Change

Its seems that Master and i aren't the only ones needing to take a step back from our D/s relationship and reassess how it is conducted.

It's a work in progress for everyone. Even those who have been at it for years. People change. Things change. And thus, the rules and such need to change in order to keep the flow going.

I'm not an expert, just my opinion.

Even if it was a "vanilla" relationship, things would need to change from time to time. But, just like a "vanilla" relationship a D/s relationship needs to be nurtured in order for it to grow.

i think that even though we enjoy, need and crave the D/s, we also need to remember to nurture the so called "vanilla" side of our relationship. Just because we like the irregularity of our relationship doesn't mean that we also don't need the romance or sweet things as well. Or maybe that's just me.

Gagged

i can't live without submitting. i can go months without having the opportunity or i becomes cranky and downright nasty after too long. i love Master for many reasons, most unrelated to my submission to him. But i do need it. i need his hands tangled in my hair and pulling me down. i need his entire claiming of me. i need him hurting me because it's the only way i can feel me, It's been too long. My brain goes into overdrive. i really like getting tied up. i also like getting tied down. In fact, show me some rope and i pretty much want it wrapped around me, in some configuration or other!
In the strict definition, i don't have any fetishes ie: there is no thing or event that i must have present in order to be aroused. That said, i am attracted to and feel the appeal of many things. Among them are, bondage, and nipple torture/pain. These can help in my desire to reach a goal. Gagging is another. However, in my early day of D/s the gags available really put me of.. MG is not into watching me dribble so ball gags were out. As im a mouth breather, it was quite a problem in finding an appropriate gag that shut me up enough whilst allowing me to breathe. In the end i made one out of a new bath sponge, a stocking and a clip fastener, rolling the sponge into a tight tube , covering with a stocking mess and sewing the clip fastener to each end of the sponge tube which when inserted into mouth is soft, allows air to pass through it and is adjustable.. Works well for us, although is not used often these days, When my silence is required MG just says “shut it”, bondage can also be done rope less in our world. A don’t move suffices, but rope i love, when the time/situation allows.

Nonsensical

Control is not one of my strengths.It is tremendously hard to deny myself the things that bring me pleasure. Even when what brings me pleasure is painful.
Still i try. i keep thinking that desiring the greater goals will spur me on; will give me the mask of control and confidence that i need... to resist... Temptation.
Yet it seems i am destined to endure self-denial. Desiring nothing so much as a few hours of play on soft sheets, my thoughts turn to other attainable satisfactions... cream... or even a silly nonsensical text that flutters my heart strings..instead i'll make do with a cup of tea. i must not let the desires i have which will not be fulfilled in the immediate moment, gain prominence, no point in focusing on what is not,but rather on what might be.Even better focus on what IS.....

Thoughts

i don't call my thoughts dirty...they are just thoughts....and can't do anything....but express. They have no shame..they just want to speak..and have a name.
Here is what they are saying...on a cold early Tuesday morning....

i want to be taken

Used
had
possessed
held
cuddled
cherished....
so I can curl up in a ball
at your feet
sated..
and at rest.....