Well, i have had a day to think about last nights blog and MG has been at home and has also given me more food for thought as he also has been thinking about what i have written.
i do feel that the statement made at the end of yesterdays blog has some serious Master/slave issues and i have been thinking about those and this is what i have come up with.
We had words about MG's lack of "Domlyness" of late, not due to not wanting, just too many outside influences.. tiredness.. pressure etc, it then suddenly occured to me right out of the blue, MG is Master so technically what he says goes therefore if he isn't in the mood or doesn't have his "Dom Head" on, who am i to argue with that, he is the one that has control of all things, should i therefore not submit to his needs, which are for some NON D/s time, without complaints, a twist i know. Maybe i should accept that he isn't in the right frame of mind and and allow my submission to him to come out via that, in submitting to not submitting. If MG needs a little break, i should just be my usual self around him until he feels under less pressure from work etc and is more in the right frame of mind and is able to see to my submissive needs in a more traditional manner.
We don't live M/s 24 hours a day, it just isn't practical, altho i am always slave and he is always Master, that is the mindset thing, that never goes away but we have had little time for a while to get into any of the usually rituals and routines we have previously set and those are what i have been missing i guess... as they tend to set my frame of mind. i had thought tho that if he doesn't dominate, how can i submit then it occurred to me, even if it is submitting to going without those rituals etc in his best interest because after all my task in life, what i offer him MG, is to serve his needs, and right now, his needs might be for some down time
It just seemed to me that when we have the chance to get a bit deeper into our M/s, He wasn't in the mood and when He was, the kids were here or something else distracted us both, so the opportunity would be lost, we just don't seem to be able to find the right time and this has been going on for a few weeks now and i am suffering withdrawal symptoms and i had started to get mouthy too hence the "words" we had that has bought this all out into the open.
i had also stopped writing my journal for example, because i thought he wasn't in that frame of mind to even read it, i guess i was saying in a round about sort of way.. "well if you are not going to be Dom..why should i be sub" which to be honest just put more and more pressure on him to be Dom when he just didn't have it in him.
Well folks...thats my thinking on this. MG is Master and if he needs some Down Time, then as his slave, who's role/task, call it what you like...is to see to her Masters needs, then so be it.
We know who we are, that can never go away so even if we are not acting or fulfilling the physical roles, the mental knowledge is there always, sometimes, and we found this before, the mental/physical desires get out of synch, until they resync.. you just have to wait and then suddenly.. blam.. they're back together and its all fine.
We are very much in tune with each other most of the time so when we get out of synch i think it affects us a lot, its like two trains going round two circular tracks at different speeds, sometimes they are side by side and then they may not be, eventually though.. they come back side by side , we just have to wait for that time, it will happen and until it does, i shall be the slave that i am, and serve my Masters needs...whatever they may be....
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