What's missing ?

It took me a while to find the answer but when i did, it all made sense.

There have been so many times when i had thought that i was missing something, oh, not before D/s, that's another life, long gone now, no, within my current lifestyle.

i sometimes say to MG, that i miss his Dominance, when for various reasons, we have had to move a little away from our M/s or because life has dictated to us that we have to, even for a short while and i feel this big hole in my life. It might last for an hour, or a day but it is so obvious to me that i have to say something. It consumed me for the duration and all i could do about it was to let it have the moment and wait for it to pass.

These "moods" occurred only of course when i was alone or more to the point, when i was away from MG's side and because of this i had assumed it was because i missed... as i have said, His dominance over me and i have said as much to him and then, just the other evening, after i had communicated this feeling once again to MG while he was at work, the realisation finally hit me.

There are always two side to any coin, and M/s is no exception... MG dominates, i submit to him, we come however, from different ends of the spectrum and met, somewhere in the middle, in our own way satisfying the needs of the other. Those needs are of course, different in as much as altho M/s in nature, their entire makeup comes from a different place and are satisfied by a different happening... mine, to be submissive and therefore a need to serve and see to it that i am giving of myself to the best of my ability. MG's to dominate and receive my submission and all that entails.

But i digress.... so what is this startling revelation, this shining light that has created the spark

It occurred to me that what i was missing was not the Dominant force, because that i never loose, its always with me because M/s is very much a mindset, its in my head, its with me very second of every minute. No, it isn't Dominance, but its the ability to submit that i miss.

Without MG here, without me being in his presence, i find it hard to submit to a blank space, an empty chair, without MG being here to say the words, or give the look, or even not say anything, i am lost as to where to direct my submissive nature, even for a short time.

Silly... maybe but i really find it hard to bring up the submissive nature that is what makes me who i am when i don't have a dominant force to use that submission, if you understand and now i can also understand how very hard it must be for subs who have for some reason or another, lost their Master, having had the force they find themselves without it and have to cope still. It must also be hard for those of a submissive nature who are still searching for that dominant force in their lives to continue totry and find that one who will fill that void in them.

i certainly know that, even for the short time i sometimes have to be away from MG, that i miss him and what he gives to me, far more than i ever imagined i would.

Hurry Home Sir ... miss you xoxox