How may i better serve You . Master

whatever happened to my trust and faith. did i loose that when i had this stroke, where has all this doubt come from i wonder or is it fears. yes i have fears but the fear i am talking about should be long gone , why should these fear haunt me as they do right now. i love my Master beyond life itelf and i know he loves me. so banish doubts slave, serve your Master as only you can do. and as he wants you too,brush fear aside and stand tall and proud of who you are: slave to MG now and alway.. so some thing have to be approach differently for a while but that doesnt change who you are serve your Master as best you can see to his needs as he see's to yours. the family is everything

get a grip

how could i be so selfish and not consider my Master and children in my own dispair, thinking only about me..."oh wow is me"...well its time i thought about others ,anyway self pity will not help..grow up woman.. get a grip. they give everything and i just make it harder for them that isnt right. My Master and my kids have their own trauma and demons to deal with they dont need me making this any harder.And still thy give:-
To my cleo: I love you, and will do anything in my power to help you get better. Whatever it takes, I will do. We are the best team there is, and our strength lies in our love for each other. Take that love and harness it, use it for whatever you need. I will be there, whether it takes a week, a month a year or the rest of our lives.
extract from diary of a stroke by MG
time i considered them in all this it has had a fundamental affect on them all as well as me.. ok so i am the one whom has to cope with the obvious result the bit we can all see, their trauma is hidden but is still as damaging,i am resolvedto be a bit mor considerate from now on..!!!stop making this harder than it already is for any of us.

Jack and Gill went up the hill

well in this case Gill would keep trying to climb the hill independently of Jack and there are going to be time when Gill falls down. i have fallen twice now on both occasions i was unharmed other than fear and on both occasions i was in our bedroom without any shoes on. lesson learnt. the carpet in our bedroom is slippery.
i have to try i am going to fall, what i have to do is try to see that i am unharmed so that i am able to get right back up and try again. i will not spend the rest of my life sitting down. i will walk again.MG says i have courage. i am not so sure. right now i am ready to admit i am scared of life but i am also scared of the alternative. silly reallly 2 month ago life was a breeze. Now like a child i have to learn all the things we take for granted, like walking and like a child i am going to fall i just have to learn from that experience, my advantage is that unlike a child i have the intelligence to know that i need to learn from my mistake. how many time have we all said, "if i knew then what i know now", well i have the chance to redo a lot of thing, i don’t want to make them better i was very happy with the walk i had, in fact i was proud of my walk,i just want it back as it was, i watch people walk down the street, young, old and wonder if people really appreciate the way their bodies carries them around with such ease, i have to admit that i certainly didn’t, i jumped into the car like most people, never gave a thought to the way we as human walk on two legs now i do, when it too late, but i shall get back the ability i have promised myself, my children my Master that i will return to my former self in time, be patience with me..

Popups

I'd like to take an opportunity to apologize to all of my readers for the annoying popup's that have been happening on my blog over the past few weeks. These were not my doing.When I started this blog a year or so ago, I put a Nedstat Basic counter on it to keep track of my site usage statistics. This worked well, and I found it to be a good service. A few weeks ago, I got an email telling me that Nedstat had been sold to another company and was being rebranded as Webstats4U, and the site had a new look and feel. Unfortunately, it seems this was not the only change to the service.Over the past couple of weeks, I noticed popup's when I visited certain blog's (including my own blog) and was starting to worry my computer had become infected with spy ware. Then, today, I did a bit of research and found that these popup's were being generated by Webstats4U. Here is an article that gives all of the background on it.I hate popups, and will not condone them on my blog. meter is removed hopefully along with the popups
regards cleo

happy valentines day

Well, today we just have one little thing to tell everyone. We have set the date for our wedding! It's booked: 14th February, Valentine's day. Call us mad, or silly, or whatever you want, but that was a date that just happened to come up, and so, we did it.Now, theres much organising to do for a wedding in 5 weeks time, although we have decided to make the registry office ceremony a family affair only, with a couple of friends as witnesses and close family only. Our plan is that we shall have a much larger ceremony in June, which will be a handfasting ceremony. This ceremony is more in keeping with our choices compared to the modern day marriage ceremony, although of course to be legally married we must do that too, hence both ceremonies.Physio again today and James worked hard on my arm and hand, trying to get the various muscle groups in the arm/shoulder/hand area to "fire" voluntarily. What this means is that with stimulation, such as tapping, or touching or manipulation these muscles will work, but as yet i does not have voluntary control of them, i.e. i cannot yet "remember" how to make them work. Tomorrow James is going to try some electrical stimulation of the leg and arms, and see what comes of that.It's still quite early on in the average recovery time which is thought to be about 90 days, and so we have high hopes of getting something in the arm before then.i has also decide i am not getting married in a wheelchair, so I am sure that target is the main one now. 5 weeks for me to get up onto my feet and be standing and even walking on my own so the wheelchair is not seen on 14th February!I have every faith that i will do it.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger

My MSN profile which was written some 5 years ago read as follows :
Occupation Mum and 24/7 slave

A Little About Me
24/7 slave to my MG, willing to serve him in every way, always... he is my life.
Favorite Things
You have to make the most of every day, always look forward and learn from the good and the bad things that happen.My Master.24/7. TPE

We must not let the negative rule our lives.that which does not kill us makes us stronger.Favorite Quote
"This above all: To thine own self be true. And it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man"William Shakespeare (1564-1616).
now in 2006 i have to add "Stroke victim November2005".. but it didnt kill me so i will make myself stronger in adversity Tosee progress of my Road to Recovery go to www. http://diaryofastroke.blogspot.com

the new year 2006

it time to take stock and beging afresh.. a new page in my life... not a retrograde step just a time to grow as me once again..peel off the old coat get in the fashion.. today i made a decision.. all the time people do for me i will never do for myself again..so to my family who i know only have my best at heart..you must let me try.. i may fall.. but i know you will all be there if i do.. and wipe away the tears i cry...for which i shall be eternally gratefull.but i have to stand on my own two feet literally or i never will and i so wish to be mother to my children again and slave to my Master, with this in mind i walked across the physio gym this afternoon unaided..at home later i walked across our kitchen.. my sarah cried to watch me...good crying she said just to see her mum stand upright unaided i think..that there is still some resembalance of past time left and that sarah can see maybe a light at the end of her tunnel..as she has stepped up to the plate and into my shoes poor thing has worked so hard to keep thing on an even keel lately..so itwas time i gave her a break tonight..and prepared dinner myself..i cannot move carrying things that has still to come but it will but i can do my bit and i intend to from now on..this isnt going to make me a useless bag of lard..no way no how