Less Worries

i realise now that i need to worry less about the future and more about what i am doing now, today, at this moment in order to progress forward. Because as soon as one goal is achieved, there's always another to strive for, and that will carry on forever, as there's no such thing as the perfect slave who can do everything and cannot improve in a single way. There's always some new skill to learn, something i can get better in, something to practice and make progress in.

So i'm actually feeling kind of relieved now that i've come to this realisation, because even if i do make mistakes or 'fail' or muck up, there's always tomorrow when i can try again. As long as i do my best, i should keep moving along the path that’s set, and that's all we can ever asked for, and Master's walking right beside me, discovering and exploring and learning too :) Which i think is much more special and enjoyable than an end-point which you can reach but never progress beyond.

The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds. ~Will Durant.

what i am, what am i?

Pleasing Him is what i am... Time flies by so quickly!so many things we want to do, and where's the time?
i think that as every day, week and month passes, the relationship that He and i share grow's stronger. i don't know if He realizes this, but it just seems that i feel more connected with Him. i find that now i just go with the flow.He makes me feel loved and wanted, He makes me feel special, He makes me feel good..slave to my Master..

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what i am when i am with you." Elizabeth Barrett Browning

flu

My nose is red and swollen and painful. My throat hurts. My sinuses are plugged and running at the same time. Snot drips from my nose and i sneeze a hundred times a day. My neck hurts. My head feels like it weighs a couple hundred pounds.

It just sucks. A lot.

And it’s really hard to be the least bit graceful in service when you’re feeling like shi*.

And, of course, i don’t get any real “break” because i’m sick. not that i want one. cold /flu is no reason to give up/in. but it really hit me how the whole service mentality goes out the window when i’m feeling crappy.

Bad slave. Bad sub. Bad, bad girl.

*shrug*

Human, though.

Perfect

How can someone be "the perfect sub"? After all, what a Dom wants in a sub varies from person to person, as does the way in which a sub serves. But I think we can all agree on a few basic issues:

-A good sub obeys her Dom (yes, it's SSC, but still, you follow orders)
-A good sub wants to please: Let's face it, if the sub doesn't want to please her Dom, what's the point? It won't be enjoyable for either party.
-A good sub knows what she wants: This is tricky. It encompasses wanting to please your Dom, as well as knowing your limits and being comfortable with expressing them.
-A good sub trusts her Dom and has proven herself trustworthy in return. There cannot be a mutually healthy relationship if there is no trust, especially in the context of D/s relationships.

Agreed? Ok, so now that we have the basics, how can someone be the perfect sub? In my opinion, this can happen in many different ways. It could be through consistently following Your orders, always being willing to please, or other expressions of continued service. But sometimes, there is one act that can make you realize that it is special. That is when you give of yourself,over your own wants, to please Him.

Change

Its seems that Master and i aren't the only ones needing to take a step back from our D/s relationship and reassess how it is conducted.

It's a work in progress for everyone. Even those who have been at it for years. People change. Things change. And thus, the rules and such need to change in order to keep the flow going.

I'm not an expert, just my opinion.

Even if it was a "vanilla" relationship, things would need to change from time to time. But, just like a "vanilla" relationship a D/s relationship needs to be nurtured in order for it to grow.

i think that even though we enjoy, need and crave the D/s, we also need to remember to nurture the so called "vanilla" side of our relationship. Just because we like the irregularity of our relationship doesn't mean that we also don't need the romance or sweet things as well. Or maybe that's just me.

Gagged

i can't live without submitting. i can go months without having the opportunity or i becomes cranky and downright nasty after too long. i love Master for many reasons, most unrelated to my submission to him. But i do need it. i need his hands tangled in my hair and pulling me down. i need his entire claiming of me. i need him hurting me because it's the only way i can feel me, It's been too long. My brain goes into overdrive. i really like getting tied up. i also like getting tied down. In fact, show me some rope and i pretty much want it wrapped around me, in some configuration or other!
In the strict definition, i don't have any fetishes ie: there is no thing or event that i must have present in order to be aroused. That said, i am attracted to and feel the appeal of many things. Among them are, bondage, and nipple torture/pain. These can help in my desire to reach a goal. Gagging is another. However, in my early day of D/s the gags available really put me of.. MG is not into watching me dribble so ball gags were out. As im a mouth breather, it was quite a problem in finding an appropriate gag that shut me up enough whilst allowing me to breathe. In the end i made one out of a new bath sponge, a stocking and a clip fastener, rolling the sponge into a tight tube , covering with a stocking mess and sewing the clip fastener to each end of the sponge tube which when inserted into mouth is soft, allows air to pass through it and is adjustable.. Works well for us, although is not used often these days, When my silence is required MG just says “shut it”, bondage can also be done rope less in our world. A don’t move suffices, but rope i love, when the time/situation allows.

Nonsensical

Control is not one of my strengths.It is tremendously hard to deny myself the things that bring me pleasure. Even when what brings me pleasure is painful.
Still i try. i keep thinking that desiring the greater goals will spur me on; will give me the mask of control and confidence that i need... to resist... Temptation.
Yet it seems i am destined to endure self-denial. Desiring nothing so much as a few hours of play on soft sheets, my thoughts turn to other attainable satisfactions... cream... or even a silly nonsensical text that flutters my heart strings..instead i'll make do with a cup of tea. i must not let the desires i have which will not be fulfilled in the immediate moment, gain prominence, no point in focusing on what is not,but rather on what might be.Even better focus on what IS.....

Thoughts

i don't call my thoughts dirty...they are just thoughts....and can't do anything....but express. They have no shame..they just want to speak..and have a name.
Here is what they are saying...on a cold early Tuesday morning....

i want to be taken

Used
had
possessed
held
cuddled
cherished....
so I can curl up in a ball
at your feet
sated..
and at rest.....

clothing/shoes

No, i am not proud of my body---i am over weight. i do not find my body attractive in any manner. i have learned, over time, to be happy with it as it is at this moment. Actually, this realization came to me within the last couple of year. After all the rehab I’ve done, im about as good as im likely to get now and i can accept that along with age and filling out in places id rather not. i have more clothes than i could imagine. Those are appealing and look good on me. As for my underwear. MG insists i wear only thongs which at first i didn’t like but now im very comfortable in them. Bra’s . Mainly due to the difficult of putting then on, i tend not to wear one unless i am going out them i make the effort. ~My clothes are selected for ease of dressing, but when we go out MG still decides on what i will wear. And even if we are staying in He will tell me to dress in a particular manner which please Him, i have many fetish style outfits which i am comfortable to wear at home and out to a club, many Basques/corsets. Shoes im afraid now must be flat to afford me any chance of walking unaided. i do very much miss my heels as i know MG misses seeing me in them but practically heels are out now, another thing i have had to accept. So, for Master and for me i like to look nice..... For him most of all

i am...

i am the person i am because of all the things i have been through….and i do like the person i am and i just need to keep remembering that…. i am who i am….because of my experiences good and bad..

i have someone to love me like i love Him. He give me as much as i give to Him.
i am Yours always, good or bad, I prefer the good but no one is perfect, still i’ll keep trying Sir

Reflected

I close my eyes… and reflect on us as a whole… who we are, what us means to me.. i have You in my heart… and i love You so much… the feeling in my heart.. is all about us.. to live, and learn..
No matter what happens in my life or in Masters Life, we are bound together forever. Not by rope, or chains, or handcuffs, but with the love and compassion in our hearts.
As Masters slave i can not explain enough or even describe into words the feelings He gives me.
He is my life though, and i refuse to be without Him, ever….Whilst he watches over me and protects me always and forever.
We’d have it no other way

perfect slave

The whole issue of being the "perfect slave" which does not exist, what does exist is being the best slave that you can be for your Master which of course means ones expectations may differ from the next and im certainly not that, i try hard but im a long way off. Other obviously seem to think i need some correcting, but as Master doesn’t, then im ok with that, as long as He is ok with my behaviour. The perfect slave how exactly is that proved........... by who can take the most cane strokes, etc? Or maybe its who behaves more appropriately. i don’t get, the obsession with "punishment”. To me punishment is given to correct unwanted behaviour, and generally something i wont like.i don’t and will never understand the “oh ive been naughty, Master will punish me” or the set up to fail attitude of some Doms. In being who i am, if i step out of line i would expect Master to tell me i have, i don’t appreciate another Dom who just because i may not reach His expectation of the perfect slave attempting to correct me, verbally or otherwise and when i don’t comply, throws His dummy out of the pram and storms off, oh well.

lucky me !!

In so many ways i am a lucky submissive to have a Master who gives me as much latitude as he does. My writing is my own. i can practice my craft in whatever medium i so choose. i am free to express opinions (within reason i suppose), he doesn’t outwardly control every aspect of my life. But yet every action has become one with him in mind. What i wear , . Hell even what i make for dinner each night, i think “Master will really enjoy having this tonight”. i can feel that centered grounding place. God i love that place. The “yes, this is where i’ve longed to be all day” place.Some who don’t understand the need to please and the need to serve would say that i’m losing who i am. The strong independent me who doesn’t take shit from anyone. To that i simply answer, being able to serve has only made me stronger in who i am. Having a Master whose convictions so closely match my own has given me more strength to be the woman i’ve always longed to be. i know that i please him, and that makes me stronger in everything that i do as an friend, sibling, mother. It also gives me the freedom to let go, surrender the control, put myself into his hands. There’s no greater feeling in the world for me than to know i’m serving, i’m pleasing, i’m loved, i’m used, i’m treasured. Yeah, it’s the best of everything, and I’m holding on tight.

Hands

i forever reach my hand out, awaiting for His hand to take mine in the ritual we have used for some years now, my hand upwards denoting submission, in His downward facing showing His Dominance.. just waiting to feel His hand reach out to touch mine.
I fully know that no matter what happens in my life or in Masters life, W/we are bound together forever. not by rope, or chains, or handcuffs, but with the love and compassion in O/our hearts. He is my life though, and i refuse to live without Him.

New beginnings

i am reminded of a new book…….of blank pages which are yet to be written in…….fresh, full of possibilities. i read somewhere today the feelings you have as you enter a new year can sometimes be predictors of the year ahead. If that’s true, this year will be bright, positive, optimistic and full of love for us.

As we step forward into 2009, may we be given the grace to accept its gifts in whatever form they are given to us, the strength to face its challenges, the wisdom to learn its lessons, and the love to do so with open hearts.

subby mode

Somehow we need to figure out ways that will keep me in that "subby" mode or whatever you want to call it.....i love the way it makes me feel, Hopefully we can figure something out… i miss having that feeling of total surrender. That feeling that i would do anything for Master. Surrender and slavery feeds my soul and i get so hungry for that feeling sometimes.

Quality Time

I have asked Master before to set the rules. It might get him to understand my needs a bit more. He wants me to be strong and i am a strong woman, but...i still have tendencies, needs; desire...if i knew there would be dire consequences for breaking the rules though....i would surely know the boundaries, am i making a mountain out of nothing, no just fumbling around most of the time guessing. Give me rules and expectations...

We haven’t had any play time for months now ...he's stressed, and i understand, just some time for me is what i need,just some quality time talking but even then i get the wall even when i ask to talk, its never the right time, just like now isn’t, when will be i wonder.

Proud

I listened to some definitions the other night in chat, and one of a Domme's description on what makes her a Dominant, could have fit me. However, i am clearly NOT a Domme, nor do i want to be. i maybe am in other aspect of my life; i do not want to dominate in my personal relationship.
I also heard someone who said, that he offers himself to teach mentor, never portray himself to be anything other than what he is. Well i do that as well. I've had many sub sisters come to me and ask for advice. I'm honoured that they feel they can come to me; i only have my personal opinion nothing else. Am i am enigma or just me.. Inside myself i need, desire to serve the man who hold my heart my Master.
Sometimes, knowing that alone is enough, knowing i am my Master slave, is all i need

Ebb and Flo

M/s and the integration of that into our lives seems to ebb and flow. My fear that M/s is not something He wants concerns me. He show’s frustration at the merest suggestion of M/s at times. Of course. He is human, dealing with the most common life issue. Work.. Bills etc! But the frustration causes Him to loose balance and respond carelessly. He acknowledges my emotional state; remains controlled and instead of punishing me for my behaviour, ignore it as it seems the easiest option.it is a challenging time. i am very grateful to Master for all He does for both of U/us, but I would be lying if i said i was totally happy with the level of our M/s right now..

Consequencies

Rules are there for a reason. It is what makes a slave. It is the inspiration the way to remember Master rules Not saying this slave likes punishment, but there has to be consequencies, well i have a love and hate relationship with this topic, but being controled, and feeling cared for, but then its the displeasure i feel when i have displeased Master, well, i can punish herself for days without be word from Master , you know it ok sometimes to say, its over and Master is happy, thati will learnt the lesson being taught and will not repeat the fault. i feels no consequence there's no control. Rules are the guidelines to avoid the consequence, discipline and punishment are part of the process of learning. Rules are those that keeps Master happy, and that is the aim of the slave.i prefers to have pain from the pleasure of being good not bad.

Destiny

It is my destiny to submit. i have discovered that submitting is more than a desire. It is something that i need to do. It completes me, it makes me happy and content. It is a component of who i am. it an essence of my being. The further i explore my submissive side, the more centred i become. Focussed on being a better me, a desire to try and keep trying, no giving up. i need the relationship part of it, the "knowing" of me, the psychological aspect. i need someone to explore my mind and emotions. Without the psychological component, i think i am too strong willed, a firm hand is needed.
It is strange to think of complete submission and surrender as a selfish act, but in a way it is. Maybe not a selfish act, but certainly not selfless. i appreciate and admire Your Dominance. i know that to dominate someone, and accept their submission, requires much thought, responsibility, and work. Your responsibility is far greater than mine; You care for me, and ensure my safety. You have accepted responsibility for my physical and my emotional well being. my trust in You is complete and without question.

wanting more

Must be a sub trait cause i always want more, so it seems do others we know, never satisfied, not sure if that’s good or bad, always striving for more, better. Is that greed or is it self improvement, maybe Sir can tell me. i do know i want more, more of Domination more of submission, that’s not a new thing its always there, I’m hungry for lifestyle, everything pertaining to it, more more and more of more, Its said The best submissive are those who willingly come to their Masters on their knees, whispering of their love. i love You and my submission to you is what makes my life , am i worthy or do i over kill on my need, trouble is, i acknowledge it as a need and as such it cannot be denied.

Odd Thoughts

How odd, i took time today to look back some 3-4 years at blog entries i made at that time, when my youngest daughter was only 10 (now 14), when we lived in a draughty rented flat (now in our own house) and just how much my writing style has changed, i also thought i really liked the way i wrote back then and maybe i could try that again so, i shall do that .Just recently on several occasion i have been witness to a Dom trait i find most odd. The lack of self control amongst some Doms who frequent our chat room.Now I’m the first to admit that chat is a pastime and can be said to have little if any bearing on reality but still i find it difficult to witness Dom running amok with hormones raging while in the company of subs. Self control, self discipline must be a corner stone on which to build a good base for the role that they all wish to partake of if not now then at some point in the further. On the other hand MG keeps Himself so tightly under control that He become totally consumed by issue to which He has by virtue of reality, little if any control over, thus driving Himself into a spiral of utter frustration at His inability to alter the situation. Neither of these examples are good, neither can be resolve by me that does not stop me from trying by a) talking to the chatter and trying to explain how their action are reflecting badly on them, the lifestyle and the room and by taking to MG and try to get Him to let go before His frustration and anger explode into uncontrolled rage. i am not at this point convince i can do either of the above but my instinct tells me to try.

Another day, another pound(dollar)

Blogging about my thoughts and just life. Always amazes me each year comes about and i wonder how it is possible to have blogged and shared my life that long. i look back at entries and cringe, laugh, cry and remember with fondness many wonderful moments. i know my blog has changed over time. i have shared a lot more of my life and just emotions. But frankly i am owned by an extraordinary man. i am grateful to have the chance to share this journey with Him. So it isn't my first thought to blog and get whatever out because i am there with Him sharing and experiencing life and the emotions that come with it.

Togerther moments

i 'm here again.Sorry for the absence. Honestly i didn't know what to say, so chose to say nothing.i still don't know exactly what to say, but yet i am here.
Things are getting back to normal, but I'm still worried about how everything is going to go. i worry about changes and it's hard to know that nothing i can do will fix the issues, re job, time apart, our D/s even. i wanteto be around him continuously and see him...even if it was for a little bit. i craved his smell, his touch...how he looked at me...being around him calms me, but life says otherwise the realities say He must go one way, i must go another, most ever morning. In my mind, He is my Master. This is all i really care about. This is my only concern. i would leave the nilla world behind, with the exception of my children of course, to be with Him, but again dreams are not how reality is, therefore I must deal with my demons and do the best i can, be happy with what we have, making ever together moments worth savouring.

Focus

For me, my slavery is about letting go of myself and focusing on Master. Less "me", more for Him. unfortunately, i find it challenging to truly "let go". i still want to hear Him say: "Good Girl!" i hope to achieve more moments when i truly find my satisfaction in the service without looking for the validation, but im not there yet, not be a long way, if I ever will be.

Gift...hmmmm

“There are four kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength to yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip another’s soul bare, and the power to stand naked.”

~Gurumayi Chidvilasananda

i have always known Master is focused Even with all the pressure and exhaustion He is always there to listen to me and offer direction when needed. i marvel at His devotion to the commitment He made to ownership of a slave.Even as i attempt to offer my service and make sure His basic needs are being met, i find i am having a lot of time to live inside my head.

One of the things that i keep bumping into that has always seemed a little out of balance to me is the reference to the "gift" of submission. For me, it just doesn't ring TRUE. i do not view my submission as a "gift". i have had the opportunity to examine my slavery and find myself so deeply immersed in my slave nature that i have come to believe "slave" is who and what i am. It is my most basic self and fulfills my deepest darkest yearnings, i embrace my slavery and the control, order, discipline, and safety which come from service to Master.

thinking

i think too much. This is not the first time i have heard this in my life. i do think. ALOT. Some of my thinking brings me peace as i come to terms with issues, both trivial and profound (to me!) and some brings me agitation when i obsess over events , and situations i have no control over in the present.i believe a freedom from obsessive thought is only achieved when i am asleep or I'm deep into my submission then i am freed from needing to think. i have only to obey and do. Life becomes service and service brings freedom

Inner Peace

My sense of tranquility and "rightness” is screwed up, right now i need peace,we have struggled enough in the last couple of years. He has had plenty of time to look into His heart, mind and soul to truly see how HE wishes to live His life, for Himself. Even with all the challenges He chooses Mastery and Ownership of property. Self aware enough and controlled enough to balance TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE with right living. Master must take while giving. He must use while serving the relationship. He is so much stronger in spirit than i. He is not mean or loud or overbearing. He controls with restraint, for the most part, and the power of His authority. my senses of security and "rightness" that i am owned, grows and fills me with JOY,I just want some quiet from all the hassle that goes on, to be left in my own peaceful little corner of the world, until Master needs me.

i am who i am

i am who i am. slave to my Master.People can take me or leave me. i can't change opinions that are already made up on and if i had to, it's probably not worth my time anyway. I'm pretty comfortable being me. It's not something that affects most people one way or another really. I wonder about things like this sometimes, ya know? Though honestly, I don't care.

my mind

Our minds are used to thinking, but when we want to become calm and peaceful that is exactly what we have to stop doing. It is easier said than done, because the mind will continue to do what it does. Sometimes we can think to much. Thinking is not always good for me, this i know.i just want to cut off sometimes and stop, the room eats away at me at times and i just want it all to go away but i love being there also. i hate seeing the lifestyle i love eroded into a game.

Age

i’m hypercritical of my body just like almost every other woman out there, and have found it difficult to overcome. i have recently come to a place of acceptance and i am learning to surrender to it. i am being to understand the art of aging gracefully and accepting who i am. So i will focus on the positive. That i am loved no matter how i continue to move through my life. As a young supple nymph or as a mature, ample woman, i am me, i will always be me and Master love me wart’s and all..

Cruise holiday

I want to write it all down.. At the same time, I’m afraid to look too closely as there had been quite a few negative moments, when i knew i was way off the slave I’m meant to be. But i realize i was off very quickly , hopefully corrected myself enough, although I’m not even sure of that.I've not been in the best place during this trip; far too many distractions and nilla people to be me, Master did once or twice pull me up but even that was difficult in a nilla environment for 8 days, some days were easier than other's. Its other days, i had to be careful of. i just know how much i need to be a slave... i am nothing without my submission. i was often insecure in an unknown environment. i hate being insecure, no excuse, i should trust but i got scared of all sorts of things.
We were fortunate to see some fantastic places. i was able to relax a lot at times, others were very fraught. However an experience not to be missed and a few life ambitions ticked of:

Flying
Visiting foreign places
Cruising
Airports

i give myself completely, giving You the freedom, to take me places i cannot get to myself. To have experiences i could not ask for.

But now it is time to pick up chores, resettle myself into my life as Your slave

submission

i don’t need to be beaten/forced into submission i submit willingly, that being said im not perfect and on occasions i have resisted. i chose to become Your slave willingly ,and gave up all rights, within our agreed limits, to decide what i will and will not do. i have on occasions verbally attempted to avoid something and its gets me, precisely nowhere. There has been only one occasion that i can think of where i have attempted to argued my corner, that was the day I was punished, just the once, never to be forgotten.
i didn’t see it coming, hadn’t anticipated it at all so it did come as a shock. i deserve it because i was disrespectful, I couldn't argue that You were unreasonable as You we rent. In fact if anything id say You are way to lenient but that's a whole different ball game. Sir

choices

I want to be everything i can for my Master, if he likes certain foods i'd learn to cook them, if he likes belly dancing i’d learn to dance, if he likes certain play i will accommodate.
I choose to one day be a wife, a slave. i choose that, and I'm not some "poor little thing who doesn't know any better", or a fundamentalist. It's not that i haven't gained an education, or that i have no ambition, or that I'm lazy and want some man to take care of me. i choose to be a wife, slave and mother because that is what i love, that is where my goals and heart lie, and it is my right. i see my home as a place of rest and love. A haven from the world, my husband/Master comes home to dinner waiting. i keep my "home running like clockwork. i work no less than any 9-5 drone. i just don’t have the desire to go and process paperwork or merge companies for a living. My job is to take care of my Master and my children.
When i see my life I'm the foundation of my family. i care for my household and my loved ones, and i hope i do it well. There are some great and powerful women worthy of praise, but there are also homemakers too.

Doormat

There seems to be this misconception out there, in the chat rooms, that as a submissive, you must automatically cater to the wishes of a Dominant, any Dominant. Do this and you will be seen as a "good" submissive. There are some chatrooms that have oodles of protocol before you can even enter a room ie, asking permission, addressing Dominants etc. However, i mean no disrespect, but if you are not my Sir or Master, if i've never met you, you haven't proved to me that you are deserving of that title.
i'm submissive by nature, Don't expect just because i am submissive that you are any better or deserve a title before you earn it. As such, it is people with these unreal expectations that have this blind vision of what a submissive is. They expect this woman sitting quietly, whispering when she speaks, agreeing with whatever opinion is floating around the room at that particular moment.
What a shame of the breaking of human spirit. Why on earth would a Dominant want anything but a submissive who as Master says, "Has a mind and is not afraid to use it." Part of a D/s relationship is a power exchange, not a brain nullification. How boring to not have an opinion. or be able to express yourself. i know, i know... i'm not talking about being obnoxious, or rude. I let Master handle that if needed. i'm talking about sharing in a learning discussion, and not parroting everything a Dominant says. i'm talking about asking questions, getting to an answer that really answers. i've heard it said, that D/s is the only thing that matters, there is no vanilla. Your sub sleeps in another room every night. OK, that's fine.... for you. In MY 24/7 relationship, i WANT to sleep next to Master every night, as He does with me. See my point?

the opinions expressed here are only mine.

have a great day...

Morning

I'm a morning person. Somehow my internal clock insists on me waking up every morning. i can't get back to sleep. i wish i could lay in bed and fall back to sleep.

But i get so much done before 9am.

The solitude,
Well, not exactly the solitude - I gotta have music playing for me to ge on. Still, I won't sing out loud - that's abusive to the environment.
Looking forward to the week of the cruise(October 13-20). It can't come soon enough. A whole week of “us “ time. Gota be good. Relax. No agenda. Suntan my body a bit . I wouldn't complain if I could go all week without speaking to anyone, except Master. Just You and me Sir

perfection

slavery is not about perfection. This is an on going journey in which we go from heaven to next. And yet even when we miss the mark, we learn and we grow...yes those are wonderful growth opportunities. We can choose to see them like that or we can dwell in despair and discontent with our own failures or the perceived wrongs of our Owners. The choice is ours. i choose to rejoice in my submission.

switching off

i don’t switch off from being His slave when we are not together, i am always His slave, i need Him to always be Master, at home, at work, at social events, all the time.
i chose to be His slave but it wasn’t something i just one day announced or decided, it was more a natural progression which just happened.
This was about what was right for me and I really believe that it was the right decision and i have no regrets.
As our relationship has progressed and deepened so too has my level of submission, i know i need control, i know i need to serve, i realize life has a habit of not making things so clear cut as i visualize, but there has to be a way to combine all aspects to satisfy all the needs mine and Master.

servicing

if you own a prized possession, let’s say a car, which is a asset to you. You know you have to keep it working so that the other things you possess can continue to be maintained to the level that keeps You happy. How do you do this, simple, You service the car at regular intervals, it may cost You but it has to be done, new brake pads, new washers, but you know how ever much You really don’t want to have to exert time and energy on the car but You also know that in the long run, if You do the car will continue to serve You for a long time. Your slave is like Your car, needs servicing every so often. Sparks discplines. Petrol. well just a task or chore every now and then.

patience

i need my Master. i need to be loved and cared for every day. i need stability. i need structure, discipline and reward. A long time ago i sought it out not truly knowing it was the key to my happiness. But finally...when i'd experienced it i was so happy. To be loved like that...to be cared for and held and told i please him...it's all I've ever wanted.
Goodness, please help me to be patient and a good slave for Master. To be understanding of the stress he's going through. Give me strength to be his constant...his loving slave.

Marked

i bear your mark on me.It doesn’t hurt anymore, but i still feel it. A mark that is more than physical, worn on my back for the world to see.It did hurt, a delicious ache that kept you with me… on me… inside me 24/7, at sleep, at play… You probably forget it, but i can't if i wanted to. i wonder if you know what it feels like to have someone that close. i wonder if you can fathom how that mark penetrated my heart. i certainly didn’t realize it at the time. It happened slowly … Every time my eye distractedly wandered to that place on my back. And it makes me smile. And it makes me vulnerable.
I’m not sure i would change it if i could. i can only wish that the vulnerability is acknowledged, even cherished, and that I am protected.

Thrill seekers.

Have you ever been so busy that it made your head spin? That’s how busy this slave was today, all day long. she did not stop with the chat room and thrill site, no complaints tho, i enjoy the work i do for us. It may sound like slave is complaining but really she isn’t, busy is good for her and she really enjoys the work that she does. All in all, busy as it was,slave had a good day.

Dress

Remember wheni didn't use make-up and nail polish? That has changed of course. Naked finger nails are a no no. i also try to put on make-up, not to much but enough to make a difference, why because Master instructed (not asked) instructed me too. Nails polish is in my slave contract as is my hair. Style/colour of Master choosing. i dress most of the time to please Master and for practical reason, any special occasion Master will always have a say in what i’m wearing. We are aware of the finer points of clothing being practical for my abilities to go to the bathroom alone if we are out, as sometime there may not be facilities where i can get helped with zips, buttons etc. This does really exclude any chance of any kind of kink (discreetly hiding toys for example) being involved in addition to just being dressed. Ability to walk across the room comes first.
I almost feel guilty for deriving some kind of comfort and a sense of direction from the control aspect of this whole dynamic, i hate decisions and if Master wish to make then for me, even down to what i wear, eat, look like, who am i to argue. I’m totally happy to be directed.

Weekend Update

Master has been practicing His flogging, and of course, i am the lucky recipient. I cannot believe how good He is getting!. At XS we played in public to apparently an audience. Which at the time i was unaware of, Not that i’m complaining you understand, in fact it’s a very much Wow factor and may i please have some more Sir.

But for us, IN PUBLIC, is a huge step forward

How can one push their own limits? Isn’t that like trying to drown ones self? The body automatically kicks in and begins to save itself. It doesn’t matter what the mind wants or thinks….the body’s defences take over. That is what the body does. Doesn’t it? Master should be the one to decides how far to push His slave, and when she can’t take any more but for me on this occasion my knees / arm couldn’t stay in the position and I just had to move. I asked to stop and of course Master allowed that. We are also trying to build up 2/3 years of inactivity and pain thresholds. OH and here is something else I have been pondering….is making that choice topping from the bottom?

It’s was a great weekend…..OH YEA
>

RESPECT, OBEDIENCE.

Anything to do with me, is "His"...good, bad, or indifferent. i don't have separate money from Him. What's mine is His and He has the password to all of my accounts so access is truly open. Other than the supermarket, any purchase over certain amount needs prior approval.im totally happy with that, i can honestly say, it has helped me show restraint knowing it was necessary to ask for permission.Master basically knows where i am at all times, i report in and out if i need to leave the house, having first discussed with Master my plans for that day.

When i list in my mind all the things we do i see that i have a great deal of control in my life already from Master but that these things have just become my behaviour. i do not experience them as unusual. But also when listed i see that while they are second nature to me, many require Master to follow up and make sure His expectations are being met.

i would say i have only two rules.RESPECT #1....followed closely by OBEDIENCE.

Thank YOU, Master, for owning me and allowing me the privilege of serving YOU in any way YOU might allow me to be of use to YOU.

rainbows and unicorns

In my head, i thought my ultimate submission would be like crossing over from the land of innocence and naivety, of rainbows and unicorns, into a world illuminated with a harsher light. In reality, there is no difference. The colour of the world, our relationship, my expectations, and my feelings towards Master were exactly the same. There are so many other ways in which Master has challenged me. There were times where i had felt completely helpless around him, At the point where i felt ready to submit totally, i merely saw it as a natural progression to an already established power dynamic that had started a long time ago.
A couple of years later, i still feel perfectly comfortable about everything that occurs between us in our day to day lives. That’s not to say, if circumstances were different that i wouldn’t like more of the same, but for that to apply i'd need to be totally healthy and able-bodied and childless, i might wish/dream for the first but id never for personal gain, wish my children away so life is as life is and i’m happy with what i have.

vinegar to wine

One of the best ways to deal with something as variable and subjective as D/s is to develop a solid understanding of the basic concepts and then build from there. This certainly is a good approach if you want to be let’s say an electrician. Although selecting the wrong slave might not have consequences as dramatic as selecting the wrong wire, sometimes it can be just as annoying. What i would like to do here is give a few basic slave characteristics that generally hold true for most slaves. Hopefully then not to much vinegar will need to be tasted:-

• Respect: An obvious one as it’s generally expected from slaves to show respect to their Masters & their authority over them. But also being able to express any needs, feelings, requests in a polite & courteous manner.


• Subservient: Of course, it is expected from slaves to obey & carry orders from their Masters but a good slave should obviously enjoy pleasing his Master & be grateful if given something in return.


• Confident: As much as slaves need to trust their Masters they also need to trust their own abilities as well. Being calm & able to maintain composure is particularly helpful when a slave is required to perform a task that he/she don’t like much.


• Attentive: Good slaves would pay full attention to what is being asked of them & be focused in order to perform tasks to the best of their capacity as well as to progress to better themselves.


• Open-minded: Showing a receptive mind to new ideas & an eagerness to learn.And, of course, from both Masters & slaves a good ability to communicate is always important.

i try Sir, i may not be perfect but damn i sure as hell try.

Loving

I think I've stated on many occasions that i'm not the perfect slave and that i realise i'm lacking in a lot of areas, but i really thought that i had most angle covered. As far as Master and i are concerned. Our kink is our kink is our kink, we don’t need to justify it, “Loving” has its place as well as kink . Just because i don't write about the grocery shopping, or the masses of kisses that we exchange, or the flowers he gives me, or the meals that he makes, or the gifts that he showers me with, or the cuddles, or the mountains of care and love he shows doesn't mean they don't exist. Far from it in fact. And personally, I don't think you can live with someone long term without all that stuff there in some form even if kink is what brought you together initially. Kink is fun but lovin' is what keeps you together and if not, you're doing it wrong!

Anger

Being submissive doesn’t mean you never get angry. It’s how you deal with your anger that matters. Having a fit or temper tantrum is extremely destructive behaviour to myself and to those around. The awareness of my, feminine, submissive urges, has been a break through for me! In as much that i can halt any anger issues with a short mantra. for example:-
He is Master and i am slave. He is Owner and i am owned. He commands and i obey. He is to be pleased and i am to please.
i can then move on from whatever might be niggling me with a strong knowledge that all is well in my world.

Partners

This is probably not a word everyone would use in connection with M/s, but it is completely vital.
i sometimes wonders whether *those* relationships exist, where the Dom makes all the decisions, what to have for dinner, what dress she should wear, what nail varnish, how she should have her hair…basically relationships where the Dom decides everything. Or as near as is humanely practical. That is not what i have with MG. Sure I have guidelines, things he expects (like his coffee/tea, for me to adhere to His dress code) but he does not decide every little detail of my life. (micromanage). Just the ones he wants to.
Being His slave is not exactly difficult in the sense of having to stick to pages and pages of rules or protocols. Keeping an open and active mind is valued much more than being able to follow blindly in the relationship i have with Him, and so is being a partner in things when he needs me to be. He always did say that he never wanted a doormat, and he will never have one.
Sometimes that partnership is equal, sometimes the balance tilts, but mostly its balanced just right.