optical illusion

There are times where i think myself inside a box. The box is cushioned and clean, and it’s painted white inside. i think it means that i feel im, going no where, no beginning , no end, just a huge spiral, like one of those images( optical illusion) that go on endlessly never reaching a destination or pinnacle.
I haven’t explored my submission much recently; instead, it has become the subject of memory and fantasy. Don’t misunderstand me — it’s not that i’ve stopped being submissive or wanting that in my life. i guess you can’t be a true submissive without vulnerability though. and sometimes i feel soo venerable, and i get hurt.
All i know is that it's easy to climb back into my pretty white box, pull my security blanket right up over my head. and wrap myself in a no care, no worry cushion, because sometimes the hurt is to painful.