Pleasure from giving

i am not weak, i am not helpless,. i am not alone. i am part of a couple, of a family. Master is a part of me and i am a part of Him. i am allowed to see the depth and the strength of the man who owns me. i have always known Master is focused and has a plan for O/our path. Even as i attempt to offer my service and make sure His basic needs are being met, my submission is Master's. He can choose to refine it and develop that aspect of my personality or not. As slave, the decision is not mine to make.. When Master wants submission, He commands it. i embrace my slavery and the control, order, discipline, and safety which come from service to Master, yet i always envy those slaves that get a beating just whenever. Yes, sometimes my Master frustrates me beyond belief. Sometimes i could just shake Him until He listens to me. But He is my Husband, my lover, my love, my heart, my darling Master whom i just utterly and totally adore, even when He isn't doing what i want Him to do. slave does not ever want to show disrespect or disobedience but slave longs to be USED... often and with very little regard to her personal pleasure. i am usually a masochist. Delicate little strokes and pink Velcro handcuffs do not send me where i want to be. When i think He is doing something just because of His responsibility i experience it almost like a "mercy fuck. But still i beg, for more and for Master's Use, this slave is drifting in a powerless state, serving Master and waiting for spring. For me, there are times when service is it's Own reward and since that delight is so self pleasing, i feel as tho i am still serving while gaining pleasure for myself. It pleases me to please Master.My Master's pleasure becomes my own. if Master would just take His pleasure, slaves appetite would be sated also, as in service, pleasure is gained. It is possible to take pleasure from giving; i do it all the time.