perfection

slavery is not about perfection. This is an on going journey in which we go from heaven to next. And yet even when we miss the mark, we learn and we grow...yes those are wonderful growth opportunities. We can choose to see them like that or we can dwell in despair and discontent with our own failures or the perceived wrongs of our Owners. The choice is ours. i choose to rejoice in my submission.

switching off

i don’t switch off from being His slave when we are not together, i am always His slave, i need Him to always be Master, at home, at work, at social events, all the time.
i chose to be His slave but it wasn’t something i just one day announced or decided, it was more a natural progression which just happened.
This was about what was right for me and I really believe that it was the right decision and i have no regrets.
As our relationship has progressed and deepened so too has my level of submission, i know i need control, i know i need to serve, i realize life has a habit of not making things so clear cut as i visualize, but there has to be a way to combine all aspects to satisfy all the needs mine and Master.

servicing

if you own a prized possession, let’s say a car, which is a asset to you. You know you have to keep it working so that the other things you possess can continue to be maintained to the level that keeps You happy. How do you do this, simple, You service the car at regular intervals, it may cost You but it has to be done, new brake pads, new washers, but you know how ever much You really don’t want to have to exert time and energy on the car but You also know that in the long run, if You do the car will continue to serve You for a long time. Your slave is like Your car, needs servicing every so often. Sparks discplines. Petrol. well just a task or chore every now and then.

patience

i need my Master. i need to be loved and cared for every day. i need stability. i need structure, discipline and reward. A long time ago i sought it out not truly knowing it was the key to my happiness. But finally...when i'd experienced it i was so happy. To be loved like that...to be cared for and held and told i please him...it's all I've ever wanted.
Goodness, please help me to be patient and a good slave for Master. To be understanding of the stress he's going through. Give me strength to be his constant...his loving slave.

Marked

i bear your mark on me.It doesn’t hurt anymore, but i still feel it. A mark that is more than physical, worn on my back for the world to see.It did hurt, a delicious ache that kept you with me… on me… inside me 24/7, at sleep, at play… You probably forget it, but i can't if i wanted to. i wonder if you know what it feels like to have someone that close. i wonder if you can fathom how that mark penetrated my heart. i certainly didn’t realize it at the time. It happened slowly … Every time my eye distractedly wandered to that place on my back. And it makes me smile. And it makes me vulnerable.
I’m not sure i would change it if i could. i can only wish that the vulnerability is acknowledged, even cherished, and that I am protected.

Thrill seekers.

Have you ever been so busy that it made your head spin? That’s how busy this slave was today, all day long. she did not stop with the chat room and thrill site, no complaints tho, i enjoy the work i do for us. It may sound like slave is complaining but really she isn’t, busy is good for her and she really enjoys the work that she does. All in all, busy as it was,slave had a good day.

Dress

Remember wheni didn't use make-up and nail polish? That has changed of course. Naked finger nails are a no no. i also try to put on make-up, not to much but enough to make a difference, why because Master instructed (not asked) instructed me too. Nails polish is in my slave contract as is my hair. Style/colour of Master choosing. i dress most of the time to please Master and for practical reason, any special occasion Master will always have a say in what i’m wearing. We are aware of the finer points of clothing being practical for my abilities to go to the bathroom alone if we are out, as sometime there may not be facilities where i can get helped with zips, buttons etc. This does really exclude any chance of any kind of kink (discreetly hiding toys for example) being involved in addition to just being dressed. Ability to walk across the room comes first.
I almost feel guilty for deriving some kind of comfort and a sense of direction from the control aspect of this whole dynamic, i hate decisions and if Master wish to make then for me, even down to what i wear, eat, look like, who am i to argue. I’m totally happy to be directed.

Weekend Update

Master has been practicing His flogging, and of course, i am the lucky recipient. I cannot believe how good He is getting!. At XS we played in public to apparently an audience. Which at the time i was unaware of, Not that i’m complaining you understand, in fact it’s a very much Wow factor and may i please have some more Sir.

But for us, IN PUBLIC, is a huge step forward

How can one push their own limits? Isn’t that like trying to drown ones self? The body automatically kicks in and begins to save itself. It doesn’t matter what the mind wants or thinks….the body’s defences take over. That is what the body does. Doesn’t it? Master should be the one to decides how far to push His slave, and when she can’t take any more but for me on this occasion my knees / arm couldn’t stay in the position and I just had to move. I asked to stop and of course Master allowed that. We are also trying to build up 2/3 years of inactivity and pain thresholds. OH and here is something else I have been pondering….is making that choice topping from the bottom?

It’s was a great weekend…..OH YEA
>

RESPECT, OBEDIENCE.

Anything to do with me, is "His"...good, bad, or indifferent. i don't have separate money from Him. What's mine is His and He has the password to all of my accounts so access is truly open. Other than the supermarket, any purchase over certain amount needs prior approval.im totally happy with that, i can honestly say, it has helped me show restraint knowing it was necessary to ask for permission.Master basically knows where i am at all times, i report in and out if i need to leave the house, having first discussed with Master my plans for that day.

When i list in my mind all the things we do i see that i have a great deal of control in my life already from Master but that these things have just become my behaviour. i do not experience them as unusual. But also when listed i see that while they are second nature to me, many require Master to follow up and make sure His expectations are being met.

i would say i have only two rules.RESPECT #1....followed closely by OBEDIENCE.

Thank YOU, Master, for owning me and allowing me the privilege of serving YOU in any way YOU might allow me to be of use to YOU.

rainbows and unicorns

In my head, i thought my ultimate submission would be like crossing over from the land of innocence and naivety, of rainbows and unicorns, into a world illuminated with a harsher light. In reality, there is no difference. The colour of the world, our relationship, my expectations, and my feelings towards Master were exactly the same. There are so many other ways in which Master has challenged me. There were times where i had felt completely helpless around him, At the point where i felt ready to submit totally, i merely saw it as a natural progression to an already established power dynamic that had started a long time ago.
A couple of years later, i still feel perfectly comfortable about everything that occurs between us in our day to day lives. That’s not to say, if circumstances were different that i wouldn’t like more of the same, but for that to apply i'd need to be totally healthy and able-bodied and childless, i might wish/dream for the first but id never for personal gain, wish my children away so life is as life is and i’m happy with what i have.

vinegar to wine

One of the best ways to deal with something as variable and subjective as D/s is to develop a solid understanding of the basic concepts and then build from there. This certainly is a good approach if you want to be let’s say an electrician. Although selecting the wrong slave might not have consequences as dramatic as selecting the wrong wire, sometimes it can be just as annoying. What i would like to do here is give a few basic slave characteristics that generally hold true for most slaves. Hopefully then not to much vinegar will need to be tasted:-

• Respect: An obvious one as it’s generally expected from slaves to show respect to their Masters & their authority over them. But also being able to express any needs, feelings, requests in a polite & courteous manner.


• Subservient: Of course, it is expected from slaves to obey & carry orders from their Masters but a good slave should obviously enjoy pleasing his Master & be grateful if given something in return.


• Confident: As much as slaves need to trust their Masters they also need to trust their own abilities as well. Being calm & able to maintain composure is particularly helpful when a slave is required to perform a task that he/she don’t like much.


• Attentive: Good slaves would pay full attention to what is being asked of them & be focused in order to perform tasks to the best of their capacity as well as to progress to better themselves.


• Open-minded: Showing a receptive mind to new ideas & an eagerness to learn.And, of course, from both Masters & slaves a good ability to communicate is always important.

i try Sir, i may not be perfect but damn i sure as hell try.

Loving

I think I've stated on many occasions that i'm not the perfect slave and that i realise i'm lacking in a lot of areas, but i really thought that i had most angle covered. As far as Master and i are concerned. Our kink is our kink is our kink, we don’t need to justify it, “Loving” has its place as well as kink . Just because i don't write about the grocery shopping, or the masses of kisses that we exchange, or the flowers he gives me, or the meals that he makes, or the gifts that he showers me with, or the cuddles, or the mountains of care and love he shows doesn't mean they don't exist. Far from it in fact. And personally, I don't think you can live with someone long term without all that stuff there in some form even if kink is what brought you together initially. Kink is fun but lovin' is what keeps you together and if not, you're doing it wrong!

Anger

Being submissive doesn’t mean you never get angry. It’s how you deal with your anger that matters. Having a fit or temper tantrum is extremely destructive behaviour to myself and to those around. The awareness of my, feminine, submissive urges, has been a break through for me! In as much that i can halt any anger issues with a short mantra. for example:-
He is Master and i am slave. He is Owner and i am owned. He commands and i obey. He is to be pleased and i am to please.
i can then move on from whatever might be niggling me with a strong knowledge that all is well in my world.

Partners

This is probably not a word everyone would use in connection with M/s, but it is completely vital.
i sometimes wonders whether *those* relationships exist, where the Dom makes all the decisions, what to have for dinner, what dress she should wear, what nail varnish, how she should have her hair…basically relationships where the Dom decides everything. Or as near as is humanely practical. That is not what i have with MG. Sure I have guidelines, things he expects (like his coffee/tea, for me to adhere to His dress code) but he does not decide every little detail of my life. (micromanage). Just the ones he wants to.
Being His slave is not exactly difficult in the sense of having to stick to pages and pages of rules or protocols. Keeping an open and active mind is valued much more than being able to follow blindly in the relationship i have with Him, and so is being a partner in things when he needs me to be. He always did say that he never wanted a doormat, and he will never have one.
Sometimes that partnership is equal, sometimes the balance tilts, but mostly its balanced just right.

i am not a submissive because

i am not a submissive because i am inferior. i am a submissive because it makes me feel safe and happiest to do so.

Being a submissive certainly doesn't mean that i can't hold my own, that i'm not independent, self-sufficient, or that i cannot care for me and mine which includes taking care of my Master as best as i am able given the current situation. i am intelligent-ish , maybe not as smart as Master but im competent.

Apperances

i often wonder if anyone tags me as a submissive on sight. To pass me on the street, you'd probably never guess. i look like any other woman. well. not quite i do like to, stand out,i have to be a conservative dresser in nilla circle but in lifestyle ones im not - when i'm out with Master at the club, we appear to be a D/s couple. In nilla Master is polite ,even respectful. He opens doors for me and carry the shopping bags. He is gently protective, putting his hand on me to guide me, oh and squeezes the back of my neck, yummy. Would anyone guess that i'm a slut in private, that i love to be used by Master.

Triggers

Open. does it for me every time. i don't know why. It is just one of those triggers that put me on the fast track to wow land. Warp speed if He adds, "bitch" to the ending. i don't even know if Master is aware of it. "Open, bitch!" Oh my god, it makes my knees weak. i think i will make a list of things as i think of them, as i have become more and more secure about my place in this relationship, i need less and less triggers, but some always push my button, the look obviously still works, to put me right back into my space, the hand on the back of my neck still sends shivers all over me and hair pulling oh wow, softly works on a “who am I “level. Hard works on the “Your mine bitch” level and a million levels inbetween depending on the ammount of preasure applied.Long may it continue.
Thank You Sir

level of submission

it's about commitment to him, not a certain level of submission.

i didn't promise to be his slave; i didn't promise to keep up a specific level of submission; i didn't give up this or that right. i am his slave; my collar doesn’t change that or make it any more permanent because i already am His.

It's the way I'm built, it's the way we function as a couple, and it’s what makes me happy.

There is no uncertainty there; it's just a fact, a part of us.
i promise my dedication to Master and our relationship. My promise to try my hardest to be the best i can for him regardless of the D/s intensity level at the moment - because that will change and evolve over time. The collar around my neck is a symbol of my commitment to Master and our relationship.

Owned

i love being your slave., what a honour and privilege it is, knowing that you chose me i love that you have seen the real me, deep inside and you take the gift i offer willingly and together we live laugh and grow!

Words whispered to my ear, words you only use for me. Your slave, Your slut, Your whore, I've have never in my life been allowed to feel like this.
I love you with all that i am...and all that i will be .........forever Yours

Kisses

If only i could stop my thoughts from wandering off to some of the darker caverns and crevices of my mind you would be taking in a reasonably (!)Coherent entry that would shed a little more light on our dynamics but my bottom needs attention, and im off focus on anything but my butt.
Each time Master hits me it feel like a kiss.
Oh I need kisses.
Instead, you get nothing. It's not that i don't want to write, i really, really do, i just can't think straight enough to come up with something comprehensible. All I'm able to think of are pain and playing--lots of of both please! Preferably so much that i cannot (and no longer want to) remember my own name.Combined with the obligations of daily life a lack of intense contact always makes me insanely needy and, well, horny.
I’m begging please Sir.