maybe i'm just a masochist

i have always wanted someone stronger than me. i have always craved someone who could take over my entire being and own me. Not necessarily in a slave sense, but still as slave im extremely happy. i do not cry from pain easily. it takes quite a bit to get me to cry.But i so remember times i have been degraded from a punishment spanking or a discipline spanking. And there is that stir of excitement in it all and i cry more easily, humiliation just makes me cry from shame. Maybe because there is that stir of...i am a grown woman and this is humiliating. Many a time i remember breaking down, the pain getting to be to much or even just the humiliation being to much. Maybe a part of my stubbornness was dying away. i know afterward i always feel more submissive. But punishment or discipline spankings are different from erotic even tho the action and pain levels are probably the same, Master put a different slant on the act in punishment Still, being spanked is a need i have however much pain result from that, is it therefore for the pain that i need to be spanked, or possibly Master attention? or maybe i'm just an out and out masochist. !!
Your slave