mirror

i have been thinking about our relationship. Trying to evaluate how hard of a job MG has and how hard it really is to be a Dom. i never really thought about his job as being hard ....in my mind being the boss is the easy part ....it's being submissive that is the hard job.
But i did give it some fair thought and after thinking about it and evaluating it all i came to the conclusion that it could be a stressful job! i know that he always makes his decisions according to my best interest.
i love MG with all of my heart and soul and i would do anything for him and it breaks my heart to think that i have made his job harder than it has to be. Some days i look at myself in a mirror and i think ...oh god who would want to be with me? Or no wonder MG rarely wants to touch me in certain ways .......that is how i think most of the time. i know i got to get past a lot of this and i am trying but it's a hard road to travel. There are a lot of days that out of the blue i just want to cry and it's because i am so unhappy with myself and with the way i look ....and i think no wonder MG rarely think of wanting sex with me..... My thought process needs a lot of work though! i guess i am lucky that MG at least wants to spank me.I try to think about the positives but most of the time i fail it's very hard to be happy with yourself when half of you is never going to work right again. i have to do some reverse thinking so i can get past that and start loving and liking myself again. i am not happy with myself ...I hate "ME" and i don't know how to start loving myself. i don't understand how MG can love me because i take one good look at myself and i wonder why or what he sees in me to love! But i guess men deal with it differently than women do. It's all hard for me, i wish it were easier. Some days i do love myself but other days i end up hating myself and those are the days that i don't look forward too so every day that i love myself are the days i cherish.