We were all given two ears and one mouth, there must have been a reason for that, and from where i stand i think it was so that we might listen twice as hard as we speak. If its all about what comes out of our mouths and not what others are saying to us, if all we are concerned with is what we want and take no account of what others have to say, resentment builds, the person who isn’t heard, bottles that up, holds it inside and as each little bit is added on top, inside us all ill feeling builds and eventually, it will explode. Talking and listening is one of the most basic human skills however, having done both unless all are prepared to take on board and accommodate what they have heard, take into account the thoughts and feelings of the other rather than saying, "ok, you have had your say, now we do it my way regardless"… tantamount to selfish on the part of the one who doesn’t listen and hear. The bottom line is that if a relationship is ever going to work, D/s or otherwise, there has to be a flow of information, of opinions, Dom/me doesn’t mean its my way or else. Dom/me means care and concern for the well being and happiness of the sub at the fore of anything the Dom/me might do or say. In the best interest of… is the only way and if that isn’t the main focus of a Dom/mes attitude there is no way the relationship will ever amount to anything other that a one sided take/take situation. If it lasts that long.
Real life considerations must come first; the state of mind, the overall health and happiness of those involved must be the first priority even before D/s is considered. The well being of your partner should be the very first consideration. Making sure that these are balanced within your relationship has to be sorted before you go anywhere near any other attributes because without a solid real life, dare I say it, vanilla base, things get lost within the D/s structure and that’s when the relationship goes wrong. There are always loads of outside forces pushing anyone into doing things that they really don’t want to do, however, as we all know, subs do submit its what they are about really, to give up their needs for those of the Dom/me, they will more than likely bow to the Dom/em’s wishes even to their own detriment. Again, if this occurs, resentment builds and that in itself is not a good position for the Dom/me or the sub to be in, it breaks trust, it foils contentment, it hinders growth because the sub becomes the doormat of the Dom/me. How many times has it been said that subs are not doormats and yet still we see the Dom/me who exerts authority/control over the sub for their own selfish motives.
Given 100% of self, time, energy, focus to the other has to be one of the most important aspects of any relationship, not just D/s, trying to divide yourself between 6 different things at the same time means you have to divide what you have to offer, six ways, that can only lead to a diminished given to all six, none getting the whole of you at any given time. Again, some might be ok with that for a little while, choosing to feel that a little of the whole is better than none at all, sharing the person who is the main focus of their life with others because some is better than none. But if we are all honest, it would be better to not divide ourselves but to give all of what we are, no one can tell me that it can work unless we give of ourselves 100% to the one who holds our heart close the theirs. Thinking only of self in any relationship isn’t a relationship at all, a take/take situation, a because I can attitude might work for a short while but eventually, as human beings, we will being to resent that, begin to feel we are not heard, or that our opinions are not valued, or that we are not worth the whole attention of our partner, that they need more than we can offer, so have to has more as a fall back, a fail safe and all that does in the end is undermine us more and more, we may just stop giving or withdraw into our shells to protect us from the pain of being passed over all the time. More than one is too much if the one is, as they should be, the main focus, the love, the life long partner that we all seek.
Playing with peoples emotions, however slim that game may be, however much one may say they are not playing or that what they are doing is in the best interest of or even that they don’t realize that that is what they are in fact doing anyway serves only to destroy what little love there might have been in the relationship in the beginning, to have someone bow to you and your demands on then, because they love you and fear that by making their thoughts known might destroy what is returned to them isn’t D/s, it isn’t even vanilla, its selfish and people with that attitude don’t deserve someone to love them.
Two ears and one mouth, listen to yourself, listen to others, talk, communicate, take the time to find out what and where, how and with whom, if you value the one you love, show then… it doesn’t cost that much to listen.
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