protocols

Yes i have rules/protocols or whatever you want to call it .. to follow. BUT when i look at them... a lot of them are more or less common courtesies - like telling Sir i am home safe and sound if i go out. That makes me feel cared for and watched over.. for me that is not a bad thing. Example..... Sir has me text message Him when i get home and when i go out.......... yeah yeah i could conceivably text Him from anywhere and how would He know....... but ya see.. i don't lie..... simple as that. it is rather nice to know that Sir is watching for the text to say i am home..

Some folks only do BDSM in kinky ways...... they don't do it 24/7 .. they don't do vanilla mixed with BDSM ... in other words they separate the two and keep them separated..... Sir and i tried that.. it didn't really work... it was all or nothing for us.

So having a safe word .. or the right to say "nah i don't wanna do that" does exist in my world. AND i have to say........we have tried BDSM part time.. we have tried vanilla full time.. and i much prefer having someone else make 90% of the decisions .......... yeah i said 90% .. because truthfully Sir does allow me a fair amount of room.......... He will ask what i think about something.. be it BDSM or a vanilla thing.. and i tell Him what i think (knowing me .. do you honestly think i wouldn't speak my mind??!!) BUT then He has the final say...... and whether i like it or not.. i go along with it.. because ya know what?? it saves a whole lot of time in arguing and fussing and feeling bitchy. (ok ok acting bitchy! cause i can do that very well too!)

i wish

Occasionally, cruising around the blog world, i come across a photo that I know Master will definitely appreciate. i right click it,save image as...., and on the blog it goes. i wish. hmm.. maybe a long time ago. cant turn back time unfortunately

What once was

i read blogs of others who profess their bodily faults. So many women unhappy with so many aspects of their bodies. The majority of these i didn’t understand. My response is always the same as many others would be. “You don’t like what? Wow I’d love to look like that. You must be crazy”

I understand that kind of crazy and i am so impressed with how bold some women are who t put up and pointed out their faults.

So consider this my fault post.

Main ones here, breasts that sag a little too much, Quote"When we met nipple were up there, now they are down there" and belly that seen gain and loss and gain again and gain oh for those far off days of youth, and what once was.

Puzzle pieces

i have this need.. this burning need inside me .. i may not be able to explain it - especially to vanilla folks.. but i can identify the need. It is for pain. i am a masochist. It is that simple.

Over time i have identified i love to serve. i have learned there are other ways of inflicting what i crave (not just through spankings/whippings and floggings)

Over time i have learned the protocols that please Master. (they are not the same protocols that would please another but they are what please MY Master and that is all that is important to me.

i've learned the saying "To thine own self be true" and that is so appropriate for this lifestyle. You have to be YOU.. not some doll that is bent and molded to suit another's tastes. You have to feel it (whatever the IT is for you) inside.......... and then follow your instincts. Yes there will be some bending and molding and shaping so that you and Your Dom fit .. like puzzle pieces......... but just like puzzle pieces you can't just jam two pieces together and hope it fits..It really is that simple.

Master & me

Master has never made any outrageous requests of me and--quite the opposite--has supported me and encouraged me to be well-rounded, and happy. I’m so, so grateful to have someone so caring and understanding looking after me; I’m so, so, so thankful and happy that he is my Master.

In fact, he is so good to me that sometimes i worry that i am not doing the best i can for him. i don’t want to be constantly needy. i want to fulfill Master’s desires, and serve him well and be the girl he needs and wants me to be. And I can only hope that he will tell me when he needs more from me, so that he doesn’t end up resenting me for being too much work.

Blessed talent

There are people who are blessed with a talent for writing.... the words flow and create pictures and deep emotions and wonderment, i on the other hand do not write flowing descriptive literature. i write like i talk... which is why i use all those dots in my writing... i rarely stop to take a breath .. (Ask Sir) i usually managed to butcher some old expression.. Shrug.. But the words flow as they will from my warped mind. Outside of this medium.. (blog writing that is) i tend to be blunt.. short and to the point -i have no patience for whiners or pity Anyway......... all of these words are really to just say two things......

ONE – Sir.. I love You, from the very bottom of my soul

and
TWO........ (Damn i can't remember what two was!!) i guess i must have run out of WORDS. (and breath)