Focus on what you can do

Having been talking openly with another slave who i feel is far more grounded than i am right now, her ideas of focusing on what you've got, not what i haven't sounds like a very logical step to me and one ive used before.
i could blame all sorts of issue but that would be off the mark and just making excuses for myself, i need to admit that ive slipped and stop blaming a whole lot lately on stuff that doesn't deserve the blame, but putting blame aside, i realise its time for a change in attitude if i wish to get my role of slave back to where i was happy, about 2 years ago, it will certainly take some work but im happy to put in the effort so to start i have change a few things about myself, my chat nic to represent who i am MG´s_slave_cleo, find the respect that seems to have gone astray over last year or so, joined a group of slave's in an attempt to ground /centre/focus my thoughts more onto slave attitudes, thinking the more often i get into the right circles the more ill relax into who i am , so who am i ?

He is Master and I am slave. He is Owner and I am owned. He commands and I obey. He is to be pleased and I am to please. And why is this? Because he is Master and I am slave.

and serve Master i shall in ever way possible, because we are both grateful for what we have, could be far less so ill make the most of instead of moaning about whats missing, enjoy what we have which is a huge amount of love and great family and a whole way of life open before us. im going to try anyway

MG's slave cleo

Why should slave not argue with Master?

Following a little bit of non slave behaviour. MG order me to complete a task for him, this was to write an essay of 1,000 word of the title subject. Here then is that completed essay:-

Why should slave not argue with Master?

An argument is a statement (premise) or group of statements (premises) offered in support of another statement (conclusion).

Under normal circumstances arguments start because of differences of opinion. As a slave should happily follow the opinion of her Master there should really be no reason to argue any point but that might make slave an unthinking doormat with no opinion. So where’s a happy medium, one that both Master and slave can work with?
It's important to accept that arguments (differences of opinion) are a normal part of a relationship. We're all different and where there's difference, there will be disagreement but beneath the surface of an argument often lurks a much deeper issue, desperate to be let out and looked at - and we'll keep on arguing until we decide that the issue has been fully heard, if not answered, although slave should know better than to go on and on about any issue. Master should perhaps also “hear” that slave has a matter which needs resolving (or addressing at least) and it should be his responsibility to address as that is His place in the bigger scheme of the power exchange. Time-Out (an agreed time when slave and Master can speak freely outside of the M/s roles they have chosen) might be a means for slave to express any concerns; but this still needs to be heard and more importantly understood not pushed aside as the “rambling” of slave.
D/s relationships should be built on honest communication and trust. If you can't trust your Master enough to be able to share your anger and frustration with him, maybe you're in the wrong relationship.
When you're angry, and it's your Master that you're angry with. That is the responsibility that He has accepted, to be the rock upon which the slave can both lean, and bash her head against! (metaphorically speaking of course).
Dominants, contrary to popular belief, are not perfect creatures. They err, just like the rest of us. While we, as submissives, would like to believe that they always have our wants and needs forefront in their minds, like any good relationship, we must realise that they are humans first, and Dominants second.
These situations call for honesty. I don't think there's a Dominant in the world who wants his submissive to sit, smiling up at him and say "No, there's nothing wrong, Master" when there obviously is. Conversely, anger does not give you the right to take on the dominant role in the relationship and start berating Master thereby causing the need to argue. There has to be a middle ground.
Mentally and emotionally, from a submissive standpoint, it’s difficult for a submissive to even be angry with her Master. We want them to be godlike creatures, capable of making all of our dreams come true, but in most cases, they're just like any other person on the planet. They do screw up. How does one express any kind of anger (disappointment) towards their Dominant, without appearing to be topping from the bottom or leaving their submissive role entirely or having a blazing row? It's very easy to want to point your finger, but it's not the right approach (submissive or vanilla!) and it won't solve anything. You have to talk for the anger to go away. Set aside the D/s if you have to, but talk about it like two adult human beings. Obedience, or submissive compliance, is the act of obeying orders, if ordered to do so, slave should desist from arguing. However once again, if slave has an issue would it not be prudent of her Master to hear that issue before silencing her? Then again there is arguing and then theres arguing, Master must determine just how far He will allow his slave to continue making her point.
You should never be afraid to share your innermost, deepest feelings with your Master. These feelings are not always going to be gushing with joy and causing sexual stirrings with each other. Sometimes, they're down in the gutter of human emotions. Those need to come out, too.
Not forgetting arguing can play a beneficial role, and it can add excitement to a relationship or be a way of getting attention. It may not be the ideal way of gaining Master attention as that attention may be in the form of punishment/discipline. Arguing however might be worth the pain because of the joy of making up. And when you make up you get to reaffirm your love for each other.
Neither Dominants or subs are mind readers, each must be as open and honest about any concerns they might have and not leave imaginations to run riot as that will only cause anger to fester and inevitably begin to boil up inside until it can not longer be contained and an argument is bound to ensue at some point. We are all human and we all want to be loved; still a slave should seek to bring honour to her Master and as such arguing should not be part of that; it only shows disrespect for ones Master and herself.
At the point of accepting a collar the slave gives up her right to argue along with many other freedoms, in return for a negotiated lifestyle of trust and intimacy that is required to make as deep and meaningful a relationship possible.
Therefore the reasons why slave should not argue with her Master are:

· a slave should be respectful and dutiful in the presence of her Master
· Slaves do not argue.
· Slave is expected to have integrity, loyalty and to serve to the best of her ability.
· Slave accepts punishment and discipline without complaint and with humility.
· To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine, To submit within the power exchange is foremost
· D/s is not a democracy (knew that from day one)
· it is always better to restrain the natural tendency to argue
· everyone has a right to an opinion (a slave can have only with permission)
· I am my Master slave, I submit to his will, willingly without exception.
· Slave belongs to her Master completely (mind and body, heart and soul) unconditionally
· D/s relationships should be built on honest communication and trust.
· D/s is a lifestyle choice, Domination and submission, where people live their lives opting by nature to be either Dominant or submissive. In a relationship the one complements the other and is based on the gift of submission, and absolute trust

Learning to kneel.. again

Submissives find many and varied ways to express submission, although one of the most common seems to be that of kneeling before a Dominant. This simple act places the sub at a lower level than the Dominant and represents her being controlled and dominated by Him, by the very nature of their relative physical positions.When i had the stroke in November 2005, one of the long-term effects was what is known as hemiplegia. "Whats that?" you ask. hemiplegia is a condition where a vertical half of a patient's body is weak or paralysed, i.e. one arm and its corresponding leg do not function properly. In my case this has resulted in virtually no function at all remaining in my left arm and hand, and just a little in my left leg. i can walk a little, although i am very unstable, but have had to adapt to using one arm/hand as i have no voluntary control in my left arm at all. My balance is not too good at all, and as soon as i turns, or leans, or bends away from an upright position that loss of balance is all too obvious.Now, one of the things which had become almost a daily ritual for us before the stroke was that i would invariably kneel for MG, usually before we retired in the evening. We spent many long hours like that, discussing our D/s, our plans and our hopes for the future.It was one of those actions which gave me a way to fulfill my need to demonstrate my submission to my Master. It was a natural and comfortable position for both of us. Since the stroke and because of my physical challenges kneeling has been virtually impossible for some time now. We have tried to find alternative ways to expressing submission for me but none that we have tried gives me the same satisfaction as the act of kneeling. Of late as my balance has improved slightly, and i has a little more control in my left leg, i have managed to find a way to get back on my knees again, if only for very short periods of time. There is nothing else which comes close to the act of kneeling for me at least, that enables me to express my submission in such a tangible way. From the kneeling we may be able to move to other more "physical" things, such as going over MG's knee or some kind of mild spanking. The physical closeness which kneeling creates becomes a springboard for other actions to follow naturally, although of course with great care.So, perhaps we can return to that most fulfilling of submissive expression again, by allowing me to get back to kneeling before bed again.Perhaps it's the first (or next?) step in our regaining of the more physical side of the relationship we had. Recovery from stroke is by definition a long and very slow process and sometimes we have to look for a way to measure that, because living with the challenges every day, one does not always see those improvements. Sometimes you really have to look hard, or you miss them entirely.

A Point

MG made a valid point and as such its for me to act on that so ill try. His point is that its not needed for me to write up each infraction of our M/s, there is no need to make a big point of faults as they are trivial compared to the whole experience. i was talking to a friend about the heavy burden placed on my Master with all that is needed to balance out the long term effects of the stroke, she replied "you always needed care cleo you just need more now" which i though was lovely way to describe our current position and as Master and i have talked about many times if the role was reversed I'd do for him but my argument to that is that i serve its what i am comfortable in doing He is a very special man and Master, i only wanna serve a special person anyway so it works for us both.M/s or any kind of lifestyle choice takes more than some knee bending the odd slap across an available butt, much much more, it goes way deeper its about given of ones inner most self to another and not asking for anything in return just love and honesty
MG once wrote:

D/s is a lifestyle choice, Domination and submission,
where people live their lives opting by nature to be either Dominant or submissive.
In a relationship the one complements the other and is based on the gift of submission,
and absolute trust
© Seekers 2002-2004

kind of says it all really

opps boo-boobed

well, there was i so righteous and i do just what i accused others of doing. Making a decision for myself because it suited at the time, making me no better. damn. however i did own up to my error, Master was not best pleased.and i did realise albeit rather late that i had erred. I l feel as if I'd let MG down and disappointed him yet again. no excuses and whats worse was that my error in fact was to alter something MG had put in place. i could have waited and asked for Him to make the alteration, time was not a factor. i really have no excuse. just didn't think it through. let both myself and MG down.Slaves are not permitted to just assume it is OK but that's just what i did, i assumed, silly girl not much else to add.. failure, one day, maybe ill get this Master/slave thing

submission is not always pleasant

We came into a little money recently, not such a big deal you might say but as most people do we wanted to have something to show for it at the end of the spree so plans were made, now i have to say how good it is that MG and i have such similar taste in most thing, but the reason behind this entry is because so many sub/slave forget their submission when it comes to choices, things they want , it no longer becomes their Master choice, i'm not perfect i know, spoilt yes but perfect far from it, i wanted red kitchen cupboard, MG liked black, we are having red, MG likes red , they were his idea originally, the floor is to be black so i think He conceded but my point is submission is fine and cool, fun etc when its going all the sub/slaves way, when it becomes a pain how many stick with it. ? one sub i know recently said to me "i'm glad i don't have a time to go to bed"......... i go when i'm told it's fine with me.that's how it is, if MG wishes to watch the sports channel, we watch the sports channel (i've learnt to enjoy cricket, cant say the same of football since i became MG slave) but my point is submission isnt always plesant sometimes the ideas behind it suck its at those times when the real sub/slaves get sseen.Keep the faith

How long have i waited

First lets take a step back in time: to when going over my Masters knee was a daily occurrence. That of course was pre-stroke way back in November 2005.Now please don't get me wrong being spanked was not as a punishment but because my Master enjoyed spanking me and i love it, cause thats how i am.. anyway i digress. since that awful day in November 2005 for various reasons spanking has not been on any ones agenda. mine as i couldn't get onto my knees well enough to facilitate the act has been my main issue. MG wasn't happy to inflict pain on me for fear of compounding my already fragile state, it isnt always about slave limits we have both needed the time to come to terms with our situation and i think the time is about right, we have vision again, clarity of how things might be again. Time heals (to a certain extent )and we move on so we have recently purchased a "spanking dress" which kinda cries out saying "spank me spank me"i'm sure you'll agree. Now you might think that buying the dress say its coming however i'm a good little slave and i never allowed the anticipation of the arrival by mail of the dress to run away with me, just patiently waited. The day arrived, we tried me in the dress early in the day, great fit (altho could do with loosing a few pounds here and there but arse sticks out just nice and coyly waiting.now the anticipation starts to build as MG say "tonight slave" woo... 18months waiting not bad for a slave who want and wants now!!!!! day passes oh so slowly but eventually kids go to bed.. slave takes her bath..and we are upstairs Master buckles me into the dress, i kneel and a hair brush appears, now i need to add here that paralysis is just that not no feeling, in fact my left side is hyper sensitive, that includes my left butt cheek and no uses for 18months im soft so just a small first outing for us both, plenty of time to catch up on whats lost now. i shall look forward to ever more spanking session once again. . Each little step brings us closer to our goal of once more living day by day as Master and slave. Yes a long time coming but well worth the wait im sure.

Thank you Sir.

recinded

In retrospect i am withdrawing my request of yesterday. i could just remove the post but i feel that i need a reminder of how easierly i could have brushed so much aside. why the change of heart. i re read my slave contract , spoke a lot to me.

sub v's slave

Following previous blog, iv'e thought about this a lot and subsequently am asking MG to allow me to revert to sub as opposed to slave. why .? i don't feel i am fulfilling the role of slave and until i do or can again id rather be sub once more. im not going to go into why here thats a matter between MG and i but suffice to say i hope He will allow my request.Until the time arrives when we can see past the disabilities the stroke left me with and see the submissive once and go about our business in am appropriate manner i see no point in fooling myself into the slave image.

loosing the way

i lay in the bath, no lets be honest. i don't lay in a bath i wallow, there are two kinds of bath for me. the first is to remain sitting on the bath hoist wash and get out usually employed when im at home alone. my favorite is to get off the hoist MG will take it out the bath so i can lay and soak, this is where i do my thinking. Anyway back to the story, i was soaking in the bath the other day and i thought i really should resume writing my blog, but in a different way to previous methods. so here goes.
We/we have lost our way i think B/both of us we have not been able as yet to find our way back to our M/s at the pre stroke level, things happen that im sure wouldn't have gone unnoticed prior also things don't happen that once did. no one is at fault, just the way it seems to be . we cannot make thing happen it has to flow naturally. we don't do false/fake moves, its a shame for both myself as slave and MG as Master that we had once move so far forward along the road only to be felled by the stroke and its subsequent restrictions, we struggle with those restrictions not only due to my inabilities now but because the girls have changed/got older and require slightly different handling. but we continue to try with little sparks. It has been said that M/s is a mind thing. of course i would whole heartedly agree to some extent but as an example you can tell yourself every day that your beautiful but if every single time you look in the mirror what stares back is not a raging beauty you become slightly ever so disillusioned. you need to feel and see the beauty once in a while to be able to hold the image. M/s for me is the same , i need to feel it as well as believe it to have it consume me totally. i wish to be my Master whore again as once i was but not putting too fine a point on it sex with physical impairments is not as easy as one would imagine and a whore need to be able to dance across her Master body with fingers and move in a way that i know longer can.. im sure it has a bearing, mind yes but only as part its a whole package, reality is being realistic and mine at present is not firing on all cylinders and if im not chances are nore is MG, we struggle constantly to be as good as we can i in my submission MG in his Dominance but life has a habit of never making it easy , sometimes the easy way isnt the right way but who amongst us wouldnt take the easy route.its a natrual way, a course, set if you wish a route mapped out but in this case someones put a line of bollards up so we cant travel along the road needed to get us to our intended destination.

Where We Are Now. written by MG

I have sat here this evening, for the last few hours contemplating very carefully where cleo and I are at within our D/s. We have spoken several times recently as she continues to recover from the stroke, about regaining some of the true essence of our personal D/s which, by force of circumstance we had lost this past year or so.

The last few days cleo has been pushing more and more against the sub/slave thing, in a sense testing me, but also telling me that she may be ready now. I believe that the time has come.
We are at a position where we could take either of two routes in our lives from here on. The first would simply be to continue as we are, doing the things we do, and simply being cleo and MG, but without too many sparks.

If we choose that option I am sure we would be happy, but I am convinced that neither of us would ever be completely fulfilled: we may be happy but not fulfilled.

Our needs will never be quenched, and the fact that we agreed to live as Master and slave will take more and more of a back seat.The fact is that when cleo signed the slave contract with me she agreed to let me decide upon the course which our lives would follow:

I accepted the responsibility to always act in her best interests, and up to now since the stroke those best interests have been served by leading a more vanilla lifestyle than a D/s one.

There are many factors which have contributed to that decision; for example, for several months after coming out of the hospital she was emotionally quite brittle, and physically quite fragile in many ways too. Spanking, cropping and other forms of physical play were more often than not out of the question, as the results would likely have been pain and anguish rather than pain and pleasure.

Where We Are Going

Just this last few days i can see a change in her, and so, the decision is made: our D/s will now come to the fore again. Of course there are still some things where she is challenged, but i am convinced that with time and a vision of where we are going, they will be overcome, in ways we may not even know yet, but overcome they will be.It is my intention that we will use the time we have to interact better with each other, and to further extend our D/s within the lifestyle circles that as yet we have not moved within.I will push cleo from now on, she will accept this course as the choice, and the decision of her Master. Having said that I know that this is the right choice for both of us, and no doubt I will have more to say on this subject as we move forward in the next days, weeks and months.

3rd October~such a long time

i hadn't realised how long it had been since i wrote this blog maybe its because i have other one i am require to write each day that poor satin gets forgotten, which is wrong because i should be adding here as well as this is my site where i can spill all that is right and wrong with me.
so hows it all going we are coming to the year anniversary of my stroke and over the last few days, you get to thinking about this and that, some the upside, some the down, you know how it is.
You can't always be up, and i still sometimes have those "why me?" moments, but they don't seem to last long. However, i would like to take the time to let you dear readers know how i think i'm progressing, so here we go.
The Leg and my walk: is kind of "not too bad"; i feel i still look like a thunderbird puppet, but Sarah says i look like i've just hurt my ankle. Talking of Sarah, she has gone off to university but will be returning home most weekends to watch over her poor old mam !! as she isn't that far away really.
Arm and hand: Nothing, not a flicker, so its about adaptation. learning to do all the daily things with the one good one i've got which is my right hand. Thank goodness i am right handed. Some things i can do; some zips do up really easily while some are buggers. Bra? forget it.. help required! There are ways around most things: i've learnt how to peel potatoes one handed, i use a drawer to wedge things in to open bottles and to pull can ring-pulls. There are obviously some things i don't have a chance with, but i have my family around to help me. Food i cant cut up.. so im a bit of a baby at meal times, also i still make a mess of my face but that's because the left side of my mouth/face is still a bit numb sometimes, and i cant always feel if my mouth is closed.

I've noticed this week (and the ladies will understand this) i cant roll my lips around when applying lipstick; a silly thing but one that is noticeable to me. Other than that, life goes on, we have got the Nissan X-Trail now and my scooter of course. Next stop is to get my driving assessed so i can drive myself: not that i am all fired up to do that, just that it might be needed so it's something to get sorted sooner rather than later.

Been doing the walking on treadmill. I have to ask James when i see him in October why i can walk great on the treadmill, but get off and I'm a puppet again. I am also trying to build up the muscle in my upper leg and strengthen my knees which due to lack of use are getting stiff. i don't bend my left knee because at present the ankle doesn't flex at all so i move my leg from my hip: hard to explain really, but this is what creates the puppet-like movement. There are days when i feel the walk flows a bit better and others when it doesn't. Apart from all that i'm fine; life could be better, but it could be far far worse. Be thankful for small mercies, is what i say.
Regarding our M/s, we move onward always.. a small step at a time but none the less still froward. never back, i do all i can do to be a good slave, i still make mistake even after 5 years.. MG still has to correct me often but it what we do and neither of us would wish it any other way.
cleo.

slave Bells

A row of silver slave bells attached to a silver chain by little O-rings, this elegant and sexy anklet is worn low on the ankle and adds a dazzling highlight to any foot. It has a small hook and O-ring clasp and is adjustable up to 11".
i have my collar which i never take off as it can be worn as a normal item of jewellery and is only known to lifestyle folk its real meaning but my new bells. i am happy to tell when ask what jingles i proudly say my slave bells. altho many would not understand why i feel the need for more outward signs of my place, it is something i like as does MG. i find that i am always having to explain in some fashion or other why we do what we do, why can people not just accept. anyone one would think we had two heads or something are we so odd, i dont think so

slave contract

After the handfasting, wedding the only thing left undone was the slavery contract, which we have now completed after a long time in finding the words that are right for us.
It can be viewed here

Contract

A change of attitude as for a long time slavery was not the direction we were ever thinking of going but it now seems a natrual course and altho i have been slave for quite a while the contract wasnt something to write up over night. so we have though a lot about it, until now when it is complete.

There is a saying

There is a saying in Tibetan,
"Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength."
No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is,
if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster.

-His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama
Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the
boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch,
taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the
last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.

Need to submit..all over again

For some reason of late i have had this huge desire to submit and submit deeply.. i have this urge desire whatever you wanna call it to be slave again, little things that i can do become hugely important to me, my problem is that no one else seems to see this and other than saying it out loud.. look at me, im ready to be Your slave again. im not sure how to make my point that i am so so ready to take up where i left off. Master has said this last week that the fragility has past and he is right i want .. so badly. i need to be Dommed again..but it isn’t in my nature to ask and even if it were MG has to be on the same wave length as i am and im not sure He is quite yet. We are taking thing up but it just not fast enough for me, however even that is good because i am having to submit to Master’s snails pace and wait.. Waiting isn’t a game i am very good at.. i am a "want it and want it now" kinda person but i am also aware that patience isnt a strong suit of mine and if i have to be told to wait in Master time. i will get there.. i am in some small way submitting and i need even the smallest amount right now. i feel i am starving for submission, it has been quite a while as following my ill health Master has been (naturally) reluctant to go too deep into our M/sand i have been allowed to relax so much into a state of non slave.. now i feel its time to get back to where we were before all this, is that topping i wonder.. i guess it might be.. slave wants.. hey isn’t it meant to be Master who decides.. Best i just sit quietly and wait until my Master is ready.

Fate or Destiny?

i have to say here and now, dont get me wrong, it not about "a higher power" or anything like that, but i had a realisation this last few days regarding my situation. It goes something like this:i am not anything special; i may be an inspiration to some (so i am told) but believe me, i certainly am not anything special, i just try to make the best of what i have, for me and mine.However i have thought recently that maybe, as i have often experienced in other situations in my life, that the stroke was some kind of fate or my destiny. i was never going to die, i didn't come anywhere near dying because it wasnt my time. So, i am meant to be here for some reason. Never in my muddled life has anything happened to me that hasnt had some kind of silver lining. i recall in the early days of recovery i tried to find what that silver lining was, i couldnt see it then, now maybe i am thinking and ill be really frank here; if the roles had been reversed, had the stroke happened to MG and not me, my family might have suffered far more. i would have really struggled to cope with not only MG being ill but all the other effects now so i am disabled but i am alive to give to mine what i can, maybe MG and i would still be only planning our wedding had we not had the incentive to do something about it.My girls have learned a valuable lesson here too: that life can be tough and to fend for themselves a little more than they knew before. My Sarah can cook most things now which she couldn't before and wash and iron as good as any housewife. Hannah has gained patience, and understands that she isnt due anything free , that life itself isn't a free ride.Having said all that and if i am destined to be in this situation, it also follows that if the hand/arm is meant to regain some movement it will. Of course that doesn't mean i am going to stop with the work or the effort i have to put in daily to continue that improvement; as i said: "nothing in life is free".Nothing in my life has ever been free, so i'll continue with my daily struggle to regain control of my body as a whole, but my vision is altered; no longer do i think "why me?" or how bad things are. Now i look for that silver lining that i am sure is there. i am happy again with myself, with life, and with who i am. Sure if i had the chance to do without the disability i would, but i also think what might have been the cost to others of that and would it be worth it? to not be in this current situation. Who knows ?If I hadn't had the stroke and someone else had that doesnt mean they too wouldnt have coped: sure they would, differently maybe, but it was my turn and right now i am happy with my lot in life. It has never been average, i wasnt meant to have an average life. Do take care people. Life is too short and too precious, so look to tomorrow rather than what might have been before.Tomorrow is a new adventure, grasp it with both hands.

What i can and what i cannot do..

Here's a thought. it was pointed out to me that i should be pleased with myself in what i can achieve.. i added that that was a lot of my problem these days.i dont see what i can do.. i see what i cant.... example, the lawn needed mowing. i helped sarah but it wasnt as good as i have done in the past... so i see it as a backward effort... not that its an achievement more that i cannot do it as ionce did, that also applies to my M/s, its about what we once had, and what little we have left, i know i should try looking at it and be pleased with where we can still go and in time i am sure i will do that.right now, i pine for what once was, i cant help it, i so feel the loss of many aspects of my life... but thats enough of that i said i dont intend this to become an extension of the recovery blog.

I'm still kicking

haven’t wanted to write here for some time now, i guess because i didn’t want this blog to become an extension of the Road to recovery blog or stroke base as this is my M/s placed... that too has sorta been a bit off the track as well and therefore i had not very much to write about, other than my lack of ability to be the slave i once was, or wish to be. but as has been rightly said submission isn’t just physical so, time moves on, as do we all, life continues at a pace, albeit mine at considerably slower than it was, but altho different, we still retain the M/s, i still submit to Master’s wishes, but, now maybe his wishes have altered, as they tend to be more for my benefit than his, but we are a team, husband/wife.. Master/slave, however one wishes to see the relationship. things change, move on, but we are still us, we still desire to be M/s, its in our heart, so we remain, i try to do what i can, within my rehab Master has a firm grip on me and if nothing else, knows how to extend my limits for my own good, altho maybe not the limits he has pushed before, but limits none the less and of course as i am pushed, i achieve more each day and get better as i develop ways to improve my lot in life, i adapt, my skills as i need to adapt my M/s, only time will tell, how well i am doing, but happy as happy as i can be, i pine for what is lost... but it is lost so we must move forward, continue with what we have and make the best of things.

Stroke survivors often lose emotional control. At times we experience uncontrollable laughter suddenly to start to cry for no obvious reason. Sometimes it is depression that we may feel following the abrupt change in our lives. But often it is due to brain injury and not directly connected with depression. People who are a part of a stroke survivors life often assume when a stroke survivor is laughing they are happy or if they are crying they are sad. This is a mistake. It is inspiring to read stories, but also important to point out that some days you can just sit and cry for no reason at all and those days are just as important to your road to recovery, as the days you will spend laughing.