i am renowned for not.... reading the instructions i mean... bull in a china shop, that's me, unpack it, take all the bits out and spread them on the floor in some sort of chaotic order, ignoring the little piece of paper that says do this and do that and off i go making a total hash of it more than likely until i get into a complete mess, have to undo all i have done as well as contend with the frustration of not being able to do what i want to do and now... Blame everybody and anybody who had anything to do with the original construction for not making it clearer, get into a right strop because nothing is going right then MG takes charge and suggests that i read the instructions !!!!! OH THOSE... never thought about that.
Same can be said for my forays into the realms of computers and particularly web site/set designing.. i know what i want to do, but sometimes, not how to do it... will i read the tutorials... will i take the time to learn... will i heck... go for it... ahhhhhhhh there's that same thing again... go for it... and sod the consequences.... my worst fault by a long chalk... trouble is, i never learn, one would have thought that by now i would have got it into my thick skull that if i want to do something and do it well, which of course i do, then i would take the time to find out the best way to do it. Oh i get there in the end, manage to find my way around or even, shock horror, ask for help which is a new thing for me as at one time that would have been my very last port of call. Not so now, now MG guides me, makes me stand back and look at what i am doing (for which of course, in the long run, i have to thank him for). But as i say, you would have thought i would have learnt all this a long time ago.
Learning, that something we all have had to do through most of our lives, from schooling to social behaviour, driving, etc, life is a lesson and every day we are more than likely to learn something new, either about ourselves, our environment or some event that gives us information regarding the world around us, life is a learning curve. Without the ability to learn, we cannot grow, we cannot have an opinion, we cannot express a thought without knowledge which we have gained through learning.
i am learning, all the time, things that i should maybe have known a long time ago, about myself, i had to look hard to find the information, deep inside myself and i am not to proud of some of the things i found out about the real me... i have to say that if we are all honest with ourselves, there are a few hidden skeleton that we just don't like to admit are there, but if we look at ourselves deeply enough we can be more open and frank about our wants and needs with our respective partners, more so within a D/s, M/s relationship, where honesty and integrity are paramount.
From these comes trust, without which there can be little to build a solid foundation on.. and it takes some building, certainly wont happen over night, months, years sometimes before you can really know someone and trust them so explicitly that you have no doubts or fears that anything they may say or do, will cause you any permanent harm.
i have learnt to trust MG, with my life, on occasions, that wasn't an overnight thing by any means, 2/3 years and even now, we are both still learning, still growing into what we have, building on the solid foundation we set right from the beginning, when, in honest and open communication, we discussed every last detail of who we were, where we wished to go and how we wished to get there... of course, we make mistakes, but we make them together and try to rectify each one as it occurs, again, learning from the experience.
Sometimes the mistakes hurt us each a little, sometimes they are of little consequence, but we still learn from each one and hopefully we wont make the same mistake again.
If i never learn one more thing about life and myself from this day hence forth, i will at least have found the real me, under all that pretense and false facade that was stuck up there for years and years. Imperfection.. of course, bad habit,... most definitely, demanding... ask MG, stroppy, opinionated, feisty at times...Heck..that's enough self analysis for one day thank you..!!!
Take a good long look in the mirror, you might surprise yourself...
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