My struggle

My struggle isn't whether to submit or not, whether i should or shouldn't.

My need to be my Owner's slave is equal to my need to breathe.

 i am struggling at the moment with my slavery, but not because i am not submissive but more because the current  situation is not allowing me to submit as i need to, Master is aware that i am not my normal self and W/we are trying to deal with this, He is very understanding but we are so new at this together, He is not sure how to even begin to understand my mood swings from extremely hyper submissive to one of just bordering on acceptable, this being a situation i find myself in, trouble is , even thought i am aware that this attitude is so far from the norm for me, i am struggling to shake of an almost “sub drop” attitude, one where i’m feeling as if , honestly i need a good spanking to wake me up, it’s really a combination of 101 things that are getting in the way of our plans to move forward .Patience is not my strong suite, nor is waiting on other to fulfil my needs. i long to be less stubborn, less critical, less argumentative but being apart, there is little that Master can do to bring me into line. Sometimes i find it easy to submit and obey, but sometimes i get so far away from where i want to be it hurts