This weekend really became a weekend, with MG's days off falling over Friday/Saturday and Sunday, a rare occurrence and one that we are always grateful for. The children had other arrangements set with their father so it meant that MG and i had three days of down time all to ourselves as well. What a rare treat.
We made the conscious effort to spend some quality time together, working on the upgrade to the seekers website that has been ongoing for a few weeks now, we also made the conscious effort that we would not get so engrossed with that, that we left no time to be together as Master and slave. However, as so often is the case, that Ye olde sods law took its toll and Friday evening neither of us were feeling up to much else other than just relaxing in each others company. Promising ourselves that Saturday would be different, we spent a pleasant evening in chat and retired at a sensible hour as MG had worked over Thursday night and had not really slept at all during the day.
Saturday, the day was much like any others day, the usual, a bit of shopping, a bit of television, a bit of this and that, come the evening our chat room became active as it sometimes does with a dozen or more people in and it would have been all to easy to forego our plans and continue to be sociable with the friends that were there. However, that was not the intention for the evening. The plans had been set and we were going to take this time for us and our M/s.
I have to mention here that even when plans are made, there is no scene set, we do not find any great pleasure in the fantasy scening that some BDSM'er do, each to their own of course but it is not for us. We don't do for example, the Teacher/pupil thing, were i might take on that role of pupil and MG the Teacher and from there the scene is set, no, we prefer the spontaneous BDSM, it is what we enjoy most and is how the majority of our "sceneing " occurs. The infliction of pain and stimulation, the M/s interaction that follows allows us both to either Dominate the activities or to submit to it. If there was a need for some kind of discipline or even punishment, then that might also become a part of the scene but as it was, there was no need for that but more rather a need for us both to get able to get into our Master and slave sensual roles and do what we do, which allows us to give and receive the stimulation that we get from this kind of activity.
Whats my point here you ask. Well i had a thought during our evening regarding the down effects of such play as opposed to the up side of it and mentioned to MG at the time that i really should write about this before it got lost and so that i could make the point that there is always a down side to the up.
This down side isn't something that ever occurs to me until i am actually in it, the euphoria of the up and what it takes to get there being the only focus of what we are doing.. Not once do i even think that there will be a pay back. But there always is and i am really surprised each time i experience it as to why i never remember it from the times before.
The up side is the pleasure, the pain, the total focus on what we are doing and why, the one on one time, the nothing is going to come between us time, the we are focused totally on each other time and as we progress to deeper levels and i begin to go off into a world of pain and endorphin's where i have lost a good part of my mental capacity to think rationally, the last thing on my mind is the after effects of what is going on.
Those don't come till a while after i have hit the plateau, until after the orgasms has ripped through me and i am left totally drained but glowing with the pleasure of the journey i have just taken.
This is where that down side kicks in, the lack of mental capacity to even think straight, the uncontrollable eye movements, the shakes, the fainting spells that come over me and of which i have absolutely no control over. MG says to me, go with it, don't fight it and yet, it is a natural reaction to try and maintain a balance, to be able to think straight, to be able to stand without assistance, or to even control the tears that may flow without any real cause or reason. All this is the down side and something that i said last night and have said before....Why do i put myself throught this, its not a nice experience.
If we look at the fainting or lack of ability to remain in a conscious state as an example. Under any other circumstances, if this occurred to anyone else, the majority of us know that you put the head between the knees and if you are lucky, the fainting feeling should pass and yet, here i am in exactly the same situation and i am having to go with it, allow it to take over me, to send me off into the realms of the subspace i have just left, there is no means of stopping this or the feeling that accompanies it and of course, in due time, as the body re-balances its blood levels and chemicals, i will be fine and we will back to normal, but during this episode, that isn't the case and its all very well saying go with it but heck, its an awful feeling. So once again, i have to ask...Why do i do this.?
And the answer is...because what it takes to get there is worth more that the discomfort of what may occur afterwards. The getting there is far more important, is so intense, so deep and meaningful, the journey is what it is all about. The arriving at that point where i am under MGs total control, he could do about anything he wished while i am in this state. The trust needed for that is also a part of our M/s, my trust in him that he will not abuse or take advantage of that.
All that comes before the flight satisfies the needs in me that i have to fulfill, the after effect are the cost really, of having those needs met.
Why do i never remember the cost, well i guess because they are insignificant to the whole reason as to why we do what we do. And that can be summed up in a few words, we do it because it is who we are and fulfills needs that we both have. If there is a cost involved, it is cheap at half the price.
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