Belonging

It's been noted that I've posted a lot about personal thoughts, my feeling towards Master rather than about our M/s as such so entries into my journal are not really about our lifestyle as much as they should be. Now, I'm gonna stop being so damn lazy and get this journal back on track.

Every once in awhile, something just really hits hard about belonging to someone else. Often it is the craziest things that have nothing to do with the exhibited concept of submission.

During everyday normal daily existence i get smacked with who i am by just little things that occur out of the blue every once in a while. Such as I’ll see something I’d like to buy either for me or one of the girls or even for Master i struggled with if He would be okay with me buying it. i figured since the total purchase would be under £10 he wouldn't mind(i'm assuming here of course and making my own reasons for doing what i want to do). But i really struggled back and forth with it because i am owned and everything i do i need to ask permission so it just throws my brain into a tizzy, it would probably take 10 to 15 minutes of me talking to myself back and forth, "should i, shouldn't i, knowing all along i shouldn't, but convincing myself if it would be okay and that just really brings home to me who i am. Then if i have gone and bought something without asking i have this huge guilt trip because i know deep down i should have asked (Master doesnt often deny me anything, im one very spoilt slave). No –one punishes a slave more than she does, herself.
Other times it comes when i stop myself from making a decision regarding our home, it suddenly occurs to me that i can't make that decision, thats Master place not mine. i have to wait for Him to say yes or no.
Then there are moments that happen that i feel like this is who i have been forever and the movement come and passes naturally without a second thought.i am my Masters slave.