i am who i am

i am who i am. slave to my Master.People can take me or leave me. i can't change opinions that are already made up on and if i had to, it's probably not worth my time anyway. I'm pretty comfortable being me. It's not something that affects most people one way or another really. I wonder about things like this sometimes, ya know? Though honestly, I don't care.

my mind

Our minds are used to thinking, but when we want to become calm and peaceful that is exactly what we have to stop doing. It is easier said than done, because the mind will continue to do what it does. Sometimes we can think to much. Thinking is not always good for me, this i know.i just want to cut off sometimes and stop, the room eats away at me at times and i just want it all to go away but i love being there also. i hate seeing the lifestyle i love eroded into a game.

Age

i’m hypercritical of my body just like almost every other woman out there, and have found it difficult to overcome. i have recently come to a place of acceptance and i am learning to surrender to it. i am being to understand the art of aging gracefully and accepting who i am. So i will focus on the positive. That i am loved no matter how i continue to move through my life. As a young supple nymph or as a mature, ample woman, i am me, i will always be me and Master love me wart’s and all..

Cruise holiday

I want to write it all down.. At the same time, I’m afraid to look too closely as there had been quite a few negative moments, when i knew i was way off the slave I’m meant to be. But i realize i was off very quickly , hopefully corrected myself enough, although I’m not even sure of that.I've not been in the best place during this trip; far too many distractions and nilla people to be me, Master did once or twice pull me up but even that was difficult in a nilla environment for 8 days, some days were easier than other's. Its other days, i had to be careful of. i just know how much i need to be a slave... i am nothing without my submission. i was often insecure in an unknown environment. i hate being insecure, no excuse, i should trust but i got scared of all sorts of things.
We were fortunate to see some fantastic places. i was able to relax a lot at times, others were very fraught. However an experience not to be missed and a few life ambitions ticked of:

Flying
Visiting foreign places
Cruising
Airports

i give myself completely, giving You the freedom, to take me places i cannot get to myself. To have experiences i could not ask for.

But now it is time to pick up chores, resettle myself into my life as Your slave

submission

i don’t need to be beaten/forced into submission i submit willingly, that being said im not perfect and on occasions i have resisted. i chose to become Your slave willingly ,and gave up all rights, within our agreed limits, to decide what i will and will not do. i have on occasions verbally attempted to avoid something and its gets me, precisely nowhere. There has been only one occasion that i can think of where i have attempted to argued my corner, that was the day I was punished, just the once, never to be forgotten.
i didn’t see it coming, hadn’t anticipated it at all so it did come as a shock. i deserve it because i was disrespectful, I couldn't argue that You were unreasonable as You we rent. In fact if anything id say You are way to lenient but that's a whole different ball game. Sir

choices

I want to be everything i can for my Master, if he likes certain foods i'd learn to cook them, if he likes belly dancing i’d learn to dance, if he likes certain play i will accommodate.
I choose to one day be a wife, a slave. i choose that, and I'm not some "poor little thing who doesn't know any better", or a fundamentalist. It's not that i haven't gained an education, or that i have no ambition, or that I'm lazy and want some man to take care of me. i choose to be a wife, slave and mother because that is what i love, that is where my goals and heart lie, and it is my right. i see my home as a place of rest and love. A haven from the world, my husband/Master comes home to dinner waiting. i keep my "home running like clockwork. i work no less than any 9-5 drone. i just don’t have the desire to go and process paperwork or merge companies for a living. My job is to take care of my Master and my children.
When i see my life I'm the foundation of my family. i care for my household and my loved ones, and i hope i do it well. There are some great and powerful women worthy of praise, but there are also homemakers too.

Doormat

There seems to be this misconception out there, in the chat rooms, that as a submissive, you must automatically cater to the wishes of a Dominant, any Dominant. Do this and you will be seen as a "good" submissive. There are some chatrooms that have oodles of protocol before you can even enter a room ie, asking permission, addressing Dominants etc. However, i mean no disrespect, but if you are not my Sir or Master, if i've never met you, you haven't proved to me that you are deserving of that title.
i'm submissive by nature, Don't expect just because i am submissive that you are any better or deserve a title before you earn it. As such, it is people with these unreal expectations that have this blind vision of what a submissive is. They expect this woman sitting quietly, whispering when she speaks, agreeing with whatever opinion is floating around the room at that particular moment.
What a shame of the breaking of human spirit. Why on earth would a Dominant want anything but a submissive who as Master says, "Has a mind and is not afraid to use it." Part of a D/s relationship is a power exchange, not a brain nullification. How boring to not have an opinion. or be able to express yourself. i know, i know... i'm not talking about being obnoxious, or rude. I let Master handle that if needed. i'm talking about sharing in a learning discussion, and not parroting everything a Dominant says. i'm talking about asking questions, getting to an answer that really answers. i've heard it said, that D/s is the only thing that matters, there is no vanilla. Your sub sleeps in another room every night. OK, that's fine.... for you. In MY 24/7 relationship, i WANT to sleep next to Master every night, as He does with me. See my point?

the opinions expressed here are only mine.

have a great day...

Morning

I'm a morning person. Somehow my internal clock insists on me waking up every morning. i can't get back to sleep. i wish i could lay in bed and fall back to sleep.

But i get so much done before 9am.

The solitude,
Well, not exactly the solitude - I gotta have music playing for me to ge on. Still, I won't sing out loud - that's abusive to the environment.
Looking forward to the week of the cruise(October 13-20). It can't come soon enough. A whole week of “us “ time. Gota be good. Relax. No agenda. Suntan my body a bit . I wouldn't complain if I could go all week without speaking to anyone, except Master. Just You and me Sir

perfection

slavery is not about perfection. This is an on going journey in which we go from heaven to next. And yet even when we miss the mark, we learn and we grow...yes those are wonderful growth opportunities. We can choose to see them like that or we can dwell in despair and discontent with our own failures or the perceived wrongs of our Owners. The choice is ours. i choose to rejoice in my submission.

switching off

i don’t switch off from being His slave when we are not together, i am always His slave, i need Him to always be Master, at home, at work, at social events, all the time.
i chose to be His slave but it wasn’t something i just one day announced or decided, it was more a natural progression which just happened.
This was about what was right for me and I really believe that it was the right decision and i have no regrets.
As our relationship has progressed and deepened so too has my level of submission, i know i need control, i know i need to serve, i realize life has a habit of not making things so clear cut as i visualize, but there has to be a way to combine all aspects to satisfy all the needs mine and Master.

servicing

if you own a prized possession, let’s say a car, which is a asset to you. You know you have to keep it working so that the other things you possess can continue to be maintained to the level that keeps You happy. How do you do this, simple, You service the car at regular intervals, it may cost You but it has to be done, new brake pads, new washers, but you know how ever much You really don’t want to have to exert time and energy on the car but You also know that in the long run, if You do the car will continue to serve You for a long time. Your slave is like Your car, needs servicing every so often. Sparks discplines. Petrol. well just a task or chore every now and then.

patience

i need my Master. i need to be loved and cared for every day. i need stability. i need structure, discipline and reward. A long time ago i sought it out not truly knowing it was the key to my happiness. But finally...when i'd experienced it i was so happy. To be loved like that...to be cared for and held and told i please him...it's all I've ever wanted.
Goodness, please help me to be patient and a good slave for Master. To be understanding of the stress he's going through. Give me strength to be his constant...his loving slave.

Marked

i bear your mark on me.It doesn’t hurt anymore, but i still feel it. A mark that is more than physical, worn on my back for the world to see.It did hurt, a delicious ache that kept you with me… on me… inside me 24/7, at sleep, at play… You probably forget it, but i can't if i wanted to. i wonder if you know what it feels like to have someone that close. i wonder if you can fathom how that mark penetrated my heart. i certainly didn’t realize it at the time. It happened slowly … Every time my eye distractedly wandered to that place on my back. And it makes me smile. And it makes me vulnerable.
I’m not sure i would change it if i could. i can only wish that the vulnerability is acknowledged, even cherished, and that I am protected.

Thrill seekers.

Have you ever been so busy that it made your head spin? That’s how busy this slave was today, all day long. she did not stop with the chat room and thrill site, no complaints tho, i enjoy the work i do for us. It may sound like slave is complaining but really she isn’t, busy is good for her and she really enjoys the work that she does. All in all, busy as it was,slave had a good day.

Dress

Remember wheni didn't use make-up and nail polish? That has changed of course. Naked finger nails are a no no. i also try to put on make-up, not to much but enough to make a difference, why because Master instructed (not asked) instructed me too. Nails polish is in my slave contract as is my hair. Style/colour of Master choosing. i dress most of the time to please Master and for practical reason, any special occasion Master will always have a say in what i’m wearing. We are aware of the finer points of clothing being practical for my abilities to go to the bathroom alone if we are out, as sometime there may not be facilities where i can get helped with zips, buttons etc. This does really exclude any chance of any kind of kink (discreetly hiding toys for example) being involved in addition to just being dressed. Ability to walk across the room comes first.
I almost feel guilty for deriving some kind of comfort and a sense of direction from the control aspect of this whole dynamic, i hate decisions and if Master wish to make then for me, even down to what i wear, eat, look like, who am i to argue. I’m totally happy to be directed.

Weekend Update

Master has been practicing His flogging, and of course, i am the lucky recipient. I cannot believe how good He is getting!. At XS we played in public to apparently an audience. Which at the time i was unaware of, Not that i’m complaining you understand, in fact it’s a very much Wow factor and may i please have some more Sir.

But for us, IN PUBLIC, is a huge step forward

How can one push their own limits? Isn’t that like trying to drown ones self? The body automatically kicks in and begins to save itself. It doesn’t matter what the mind wants or thinks….the body’s defences take over. That is what the body does. Doesn’t it? Master should be the one to decides how far to push His slave, and when she can’t take any more but for me on this occasion my knees / arm couldn’t stay in the position and I just had to move. I asked to stop and of course Master allowed that. We are also trying to build up 2/3 years of inactivity and pain thresholds. OH and here is something else I have been pondering….is making that choice topping from the bottom?

It’s was a great weekend…..OH YEA
>

RESPECT, OBEDIENCE.

Anything to do with me, is "His"...good, bad, or indifferent. i don't have separate money from Him. What's mine is His and He has the password to all of my accounts so access is truly open. Other than the supermarket, any purchase over certain amount needs prior approval.im totally happy with that, i can honestly say, it has helped me show restraint knowing it was necessary to ask for permission.Master basically knows where i am at all times, i report in and out if i need to leave the house, having first discussed with Master my plans for that day.

When i list in my mind all the things we do i see that i have a great deal of control in my life already from Master but that these things have just become my behaviour. i do not experience them as unusual. But also when listed i see that while they are second nature to me, many require Master to follow up and make sure His expectations are being met.

i would say i have only two rules.RESPECT #1....followed closely by OBEDIENCE.

Thank YOU, Master, for owning me and allowing me the privilege of serving YOU in any way YOU might allow me to be of use to YOU.

rainbows and unicorns

In my head, i thought my ultimate submission would be like crossing over from the land of innocence and naivety, of rainbows and unicorns, into a world illuminated with a harsher light. In reality, there is no difference. The colour of the world, our relationship, my expectations, and my feelings towards Master were exactly the same. There are so many other ways in which Master has challenged me. There were times where i had felt completely helpless around him, At the point where i felt ready to submit totally, i merely saw it as a natural progression to an already established power dynamic that had started a long time ago.
A couple of years later, i still feel perfectly comfortable about everything that occurs between us in our day to day lives. That’s not to say, if circumstances were different that i wouldn’t like more of the same, but for that to apply i'd need to be totally healthy and able-bodied and childless, i might wish/dream for the first but id never for personal gain, wish my children away so life is as life is and i’m happy with what i have.

vinegar to wine

One of the best ways to deal with something as variable and subjective as D/s is to develop a solid understanding of the basic concepts and then build from there. This certainly is a good approach if you want to be let’s say an electrician. Although selecting the wrong slave might not have consequences as dramatic as selecting the wrong wire, sometimes it can be just as annoying. What i would like to do here is give a few basic slave characteristics that generally hold true for most slaves. Hopefully then not to much vinegar will need to be tasted:-

• Respect: An obvious one as it’s generally expected from slaves to show respect to their Masters & their authority over them. But also being able to express any needs, feelings, requests in a polite & courteous manner.


• Subservient: Of course, it is expected from slaves to obey & carry orders from their Masters but a good slave should obviously enjoy pleasing his Master & be grateful if given something in return.


• Confident: As much as slaves need to trust their Masters they also need to trust their own abilities as well. Being calm & able to maintain composure is particularly helpful when a slave is required to perform a task that he/she don’t like much.


• Attentive: Good slaves would pay full attention to what is being asked of them & be focused in order to perform tasks to the best of their capacity as well as to progress to better themselves.


• Open-minded: Showing a receptive mind to new ideas & an eagerness to learn.And, of course, from both Masters & slaves a good ability to communicate is always important.

i try Sir, i may not be perfect but damn i sure as hell try.

Loving

I think I've stated on many occasions that i'm not the perfect slave and that i realise i'm lacking in a lot of areas, but i really thought that i had most angle covered. As far as Master and i are concerned. Our kink is our kink is our kink, we don’t need to justify it, “Loving” has its place as well as kink . Just because i don't write about the grocery shopping, or the masses of kisses that we exchange, or the flowers he gives me, or the meals that he makes, or the gifts that he showers me with, or the cuddles, or the mountains of care and love he shows doesn't mean they don't exist. Far from it in fact. And personally, I don't think you can live with someone long term without all that stuff there in some form even if kink is what brought you together initially. Kink is fun but lovin' is what keeps you together and if not, you're doing it wrong!