Blog V's Journal

i have both and i must say that i have been rather worrying about them and resolved at some point during the day to approach MG about the matter. You see, i have for a long time kept a journal that is private to just my Master and i, in which i would add, on a daily basis the sort of things that we felt needed noting or that had some bearing on my life as a slave. Each days entry would reflect how i was, what i might be thinking, what, if anything had happened that should be noted etc so that we could both look back over our development as Master and slave or even review how the little changed we have added might have either worked out well or fallen flat on their faces. MG would often put his own thoughts down regarding a particular entry and in that way we could log our progress as we moved deeper into the lifestyle and our own power exchange.

But, it has been missed rather a lot lately, in fact it has dried up completely these last few weeks and it suddenly occurred to me today that i had not been making the effort to write it up as i should. Now if i had even missed one day before MG would have pulled me up over that and pointed out that the journal had not been completed so you came imagine my thoughts when i looked today and found that no entry had been made since early December and even more so that Master had not said a thing about it. Whereas, in the past he would have bought such a slip up to my attention straight away, pointing out that it was part of our M/s, that we had both agreed, that the journal would be completed daily. Having made this discovery, i had decided that i would write an entry during today so that MG would see it later and hopefully the subject would come up for some sort of debate but i have to be honest and say i really didn't know what i was going to write or how he would react to the revelation so i sort of put it off again and again, not really sure even how to approach the subject.

i could, i thought,

• write the entry knowing he would at some point get a mail (that's how the journal is set, sends a mail to Masters inbox when an entry is made) and in that entry explain why the journal had not been kept up ( do i have a good reason tho)
• i could do nothing and hope he hadn't/didn't notice as he hasn't for at least a couple of weeks or so i thought and just carry on regardless and wait for him to say something.
• if i did either of the above, would i just be asking for trouble in that i was admitting i hadn't done what had been asked of me and which i know has always been a requirement.
• Grab the bull by the horns and openly confess my lack of obedience regarding the journal and be ready to take the consequences for my lack of action.

None of the above gave me a lot to work with but i was very aware that i really needed to sort this and putting it off wasn't going to make it any easier the longer i left it.

• Its not as if i didn't know i hadn't made any entries, for 3 years now i have done my journal daily, its not something i can really say i forgot about.
• It has been very much an integral part of our development and has always been a main stay of our daily lives.
• Is there really a good excuse !!!
• Am i in big trouble here ?
• Why hadn't MG said anything?
• Was he waiting for me to confess my disobedience?
• Better fess up..no getting away from it !!!

Time and again i ran various entries around my brain, how to explain, what to explain even. Once or twice i opened the journal at the page, sat ready to write and still didn't get anywhere, not really even knowing where to begin. I'd close it down, reopen it, try again and still, by 3pm i had nothing to show for my days worry. Not one single word. Not anything that i felt would justify my disobedience in not completing one of the very first and longest running tasks that my Master had set for me so long ago.

Now, here's a thing... most days i'll write a blog, sometimes its M/s related, sometimes its about something that's happened in my life, sometimes its about nothing in particular, but when i do write, i feel i usually have something to say on some subject that has stirred me into action. i had begun to have difficulty in making the journal entry along side the blog and what i had started to find was that they were becoming cardon copies of each other with maybe a few more personal details in the journal that i felt were not for public consumption. Why waste the effort to write the same thing twice i had thought, do one or another but not both as MG was reading the same thing in both entries so there really wasn't any point in making the two entries... but... the journal was a requirement, the blog wasn't... one would therefore assume that it should be the journal that got the attention, not the blog, ahhh but me being me, i have to do it the other way around and keep the blog up and let the journal slip... Bad slave, nawty slave..grrrrrrrrr

Oh confess you silly slave, throw yourself at your Masters feet, reveal all and take whatever punishment is coming your way. So i did....!!!! not in written form, but face to face, one on one, i told MG about the journal..or lack of.. and

Do you know what......

He knew it wasn't being written and in his words... it doesn't really matter because what he needs to see or know about regarding my mood or frame of mind or what might be running around my slavelike brain, he can read in my blog. If its more personal and something that he wont find in these pages he would far rather we talked about, you know, in front of one another, open and verbal... speaking, communicating, talking to one another about any little problems we might have.. who needs to see it written in a journal entry... if it needs saying, if it needs discussing then he and i should be doing that together, face to face, real time... communication... the cornerstone of any good relationship be it M/s or otherwise.

So we talked and we moved forward a little more into the Power exchange, maybe not as some would see it but in our way, in the way that works for us. In open and honest communication between Master and slave, where all aspects of who we are is open and upfront, be that how each are coping with life in general, what makes one see red, green pink or blue.. in real time, real voice, to be heard, not seen on a computer screen or in some far off, non descript computer generated journal that is cold and lifeless. Why write it there when i can turn and stand in front of my master and say "Sir, ......" and know i will be heard and that what i have to say will be listened to, discussed and usually, if its a problem, resolved in the same space in time as it was openly discussed... not write it down, wait 4 hours till Master has time to read it, wait for him to write his reply and so on...

i am slave to MG, we live this day by day, as such it is surely only right and proper that as part of the Power exchange we are able to come to one another and speak freely about all aspects of our daily lives. If we cant, if that doesn't happen..then..Something is very wrong.

You might say that it was wrong for both of us to not have resolved this problem before, for me to have spoken about it sooner, for MG to have said something even if it was, its ok not to write the journal, or that he was aware i had let it slip, that way at least i might not have had to go through today worrying..and of course you would be correct, but, we are not perfect, we make errors of judgment like anyone else but we usually resolve those before they become huge stumbling blocks and that what we did today. So the journal will be archived for a while, not deleted and i shall maintain the blog for public viewing and the rest...well... thats between Master and i .