i was reading a yahoo site that i am a member of where a full blown debate has raged for a few days regarding the attitude of the "Master who talks the talk about a real time relationship with a submissive, and how much he loves her, and wants a relationship with her, but can't find the time or opportunity to meet with her over a very extended period of time."(18 months)
I have to say that this started the old bells ringing for me as i cannot begin to understand the reasoning behind even starting a relationship with someone online if there is not a hope in hell of that relationship ever going beyond the bounds of a computer screen or a telephone line. Why start it in the first place is my gut reaction. If people are not prepared to extend beyond the online fantasy role playing and make a commitment at the very outset of a relationship, to at least have some chance of meeting real life, i cannot see the point in even beginning it.
A reason given that work or circumstances do not allow or afford time to met may well hold true for some and i have no problem with that as long as this is made clear at the very beginning that there will be little possibility of a real life meeting and that both parties are fully aware of these restraints and accept that right from the start, having no illusions that something other than what is offered might have a chance of happening.
But 18 months or more without a meeting screams out to me that all in the garden is not quite as rosey as we are lead to believe.... i cannot honestly see that within that length of time..there will not be one day, one extended weekend holiday break which could not be put aside so that these people, who are professing undying love for one another could not make mutually agreeable arrangements to meet. Do they, both parties really Want to met, or is it perhaps only one sided and the other person is making every excuse under the sun not to take advantage of a few gaps in their schedule to make those plans for no other reason than maybe, just maybe, they are not all they have made themselves out to be. Cynical i know, but hey, don't even ask me how many times i have seen this happen in the 3 or 4 years i have been online... Is that person who you have been chatting to for 18 months really who and what they say they are, will a real life meeting just prove that reality is not quite what you have been lead to believe .. i guess it is really all about commitment and just what it is that is really important to the people concerned, because if it is love as is often spoken of, then i cant find a valid reason not to arrange that meeting if that undying love which is so freely offered from behind a computer screen is really undying love and not just someone playing on the emotions of another for their own gratification..
I realise that some people do not have the opportunity to take any relationship beyond the PC and are happy to remain within the boundaries of online and again, i have no problem with that as long as it is agreed between both parties from the outset that that is how it will be and both find that online is what they want and need but again, a problem i have seen so often is that what begins to surface as either one or the other finds that their needs are changing and that they want more and more than they can receive from online interaction which no longer satifies them, this is when the real heart ache begins.
Of course, one must also remember that sometimes things do move faster and further than was originally conceived and can become far more intense than either party ever thought or imagined possible and the desire to meet might takes on a new dimension.. or one side of the relationship wants or needs to take what they have out of cyberland and into the real world, but this really has to be a two way thing, the problem arises when one wants and the other doesn't, leaving one with all the pent up desires and emotions, hanging in thin air with no where to go but down. Then again there is the other situation that started out as a bit of fun on the internet develops to the point where each person knows that a meeting is the only way left to go to be able to follow their hearts but for whatever reason it is not practical or there is just no way to justify doing something that may damage or destroy an already current real life relationship.. ( here i could say that interactions online can be constituted as having an affair in my opinion and if hubby/wife/partner were to find out, these people may be on the rocky road to the divorce lawyers, is it worth it)
On a slightly different tack, i have seen many a English sub, begin a relationship with a USA Master online or visa versa, swear undying love and devotion, accept a collar, do the cyber bit, run up huge telephone bills, make plans so way off the reality base of one day joining Master to go into a real life situation, trying to save money to make the trip, albeit only for a holiday to the USA.. Work their little cotton socks off to have any chance of ever getting to the stage where this plan might have any hope of ever coming to fruition only to have the undying love they have nurtured so lovingly for months on end be broken down slowly over time as weeks and months pass without any real hope of their dreams ever being fulfilled.
I have to ask why these people never think at the beginning of these kinds of relationships... just exactly what it is they are letting themselves in for, taking account of all the hurdles that will inevitably get in the way of their chances of ever going beyond the screen, sure, it does happen, people do get to finally met in person and when they do it usually works brilliantly because the people concerned know what it is they both want and are prepared to commit to seeing it to the end result... a real life, face to face meeting. On the other hand, if these people are really not 100% committed to seeing it through, if they are really just playing the online cyber game, they should open their eyes and see what harm and pain they may be causing to the other person who might just be getting in deep and suffer months of pain and heart ache as their lives are turned upside down due to the impossibility of the situation they have created.
Behind every screen, every word typed is a real person and those people have feelings and emotions and many do get wrapped up in what the person at the other end of a chat conversation is saying, and many believe, totally the words that people say.
Think before you begin, think about the person at the other end. Dont string someone along just for your own pleasure and self gratification, who knows, one day, you may be the one on the receiving end of a wind up... and trust me, it hurts. !!
Just my thoughts...
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