Staying the course

Surrendering one's will to another, completely, daily and fully is a challenge which must be renewed with each day. Slave discovered how difficult it is to kneel continually, even when service is the core motivation.

Master understands the responsibility of His Ownership. He accepted that when He placed His collar on my neck. That responsibility, or duty, requires He first and foremost , BE THE MASTER. This means not letting His emotions allow Him to falter or moved from His course. Slave has seen how truly difficult it is for Master to stay the course and be true to the values He set out for His ownership of His human property, His slave. He has shown the strength of character, self confidence and self control that first drew my heart to Him in friendship, then love, then devotion, and finally surrender. He stayed the course by being true to Himself, which luckily for me, means protecting

Spring

Spring has finally sprung and life moves on. i find it remarkable, when viewed from the point of view of my life previous to being as Your slave, to experience the joy of following my most basic instincts with One who understands, accepts, and embraces my true slave nature.
i do not think anything of the routines i preform, . This is my life. It is remarkable how the inner peace and sense of well being floods over me when i acknowledge who and what i am. Anytime of year, im happiest in Your service, i dont ever wish it to be any different.

Life in Chains

“If loving You makes a slave of me, then I’ll spend my whole life in chains.”

~Sophie B Hawkins

not a perfect woman

i am not a perfect woman. i have flaws both physically and in all other areas. i have things to work through, i see some of those flaws more clearly when i'm alone. i do not want to be stagnant but constantly renewing the inner woman, refining her, perfecting the good and sanding down the bad. Embracing the girl and polishing the woman.There are days when i struggle with feeling less than worthy.
One thing i have come to love over the years is the feeling of certain materials against my skin. The brush of a skirt hemline against a bare leg, really nice stockings, a gorgeous bra, clothes that accent the positive and help erase the things i find negative about my body, hair products that make my hair soft and silky.
As a submissive woman, my heart's desire is to remain graceful and gentle, but for now, what i have before me, the inner woman, the slave, the submissive one can continue to enjoying the things mentioned before and carry on learning to be graceful in manners and disposition.
>

wants and needs Again

i need to be Your submissive all the time. i need to submit to You in every way that You ask of me, whenever and wherever You ask it. i need to feel that i am of good use to You.

i want to be open and yielding and taken and owned. Completely and relentlessly. i want to give up myself to You, to give over control to You. To be Yours in every way i can be, and to find the peace and contentment and purpose that being owned by You brings. i want to not have to question or wonder, but simply obey and please You by doing so.

accountability

My thoughts are scattered today and i am not sure why. i am feeling pretty good today and i don't feel an ounce of stress and believe me my middle name is "stress". i was determined to have a good day and so far i have. i haven't let anything get me down and i feel really good today and it's been a very long time where i have felt good about me. Life is funny sometimes but as far as i am concerned life is good today ....it might have not been good yesterday and it might not be good tomorrow but i am focusing on today and today it's very good.
My underlying thought is i need accountability and discipline if needed i love Master very much He is the best thing that has ever happened to my life. But discipline was very therapeutic for me and i know that i really need a” firm" hand once in a while, what i need is to be held accountable for minor and major misdeeds. Even just a good talking too goes a long way to balancing me, puts some purpose back where its lost, Thank You Sir for the talk, i did listen and will certainly act on some of Your suggestions

mirror

i have been thinking about our relationship. Trying to evaluate how hard of a job MG has and how hard it really is to be a Dom. i never really thought about his job as being hard ....in my mind being the boss is the easy part ....it's being submissive that is the hard job.
But i did give it some fair thought and after thinking about it and evaluating it all i came to the conclusion that it could be a stressful job! i know that he always makes his decisions according to my best interest.
i love MG with all of my heart and soul and i would do anything for him and it breaks my heart to think that i have made his job harder than it has to be. Some days i look at myself in a mirror and i think ...oh god who would want to be with me? Or no wonder MG rarely wants to touch me in certain ways .......that is how i think most of the time. i know i got to get past a lot of this and i am trying but it's a hard road to travel. There are a lot of days that out of the blue i just want to cry and it's because i am so unhappy with myself and with the way i look ....and i think no wonder MG rarely think of wanting sex with me..... My thought process needs a lot of work though! i guess i am lucky that MG at least wants to spank me.I try to think about the positives but most of the time i fail it's very hard to be happy with yourself when half of you is never going to work right again. i have to do some reverse thinking so i can get past that and start loving and liking myself again. i am not happy with myself ...I hate "ME" and i don't know how to start loving myself. i don't understand how MG can love me because i take one good look at myself and i wonder why or what he sees in me to love! But i guess men deal with it differently than women do. It's all hard for me, i wish it were easier. Some days i do love myself but other days i end up hating myself and those are the days that i don't look forward too so every day that i love myself are the days i cherish.

Masters slave

In so many ways i am a lucky slave to have a Master who gives me as much latitude as he does i am free to express opinions (within reason ), He doesn’t outwardly control every aspect of my life. But yet every action has become one with him in mind. What i wear, even what i make for dinner each night, i think “Master would really enjoy having that tonight". i can’t wait until i can once again kneel every day. Feel that centred grounding place.

God I love that place.

The “yes, this is where I’ve longed to be all day” place.

Being able to serve has only made me stronger in who i am. Having a Master whose convictions so closely match my own has given me more strength to be the woman I’ve always longed to be. i know that i please him, and that makes me stronger in everything that i do as a slave, friend, sibling, mother. It also gives me the freedom to let go, surrender the control, put myself into His hands. There’s no greater feeling in the world for me than to know i’m serving, i’m pleasing, i’m loved, i’m used, i’m treasured.

i want nothing more than to serve, to make His life more enjoyable by doing all the little chores that need to be done, to give to Him all that i am, all that i can be and all that i will be. i want nothing more than to make Him happy, to surrender my very existence to Master

Brat

i think i have been a little annoying lately..bratty to say the least.
im full of comments on things that really are nothing to do with me. Sometimes i try too hard..i. do not mean to be annoying..if that is what i am,i’m sure i am if im honest, i bug Master to distraction sometimes, on the littlest of things, when i don’t get my way, i brat out, I know im doing it, know i shouldn’t but somewhere inside me i justify the questioning, the reasons for change when really that is not my place at all, i can say to myself that there is no reason as to why i shouldn’t question i know i have this tendency to over analyze and like to make sure i am still on the right page.its been said i create things to worry about when there are noneThere are times i feel so attached and embedded into Master that it overwhelms me with feelings of contentment and then there are others where i feel so far away and remote that i feel as if i am treading water in the distance.
For a submissive, i am a bit of a control freak when it comes to certain areas of my life. Not sure if that is a pro or a con in the submissive arena..but i am honest enough to admit it

submissive junkie

i am many things, the reason i am specifically here is because i am a slave to my core. Sometimes very quiet, other times i have much to say.

That feeling of ease that is with me always. Even during the course of a crazy day away from my Master, i am able to think "i am owned" and it brings me comfort.

If ever Master leave me alone on this astral plane I shall be so angry at Him for doing so.

I am convinced that its His responsibility to see that that does not happen by taking care of all the things He is set to care about aka, all the things He does have a certain amount of control over. His own health for starters. .

My desire and need to serve will never leave me, When i am stressed, upset, or anxious, i always leaned on my slavery heavily. When i am feeling out of sorts, i want nothing more than to have the outlet of service to make me feel better.

Sad thought really but its one that never leaves me, who will i serve when im 60/70/80, if Master leaves me, gawd that scare the hell out of me.i want to beg Him to look after Himself better, will He listen,

I doubt it cause Hes stubborn and like so many people think He is indestructable.

At 20 we all put the pension/ life insurance on hold , its miles away , why worry now, well let me tell you 20 to 50 goes by in a flash as does 50 to 80 I’ve no doubt, please Sir , if only for my peace of mind, “take care”

He won't though. Not now, not next week because He’s invincible.

Anyway...to sum it up rather simply...i am here... i am owned . And that is how i want it to continue for a long time.

Maybe that is not a huge surprise to anyone. The choice of where i need to be is right by my Master side.M/s has been compared to a drug.. that makes me a pain junkie, a submissive junkie, a i need my Master junkie...the list can go on and on.

It is true i am.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

The most delicious part of D/s is when my brain shuts up and i can enjoy the pleasure of knowing i am His to use as He wishes. With or without my own pleasure. i am safe in the knowledge that Master owns me. In deepest submission i surrender my everything to Him.i feel when He forcefully takes control of His slave i can slip back into the warmth of my slavery. Where i am at peace.Am i grateful to have a Master who allows me to question and make my requests? Does my questioning and needy demands change the outcome No. i have no part of my life that is separate or private from Him. It is His wish to share some of my thoughts, He of course may do.Giving up control allowed this slave new freedom and self-control that may have always been within but was never allowed to shine outward.
i need to stay focused on what is important in my life now...us as ONE, growing together.
i am YOURS, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow
Yesterday is a memory
Whether it was good or bad
No matter right or wrong
The days of yesterday are now gone
We can't undue the mistakes we have made
We can only live, learn, and pray today.

Today is the only day we can be sure of
We must live it to its fullest
Live, love, and grow
Give your heart away and let it show
Don't worry about tomorrow and what it may bring
Only think about today and live it well

Because

Tomorrow is another chance, another day
A day to do what is right
A day to correct the wrongs of yesterday
A day to make someones day bright
A day to spread kindness
But most of all it is another day to love
So take yesterday
and Make today
A better day tomorrow

Poem written by Cindy Bader June 10, 2001. Copyright © 2001

Belonging

It's been noted that I've posted a lot about personal thoughts, my feeling towards Master rather than about our M/s as such so entries into my journal are not really about our lifestyle as much as they should be. Now, I'm gonna stop being so damn lazy and get this journal back on track.

Every once in awhile, something just really hits hard about belonging to someone else. Often it is the craziest things that have nothing to do with the exhibited concept of submission.

During everyday normal daily existence i get smacked with who i am by just little things that occur out of the blue every once in a while. Such as I’ll see something I’d like to buy either for me or one of the girls or even for Master i struggled with if He would be okay with me buying it. i figured since the total purchase would be under £10 he wouldn't mind(i'm assuming here of course and making my own reasons for doing what i want to do). But i really struggled back and forth with it because i am owned and everything i do i need to ask permission so it just throws my brain into a tizzy, it would probably take 10 to 15 minutes of me talking to myself back and forth, "should i, shouldn't i, knowing all along i shouldn't, but convincing myself if it would be okay and that just really brings home to me who i am. Then if i have gone and bought something without asking i have this huge guilt trip because i know deep down i should have asked (Master doesnt often deny me anything, im one very spoilt slave). No –one punishes a slave more than she does, herself.
Other times it comes when i stop myself from making a decision regarding our home, it suddenly occurs to me that i can't make that decision, thats Master place not mine. i have to wait for Him to say yes or no.
Then there are moments that happen that i feel like this is who i have been forever and the movement come and passes naturally without a second thought.i am my Masters slave.

I am nuts about this Man

i am nuts about this Man. i love everything about Him. He is so GOOD to me. He knows when to hold me and when to use me.As I sit and reflect, i have no idea what i ever did to deserve Him. This Man who senses my feelings and my mental state and reflects them, this Man who adores my spirit and my quirks and my body. When He calls me slave, my insides melt and i long to just curl up into Him. When He looks closely at me, i hope He sees something that makes Him proud. Yes, i have been a pleaser my whole life... with Master it is something so different- it's in me.
i trust Him with every part of me, including the ugliness. i don’t know why, but it has been this way from day one of our relationship. i have shared things with Him that no one knows. i have told Him things that i told no other person ever.
Today I’m reminded that HE CHOSE ME, i was told, no discussion. Despite the mess, despite the pain, despite the past; HE CHOSE ME. i just hope i never let him down. i hope and pray i never give Him cause to rethink his choice.
There is something in His nature that i inherently trust and desire to draw close to. He makes me want to be better in all areas of myself, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically...Master understands it all.
Crazy as that sounds.... this is where my heart is... inside His heart. Master makes me feel safe, and wanted and beautiful

challenges, limitations

We all have limitations. Some of us stagnate, feeling unable to overcome the hurdles life has placed in front of us. Some of us thrive as a result of a challenging environment, our struggles refine our characters and make us even greater people.
slave has learned over time the best way to face those challenges is with faith and focus on our reality. With faith in Master's love and direction, i am ever closer to my goal of beating the obstacles that my lifes path has in store for me. Huge challenges become merely hurdles on the journey of my life. Master remains calm and strong and His attitude and direction allows me the freedom to meet the obstacle with resolve and commitment, knowing i am a reflection of Him and subject to His will. i will carry His love and support with me as i face situations which will challenge my strength and courage. i have found new courage and freedom from old enemies by no longer allowing them to control me or my actions. This slave knows who and what controls her and to whom she answers. She wears His collar and His permanent mark with immense pride. Thank You Sir

Pain in the arse !!

i have to let Him know that he's loved and worshipped more than any other man on this earth. Because not only is he the perfect, the best, of all Masters, but he's also just an incredible man. It’s terribly difficult to ever stay angry with a man who sacrifices so much, to deal with a headstrong slut who should know better, but You puts up me.

i honestly have no idea what i could have done to deserve love like this, to have someone so thoroughly who could really do so much better, with someone he wouldn't have to spend the rest of his life looking after. If i were any less selfish, i would give You up. But i feel just fine about being incredibly selfish the rest of my life. i only hope You finds me worth it, in the end.

• i realised that maybe i emphasise your good points just a little.
• i may get slightly sulky once in a while.
• i know, occasionally i need a reminder of who You are and who i am.
  

Even though this was suppose to be(with all due respect of course) my complaining-about-what-a-pain-in-the-arse-You-can-be-sometimes, it really can't be, because, in the greater scheme of things Your so incredible and good to me all the time and sometimes it surprises me all over again just how madly and desperately in love i am, and how in spite of all the crap I'm happier than I've ever been, with a prospect of. Well who knows what’s around the next corner, I'm not lying: Master really is perfect.
Thank You Sir, for just being You

Reflection

i was about to write something artistic and airy here, something that tried to convey the deep satisfaction i feel in as few words as possible. Something like: Sometimes all i want is His hand in my hair with the other across the small of my back, both pulling me closer to Him. Sometimes all i want is to be made feel breathless, helpless, completely under His protection, under His guidance and control. Those are the times i allow myself to rest and think of nothing but Him. i need those times. i don't really feel like saying an awful lot today. So now i think i will just sit.

what do i do all day

People get trapped by the words Master/slave, or total power exchange. This never ceases to amaze me, though i suppose i should be used to it by now. Some seem to think that being a slave their duties are clearly spelled out (micro-managed) by the dominant and they end there. This is not true. Part of being a successful slave is having the desire to please Master. This means in both the ways He orders you to and in ways that you simply notice He enjoys and then doing those things for Him even though He did not ask you to. Master like this initiative taking in His slave i think. It shows that slave truly is interested in pleasing Him before herself.
Mostly my day is like most other people who are stay at home mums with teenage daughters. Lots of time is taken up with housework, straightening out, prepaing meals and all that stuff. So all of that is included.For me however, the mental knowledge . No certainty, is that everything i do is to please Master often make a difficult day a little easier. i try to remember that i am supposed to be pleasing Him.To watch me go about my daily routine you would have no idea that i was owned. The power exchange is subtle and quiet. It can get loud if the situation warrants it, but most of the time it is simply this very quiet knowledge within myself that i belong to Master and that everything i do either must please him or have a really good excuse for not pleasing him.i do the same things everyone else does in real life. i shop, cook, clean, and do what my Master tells me to do. If i fail, i expect punishment. That's about it for what i do all day

a submissive thought

A submissive thought for the day, so that one can focus on a different aspect of submission daily and maybe attempt to behave in that manner so that your life might be more submissive in nature. i personally use mantras , ie a little rhyme that i can recite to myself to focus me, if i might need that for example

• "I live to obey master. I live to serve master. I live to pleasure master. I am lost without master "
• "He is Master and I am slave. He is Owner and I am owned. He commands and I obey.
• "He is to be pleased and I am to please. And why is this? Because he is Master and I am slave."

my submissive thought for the day :

I am not responsible for other people’s issues

Master

For me, M/s is entwined with trust and comfort and safety and love. Of course, passion plays an important part in its due time, but it a necessary ingredient for me to love.Another part of love and our M/s for me is gratefulness. Sort, the universe, fate, however else you may call it, saying thanks for letting me experience this.There are many people in my life who have and still continue to cause these feelings in me. My Masters, some family members,.But I'd like to single out my Master for this post. He is one of the reasons that my self is more or less intact.He is kind and caring and stubborn as a goat. He is wise and funny and will unfailingly make the right decision. He exasperates me, comforts me, annoys me and challenges me. He has seen me through my best times and my absolute worst times. And through it all, He has not stopped being my rock.Now my Master. being Your slave enhances all areas of my life, those we work on together and simple day in and day out activities i do on my own are coloured with a mindfulness that centers me and brings my thoughts to You. Accepting and honouring my submission in whole is honouring who i am at heart and therefore allows me to fully surrender myself to Your care. i can’t offer You my body without my soul. The rightness lies in being entirely in Your care and i am…all of me.

Reward & punishment

i have been thinking about how i need more structured rules in my life, with both punishment and rewards as part of the system. And as i was thinking about this, i had to wonder: am i really, seriously asking to be punished for things? Do i want to be punished for things i'm nearly certain to do (or, more to the point, do i want to be punished for not doing things i'm nearly certain not to do)?And the answer is, "No, of course i don't WANT to be punished for these things."Which leads to the next question: Why do i ask to be spanked.Aafter all, it hurt, hurts like hell? Yet i ask, again and again knowing that the moment i bend to Your hand, I’m in pain.i really don't like being punished i don't enjoy it. It’s not fun, i don't know how it is that it's different from spanking for fun, but it definitely is. i love to be spanked for fun, no matter how hard or long, even though i know its goning to hurt like hell. Punishment spankings are different. They can be very short, and not even necessarily very hard, but they tend to encourage me to change my behaviour.i think a major aspect of all this spanking is that You are paying attention to me, and that You care about what i do, and how i treat myself. So when there's an element of trying to communicate through negative behaviour (and i hate to admit this, but i know that i have done this), some kind of response is required.On the flip side, when i do something wrong unintentionally, i often have a very difficult time stopping beating myself up about it (in the figurative sense). And in these cases, the self-punishment is utterly out of proportion to the mistake that i made. A spanking will often helps me to let go of the need to be angry at myself, and helps me to move on, (PLEASE NOTE).In both cases, although i absolutely dread getting the punishments, they leave me feeling safer and more secure, better balanced, and more whole.But this is something that i can't quite understand at the moment when there's about to be a punishment. Although i can say, calmly and rationally, separate from the actual situation, that i know it's good for me... in the moment, I'd do anything i could to avoid it. I'd argue. If i were a better liar, i might lie. i resist. This is a complex situation. Given a choice, i would far rather not be punishing me at all. And it's very confusing, that i ask for something, and then fight it with all my might when it comes to the point of doing it.Some of the resistance is testing to see whether Master really cares enough to follow through with the consequences. And some of it is simply that, while i might know that the consequences are good for me, there's nothing that says i actually want to deal with them. i may not want the punishment, but i definitely want its results.

Pleasure from giving

i am not weak, i am not helpless,. i am not alone. i am part of a couple, of a family. Master is a part of me and i am a part of Him. i am allowed to see the depth and the strength of the man who owns me. i have always known Master is focused and has a plan for O/our path. Even as i attempt to offer my service and make sure His basic needs are being met, my submission is Master's. He can choose to refine it and develop that aspect of my personality or not. As slave, the decision is not mine to make.. When Master wants submission, He commands it. i embrace my slavery and the control, order, discipline, and safety which come from service to Master, yet i always envy those slaves that get a beating just whenever. Yes, sometimes my Master frustrates me beyond belief. Sometimes i could just shake Him until He listens to me. But He is my Husband, my lover, my love, my heart, my darling Master whom i just utterly and totally adore, even when He isn't doing what i want Him to do. slave does not ever want to show disrespect or disobedience but slave longs to be USED... often and with very little regard to her personal pleasure. i am usually a masochist. Delicate little strokes and pink Velcro handcuffs do not send me where i want to be. When i think He is doing something just because of His responsibility i experience it almost like a "mercy fuck. But still i beg, for more and for Master's Use, this slave is drifting in a powerless state, serving Master and waiting for spring. For me, there are times when service is it's Own reward and since that delight is so self pleasing, i feel as tho i am still serving while gaining pleasure for myself. It pleases me to please Master.My Master's pleasure becomes my own. if Master would just take His pleasure, slaves appetite would be sated also, as in service, pleasure is gained. It is possible to take pleasure from giving; i do it all the time.

Good Girl

A connection was formed something close to five years ago and remains active. When i realised i loved You, once that had occurred and i realised i was "in love “with You, my path was set. Any way, things are what they are. We keep doing what we’re doing and end up where we end up. To submit, after some thought and some hunting around on-line for a definition, the original Latin meaning of submit which comes from the word submittere "to yield, lower, let down, put under, reduce," “Now, it may just be me, but i don't see anything in there about 'happily, with a big joyous smile on one's face' or ’with great enthusiasm'. There's nothing in that definition that says you have to like or enjoy it. Yes, there is an inference of willingness in that the person has to yield (give in, so to speak) or lower themselves, but it says nothing about there being blissful flights of angels to accompany it. Because, sometimes 'obeying' is just a big pain in the ass. That brings us to the big question "What do i get out of my submission?” i don't know is the honest answer. i have a burning need to serve and please, of course i prefer Master to be happy than angry or sad, serving and pleasing are so much driving needs in me.. i need to be serving Him in order to feel complete. i think i get varying degrees of satisfaction more than anything else when I've managed to do what is required of me. Achieving something that was previously impossible give me a sense inside that I've 'done well'. It's the acknowledgement that i enjoy more than the serving and pleasing per se.The "good Girl" pat on the head. There are times when i've been beaten and taken quite a solid beating and it's never quite made me feel so 'acknowledged' as your slave, as when i've struggled through a light beating. i guess for me i get a stronger sense of satisfaction when it's not so easy, when i struggle for Your pleasure - when i'm doing things that i don't want to do. We’ve often said submission isn’t always about the nicer side.i guess i need the struggle.

Tripped

We’ve had a lot of high points in the past five years.. and we’ve had our lows too. Not because of us, but because of life being thrown at us time and time again. i can’t count the times that Master has not only kept my head above water, but has yanked me out of the depths. And for that i can not thank Him enough. i could say “Thank You” five times a day, every day, for the rest of my life and it wouldn’t be enough. And i know i’ve done the same for Him, and i know He appreciates it.Speaking of saying thank You. Thank You Master for Your love. Without You i shudder to think of where i would be in my life right now… let alone who i would be. i didn’t like myself very much at all when i first met You. And now? i am a much better person. i know there have been times where i have said i don’t think we would work out very well at all if all of a sudden we dropped the M/s lifestyle. But i don’t believe that anymore, If it wouldn’t have worked… we never would have gotten past the one year together. Yes, we had started kink in the bedroom and some things outside of it.. but it was nothing like what it is today. Even if You were to stop being my Master, for whatever reason, You would still be my Husband, my lover, my friend, my mate. Nothing can change that. I love You.You are the one who loves me even with knowing all of my secrets, from the smallest ones to the ones And even though there may be times where i wonder how that is possible… You loving me … i am grateful for it. i am grateful that i have someone who truly knows me, even the darker me that i don’t let out all that often. And You don’t love me besides those things but because of them. Our love has deepened every time another layer has peeled away, every time we had to pick each other up, every time that we reached and surpassed a new height.Neither You nor i are the same people we were when we first met. And regardless that we have grown on our own…. we have grown together and just compliment each other even more as we change.I love it when suddenly one of us will take a breath, and the other will pick up the conversation right where it was left off… and it turns into some sort of tag team conversation that not only makes sense, but is exactly what one of us would have said had the other not picked up the thread.So here we are, my Husband. my Master. And there has been great joy in our past, and great pain, but i wouldn’t change a thing. If i did, one of the dominoes wouldn’t have been knocked down and we wouldn’t be where we are today. And i would never want that. Long may it continue Sir

Journey

My journey into submission has been an adventure. An adventure that i didn't know could happen to me . i had for many years longed for some kind of relationship, that went past the normal nilla one. A relationship that is open and honest, communicative and loving. Then i met Sir, now i want nothing more then to please Him and love Him. Make Him proud of me. i have since those first early days been brought deeper into my submission by being His slave and learning that my need to serve is a natural part of who i have always been, to now, and who i have become, just how much i love Him, makes my days, and my service all the more worthwhile. Nothing will ever alter that love, only make it stronger, by building on our journey so far.

reality

The gist of it is that our M/s is very real to us, & is not (to simplify it considerably) "sexual".

In our sexual play, on the other hand, we incorporate BDSM but for its erotic qualities rather than its sexaul ones.

Life is good. i am extremely happy and content in my role as slave to my Master, albeit , id like to serve more, but as things currently are , i do what Master needs me to do i believe, as is often stated Master decides, not slave and Master is content with slaves input, that is good enough for me.

Silver surfer

So i read (lots of ideas spring from reading), and i think, and i often imagine doing things that are, i would realise if i thought things through, not particularly good ideas. Good idea or not, there is absolutely no harm in thinking things. Thoughts that stay inside our heads are private. No one can blame you, tease you, humiliate or punish you, for a thought that is and remains unvoiced and un-acted upon.
My problem lies in the fact that the filter between my mind and my mouth is a flimsy thing. Add sex, spanking, etc and not only do i say exactly what i'm thinking, i start to think things that would make a common prostitute blush. It's not a pretty, feminine thing, but Master likes the whore sometimes so, i don't think i need to change that bit of me. Some of my ideas are so way off, i know, totally impractical for us, but i still have them and still relate then to Master, He of course will pick and choose all or any or none as He sees fit, which is how it should be, but without slave's input, maybe no idea would be forthcoming... stagnation.
Fresh idea never harmed anyone, other than maybe slaves butt from time to time,
Maybe i should suggest a gag and let that be my last bad idea.
Your slave

That's what sluts like you are for

When Master administered a spanking, it hurts a lot. It hurt so much that i wriggle on his lap, hoping to shift my position just enough that the blows would fall on unbruised flesh. It's not strictly about the pain. i'm not a true masochist. Pain alone would never satisfy me. we proved that a long time ago. What i enjoy is the submission, His dominance, being vulnerable to Him. He enjoys the power, the sense of control, What it really come down to is being there for Him and His pleasure regardless. In the end it doesn't matter, as long as His wants and needs are satisfied. That is the whole point, nothing else really matters. When asked if it hurt and when i say it does i am merely told "Good. That's what sluts like you are for." touche

Know your place

i ask myself what my purpose is, well as a slave it's to make Master happy. i only desired what constantly burns in me; to serve and please Him. As mother, to see to the wants and needs of my children. As far as sex is concerned, sex is sex but to me it's also a very special thing. i have always been a touchy feely kind of person, the intimacy that is there between myself and my Master when He uses me sexually is needed, it helps me find my centre to remember outside of all the day to day shit who i am and what i am. i'm my Master slave but oh i still have needs and one of those is intimacy with Master, i also need boundaries and guidelines, that are reinforced constantly, i need ritual and tasks and all that sort of thing, just to keep me focused on who i am, what i am.

my Master slave, whore, hole, fuck toy and anything else Master wants me to be.

count my blessings

i guess i must take every opportunity to count my blessings, and i have many.
i must also reflect and be grateful for what i have and what i am.
What i have is two of the most wonderful kids imaginable, even if they are teenagers and sometimes forget that being me is far more than simply being their mum. What i have is a home, peace and contentment.
What i also have is a beautiful relationship with a caring, loving, demanding, strict, understanding, controlling, easygoing, mature, fun, sadistic, tender Master.
What i am is a mother, something that brings me so much joy i never dreamed i would feel. i am a woman, a friend.
i am intelligent, finally learning to be confident, secure, stressed, loving, and most of the time i am mature.
i am submissive, slave to my Master, respectful, obedient, caring, serving, pleasing, and loving.
i can't think of anything i want, or anyone i would rather be, than what i have, and who i am.i can only hope that i prove worthy of my station, to all who my life encircles.

i am Yours

sometimes i wonder if He realizes just how much being His ... completes me.And that, is what "love" is all about. When two people meet each other's needs so completely that they truly fit together like puzzle pieces, forming a beautiful picture called "life together"... love doesn't have to be spoken. It simply is.It is once again our anniversary time and it seems that things keep getting better and better. It never seems possible, and yet somehow, it always happens.Thank You for believing in me.Thank You for being someone i can also believe in.Thank You, Master, for owning me so beautifully.Absolutely and completely devoted to You,
i am Yours.

Two years on

I am so honoured to be Your slave/wife, to wear Your collar,wedding ring, to belong to You so completely. i am proud that my obedience and my service is pleasing to You, and that You are proud to own me.
i have the support of a man who owns me so wonderfully, cares so deeply for me, sees so much in me that is there, and so much potential in me in spite of the demons, life changes and their effects....and who has made Himself open to me by encouraging my growth... because He recognizes that as i grow, i change, and change always has an element of risk. But He knows that this kind of growth makes me a better person, and He trusts and believes that it will make me a better slave as well. i shall continue to try to be the best i can be.
Your slave/wife(i adore being both Sir) thank you

Typing

i find myself tending to type here for myself more than for any other reason. This really is a good way for me to clarify some thoughts, and even seeing things in words helps me to prioritise sometimes. You have no idea the many times things are typed and deleted .
Usually i am able to type, and purge a lot of negative emotions before You ever see anything i have typed. i delete all the purging things, of course. Why is that important? Many Doms and Masters say they want to know whatever their slave/sub is feeling, but too much negativity is not good for either me or You, but an outlet to express those sometimes, dark and murky thoughts is beneficially to me to let it all go somewhere other than in a blazing row. i can surface with a spring in my step (when my backs not killing me) relatively even-keeled, i would hope to get on with what i need to do in life.
Thank You for Your patience. You have to be the most patient man i have ever had the honour of knowing, and i am one blessed to belong to You. Thank You for choosing to discuss the difficult things with me in you inimitable manner. Thank You for showing your love for me in more ways than i ever dreamed one could. Thank You, Master, for it all.

Is it possible

From Submissive Journal Prompts:

My desire to please and be found pleasing, to mold myself to Master's will and to become the person He would have me to be expresses how deep my relationship is with my Master Love, in general to me, isn't based on how good the other person makes us feel. Love is based on how well they meet our needs, even those we don't know we have. For me, love is the knowledge that i would be totally crippled without Master in my life, because of the needs He meets for me. And i honestly believe that He feels the same way about me,That kind of love does not fade. Some say that if a Master falls in love with His slave, He runs the risk of romanticising the relationship, and no longer treating her as a slave. there is some grounds for this assumption, i do feel sometimes i get away with more than i should or that Master is too soft with me but, who says that we cannot have our M/s and love as well, its just another of the many challenges we face, same as being parents in a M/s relationship, i would say that fact hinders us far more than our love does, but we wouldn’t choose not to be parents.

i say that a deep, abiding, M/s, D/s relationship can't happen without love being present.
Life isn’t for living without love M/s or otherwise.

i love my Master with all my heart, So i know that love HAS to be present in a successful D/s,M/s relationship.

Trust & Faith

The word "trust" is used to describe what is needed in order to submit.But what about when the trust is real?...really, really, real. Trust so strong that there are no limits as to what one will share.i trust Master like that...trust so strong and devoted that i can not even compare it to anything else..or to anyone else.Certainly trust is required with giving myself over to be hurt, to be used, to be subjected to pain...no question, it is imperative to be able to know i am in good hands. Knowing i can handle and at times endure painful situations. Yet, it goes deeper than just the physical. A pain slut, is a pain slut, is a pain slut, so submitting to a rather difficult session is easier for some than others and as such doesn't require as much trust .

What i find the most, comforting, is the trust that i have that goes beyond being able to trust someone who beats me.Sharing so much with Him, knowing that He will protect me . That He knows it is for Him..is exclusively His. i give it to Him because i want Him to have it all....i have the utmost faith in Him that what i give to Him, is appreciated, cared for, and gives Him pleasure. It is why i am here and because of course because i love Master and want only the very very best for Him.

i am woman

i am woman.With a woman's needs. The need of a strong man to hold me up when i'm weak, to care for me when i'm needy, to pick me up when i fall and to have my back when bad is out to get me.The need to be pampered once in awhile and to be touched with love and softness.i'm a woman.i'm soft inside for all my strength.And i'm fragile inside for all my hulking, graceless size and bulk and hobble.
i'm slave for all that by choice because for all that Master is everything i know i need and a lot more that i didn't know i needed. He is my light in the dark, my rock when my own foundations crumble, the soft pillow when im tired of the world,but most of all a big soft cuddly teddy bear who can growl real loud when im straying . Master love You forever. Thank You Sir for just being there.

Good Girl

Many slaves enjoy being good girls or at least being called a “good girl.”

For me i think it is because being called a good girl lets me know i am pleasing Master...and doing what i need to serve Him well. Internally it hits those buttons that longs for approval.

Do you like being a good girl or do you like being called a good girl? both. i like being a good girl and pleasing Master. But i also like when He says i am a good girl.

Do you like being a bad girl to get a spanking?

no. If i want a spanking, i ask/beg/plead... then He decides if he wants to give me one or not. But acting out to get one isn't my thing.

Do good girls do all this other stuff they enjoy? oh yes! i am a good girl that likes to be a slut and whore...as well, if it pleases Master

love and marriage

It is not my intent to suggest that I am a "true" submissive. i only write of what submission means to me and its place within my life and home. It is a link in my marriage, but only one of many. Without my deep friendship with and respect for Master, there would be no possibility of my submission to him. Our relationship is built on a foundation of mutual respect and is lavishly sprinkled with love. I believe that we were meant to be together. I feel that we have always loved each other. As far as I am concerned, we were led to one another five years ago. Otherwise, it was a fluke that we ever met, Our introduction was meant to be. This is a love that was written before time began. It will never die.

communication

I feel that communication is not only a valuable, but an essential tool in any relationship M/s or otherwise. For me as long as slave communicates her needs/concerns in a manner that is respectful to Master, it should be allowed. i am glad that my Master, allows free speech, i am free to say whatever i need to say and to whom i wish . Do others have the right to express opinions that differ with mine? Sure they do and i love hearing them. Gives me a lot to think about.i am as true to my beliefs,as i can be if i'm confused, i'll ask for clarification. i'll not just assume that something is this way or that. Truism(one true way) isn't a part of my thinking, but being true to myself is, which is why i'm a slave because it is who and what i am.My ultimate goal

To always be true to my MASTER, To live a life of service. And, to be true to myself.

Your slave

slut by name, slut by nature

The hope to be pleasing. The desire to comply. The love of obedience. And the helpless hunger for pain. The inescapable craving for pain. my honest desire to be a good slave. i must need to be punished every day of my life for all and every failing, not that I’d intentionally fail You because my greatest desire is to please but if i’m found too slow or that i’m being lazy, i'm never really sure but i cant be that good a slave to not warrant punishment, i want to be punished but hate deserving it, because it means i've fail You. My slavish needs are far too strong for me to ever intentionally earn punishment. Nonetheless at times i melt at the thought of Youtelling me off. I want You to be strict about the ways i am to please You. To never fail but to correct for each and every thing You require of Your slave. It is my nature to relish Your pleasure-Punishment is probably only possible between us within a formal/private setting. Rules might serve the purpose of shaping slave behaviour to match Your wishes. They also increase the likelihood that I will fail: memory, tardiness, sloppiness may leave me at fault. i want Your control, to never be displeasing and - yet - Your discipline One leads to another, either way i fail, me or You i'd rather fail me so i guess im not going to get the spanking i need soon.!! i realise we have quite serious thoughts behind discipline and punishment, im happy with either right now Sir, Yes i know slut by name, slut by nature Sir .

Your slave

am i real ?

am i real? i read a few blogs and generally when i do, i take them at face value. i believe that what i am reading is a fairly accurate account of what happened in someones life, simply because what i am reading is a blog and not erotic fiction. While i understand that even the best of us exercise a touch of poetic license on occasion to improve on our literary leavings, i cling to my belief that a blog is a glimpse into a real and not imaginary life.i used to get quite upset when i read about someone who is 'better' than me by taking a more solid beating or by being more slavery in some way. For some reason, the competitive streak in me always wants to feel that i'm much more a slave than anyone else. Of course, that's not true in any way shape or form and i am working on stopping the 'comparison cycle', but i still do feel jealous.It has often dawned on me to think that what i was reading might not be real- that it might just be someones little fantasy played out on the pages of a blog. It had also never dawned on me to be anything less than brutally honest about my life here, so i assumed that everyone else was the same. It kind of feels wrong to pass something off as real that is not.Now, i'll be the first to admit that i don't post pictures that show fat bulges. i also don't go into great lengths about the just how much i might suck as a slave , but i also don't parade around as 'Miss Slavery 2007/8'. i try to keep things in balance and show an overall view of the realities of D/s in my life. Although i try to keep the realities of my vanilla life to a minimum in this blog it doesn't mean that they don't exist and it certainly doesn't mean that i clean the house in a maid's outfit and stilettos or spend twenty two hours a day on my knees. I have a life and D/s is but a part of it.

rest easy mel

The loss of one so young, makes the world a cruel place terri (melova)was a sweet girl even tho 26, she had put up with so much in her short life, it was never going to be easy, but she rarely complained, and just at the time of year when we all look forward she looses her fight, how much sorrow i feel that i might also not have been there for her at her greatest time of need, a sister in the lifestyle. she will be sadly missed

R.I.P. mel hunnie

maybe i'm just a masochist

i have always wanted someone stronger than me. i have always craved someone who could take over my entire being and own me. Not necessarily in a slave sense, but still as slave im extremely happy. i do not cry from pain easily. it takes quite a bit to get me to cry.But i so remember times i have been degraded from a punishment spanking or a discipline spanking. And there is that stir of excitement in it all and i cry more easily, humiliation just makes me cry from shame. Maybe because there is that stir of...i am a grown woman and this is humiliating. Many a time i remember breaking down, the pain getting to be to much or even just the humiliation being to much. Maybe a part of my stubbornness was dying away. i know afterward i always feel more submissive. But punishment or discipline spankings are different from erotic even tho the action and pain levels are probably the same, Master put a different slant on the act in punishment Still, being spanked is a need i have however much pain result from that, is it therefore for the pain that i need to be spanked, or possibly Master attention? or maybe i'm just an out and out masochist. !!
Your slave

Deep submission or my bound place

so its my bound place , i can work with that. Funny how the "Deep submission" got lost somewhere along the road but they are one and the same place and i'm so pleased that You understand this place of mine Sir. The mind set of my need to become so deeply absorbed within my submission to you, that i'm tied, bound, caged, limited by the very thought of being Your slave and subsequently my every move, thought is focused on You Master and my need to be subjugated by You. It is at times such as these that i need to fall to my knees and beg You please, use me, command me anything just allow me to be Your slave , my soul cries out to serve You Please Sir, beat me, anything. i wonder if this is even remotely normal. i need the feeling of free-falling, sinking, overwhelming surrender that only my deepest submission can give me. This isn't a want in me now, it has become a need an all consuming need. Begging i can do and am willing to beg You to Dom me please Sir. Hell this is a hard place to be, with an insatiable desire that i alone cannot fill.

Your slave

wordsmith

i've been trying to come up with some kind of name to described my submissive place, the place i go when i feel the need to be ultra submissive, the times when if it were at all possible i would be cuffed and leashed, in those imaginary silks and at Master beck and call totally, on my knees, the head space area of my submission . i don't even know what might be appropriate. "sub-space" doesn't describe it for me, as that refers to the more erotic area of play No, i need another place when my whole being desire, needs even to be "slave" nothing more or less but totally consumed by my submission to Master, it eats away at me, this feeling all i want is to serve, to be used, to be slave at its most basic level, id throw myself to the floor if it were possible, its that consuming but can i find a single word to describe the feeling, i would really like to find a description so that at any given time if Master requires me to be ultra submissive . i.e if You wish me to attend Master You might instruct slave to be in this place knowing that my attention will be focused solely on Your needs, pleasures.Sir is the word smith maybe You can find a title for this place?
Your slave

What frustrates me

What frustrates me is when i have a need, that needs fixing and circumstances, lack of privacy, or other life 'stuff' gets in the way of me reaching, any kind of closure. Sometimes, those circumstances or life "stuff" are avoidable, and then sometimes it's hard to be patient or understanding, when my little voice is screaming "I NEED!!! Fix it!!!! Please!!" and other times, the circumstances are out of both of our control and i merely rage at them in a petulant way that while probably adorable to watch is just a small outlet for my internal frustration. For me to be at my best, i need my fixes.. i need them regularly... . It can be achieved in subtle ways or blatant, but i do need it.
So i admit sometimes that i get frustrated with Master. It's a selfish urge, and i realise that there are slaves and submissives out there who are probably aghast with shock that i would spend an entire post talking about my needs. What kind of submissive am i?Well - i'm me. i'm my type. And being submissive, is a part of me. And that part does include needs.
i am sure my needs can also be a source of frustration for MG. What's most important is that we work together, we ebb and flow together, and that we both do our best to strike the balance between wants and needs, both of ourselves and each other. Overall, i think we both do a pretty damn fine job.
Your slave

submissive needs

As a submissive, or even as a woman in a relationship, i have the right to speak up and discuss what my needs are... and my wants... I trust my Master to hear those needs and wants and to know the difference. If there is a *need* that He can't provide, we talk about it... and decide how important that need is and if im to be allowed to satify that need at that time (so far there hasn't been any He can't provide). The wants are absolutely at His discretion, and He knows it, but it is a way to let Him know where i'm at. A Dominant is expected to tell their submissive what they need and expect, and yet often i see submissives told they are 'topping from the bottom' if they try and return the favour... Perhaps some Dominants are threatened by this behavior.i don't really know...i do know that our relationship is still a relationship and our marriage is like any other marriage. We have to come together as two people who love each other first and make sure we are both feeling fulfilled. That is critical no matter what kind of relationship it is, and just like any other relationship, COMMUNICATION is key.Although... i must say... that when it's little cravings, sometimes just displaying my submission to Him openly and genuinely is all that's needed!
Your slave

Attitude, Acceptance and Obedience

i like every thing that Master has me do (or not do.) The reminder of His control over me as a person by having to ask permission for certain things is a powerful thing. It makes me more aware of things, it makes me grateful for the simpler things and it makes me appreciate Him more when He takes the time to listen to me when i ask for permission to do things that might be mundane but a privilege just the same. i like to know that if i miss asking Master is ready to remind me, it shows Your attention to those small details But i also appreciate the freedoms i am granted. i am to ask to eat, because, its a rule and focus's me Master does like to spoil me but rules are rules and permissions need to be adhered to.
To be living the dream. Sometimes things get a little hazy in this lifestyle. Master and i live a relaxed type of lifestyle - He doesn’t have too many rituals and i am not micromanaged with a 300 page list of rules to follow. So at times i take for granted (not on purpose) that this is what i dreamed of; this life and this Man and who i have become to Him.
i am where i want to be and now more than ever, i realize this. When i think about it, my heart does a little flip flop and i smile to myself. It’s not just the service part of things - it’s everything about this lifestyle. It’s the power exchange, it’s the being subjugated, beaten, that thrills me to the core. It’s the fact that Master owns me - my body, my flesh and blood and that there is a collar on my neck that reminds me every single moment of my day - that makes me all a quiver. It’s the fact that i am here to serve Him - no matter what that entails - that fulfills me. feel fulfilled every time i get Him a cup of tea or make Him a meal that pleases Him. i feel fulfilled after every sexual experience knowing that i worked hard to make Him happy, to put a smile on His face, to make Him feel good. It fulfills me to hear Him murmur sweet nothings to me about these experiences - that ive done well, that i‘m a good girl - that i am HIS good girl. i feel fulfilled every time He pats me on the head, hugs me, or kisses me sweetly. There is fulfillment in just wearing this collar. i finally am living a life where i feel like i have a purpose. To please Master. i feel fulfilled just thinking about the little things i do around this house for Him and realise that this is what has been missing from every relationship. Master doesn’t always acknowledge everything i do and it‘s okay . Within this collar, whether He acknowledges all of my positive points or not - i feel much more appreciated for my efforts than i ever have been for i know my purpose is simple - to be here, to be available. The rewards i reap emotionally from Master on this level are worth far more than anything i have ever experienced and for that i am eternally grateful. Thank You Sir
Your slave

Lectured

i do listen, and i will of course take on board everything you said Sir. i don't want or need excuses, i am happy to admit i tend to be click happy and really should concentrate more and i will now wait for you if at all unsure of what i might do. If my recklessness was regarding my safety then we might have a bigger problem but as You pointed out i haven't caused a major problem but its something i am aware of, i hope i can relearn the skills ive lost and can improve my dependability. i would hate to think that i am destined to be left, unreliable and i shall therefore make it a task to try and bring my reliability up a bit so that i don't cause You further cause for concern .

Your slave

how slutty am i ?

i often joke with people in the chatroom about how i'm not really a slut at all, i'm just sweet and innocent and pure and angelic, etc, etc. Most of which is pretty much tongue in cheek, although i'm really not sure exactly how slutty i am. i mean, compared to who? What's the definition of 'slut'? And it's not exactly But anyway, i decided to take an online slut test, to find out once and for all how slutty i am. Here's the results, which i think show that i'm pretty much well-balanced between being a slut and being an angel (Or perhaps they show that i'm only a partial slut, lol!

The Results ARE IN! You are:
60% Slut

I must not be a Twue slave;

I do not speak in 3rd person*
I do not turn my webcam on for everyone who asks, as i dont own one
I do not greet my Master on my knees, or in the nude
I do not have a list of dos and do nots spelled out*
I do not send out 'adult' pictures to everyone who asks for them
I do not check in daily with my Master*
I do not enjoy humuliation or objectification
I do not cyber
I do not have a poly relationship, nor will I
I do not shave everyday or on a regular basis*
I do not report what I have consumed/eaten everyday to my Master*
I do not think my Master is ALWAYS right and can do NO wrong
I do not sleep chained to my Master's bed*
I do not offer the use of my '3-holes' daily to my Master*
I do not ask for permission to speak*
I do not type with the Dominant/Top Type being Capitilized and the submissive/bottom type in lowercase*
I have safewords AND limits
I have an IQ
I have referances
I have friends who are NOT slaves or lifestylers
I have male friends - in and out of the lifestyle that I talk too
I am NOT a doormat
I KNOW the difference between a submissive and a slave, and I insit on the correct term being used
I practice and advocate SSC and RACKI speak to men and tops as my equals
i expect to be treated with respect at all times
I have and express thoughts, feelings, ideas, opinions, and desires that are not inline with my Master's
I can carry on an intelligent conversation
I can and do make my own decisions
I do wear panties, bras, lingerie and clothing on a regular basis*
I use the restroom unattended and with the door closed*
I am NOT shared or traded
I kiss and hug my close friends, regardless of gender in front of my Master
I am NOT kept in a cage at night or when not in 'use' or 'needed'

self analysing

Oh i hate analysing myself but its been one of those weeks , it seems each time that the"why me", and then "its so unfair"appears, i crumble into the abyss, i realise that's self pity but trying to break the cycle is extremely difficult. More to the point i don't know how to. i need a leg up somehow but don't ask because i really don't know how or what a leg up might achieve. .as i say i'm not even sure why these blips occur and how to deal with them. However the prospect of a new move in my rehab is very exciting Sir, just hope i'm not disappointed. The quad stick will be another option to progress forward which im anticipating. but have to wait.. geeze i hate waiting. Then also the need to drive again, now it doesn't seem so pointless as i might be able to go out and do more for You and for me as well... i have a need and a reason Thank you sir for being there always.

Focus on what you can do

Having been talking openly with another slave who i feel is far more grounded than i am right now, her ideas of focusing on what you've got, not what i haven't sounds like a very logical step to me and one ive used before.
i could blame all sorts of issue but that would be off the mark and just making excuses for myself, i need to admit that ive slipped and stop blaming a whole lot lately on stuff that doesn't deserve the blame, but putting blame aside, i realise its time for a change in attitude if i wish to get my role of slave back to where i was happy, about 2 years ago, it will certainly take some work but im happy to put in the effort so to start i have change a few things about myself, my chat nic to represent who i am MG´s_slave_cleo, find the respect that seems to have gone astray over last year or so, joined a group of slave's in an attempt to ground /centre/focus my thoughts more onto slave attitudes, thinking the more often i get into the right circles the more ill relax into who i am , so who am i ?

He is Master and I am slave. He is Owner and I am owned. He commands and I obey. He is to be pleased and I am to please. And why is this? Because he is Master and I am slave.

and serve Master i shall in ever way possible, because we are both grateful for what we have, could be far less so ill make the most of instead of moaning about whats missing, enjoy what we have which is a huge amount of love and great family and a whole way of life open before us. im going to try anyway

MG's slave cleo