting control over his slave.

D/s is so deeply and firmly embedded in our relationship, in how we live and who we are, that we just don't even really think about it anymore. We make no effort to .... i don't know, to specifically express D/s simply because we are a D/s couple, if that makes sense. It is there, believe me, and expressed in some very wonderful, special, meaningful ways...but never expressed to...prove something, i think is how i need to word it. We have nothing to prove to anyone about anything. We have already proven ourselves to each other, in the ways that count, and there is no need for it anymore.

It's just who we are>

Vice Versa

2010-10-18T09:28:00.001Z

Even here, in this blog, when i have been going through my "silly" spells, i have tried hard to give an accurate picture of what it is like to be slave to a Master. i have always tried to put the good with the bad in my blog.
i am not the sort of slave who has a need to write up about every sexual experience Master and i take part in, our bedroom is just that ours. Beside there are literally hundreds of those kind of blogs around, mine doesn’t need to be fantasy of being tied, beaten etc, i don’t have a need to tell my readers if Master has clamped my nipples for 15 minutes or not or if he requires me to use any one of our dozen of toys in a certain manner. Those things are private. The mentality between a Master and slave is more interesting i believe. Thing are far far easier said than actually done ive found.
Master needs for me to be what i need to be, nothing but His, mind and body, with special attention to mind. Of course He values my body but mental Domination is as powerful, my mind, my thoughts, and my opinions - i am not a robot, or a "mindless blob". But at the core, i am totally His....not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. This is so deeply fulfilling i can't even begin to explain it. This is what a real D/s relationship is, not only “whips and chains”.

Total commitment on both sides, to fulfil the role as defined ...... to the deepest extent we are able to do so. For me to be as mentally submissive as He is mentally Dominant. And vice versa, it will always and has always been a two way street, a give and take, i forget that some times.

Yours

2010-10-17T16:42:00.001Z

i began to believe that there is no way Master could still want me crippled and getting older., i felt that i couldn't do anything right, much less be a good slave to this Man. i wasn't giving Him credit for being understanding, and yes, i was seeing from my own perspective. But i am realising that He sees not circumstances....He sees me. Such a simple, but dramatic, concept....if one doesn't "get it"....i will learn, to get over this deep seated fear of rejection that I’m carrying.

I realise now that i am more than sexual fulfilment to You. i am totally and completely Yours, i am sure that i still hold some really negative thoughts -that will probably be with me for always, i dont think i can change that, i do tend to cling to my old things with a passion, but thats a part of who i am.
Thank You, Master, for so much. For loving me , the good and the bad

i need !!

2010-10-14T09:08:00.003Z

i need clearly defined limits. i will need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways i am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so i know how far i can go and feel secure inside those limits. i will need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when i try to climb them without Your approval.

I need You to be consistent. i will need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behaviour. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You will give me. From time to time i may test You to see if You still accept control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It will not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to me. Very often it will not be done consciously and i promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.

I need to expand my limits. i need to be challenged. Left on my own, i become bored or stagnate within the boundaries i accepted in the beginning. i need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. i may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. i will depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.

I need You to teach me. i need to learn. My mind is still hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that i can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.

I need goals. i am very goal-oriented. Without Your direction i will quickly become lost so i look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as i continue in my development as Yours..

I need to be corrected. i need You to correct me when i make mistakes. Without Your correction i will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, i may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. i admire firmness in correction and will feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.

I need Your approval and reassurance. i will need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know i belong to You even if i fall short of my goals. i sometimes confuse approval with disapproval if You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. i will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.

I need to be able to express myself. i have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. i will fear Your rejection and will hate disappointing You, so i may need a little space and time to voice all the things i need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that i can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.

I need to learn from my mistakes. i need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. You may struggle with allowing me to be hurt but i need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. i will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.

I need forgiveness when i fail. Nothing hurts me more than to know i've failed or displeased and i need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrongdoing and i may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse i am carrying. i may even need to be punished, if my wrongdoing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. i will depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.

I need to feel i contribute. i have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, also. i may need to give of myself to those i hold dear but You will always receive the best i have to offer.

I need to enjoy successes. Without experiencing and enjoying my successes i may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savouring the taste of victory when i overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes will belong to You and i need to share their rewards with You. i don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.

I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual &sexual aspects of my being as well as the physical body i inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things i need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways i can achieve total openness with You. i also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.

I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership. No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, i need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all i am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if i fall short of the target. i need to be loved and to love in return. i can't survive without it.

Humiliation

2010-10-13T10:27:00.006Z

Following on from Mondays post about asking permissions, i guess humiliation, embarrassment etc isn’t my thing and i don’t think Master is really into seeing me like that (hopes) i may be wrong but i'm pretty sure I’ll find out soon, but He has never yet wanted/needed to humiliate me. If It pleased Him, If it feeds something inside of Him, to see me on my hands and knees begging them im sure we would have gone there a long time ago. If He had a need to reduce me to my basest instincts being humiliated would be one way, but i think we know each other well enough to know its not something we have ever had a need to explore.
What i am trying to say is that, if He chooses, or needs, for me to be worthless or to feel worthless - even if He merely wanted me to feel that way "just because", then i wish to be whatever He needs, to make Him find more and deeper pleasure in owning me.
This man knows me so well. He knows what i would find deeply humiliating. He knows what i would struggle with. He knows what i have said in the past that i can't do. He knows what i still can't do.
The bottom line, for me, is that no matter what He asks of me, if it is within me, I’ll give and keep on giving.
So, please Sir....use Your slave as deeply, as strongly, and in as humiliating ways as You wish to, need to, Master. Please allow Your slave the opportunity to serve You as You wish, as You need, and as You so rightly deserve.
)

Born Worrier

2010-10-12T09:00:00.001Z

I thought or i was thinking, always a bad sign, i’ve found it often best if i do neither, just let it wash over me because when i think i more often than not, upset myself, i can make up the world’s worse scenario in my mind with almost nothing to work on, i can do that in a millisecond but it can take days for me to recover from the black hole i more often than not put myself in.
i have all these random thoughts about life, my life and i make huge mountain out of tiny mole hill. If i had my own personal Jiminy cricket, He’d be run off his feet.. Whispering in my ear to let it go. Instead i run with any drama literally to generate something…. Why i don’t know, why not be happy, heaven knows, i’m sure there is enough real drama if i want/need to worry. But yes i think that the crux of the matter, i am a born worrier. Always worrying about something, if i don’t have something to worry about, i create it.
I wish i didn't worry about everything. i think too much, work myself up and all the time because of the "what if's...and sick of it too! Ugh, i wish i didn't worry about everything.

Saying what i mean, meaning what i say

2010-10-11T09:43:00.004Z

It seems that as humans, we often think others should be able to read our minds…. by asking, we are reducing the need for others to do that.
i see this blog as my message board, only trouble is He never answers, i know it’s silly of me but i find that there are some questions still that i cannot outright ask.E.G i find it extremely difficult to ask if i might pleasure myself, even to go without rather than ask. Things like that, i turn into a giggly little school girl, in my 50's. How stupid is that. And yet still, i have always had to ask to orgasm and never really had a problem with that, maybe being out of myself usually assisted me in that quest, Post it notes would solve my problem but i don’t think He’d approve and there’s no privacy here and I’ve never been great at direct asking, i always beat around the bush for days so that gets me nowhere fast, being way to ambiguous so my request goes unanswered as its likely it was never asked in the first place , hidden amongst a load of twaddle or waffle
Learning to be direct is something i need to work on, saying what i mean, meaning what i say, and maybe I’ll get it ...i certainly never will if i don’t ask.

inside my head

2010-10-07T08:25:00.001Z

Is this noise inside my head bothering you?

Does it shout/scream too loudly? It never stops, it says, “Would Master or should i , so many questions that i have to answer and i don’t make decision, or i’d rather not and yet, inside my head is fill to bursting with questions, each one pushing for an answer. Every item has multiple priorities going on, competing agendas that come into play every time I’m forced to make a choice about doing, buying, creating or interacting. i think these determine, how good a job i do, where i shop etc

You’re inside my head, always, in every waking moment, , You determine , what i eat, , everything about my day, my life, my very existence. i cannot hide, not that i wish to, but if i did, it’s impossible. Still i really need some of those questions answer. Not the mundane, “what shall i cook for Your dinner” but bigger issues like “What do You expect from me”,” Where do we go from here on”
i still want more, i need to know if Your happy to leave things just the way they are.

We are not in the head space i always imagined we would be at this point in our lives, if Your happy with that great, but i need to know You are.
Question,answers lead to more question...............................

What Is to What Was

2010-09-29T09:52:00.000Z

I can't help comparing What Is to What Was, and feeling the disappointment that accompanies memory. While i rarely find myself angry anymore, and have made great strides forward,i cannot deny embitterment,i still dream of what was and cope daily with what is, i do dream on some days of what might have been if only……..but i also recall the words that acceptance is the key to moving forward. Oh I accept my loss, my lot, doesn’t mean i cannot dream of what once was or might have been.
You never realize just how much stuff you've invited into your life until you don’t have it anymore.

Comfort Zone

2010-09-22T08:52:00.002Z

I kind of get in this comfort zone where i guess im so comfortable with Him, i act as his equal not his slave. Which Im working on remembering, i’ve had this feeling so many times before, i even tell myself in my head, it’s ok because im in my wife mentality, i have to remember that the slave one overrides, out ranks the wife, but on the days when i feel wife is needed, it’s difficult to still have a slave mentality, because these are definitely two totally separate entities, then i have the mother mentality as well, im afraid under the onslaught of the duel personalities slave does get lost sometimes, I’d rather she didn’t but unless im pull up on the mouthy (as if) wife persona slave can get lost under the “im wife i am caring for my husband here”, but i do honestly believe if Master just tugs the slave collar ever so slightly the slave will rise to the surface. Really wish He would tug more often. But He’s unwell at present, which in itself brings wife to the front, i can’t help it. The less M/s we have the more wife is top of the pecking order and no amount of me telling myself off helps

Luv is !!!

2010-09-21T07:53:00.002Z

For °°lϋvþąŷńě° my sister in heart and mind for some 10 years now

How could i have been so unthinking, unfeeling, to have as good as abandoned my dear friend to flounder without a loving hand to reach out to in her time of need. Talk about selfish, what a stupid woman i can be at times, wrapped in my own bubble, wallowing in some pity.. ive always said, i don’t do pity party. i wanted to be a part of something and i didn’t even see the cost involved until now, but now i do see, im putting it right, i just hope it’s not too late, hope my “luv”ing sister will forgive me
I am angry with myself that i didn’t care enough to really BE THERE for my sister.Stupid thing is i do care, i just couldnt see past a mist i had created, i feel i gave a bunch of lame excuses and was too far and away in my own little world to think beyond my own walls and i feel so very bad that i’ve hurt this very very special person because i was unthinking, uncaring, and left her to her fate.
Some friend i am. Just hope its not to late to put it right.

The warmth of a friend's presence brings joy to our hearts, sunlight to our souls, and pleasure to all of life.
Luv is truely very special to me.

Success

2010-09-20T08:11:00.008Z

Much is said about success. You will find many differing opinions on not only how to achieve success, but even on what success is. For some people success is financial bliss. For others, it is freedom. i find success in health, family and friends, day to day getting by in a never ending struggle.

1. Do What You Love

Have you ever found anyone that is successful doing something they hate? i guess you can take the definition of success to any extreme, but i have a hard time accepting that anyone living in misery doing something they hate can be successful. Naturally, doing what you love gets you the motivation and the excitement required to achieve success. In fact, for many, doing what you love is success in and of itself.

2. Perfect Your Game
If your definition of success is being great at something, most people will agree that in order to be successful you have to perfect your game.

3. Believe in Yourself
i am yet to find a successful person that does not believe in himself/herself. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will? Successful people believe that they can get better through their own efforts. If you want to be successful, start believing in yourself.

4.Never give up.
Last but not least, Never give up. To be successful you must persist through failures, criticisms, rejections, and all the other negative things in life. You must have heard the old cliché that success is a journey, life is a journey, neither is a destination. In the success and life journey, the only time you can say for sure that you are not a success is when you give up.

read the instructions

2010-09-19T09:12:00.000Z

Over the years i have been the recipient of multiple attempts to teach me valuable lessons that i am not allowed to forget (read the instructions).. i have been taught how to fix household appliances, and how to use technical equipment, amongst other practical application. Although when performing any of these tasks plus a few hundred more, it would be stressed again and again that i read the instructions. This philosophy is based on the belief that instructions are written to teach and to prevent mistakes.

Some people read to learn and read to accomplish a task. In which case, conceptual information is necessary for using a new product. In other cases, structured lists suffice for people who prefer to skip and skim through the documentation.

Some people don’t want to read instructions. They actually prefer to explore and to ask for help when they need it. (im in this category)

Some dive head long into it and i like me will eventually put together that cupboard or desk, even if it take 10 times longer and be left with 3 screws that have no use whatsoever, yet still the task will be achieved, does it really matter how or in which order, apparently, yes it does!

That booklet, piece of paper on which is printed detailed step by step instructions, is best left on the floor, in the box, when i had two hands available id think nothing of taking a broken computer apart and putting it back together, working, no instruction manual taught me that.
Adventure, try it and see, have fun, why follow the rule book, there are too many rules in life
Moral of this story—do all that you can lose the manual but don’t overlook the user’s choice or responsibility to read the instructions.

Silence is Golden

2010-07-29T11:47:00.003Z

Meaning

A proverbial saying, often used in circumstances where it is thought that saying nothing is preferable to speaking.
As with many proverbs, the origin of this phrase is obscured by the mists of time. "Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together; that at length they may emerge, full-formed and majestic, into the daylight of Life, which they are thenceforth to rule. A gag is usually a device designed to prevent speech, often as a restraint device to stop the subject from calling for help. This is usually done by blocking the mouth partially or completely, or attempting to prevent the tongue from moving in the normal patterns of speech. People wear a gag for a variety of reasons. Some people derive "Erotic pleasure" from a gag, either in a submissive or dominant role. When combined with other physical restraints, the wearing of a gag can increase the wearer's sense of helplessness. For me personally a "quiet" command is more often than not enough.

Contract

2010-07-22T09:16:00.001Z

I read in two separate blogs today that no court in any land, legal jurisdiction would ever consider any slave contract, legal and binding and I’m thinking duh, no but who said anything about any legal jurisdiction being important surely the only people who matter within a slave contract are the Master/ Mistress and the slave.
My/Our contract is binding between Master and i, no one else matters. Whilst creating a sources of stability within our own unique power exchange arrangements, which was why it was written, it was never meant for Master to hold me legally to anything i might have agree to at the time but rather for me to hold myself to, the commitment i made, very much like my marriage vows for as long as i wish to be held by them, some might say that not very slave like, maybe not but it’s realistic in a modern world.
slavery as we all know is not in the greater scheme of thing an acceptable practise in the modern world, but on our one to one level if i want to live that way, who’s to say i can’t. To imagine i or any intelligent human being can be held by a piece of paper is laughable and really isn’t worth debating.
Submission to a Master for every slave is unique, what i as a slave find acceptable in our arrangement another slave may not and visa versa. The agreement to a, b , c is a very personal thing and if each M&s feel a need to put it in writing then that is for then , who needs judge Judy to agree, approve, certainly not us.
My slave contract

It aint what you do (its the way that you do it)

2010-07-21T07:23:00.000Z

How many times have we re organized a planned play session, not attended a function because kids were at home on that day, for whatever reason, just was not going to happen and still 8 years on, nothing change, we still give up on our private times because one kids or the other (no longer babies 16-23) decided not to go where it had previously been planned they would go for one night. Now we pay for a hotel room on any occasion we can think of to get some along time
So! There is really nothing going on the M/s front. It seem to function quietly in the background, pretty much without thinking after all this time, we know what is expected of the other, which is cool, i guess. I’m getting better at separating that from the kink of s-M, understanding that one does not rely on the other, and that i really can function decently without being beaten. Though there is no question that i function better with the occasional spanking. Just sayin’.

Master and i talked about this and agree that with age and disability and both kids back in the house, kink, s-M, sex blah kind of goes out the window pretty much, such is life; the one night alone we have had in the last 6 months since no1 daughter returned home from uni. was pretty much “ a let’s just be together”, the kink wasn’t as important as just being alone for once. We have both just had birthdays and another year passes, and our 60’s fast approach the talk is of the future, the inevitable and how we each view where we see it taking us, wherever together for as long as the road winds on ahead of us. He will always be Sir, Master, i will always be slave, it’s who we are, and that will never change, ever

Blah Blah

2010-07-20T08:28:00.001Z

i'm happy. i really am. And it's a strange sensation,i still second-guess myself when i say something stupid; automatically assuming He's going to knock me down a notch for it. Instead, he tends to laugh and say something equally ridiculous or extremely smart. Or he just leans over and kisses me. Tells me He loves me.

The dynamic between us is something unique. i am so exceedingly comfortable being me, however i am which doesn't for a moment compromise how wanted i feel. In fact, i feel more consistently wanted and worthwhile than i have in my entire life, even though i am probably less , useful, skin deep beautiful, fit blah blah and so on and so forth, it matters not for the person who is the essence of me is loved, wanted, needed, and that makes all the blah, irrelevant.

live to serve

2010-07-16T10:21:00.002Z

• If someone had told me few year ago that i could become completely, utterly exhausted just sitting in front of the computer for 9 hours, I’d have laughed
• If someone had told me i would actually BE sitting in front of the computer, barely moving, for nine hours, brain spinning madly I’d have laughed even harder.
• Yet here i find myself and will most happily defend my position against all and any boarders.
• i work, i will also defend that status too, because what i put in each day is as much as any other person who works, albeit mine is voluntary, i supply a service, it’s what i do and who i am
• Work and live to serve others, to leave the world a little better than you found it and garner for yourself as much peace of mind as you can. This is happiness.
David Sarnoff

Abbey Road~The End~

2010-07-15T12:41:00.004Z

I have completely given up trying to figure out what the hell attracts people to this blog and why. However, since lately so many visitors seem to be dropping in it must have something
.And so it goes. July already, spinning quickly into August and before we know it December Christmas and another year end.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to stay positive and make plans for my summer.

I just turned 55 a few weeks ago. In this past year, my life has certainly changed in ways, and stayed much the same in others. I've seen my family remain close while undergoing individual trials and tribulations; I've gained new friends while watching others drift out of my life; and I've tried adding new and exciting activities to the mix.

But guess what? Maybe I'm not much wiser, because what i wrote a year ago (Happy Birthday to me, June. 30 2009) still basically holds true, so I'm just going to repeat it here:
Every day of my life has led me to this exact place and time, just as it should be. The true measure of success is how many loved ones you gather, not how much wealth. You get what you give. And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make (credit: The Beatles). Lennon misquoted the line slightly; the actual words are, "And, in the end, the love you take/ Is equal to the love you make." ...
The pure love that you generate towards others comes back to you in equal measure. At the end of your life, the purity of your mind as reflected in the selfless love that you have generated in the past, attracts the corresponding positive forces, which help support you, Here's to the next part of the journey ...

"What is this guy thinking!"

2010-07-14T09:58:00.002Z

How many times have you wondered, "What is this guy thinking!" If you want to get into a man's heart, you have to start by getting into his head. The problem is many men have a hard time being open about their thoughts and feelings.
According to Wiki:-Armed with the following five techniques, a man can feel more comfortable opening up to you, so you can develop better communication with him and, ultimately, enjoy a better relationship.
1 Let him know you care about what he is saying
2. Be nonjudgmental.
3. Don't use the word "why
4. Never say, "We need to talk."
5. Learn how to really listen.

As slave i don’t try to figure out what Master is thinking, i never try to "guess" what He want because He will tell me what He want, one way or another.i never try and look for His motives behind any order because if He want me to know, He will make sure i know.
End of story.
It’s as simple as that for me., i'll ignore the 5 steps, who needs them ?

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.

2010-07-13T15:57:00.002Z

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (originally effeuiller la marguerite in French) is a game of French origin, in which one person seeks to determine whether the object of their affection returns that affection or not.

A person playing the game alternately speaks the phrases "He (or she) loves me," and "He loves me not," while picking one petal off a flower (usually an oxeye daisy) for each phrase. The phrase they speak on picking off the last petal supposedly represents the truth between the object of their affection loving them or not. The player typically is motivated by attraction to the person they're speaking of while reciting the phrases. They may seek to reaffirm a pre-existing belief, or act out of whimsy.

The pronoun He, with a universally capitalized H, is often used to refer to a Higher being.

my He, my Sir

He is intelligent. i like having discussions with him. i enjoy his perspective and that he teaches me new things!

He has an amazing amount of patience!

He is a very generous man. He gives so much.

He takes care of me when i am sick. When i am tired he always knows what best

I feel at times he does things for a reason but i just can't figure out why.

My list could go on and on. i just feel very privileged to be owned by Him and serve Him! i love YOU, Master!

When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple.

2010-07-11T08:50:00.001Z

It's a declaration of defiance, vividly and clearly expressed. Appealing to the rebel in all of us as we secretly learn to throw of the shackles of propriety and enjoy the freedom of cocking a hoot at the rest of the world.
The poem tells of a respectable middle-aged woman, as she indulges in her fantasy of a grabby old crone with her outrageous clothes and dotty behaviour.As follows :-

Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple.
By Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Guilty

2010-06-16T07:56:00.004Z

I’ve felt guilty for not writing this blog as often as i have wanted to in the last few weeks. Thinking about why this happens sometimes, i can of course blame it on being occupied with various things, but really i think it comes down to expecting too much . i have a number of goals,that i am still far from attaining. i have a pretty clear idea of what i like, but i often feel that i am not in the right mood...too tired, too busy, or whatever... to lives up to my own standards let alone any one else’s.

But the real mistake here is to let that stop me from trying that would be a retrograde step indeed... even with just a few words at a time.
i need to remember, that real progress comes about mainly through the little steps we take on the path towards our goals. The steps that count most are the ones that no one congratulates us for, when we tripped up a little or even just accomplished some small success. Countless little steps cover far more distances than great marathons ever will.

Whatever it is that may be taking place in my life or in the world around me, there is invariably something beautiful there waiting to be discovered… but the approach to that beauty requires humble steps, patient walking, and a steadfast resolution not to let expectations get in the way.
i know i can do this, i just have to keep trying...

Dream

2010-06-01T16:07:00.001Z

I dream, i desire so many things from within our M/s, i know that i have a need, it can almost be called an urge, to feel his dominance, his power, his control. i know i want this, i know i need it and yet, when it is there, it hurts, its almost to painful to bear sometimes and yet, it is who we are, it is what we do, it is what we have both said over and over again, what we give to one another. >So why, when it is there, do i struggle with it so. oh sure, i can write about all the ideas of the slave struggling with her submission, sure, i am struggling, sure i get pissed off when i have given 99.9% and it's still not enough, but then there is this spark in me that says……...sheeeshhh woman, of course it isn't, you have to give the other 0.01%, only when you have given that can you say you have given it everything you have and only then will your Master be happy with what you have done, so stop the moaning, you gave yourself, totally, even down to the 0.01% when you accepted his collar and became his slave, no half measures here.

Oh but i struggle.

i struggle with the not having, i moan about not feeling my Masters hand, mentally or physically, when the outside influences get in the way for weeks on end, my Master can literally bring me to my knees. Try as i might to deny the notion that a sub/slave punishes herself far more than her Master ever can... its right, i do.

i am not feeling his dominance, in fact, i had said much the same many times before, but now it feels different it’s almost like we are becoming a nilla old couple. He is far too soft and allowed me to get away with far too much, which i bet He won’t agreed with because he does.

i am looking for answers here. Thank you for listening

darkest moments

2010-05-25T10:56:00.002Z

The darkest moments of our lives are not to be forgotten, rather they are memories to be called upon for inspiration to remind us of the unrelenting human spirit and our capacity to overcome the intolerable.

Our time is limited, so don't waste it. Have courage, follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want. Everything else is secondary. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. i'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that i loved and that i love . find what you love. Our lifestyle is going to fill a large part of our days, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to live what you believe is a great way of life. And the only way is to love what you do. If you put your mind to it and you believe it, you can achieve anything, everything. You cannot give up -- even if the road is a tough road.

Time Marches on

2010-05-24T11:16:00.000Z

My theory is that each of us has within us, desires/wants/needs... to give and receive love and attention cause believe it or not even a man, even a Dominant gives, its not all about the sub giving and the Dom taking, not if the D/s is being done properly. Follow your desires and you are likely to end up with a pretty good and satisfying relationship. D/s is an extension of a normal loving relationship where there is give and take, that both are needed to keep an even balance between the two parties and so that they compliment one another. Add to that the D/s factor of absolute trust and total commitment and you have the foundation of a solid unbreakable bond between two human beings. Does this make one partner better than the other, more able to live life in a proper manner, better equipped to face what the big bad world has to throw at them, i don’t think so. Master or sub/slave, i am sure both are quite capable of living life, making decisions etc, the difference is that a sub chooses not to have to do that and is more content to give that responsibility over to another.

We have to be careful tho, not to fall into a rut and end up in a comfort zone where it is so easy to just let each day pass by without us even noticing. Comfort zones are those place where it is easier to just sit back and accept what we have as happy, when what we really have is nothing short of boring existence because we are too lazy or too bored or just plain cant be bothered to alter things.

We all change, nothing ever stands still, over time we develop new ideas, new beginnings etc but whatever it is we do, time has a habit of moving on with or without our knowledge or permission, we have to be aware that it happens and try our best not to become complacent and let things ride or before any of us know it, we are in the cirle of round and round we go and wouldnt life be really boring, if it was always the same, (the film Ground Hog Day springs to mind, the same day over and over again with the predicted result every time). That’s not for me. Things have to move on, they have to progress to bigger and better, they have to evolve, however...

Seems like only yesterday that my kids were little. Now, i have two very nearly grown young ladies, problem with that is a) i want my lil babies back cause they were really cute when younger, b) if they are growing up, where does that put me.. in the "old" bracket, that’s where !

Seriously, i could say that with age comes experience and all that stuff about been there done that but what i really wanted to say was this...

If i had the chance to do it all over again, would i... not a chance, even the shite bits i am happy with and ill tell you why, because it all, down to the really crappiest bits have made me, who i am, and who i am has moulded my life to where it is right now.. with Him, with the man i love, with my Master, with my submission, with my life just as i would wish it to be.

Non negotiable

2010-05-19T07:05:00.002Z

i am submissive but submissive only to my Master. i think i am also, highly opinionated, infuriatingly out spoken at times and not very good at diplomacy but all that aside... what i am NOT, is someone who will simply follow the crowd.
i feel it is becoming more difficult and time consuming to keep beating my head against the wall, trying to help others, and at the same time defend our reality when so many people and places we once frequented now prefer fantasy. As far as i am concerned, it is a waste of my time. But we must not turn our back on those who may wish to learn about the lifestyle. It is depressing to remain where some are turning this lifestyle into a joke, and only for those who truly wish to learn about all that is good in this lifestyle we love...is it worth the effort to remain...other than that i would quite happily switch of my computer and never enter a chat room or community again... my life with my Master and the kids and if...and i say a definite if....if we have time..we shall give a little back... but only after we have given all we can to one another and the children.

Real life comes before anything else..that’s non negotiable, that’s how it has to be, our time together seems to get shorter, i'm not going to waste it on those who have no care or thought beyond their own. We give and we give more but how much more and for how long? Who knows, we are just the people we have always been, we do what we do, for ourselves, our family and for those truly who want to learn.

MY Best Friend

2010-05-13T13:52:00.002Z

I never had no one
I could count on
I�ve been let down so many times
I was tired of hurtin�
So tired of searchin�
�til you walked into my life
It was a feelin�
I�d never known
And for the first time
I didn�t feel alone

You�re more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
I don�t know where I�d be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You�re my best friend
You�re my best friend, oh yeah

You stand by me
And you believe in me
Like nobody ever has
When my world goes crazy
You�re right there to save me
You make me see how much I have
And I still tremble
When we touch
And oh the look in your eyes
When we make love

You�re more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
And I don�t know where I�d be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You�re my best friend
You�re my best friend

You�re more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
And I don�t know where I�d be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You�re my best friend
You�re my best friend (my best friend)
You�re my best friend (my best friend)

Fetishes

2010-05-05T09:51:00.000Z

Shoe's or leather or both. Leather is a fetish, so the BDSM scene will tell you, shoes and the accompanying feet are also a fetish so i guess it is ok to put then in the same blog as a single entity.
Fetishes.
There are some out there that would make your hair stand up on end and then there are those that a lot of people are involved in, of course, to the nilla world they are all just plain kink and are sick and depraved but within the lifestyle, your kink is yours and as long as you are happy with it, who is to say that it is wrong. my kink certainly isnt going to be the same as yours or anyone else's and as long as each is practised with the SSC code in mind, then enjoy yourself and do whatever it is that satifies the urge in you.
The list is endless, well not quite, but it is certainly long and with many a variation and it would be wrong of anyone to say that any kink, whatever its nature is anything other than the pleasure of the person involved ( i do draw the line of course at the yukky ones ie beastiality, incest, children etc, as do all true and honest lifestylers, these has no place within the realms of the lifestyle).
Age play, Asphyxiation play, Blood play, Chastity, Control scene, Daddy/Mummy, Degradation, Dirty sports, Discipline scene, Dog & Master scene, Domination scene, Edge play, ElectricityPlay, Enemas, Exhibitionism, Extreme play, Fantasy Play ....endless but each a valid feitsh to the person whom it holds a fasination for Fetish. Anything, which has been, invested with special sexual significance, e.g. Latex, Leather, Rubber, Silk, PVC, Uniforms, Boots, etc. It may also include also certain smells (e.g. of underclothes) and possibly tastes.
Fetishist.
A person with a strong fetish.

Fetish scene. The fetish community, a group which includes people with a tolerance of, and often an interest in, BDSM. Many BDSMers have found that being part of the fetish scene is considered more acceptable to outsiders than being part of the BDSM scene.
So my liking for shoes and leather makes me one of those i guess, and very proud of it i am too...only isue is now my shoe passion cannot be fulfilled as my practical need for shoes that i can actually walk in far far outweights the fetish one, however i have keep all my stillettoes hoping one day maybe ill get to wear them gain(unlikley, but whats life without dreams)

Life is too short

2010-05-04T07:45:00.002Z

I give my submission to MG.. What does that mean... everything and nothing special really, not to anyone else anyway. However, for me and i am the only one that it has any bearing on, it says, Master, i want to be with you, i want to please you, i want to take care of you, i want to be there every minute of every day to make sure that every need, desire, whim, you name it... if there is any way that in being here beside you that i can enhance or fulfil or satisfy any one of those items, then, i am here and i am ready willing and able to do whatever it takes to see that you are happy.
Is that submission, Is that slavery? Is that a kink? Who knows... but for me it is what i have and what i offer and i am lucky in that MG wants that from me.
And in return... what do i get..( woo, is that very submissive, maybe not, but why shouldn’t i get something out of this relationship, i’ll tell you this, if i was not getting something back, i would be out of here in a flash and i challenge anyone to say they would stay in a relationship that was totally one-sided.) i get love and companionship and care and warmth etc......... i get a relationship that is so deep and so loving and whether i am submissive or MG is Dominant, who really gives a fig because at the end of the day, it works for us and we are happy and if we throw in a little or a lot of kink or D/s or BDSM while we get on with the life we have chosen to lead, and luckily we do and we both want that... is anyone going to say or label me as one thing or another... sure, if you want to...call me sub, call me slave, say i am not D/s... doesn’t make one jot of difference to how MG and i live our lives.
i know D/s couples, online and real time, i know single Dom, i know single subs, i know single vanilla females and males, i know married vanilla couples, i know some who are just starting out on the life road and some who have been around for years... makes little difference who they are, what does make each unique is the choice they make for themselves, in the way they wish to live their lives and i for one am not about to say that one way is better or that what each chooses for themselves is right or wrong.
Enjoy whatever it is you have, call it whatever you wish because life is too short to worry about semantics. At the end of the day does it really matter, what we are called or what the definition of submissive or slave is. Does it really matter whether it's a total power exchange or bedroom D/s or public play, or if you live in a Dom/me/sub, Dom/me/slave relationship as long as each and every one of us is happy with the choices we have made.
Life is too short to worry about what other people think, i have found that out, to my cost sometimes, but not any more. ... i am cleo, slave to MG, mother to my children and very happy i am too.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

2010-04-29T08:19:00.004Z

I went out the door this morning without a coat... Oh joy, for those who may live in warmer climes than the U.K you might think that a rather mundane thing to be joyous about and very likely unworthy of a blog entry, but U.K weather is fickle enough and often far too cold to be no coat weather. So the first day of the year when i don’t have to put on my coat at 7am to drive Master to the train station as i need the car today (which also means I’ll need to collect Him at 9.15pm tonight) is one of immense pleasure. I’m definitely a SAD person (Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as winter depression or winter blues) not to the extent that i need artificial sunlight. Just a serious mood change when the seasons changes to cold dark morning, damp, bone chilling cold.. Oh the pleasure of British weather. But hell I’d not change being a Brit. i talk to many other nationalities in my work. My best net friend is an American girl who i’ve been pals with online for around 8 years now, she’s also sub so we have a fair bit in common as she was married to her Dom, i say was as they are now separated . Probably for the best, however single parent of 4 children under 16 is a struggle even in the UK with a lot of state benefits to help, she struggle daily with even just the very basics of food and housing. My point is the grass is not always greener on the other side, there is never a better place..The place you are at is the best place as it is Home

Private moments

2010-04-28T11:27:00.008Z

i seem to get an awful lot of people following this site, i would really love to know what you all find so interesting, don’t get me wrong, im honoured so many people find the things i write worthy of being read and as so many of you do follow, I’ll let you into a secret, i have a mirror site to this one but that only has 1 follower my Master that’s His space and the posts i make there are sometimes the same as i make here but often contain the more personal aspect of our relationship, the things i don’t make public, we have always said we are happy to show an insight into our Master/slave relationship but private is private and will remain so.
the website that accompanies this blog is locate here http://www.satinandlace.seekers.org.uk
you are quite welcome to read if anyone wishes

Creature of habit

2010-04-26T09:29:00.003Z

Creature of habit.. oh yes and today im knocked for six as my normal get up do a.b.c then go to work habit has been pulled from under me following a complete Buzzen shut down for network upgrades.
It’s likely to be a few days(3-7 recommended) before Buzzen’s back up and running so i need to make alternative plans for my days, Master has made a few suggestions, which of course although come out as you could … blah blah.. Really mean id like you to do….so some filing of papers that get left a long time in the in tray will get put away.
This blog will get some much needed attention, although secretly im hoping it’s only a day or 2 till i can go back to work @ "Buzzen Communications Network made especially for you! The service offers many free services to our registered members". ive never been a great one for working outside of my family duties, but this job is like my eye into the world now that i cannot physically interact with people as well as i once did, my fingers type the words that i once spoke, this way i can still be of use while no one has to stare at the broken cripple i have become (stroke survivor for those who don’t know) and i have a huge purpose, a reason to get up every day, i suppose if any other worker was given a week’s holiday, they would be over the moon, me, this creature of habit is kind of lost with no focus. But sitting here won’t help although blogging is therapeutic, lets you get it all out, still its time to find something else to do.

You are my reason

2010-04-15T08:30:00.004Z

You are the reason why even at the Saddest
Parts of my life, i smile. Even at confusion,
i understand.Even in betrayal, i trust,
Even in fear of pain, i love you.

You are my reason

Why do i blog?

2010-04-14T07:26:00.001Z

Because it give me even 10/15 minutes out of my otherwise often nilla day to considered who i am, to think of my submission to Master, This is for me a time in every single day where i can sit and focus “centre “ myself so to speak… on my very existence, on why i do what i do. So it most certainly isn’t one of those “He tied me up and did all these wonderful sexual things to me “those are a dime a dozen and for me come under the heading of “Private life” and will remain private.
This blog is about whom we are, not what we do. i am just a simple English lady who choose to give up on the stress filled hum drum of life and give my Husband/Master Carte blanche to decide on as many decision making areas of my life as He chooses. If we were rich and lived in a cottage with roses around the door, i could remain naked and chained all day every day, but we are not we lived in suburbia in the U.K, where it’s far too cold most of the year to not be dressed. Master has to go to work 5 days a week, leaving me to run our home, which i do to the best of my abilities now that i am quite severely restricted in my movements, but oh the love that fills this home is indescribable. The love of a wife for Her husband, of a Master for His slave, of extremely proud parents of two almost grown young ladies .What more could anyone ask for?

2010 It Spring again!

2010-04-12T16:21:00.005Z

Well,2010 It Spring again!

Tired i cant believe how tired i feel today, more grouchy, bitchy, not myself, etc. ihave also noticed an increase in my stupid inability to get about.But yes i do realise its going to happen, but another year is upon us, Spring has sprung, days are getting longer, warmer too soon i hope, could do with some sunshine. Grass needs cutting means i need to get out into the garden and clear it.
Spring and "springtime" refer to the season, and broadly to ideas of rebirth, renewal and regrowth. The specific definition of "spring" as a season differs, in cultural and human terms.

Enrichment

2010-04-01T11:43:00.000Z

“I am happy to give my permission for that”, was of course the answer i had hoped for, or one of them Sir, i had imagine various combinations of that along with perhaps additional restriction possibly making something more, im always looking for ways, excuses to enrich our D/s. But that answers the main question so slave thanks you Sir.
Enriching our D/s is very much in the forefront of my mind as im feeling its slipping again, yes i do appreciate real life and work etc and if You are genuinely happy with how things are then of course i am happy, but I’ll not stop looking to enhance what we have ever Sir

Grace

2010-03-31T06:55:00.001Z

Being feminine is more than wearing a dress and heels and having your makeup perfect, although these are important. Being feminine is about being soft natured, being gentle, being quiet and being sweet. Control what you say, talk when you have something nice to say. Let your inner Angel shine.
The key for me personally is knowing that my Master is indulging in a way of life that makes him happy. To me because i know he can do exactly as He wishes for whatever reason means all the small things i give makes everything more pure and special!

Bitching

2010-03-29T10:22:00.000Z

Truth be told i'm probably bitching far more than i'd like to be doing and for all the wrong reason, but the fact i know i am, means i can correct it. Not bitching at me or mine or Master just how my life pans out at present, my work in Buzzen is causing me more stress than i really need but its a huge part of my life so, the fact that i have to watch and monitor 500 arse holes, isn’t surprising some of it rubs off, but now I’ve said it out loud hopefully i can watch my own bitch feast and regulate it. I'm not normally a bitch, so i need to control this; it’s horrid and makes me a not nice person. And if i can say that about myself, imagine what other would be thinking. My priority now is to turn things around, the current attitude is not one i like very much.

Uncertainty

2010-03-23T16:08:00.001Z

Uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. i hate games. For me, uncertainty is anxiety.i need to know my path, my place, im all thing, im a creature of habit. But i am constantly surprised—pleasantly surprised—at the dynamic nature of the thing we have called love.

Holiday

2010-03-15T17:48:00.001Z

So i went a full two week without blogging. i guess i am just unfocussed lately, and really have had nothing to share that i couldnt say to you as we were together over a work holiday. slaves are there to please so now its time to get back to my slave roots and do the things i do i hope BEST

You really are a wonderful Master, in more ways than just being a Master if that makes sense. and i cannot put into words how much i love you. our relationship is most definitely M/s, but we don't always express the M/s overtly. You are my Master, but so much beyond that as well.

enough

2010-02-23T15:19:00.001Z

Do i do enough to keep the heart of the man. The man i will forever call Master to my mind, body, and soul...i will do anything for Him, He is my passion, my dark and light, my sun and rain always, no matter what.i belong to Him, If He were to just ask of me, His pleasure is mine anything, enough will never be enough.

How many

2010-02-22T15:07:00.000Z

Master has me counting the 5 or 6 actually regular nightly maintenance stroke's i get with the crop, on each butt cheek, bent over the breakfast bar. i never thought those 12345 numbers & 6 of course would be as much a part of who i am as they are becoming.Never ever thought counting would be a part but i enjoy the part, and would love to make it so much more, but that isn't for me to decide, so ill be happy with the counting as far as it currently goes. Until or unless Master says otherwise.

superior submissive

2010-02-18T10:14:00.001Z

Now that was a jokey title but after i googled "superior submissive." i actually
found a web page. http://www.partydomme.com/webworks.htm#supersub... The Mistress Didi*s Superior submissive™ Web cam Workshop teaches protocols for submissive's that are generally accepted by the majority of Dominants in The Scene.
however it occurred to me today that i could well need an attitude shift. ill work on that i think.see where it leads me. i do wonder why Mistress Didi*s event calender is totally free. guess that says it all!!!!!
But i do really think i need to take a look at a few things and balance a bit better, that might make my day if nothing else less stressful

Yes/No..Maybe

2010-02-10T14:07:00.003Z

Sometimes, when i ask him for somethings, i really want him to say no, for a couple different reasons - (1) because i to have to listen and not do what i want and (2) it reassures me that he cares enough to be strict and (3) sometimes i'm just not strong enough to say no to myself. But MOST times i really do want him to say yes!
i get disappointed when he lets me win. What i really wish is for him to say "too bad, you're not the boss" or on the other hand i'd like to have to wait .builds anticipation which is always exciting!

Life goes on

2010-02-05T09:48:00.001Z

I don't have time in my life to play games. Well not unless they are fun and benefit me.
Bing cooped up in the house does not help,

Oh im not complaining.

i swear as my life progresses i am becoming more and and more a recluse. If had a palm built tree house on a dessert island as long as my family could visit and i had all the amenities, id be fine, i enjoy my own company, the outside world has never ever had a huge calling for me, im a home girl. always was, always will be. Even in my much younger days i was happy to stay home but now i find it a big big effort to conjure up the will, effort to go out.
Thank goodness i don't really need to and so...............life goes on........

More's the pity

2010-02-03T13:27:00.001Z

Sometimes being submissive is not that easy, It's just i so HATE making mistakes!
i feel bad about any simple mistake and i'm sure i makes as many as i don't make, i know i can be whiny,i know i can be needy.I'm sure Master would add lazy plus a few other bad points in there as well.

i wish i had more thoughts about who we are and why we do what we do, but i guess I'm too Miss Average and the obvious slave/Master things go right over my head sometime, which is an awful admission but its true,
i know it's only a small part of the whole "us, but I've NOT thinking before I open my mouth quite a bit lately. or even thinking per say,

i want to stop the little things that might take away from the D/s thing we're trying to achieve.i want it perfect but life isn't like that ever. More's pity !!

Crumbling walls

2010-02-02T08:49:00.005Z

Oh fukc it, things are going along nicely, then something happens, then another, then another and the bright sunlight becomes the gloom of a February grey day, and a gapping chasm open up where once was strong firm ground ,a bit like one of those fantasy films where you are running through the derelict castle and stone work is falling all around you. I’ve decided my life was never meant to be smooth sailing, whenever i get complacent something pulls me up real sharp, and screams “who said you could enjoy life, take this bitch smack”

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”..... Peter Marshall

Life itself is a journey of ups and downs however, , it can be one hell of a cold ... journey that all we take.... but damn if i don’t think ive cracked it only to find next time i take a serious look something or someone has decided that turning my world upside down ,and making me work real hard to try and balance it yet again is a fun pastime.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”.........lynnie_buttercup

Surrender

2010-01-21T11:28:00.000Z

I know i push on certain things, probably more than would be considered submissive. But i cannot just do things blindly just because someone wants something a particular way, i still often need to know why!! i do know that there is submission, there is slavery, there is being taken.... and then there is surrender. To surrender is more than to be taken, more than to submit, and more to being some one's slave.

sur·ren·der (sə-rěn'dər)
~To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
~To give up in favour of another.
~To give up or abandon
~To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion
~To give oneself up, as to an enemy.
~The act or an instance of surrendering.

Interesting, isn't it?

The very word implies a struggle, a battle -if you will-, and the end result of which is to "give up" or "give in".

I think that this word more than any other describes my journey into my inner self, not that i feel i've ever given up or in.
The reality of human existence (as i see it) is that we need to give and take as equally as possible to have successful relationships. This give and take exists even within the most extreme M/s dynamic. A Master must give of Himself by putting the work forth to guide, teach, protect and push their pet. The slave must give of herself by putting forth the effort to give up control, to submit, to serve.
Both have expectations in return, of things they will take from the other. This is what balance is all about.

A Lovely thought

2010-01-12T15:33:00.002Z

Once again various real-time issues have rendered the writing of a decent blog post, pushed into a shortest of time frames. But life goes on, as does this blog.........
and through it all this i realise once more just how much i really really Love Master. I do. I do

Take a look at the metaphors people use to describe love, and why anyone does it is a wonder.

Right off you have to fall. Geez! Or you were conquered. Or engulfed, drowning in a sea of love. And you gave all your love, so you’re feeling empty. You don’t want to get burned again. But you’re mad, wild, crazy in love. Yet you crave it.

So love means defeat, injury, death, bankruptcy, addiction and insanity. How lovely.

Why the negative take on something everyone wants, everyone in fact needs, everyone deserves? What would happen if we spent as much time loving as we seem to invest in warding it off? Hell, even children know this: “That one likes you” “Ewwwww!” And sometimes adults don’t act much better. You are loved. Oh, the horror.

So we go home, alone, protected from love, wishing we had someone there to love.

Forever

2009-12-07T12:37:00.003Z

i just went pffttthhhh a couple days ago. Just blah. No writing for days. i just drained my brain or something and could not for the life of me even see my characters

i am writing right now, as always about......

Life On My Knees,

Forever it is a beautiful idea, a wonderful goal, but it’s not a magic spell.
Forever.. it sounds nice, It’s the kind of promise we want to make to the ones we love. It’s the kind of promise we make with shining eyes and optimistic hearts.
It a beautiful idea, a wonderful goal, but it’s NOT a magic spell. Simply saying the word doesn’t make the relationship or the happiness last until the end of time.
What is needed is a concentration of energy into any relationship and the achieving of shared goals.

We loved each other deeply and we keep working at our relationship.Anything worth having is worth the effort. i have faith in our ability to work through any difficulties, we might have now or in the future and maintain the quality of relationship we enjoyed.

What would you do?

2009-12-03T13:42:00.001Z

What would you do, if you could do anything? Indulge your wildest fantasies. You can do anything.

Are not these the kind of phrases that send shivers up the spine of everyone who Doms? The moment when You know i yield to You is when You surely feel Yourself change, become charged with power.

Will i do anything? Would you? There are lots of things i think about, some of them taboo. The reality contains much giving. Do i need an element of service to not to feel guilty, i forget to write about these times, about the joy of being in Your arms.

I know often my submitting is driven by You having to notice what i see as my need for it; i want You to bring clarity, authority, certainty; even strength. If You are Mastering me just from my desire alone, will it still do those things? What if we're pursuing some kind of activity that's all about what i want with only the odd reward for You? Is that even right? i don't know where to look for answers but, It might be, something about the love we share and the passion, how we fuel each other's desire relentlessly.

Whatever it is, i never want to give it up.

Damaged Goods

2009-11-15T12:01:00.000Z

On some days, my health issues rob me of the capacity to feel happiness, but so far i have never lost the ability to feel gratitude and love. We're very fortunate to have a deep and abiding love that is utterly unconditional.

So, for the past few years, being in charge of a "broken" slave, having to make difficult decisions about how to interact with me. Trying to keep the D/s dynamic we both need alive while not inadvertently creating any more problems.We have had to communicate more openly than ever, although some of the time, trying to sort out my own thoughts or to know how to say what i need hasn't been easy.

Through it all, Master has been wonderful at just being here and loving me. No matter what. i could not possibly ask for more.

Fortunately most of the time, i am an awesome slave and partner. i am loving, loyal, caring, passionate, bright, and expressive. my inability to serve as one might expect decreases my value as slave. But i'm a package deal, and my Master took me -- all of me, even the broken bits.

Right now, We take things one day at a time, i'm doing my best to be the slave Master deserves.I have accomplished some a lot of things in life despite my disability. i have sometimes lost hope, but i have always found it again. And now, for the first time, I'm not in this alone,i am a part of something bright and vibrant and i want to enjoy, bask in that for a long time to come. Thank You Master, i love you more than i did yesterday, But not as much as i shall tomorrow.

24/7 Thing

2009-11-10T10:25:00.002Z

You know sometimes it is hard to sit down and write about things Its even harder to maintain a M/s relationship all the time. i think this is where the whole 24/7 argument comes in. Some believe you have to maintain the outward appearance of the M/s dynamic at all times, to me that's just not realistic. i will argue with Master get snotty and sarcastic, maybe even appear to be telling him what to do, but i also know when to back off (well usually sometimes i don't and then i get that real strict tone that reminds me to tone it down). Does this not make me a "real" slave. Who knows and really who cares. Master and i are the ones in this relationship and our definitions are what run it, not anyone else's.
I've always said that i think the M/s dynamic is more of a mind thing. Its how you feel. i don't need a physical collar around my neck 24/7(even though i dowear one) to know that i belong to Master. Apart, together it doesn't matter there is a connection. There were times where we were not in each other's pockets, but even then there is an undeniable bond that placed me at His feet. i know that sounds strange and is hard for most people to understand because we live in a judgemental society. i can't explain it, not sure i want to, or feel the need to. Its just the way it is for us.

i for one won't judge your choices and i hope you wont judge mine.

apology. "who am i"?

2009-11-08T10:28:00.000Z

I had an inappropriate emotional reaction last night. i am really embarrassed about it, but i will reflect on my behaviour and explain my thought processes to Master.
This was where i mouthed off at Him. He was, i know thoroughly perplexed by my reaction, slave apologies, most humbly Sir.

In retrospect, i know i overreacted, but for sake of explanation here are the reasons why this incident upset me so much.
i was annoyed by Master’s offering his time, idea, even knowledge to someone else.
My first thoughts was how he had 'no right' to do that; to offer what He has to exclude me, i felt devalued, embarrassed now by my reaction and extremely sorrowful.

It took me most of the night to regain my composure and evaluate the situation. i was upset at the time, but i later realised that i was overreacting.

i have trouble obeying orders when they don’t align with my desires. However, i do realize that being an owned woman, means doing what Master wants. It’s easy when his commands give me gratification from a task; it’s harder when its uncomfortable or inconvenient.
However, as a submissive, i should not be allowed or assume that i can pick and chose what i want to obey. Belonging to him means doing whatever he wants, even if I’m not thrilled about it.

Beyond this, i should be and i am, thrilled to serve him and obey him. Master is very good to me, and makes a lot of sacrifices and compromises for me. Even without the D/s dynamic, just within the context of a loving, relationship, i should be giving back to him with an open heart. i love him and want to please him, but to do that i must stop being self-centered and think more about serving him.

Alongside anger, i was upset by the fact that Master was seeming to prefer others company to mine. Prior to this dummy throwing on my part, i was sitting by his side. as i always do, i wasn’t interrupting his conversation, or being a nuisance. And yet, despite the team practice we have always maintained, He choose to do thing which i felt excluded me. Being in a particularly needy mood, this really upset me(not an excuses for my behaviour i realise now).

Later, when i looked at the situation from Master’s point of views, i realized once again that i was in the wrong, i was in a very selfish mood and wanted to stay close to Master but i should have actually been happy that Master was doing something He loves to do, and sat quiet—like a polite, well-mannered girl—instead i had a paddy. i was so focused on my need to cling to Master that my basic etiquette disappeared.

Anyway, i got over this one just by thinking about my place in our dynamics. i have to remember that there is a reason why Master and i get along so well; and it’s because we have similar core beliefs. i have to remember that the reason why i’m still submitting to him is because i trust him to make good decisions for us and to act in our best interests. And it is in neither of our best interests for us to not fully agree where we take every aspect of our lives together.
While Master’s action made me upset and frustrated, he was not in the wrong. It was me who was being hypersensitive and inconsiderate. i love him for not getting too upset at me, for trying to reason out my reaction, for wanting to make things better, for setting the task which prompted this writing. Although i realise that it isn’t "Who am i" in any normal context, but i hope it is acceptable in a similar vain.

i’m not scared of Master. but i am scared that he’ll be upset with me, that he’ll get tired of me. i’m scared of negative reactions for things i do, or forget to do. i know he can punish me and will if He feels it is warranted, i do not fear this. But i do not fear him as a person. Now, i obey him for completely different reasons than i did at the beginning--because i respect and care for him. In him, i have the companionship and laughter and friendship and balance that i lacked and badly needed.i love Master so much that my heart pounds just thinking of him. i willingly serve him.

Now, if he were to hurt me, out of correction or simply for his pleasure, i would want nothing more than to crawl into his arms afterwards. i don't want to run away. i don't and can’t resent him, not now that i see that he so good for me. Ironically, these days, he is not so quick to hurt me. Sometimes i wonder why. Perhaps it is because he recognizes my need to please him. Perhaps he realises that my slip-ups come from moments of humanity and forgetfulness and not from disrespect or a desire to test him. Or i believe it is because He care for me in the same way i care for him; past that superficial level of exploring something new and interesting.. Perhaps, he comes to like me not just because i am submissive, but because of "who i am" in conjunction with the submission.

Whatever the reasons, in answer to “who am i” , i am my Masters slave, willing to submit to Him in all ways, to acknowledge my imperfections and attempt to correct those to please Him better.

i am happier than i have ever been before. He is Master, to be obeyed, In the beginning,i was unsure and would slip-up a lot, now i should have no excuses. But i do acknowledge that i am far from the perfect slave and that every day is a challenge to not slip up ; to not forget my position in our dynamics.

N.B (portion of the required essay)

Blogging

2009-11-01T16:51:00.000Z

i've missed a few blogs this last week, so i am wondering if i would be able to be successful with this lifestyle if i were not regularly writing. i’m writing for my blog right now, if i wasn’t i could be writing in a journal. i could be writing just for myself, or to share thoughts with Master. i’m not sure if i would have the same drive to write as often if i didn’t have the blog.

I love my blog. it’s opened my heart and mind up in ways that i am not always sure what to think at times. i’m thankful for that but also it can be overwhelming. Often my posts will come from the extremes of my emotions. it’s freeing and scary and enjoyable and frustrating all at the same time. Not every time, but sometimes. i mean that writing for the blog has opened me up, the difficult thing is that it forces me to remain open (if i want to write meaningfully).and makes me look at myself, my life honestly.

Anything

2009-10-15T18:00:00.001Z

If anyone asked me whether i would do "anything" my Master ordered me to. And the answer is yes, within reason.
Yes, unfortunately, reason does have to come into it. In my opinion, any submissive/slave who checks her brain in at the door is setting herself up for some serious damage. So, with that in mind...
My Master and i do have a safe word. the bottom line is there needs to be a safe word in effect at all times, for all activities.That said, it's not something i would use lightly. In fact, since we've have had the safe word i haven't needed to use it once. i don't believe safe words are for getting the sub out of things he/she doesn't "feel" like doing. i believe they are for getting the sub out of the way of serious harm. So, if my Master ordered me to go with someone and my only reason for reluctance was not quite finding that person attractive, to me, that would not be reason to safe out.
On the other hand, if he ordered me to put me and our health at risk, i would say that safe word loud and clear. Also, if he wanted to leave me in the hands of someone i thought might be abusive, i would safe out.i guess that's why it's called a "safe" word. Its purpose is not to keep the sub from uncomfortable or difficult situations, but to keep the sub safe from true harm.

His slave

2009-10-14T09:22:00.001Z

i know that i have moments of crankiness, and i can get mouthy, lippy, but i know i will end up staring at his chest because i was too afraid to look up and see what expression he will be wearing on his face.

He will likely asks questions in soft and tender tones—if i am okay, why am i crying—and i will answer with head nods when i can, and silence when i cannot find the words to explain. but i know i want him to hold me to my duties and remind me of my place i need that, i need to know that if a decision is made that it will be followed up on, today, tomorrow, next week, next month. i want him to be strict with me, and put me in my place, and hit me when i’m bad, and hit me even when i’m not, and shut me up when i whine. i want him use me. i want him to be the one to make me cry. i want to be on my knees. He is a my Master, the love of my life, and he deserves nothing less from His slave,and as His slave i'll do everything and anything he wants, serving Him endlessly.

Owned

2009-10-10T09:05:00.000Z

I would definitely say Master and i have those underlying feelings -- deep, abiding respect and unconditional caring for one another. If our relationship had to stand on those feelings alone, it could. But what a tremendous joy it is to have not only those feelings, but also to feel the same thrill now that i felt when i used to read my Master's words in chat, when i first heard his voice on the phone, when he said good night and good morning to me so many days from 300 miles away, when with incredible excitement we clasped hands for the first time , when i first looked into his eyes and saw the man rather than a photograph, when i first felt our bodies come together, skin to skin, my breasts brushing the hair on his chest, when i first felt the smack of his palm upon myarse, and when he claimed me as His.

I'm not going to write on and on and theorize about why our feelings are so deliciously strong and still growing.
i will only say that to those who have not yet experienced such things:

This can happen to you, too. It is out there.

protocols

2009-09-29T10:35:00.002Z

Yes i have rules/protocols or whatever you want to call it .. to follow. BUT when i look at them... a lot of them are more or less common courtesies - like telling Sir i am home safe and sound if i go out. That makes me feel cared for and watched over.. for me that is not a bad thing. Example..... Sir has me text message Him when i get home and when i go out.......... yeah yeah i could conceivably text Him from anywhere and how would He know....... but ya see.. i don't lie..... simple as that. it is rather nice to know that Sir is watching for the text to say i am home..

Some folks only do BDSM in kinky ways...... they don't do it 24/7 .. they don't do vanilla mixed with BDSM ... in other words they separate the two and keep them separated..... Sir and i tried that.. it didn't really work... it was all or nothing for us.

So having a safe word .. or the right to say "nah i don't wanna do that" does exist in my world. AND i have to say........we have tried BDSM part time.. we have tried vanilla full time.. and i much prefer having someone else make 90% of the decisions .......... yeah i said 90% .. because truthfully Sir does allow me a fair amount of room.......... He will ask what i think about something.. be it BDSM or a vanilla thing.. and i tell Him what i think (knowing me .. do you honestly think i wouldn't speak my mind??!!) BUT then He has the final say...... and whether i like it or not.. i go along with it.. because ya know what?? it saves a whole lot of time in arguing and fussing and feeling bitchy. (ok ok acting bitchy! cause i can do that very well too!)

i wish

2009-09-27T08:21:00.000Z

Occasionally, cruising around the blog world, i come across a photo that I know Master will definitely appreciate. i right click it,save image as...., and on the blog it goes. i wish. hmm.. maybe a long time ago. cant turn back time unfortunately

What once was

2009-09-24T13:24:00.000Z

i read blogs of others who profess their bodily faults. So many women unhappy with so many aspects of their bodies. The majority of these i didn’t understand. My response is always the same as many others would be. “You don’t like what? Wow I’d love to look like that. You must be crazy”

I understand that kind of crazy and i am so impressed with how bold some women are who t put up and pointed out their faults.

So consider this my fault post.

Main ones here, breasts that sag a little too much, Quote"When we met nipple were up there, now they are down there" and belly that seen gain and loss and gain again and gain oh for those far off days of youth, and what once was.

Puzzle pieces

2009-09-19T15:07:00.001Z

i have this need.. this burning need inside me .. i may not be able to explain it - especially to vanilla folks.. but i can identify the need. It is for pain. i am a masochist. It is that simple.

Over time i have identified i love to serve. i have learned there are other ways of inflicting what i crave (not just through spankings/whippings and floggings)

Over time i have learned the protocols that please Master. (they are not the same protocols that would please another but they are what please MY Master and that is all that is important to me.

i've learned the saying "To thine own self be true" and that is so appropriate for this lifestyle. You have to be YOU.. not some doll that is bent and molded to suit another's tastes. You have to feel it (whatever the IT is for you) inside.......... and then follow your instincts. Yes there will be some bending and molding and shaping so that you and Your Dom fit .. like puzzle pieces......... but just like puzzle pieces you can't just jam two pieces together and hope it fits..It really is that simple.

Master & me

2009-09-11T09:12:00.002Z

Master has never made any outrageous requests of me and--quite the opposite--has supported me and encouraged me to be well-rounded, and happy. I’m so, so grateful to have someone so caring and understanding looking after me; I’m so, so, so thankful and happy that he is my Master.

In fact, he is so good to me that sometimes i worry that i am not doing the best i can for him. i don’t want to be constantly needy. i want to fulfill Master’s desires, and serve him well and be the girl he needs and wants me to be. And I can only hope that he will tell me when he needs more from me, so that he doesn’t end up resenting me for being too much work.

Blessed talent

2009-09-07T13:20:00.000Z

There are people who are blessed with a talent for writing.... the words flow and create pictures and deep emotions and wonderment, i on the other hand do not write flowing descriptive literature. i write like i talk... which is why i use all those dots in my writing... i rarely stop to take a breath .. (Ask Sir) i usually managed to butcher some old expression.. Shrug.. But the words flow as they will from my warped mind. Outside of this medium.. (blog writing that is) i tend to be blunt.. short and to the point -i have no patience for whiners or pity Anyway......... all of these words are really to just say two things......

ONE – Sir.. I love You, from the very bottom of my soul

and
TWO........ (Damn i can't remember what two was!!) i guess i must have run out of WORDS. (and breath)

Balance

2009-08-31T10:24:00.001Z

Being open and honest at all times seems easy enough, right? But in any other type of relationship how much openness and honesty was really there? Because most of the time we Think we are doing this with each other but there is always something lurking around that you couldn’t - or wouldn’t - tell the other for the fear of backlash.

i learned that by not being completely open and honest with Master i am in essence taking away an aspect of control from Him. If i’m not telling Him my thoughts then i am essentially holding back a part of me and not giving Him my whole self. So that if i have thoughts and fears and worries and anxiety - no matter how minor or major - i try to tell Him immediately. i still hold back but only because inside my own head my thoughts and fears seemed trivial and do i really need to bother Him with stuff like that, but is it my decision to even think i know what He wants or needs to know with regard to how im thinking. My overall well being is His concern so He needs to know all about my physical, mental and emotional balance at all times.

black hole

2009-08-25T09:24:00.000Z

Master's very good about not keeping me "in-the-loop" with things . If i don't know what the plan is, true i can't build up any expectations. If i don't have any expectations, i can't be disappointed. If i'm not disappointed, i don't head off into Master's gone vanilla/hates me/doesn't want me anymore/ thinks i'm a fat cow/ territory but i need to know, im a worrier, and have an over active imagination, and because this is so, i can create in a matter of hours this huge black hole that just eats away from inside outwards. Truth, so tell me, id rather know then i can at least adjust to the consequences of the reality. a black hole is so powerful that nothing, including light can escape its pull. The black hole has a one-way surface, into which objects can fall, but out of which nothing can come, reflecting nothing, i need the light, i need to know where im at all the time, i need to feel that control, good or bad, so tell me. nothing is so bad if i know.

to err is human, to forgive divine"

2009-08-23T08:59:00.000Z

i’m a good slave. Good enough that He doesn’t have to micromanage me. And i have a lot more “freedoms” under His hand than most might because of how i carry myself most of the time.(occassional i'll err, but no ones pefect) But it’s also why i feel like i’m flapping in the breezes sometimes…waiting for somebody to take hold of my sails and turn me into the wind so that i go the right direction instead of just drifting. He grabs the sails when He has to; and the control is there, just under the surface. i just don’t always feel it or see it.

Today's Idiom ="to err is human, to forgive divine"

The Child In Me

2009-07-26T08:41:00.001Z

i could give a complicated explanation, but what would be gained by that?

The child ... there in every urge to stomp my foot. Whether i actually do, or just mimic the motion by jerking my leg without ever taking my foot from the ground. i can even stomp my foot in bed ...

a sudden, controlled release of stress.
There when I've stayed up too late, and want to be tucked softly into bed. And there when i don't want to go to bed yet or i have to wake too early (hence the perfection of the foot stomp in bed!)

There when I'm too tired to answer questions, too needy to make decisions or even make sense and frustration is threatening to overwhelm me.
There in every playful, silly moment. When i want to giggle a lot, or need to just be silly ...

She is there in each moment that i want to be taken care of, in a hundred different ways, for whatever reasons. She is there ... that child part of me, and she is welcome. i may only have recognized her as i began to explore and understand the 'needy' part of me, but that in no way tarnishes or diminishes her importance.
She is there, living comfortably alongside the woman i am, unafraid, because i have learned to let that child inside me be. i've learned that i am a physically, mentally and emotionally strong woman. Capable of much more than i ever thought possible, and she is part of all of that.

.
A huge part of the peace i feel surrounding this child in me. One small part of a wonderful whole.

i used to worry that this part of me was somehow a ... repercussion of/to the D/s needs i was exploring ... a cause perhaps. Something missing ... something missed as a child. Something ... unnatural.

But ... no worries!
i may still sometimes wonder about her, but there is no shame. When i give in to that part of me, i don't give up any of the responsibility of my life, or let down those that depend on me. Somehow, her presence better enables me to be all that i am in every part of my life ... to live up to the things i feel matter the most ...

know yourself, live honestly, love completely.

perfect slave

2009-07-21T18:56:00.000Z

i have often been called a "perfect" slave, which, to me, means that i give it my all, not that i never screw up.
i have given Master power in exchange for freedom, but even that seeming inequality is less dramatic than it appears on the surface. We do not have equal power, but we have equal value as human beings. and we know, that when the times comes to pull out all the stops and be there for the other, in whatever capacity the situation demands, we can always count on the other.He worries about pleasing me, often ignoring his best instincts, and as a result, leaves us both dissatisfied, because i cannot be satisfied if he is not.When he follows his instincts, and behaves as a compelling, leader. He commands respect and deference from me, and in receiving them, he feels loved and valued.

But the point is, both our lives have been greatly enriched by behaving towards each other in ways that may seem silly to an outsider, but absolutely natural to us both.

i know what you want

2009-07-09T16:13:00.002Z

i know how much you want to hold the woman who wants you to make love to her. To take her in your arms knowing that it is just the start of the journey and the eventual destination is wet and wanton and wicked.

You want to feel her press her breasts into your chest, run her hands over your body, demonstrate her desire for you. Her lips soft and warm against your face. Her tongue wrapping around yours and burying itself deep inside your mouth. Hear her breathing quicken as your fingers find her nipples and squeeze. You want to rip her clothes off and have her return the favour. Feel her naked flesh against yours, her arms around your neck, hard nipples thrusting into your chest, thighs gripped around your waist, cunt opening for you, soft and slick against your belly. Wanting, lusting, begging for you... i hope sir

Anticipation

2009-07-07T09:52:00.001Z

Very rarely does Master order me.He has a tendency to ask and say please, i smile. He knows i know though. i knows that a request from Him, is absolutely an order.

Forgetting to do something that is requested, or ignoring it, or being bratty about it doesn’t get an immediate reprimand or punishment. It will usually get a grin, a little laugh, but it should always be remembered and in time, dealt with.

i enjoy it that way. i like Master to whisper that He remembers into my ear when we are out in public.. i like the look in his eye when He reminds me of an earlier request. i like the way He makes me flinch the tiniest bit when He tell me Hes not pleased in some way.

Anticipation. !!

Limitations

2009-06-17T08:57:00.002Z

I am up to my eyeballs in rest. i have no other choice because of my physical limitations these days, i just need to feel normal or as normal as possible.my lack of patience is probably why i walk around frustrated most days. i walk around half the time not sure of what i want and need to be happy only to realize that what i thought would pacify me, doesn't. i grow bored quickly.

I found myself thinking about what i really want, and i don't know that i have a firm plan just yet. i don't know what the future holds, but i hope it contains much happiness, love, adventure, passion, kink, spanking, and security!! i need live to in the moment for now ;-) .......

Pages of a book

2009-06-04T09:06:00.000Z

i am a slave
This is who i am. This makes me happy. This is right for me.
I'm not going to stop my submission or even put it on hold.i have been having doubts of whether submission really works in this day and age, i've been trying to work through those doubts, but they're my own and on a completely different level to every day life. i don't want to lose my understanding of my submission, i want to return to that place where, i don't doubt, i so want to go there.

i know who i love, who i submit to and how i want to love Him, submit to Him, just hope we can met on the same page of the same book.>

optical illusion

2009-06-02T12:53:00.000Z

There are times where i think myself inside a box. The box is cushioned and clean, and it’s painted white inside. i think it means that i feel im, going no where, no beginning , no end, just a huge spiral, like one of those images( optical illusion) that go on endlessly never reaching a destination or pinnacle.
I haven’t explored my submission much recently; instead, it has become the subject of memory and fantasy. Don’t misunderstand me — it’s not that i’ve stopped being submissive or wanting that in my life. i guess you can’t be a true submissive without vulnerability though. and sometimes i feel soo venerable, and i get hurt.
All i know is that it's easy to climb back into my pretty white box, pull my security blanket right up over my head. and wrap myself in a no care, no worry cushion, because sometimes the hurt is to painful.

Have &Have not's

2009-05-12T07:52:00.001Z

Society is divided into two groups, the "haves" and the "have-nots."If we dwell on the halve nots life becomes a never ending struggle. If you think life is a struggle you will always be struggling, If you think life is a breeze your attitudes and actions will convey lightness and ease.. And that's what attracts everything you need, and much more. Make life a breeze not a battle. sounds like common sense to me.

Bitch

2009-05-01T10:26:00.001Z

When i slip out of submissive space, i feel afraid. i don’t know for sure who is in control. For all the years of my first marriage, i was the leader, and i didn’t want to be. i took the lead because my ex husband couldn't. It wore me out, because it’s just not the way i was designed.
i was designed to be someone’s loving slave.
When i stay in submissive space, i do not worry. i trust my Master to be in control. This frees my mind and heart so that my basic nature, shines through. Most of the time, if i act bitchy, it’s because I’m afraid of something. If I’m not afraid, there’s no need to be a bitch. It’s really as simple as that.

im Yours

2009-04-18T08:50:00.001Z

Life completely got screwed up this week. i dislike when things are out of control. Funny coming from a girl who claims to be submissive, but i like order.
I've been distant for a bit due to imaginary issues i felt i was having. Hopefully, everything is sorted now. im done putting myself back together and smoothing down the frayed ends. i pushed and provoked and back talked my way right into what i deserved. Spoiled little girl stomping her feet and demanding to have it her way. My hands on my hips, the glare in my eye. No sugar coating my sass with a smile.So i may need a moment to regain my balance and to collect myself, i am most definitely am not down for the count. i always want more. There's no keeping a good girl down.
Give me.... Please Sir
Take from me..
Its all Yours anyway

Stages

2009-04-09T18:23:00.002Z

im going through a stage analyzing everything about our relationship and the activities we engage in.i know that there are probably no answers and i have no doubt in a few days i will get over it. Its not about having doubts, im happy and secure, i love You very much and i know that You love me, its more me needing an explanation of what makes me enjoy what i do and i suppose fear as well.

What i do know is that in many ways i have it good as a slave compared to some, and i think at times i have a tendency to take this for granted, i read an intresting article about "false entiltilement" which occurs when a slave begins to see "things" or situations as her "right" an example could be expressing an opinion or eating dinner, are these "rights" or are they privilages? You do allow me to express myself, i have this blog for example and i am quite verbal at times especially if i have a strong opinion about something. When i do give an opinion it should be given in a respectful manner of course. I know that at times im not as respectful as i should be, sometimesYou will pick up on this and other times not, but You could should You want to take away my "right" to an opinion because it could be said that as a slave my opinion is not important, its a privilage and as such can be removed. As for beginning eating im meant to ask permission (when we are together), i very rarely do unless reminded and have taken it for granted that You would never refuse, so again this is not a "right" that i am entitled too.
The point im getting to is i think im at a point where i feel i need You to be more controlling and to follow that through constitantly, on the other hand i am also aware that for You, life pressure may take the place of pleasure ones and Your mind can be so full of real life preasure that my need are rather mundane in the greater scheme of things

Mistakes

2009-04-04T09:26:00.002Z

i often remind myself that while i assume he expects perfection, Sir also accepts that i make mistakes from time to time. i tend to be harder on myself when i do mess up than he is on me. So much so that i wonder why in the heck he is taking it so easy on me. A time when i need to remind myself that it is not my place to punish myself. That i need to accept what is being said or done to address the issues by him and let it go..

Journey

2009-04-02T16:32:00.000Z

I don’t claim that this journey called life, is always enjoyable. Like any great adventures it is filled with highs and lows, joys and sorrows, tears of misery and bliss. Often there is a feeling of such love that you feel you may burst, or longing so great that you’re so convinced you may die of heartache.

I ask if you can think of the deepest love you can imagine, a love so great that you’d do anything at all to keep that person happy, to always feel your love for them and to never let them forget it; For that is what it means to be a slave to my Master
By, God help me, I’ll not give it up for anything.

heart, body, and soul

2009-03-28T10:55:00.001Z

i sit here and wonder if i am enough to retain the heart of the man who love and adore me, hopefully forever. The man i will forever call Master to my heart, body, and soul.Deep down inside i know that i do all i need to , but i also know there's more and as such i shall continue to improve my abilities to please, there are always things to learn , to improve, no one is ever perfect.

Velcro collar's

2009-03-25T09:21:00.001Z

So many wear collar's just to wear it. And hey it is their right but it also make me annoyed because i know about earning the right to wear a collar. To be owned. To serve and please my Master. And i guess i feel it "lessens" the meaning of it. For many to see those who play at it. But when you are owned and collared there is a pride of wearing that collar and serving your Master. And because Joanna Blogs thinks it looks good with an outfit and wears it i think lessens the meaning to those looking in.
So now the next question is what does it matter if what anyone thinks as long as you know it.

Well, it diminishes the views for anyone new coming into the scene and those looking in from the outside. They see Joanna Blogs wearing one and might assume she owned and collared when she is not in the deeper sense of the meaning. Maybe they see a slave who is owned but Joanna Blogs was not owned so they hit on that slave.....it makes for confusion in our D/s community. That confusion creates a lack of respect toward legitimate collars.

wife v's slave

2009-03-19T09:16:00.002Z

i think the slave part of my relationship and identity with Master will always be the stronger over the wife part and is the one which primarily guides my actions. The M/s is what our relationship is built on - Luckily i don't see Master ever deciding to turn vanilla, so that shouldn't be an issue, i really can't imagine interacting with Him on a vanilla level as equals.
i see my role as one of being subservient to, dependent on, and taking care of my husband/Master, who is very much the head of the household. He makes all the decisions, He controls the money, That's how i'd like it to be.
Old-fashioned housewife is how i would be vanilla style if the slave part was no more. but i think ill stick to what we have thank you.

supporting role

2009-03-17T09:23:00.002Z

i've always felt better in the 'support'/submissive role. Leading stresses me out to be honest. i excel under good leadership
i've find myself in my vulnerability, my submission, my 'support' role. i'm happier when i'm not feeling the pressure to be unnaturally aggressive. i prefer soft and yielding and always have. i've had to puffed myself up sometimes to be 'lil miss aggressive bitch'. Slowly (it's a process let me tell you) letting go of that lets me feel free and Earthy. i feel peaceful, i know who i am.
im the girl that wants to make sure my significant other is as comfortable as can be. i want to provide him with intelligent conversation; i want to stimulate him. i want him to ravish me without a seconds notice; i want to inspire that animalisitc lust. i want him to discipline me when i need it. I want to not fear being weak and vulnerable to him.
i have a man I can look up to and rely upon for honest communication. i want him to laugh with me and cuddle and talk total nonsense. i want to be the warm, soft, and amusing character he can relax with. This is how i show my love - obedience, emotion, my drive to please.

In tune to myself. Helpless? Only to the respectable man I've promised to obey....
my Master

Less Worries

2009-03-12T15:29:00.000Z

i realise now that i need to worry less about the future and more about what i am doing now, today, at this moment in order to progress forward. Because as soon as one goal is achieved, there's always another to strive for, and that will carry on forever, as there's no such thing as the perfect slave who can do everything and cannot improve in a single way. There's always some new skill to learn, something i can get better in, something to practice and make progress in.

So i'm actually feeling kind of relieved now that i've come to this realisation, because even if i do make mistakes or 'fail' or muck up, there's always tomorrow when i can try again. As long as i do my best, i should keep moving along the path that’s set, and that's all we can ever asked for, and Master's walking right beside me, discovering and exploring and learning too :) Which i think is much more special and enjoyable than an end-point which you can reach but never progress beyond.

The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds. ~Will Durant.

what i am, what am i?

2009-03-10T09:29:00.001Z

Pleasing Him is what i am... Time flies by so quickly!so many things we want to do, and where's the time?
i think that as every day, week and month passes, the relationship that He and i share grow's stronger. i don't know if He realizes this, but it just seems that i feel more connected with Him. i find that now i just go with the flow.He makes me feel loved and wanted, He makes me feel special, He makes me feel good..slave to my Master..

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what i am when i am with you." Elizabeth Barrett Browning

flu

2009-03-03T10:12:00.001Z

My nose is red and swollen and painful. My throat hurts. My sinuses are plugged and running at the same time. Snot drips from my nose and i sneeze a hundred times a day. My neck hurts. My head feels like it weighs a couple hundred pounds.

It just sucks. A lot.

And it’s really hard to be the least bit graceful in service when you’re feeling like shi*.

And, of course, i don’t get any real “break” because i’m sick. not that i want one. cold /flu is no reason to give up/in. but it really hit me how the whole service mentality goes out the window when i’m feeling crappy.

Bad slave. Bad sub. Bad, bad girl.

*shrug*

Human, though.

Perfect

2009-03-01T10:35:00.001Z

How can someone be "the perfect sub"? After all, what a Dom wants in a sub varies from person to person, as does the way in which a sub serves. But I think we can all agree on a few basic issues:

-A good sub obeys her Dom (yes, it's SSC, but still, you follow orders)
-A good sub wants to please: Let's face it, if the sub doesn't want to please her Dom, what's the point? It won't be enjoyable for either party.
-A good sub knows what she wants: This is tricky. It encompasses wanting to please your Dom, as well as knowing your limits and being comfortable with expressing them.
-A good sub trusts her Dom and has proven herself trustworthy in return. There cannot be a mutually healthy relationship if there is no trust, especially in the context of D/s relationships.

Agreed? Ok, so now that we have the basics, how can someone be the perfect sub? In my opinion, this can happen in many different ways. It could be through consistently following Your orders, always being willing to please, or other expressions of continued service. But sometimes, there is one act that can make you realize that it is special. That is when you give of yourself,over your own wants, to please Him.