i have had what can only be described as a long old day, with the kids away and MG sleeping off the night shift, the hours dragged by . It would be so easy to get filled up with self pity and allow that to become the focus of my whole day but what purpose would that serve..none at all. However..trying to drag oneself out of the mood is not always easy and i find sometimes that to bury my head under the duvet and sleep away the lonely times, sometimes is what i need. Only trouble with that is that i then cannot sleep at night when i am alone again anyway while MG is at work, i toss and turn, my mind racing and bringing so many thoughts into my head that i would have little chance of sleeping even if i were totally shattered. i don't sleep well at the best of times, no real reason why, just don't and that in itself causes me no end of problems, as with tiredness self doubt creeps in and mistakes are made and that's when i usually end up in some sort of bother.
Like right now...i have just felt i had to leave the chat room as every remark seems to grate on my senses and in those circumstances.. Its best for all concerned that i leave before i say or do something that i will later regret or that will reflect badly on seekers.
But... In the light of a very recent mail i have received i have to say that i am lucky in what i have and really have little or no reason to complain about my lot in life. My submission to my Master is paramount and is the thread which runs through my life and as long as that remains in tact.. then all is well with my world and these off days can be counted as just that..off days when i am not at my best.
Tomorrow is another day, started new with the rising of the sun in the morning.....lets see what is in store for me...i am sure i will not be disappointed.
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