An Odd Revelation.

This evening i have had to attend a school function that my youngest daughter was taking part in. The Annual Christmas Carol Concert, held in the local church is a yearly event that i have now attended eleven times, firstly with my eldest daughter and now with the lil one. Each year the church seems to get colder and the singing/musical interludes more or less on a par with the last one ( in other words, a terrible racket but i didn't say that), yet every year i attend and tell them both how lovely it was and how proud i am of my children and their musical ability.

What has this to do with my blog and/or where does my standing as slave to MG come into this apart from the fact that as parents we must support the efforts of our children in whatever manner we can, be that school functions or extra curricula activities, not as Master and slave but in the roles we have as adults and parents and that too is a part of who we are and will always be. (The netball matches are always held on the coldest or wettest days i have found)

But this year, i had to go to the Carol Concert without my Master beside me as he had to work this evening and that meant that as it was right for me to attend my lil ones concert, i had to go alone. And that caused me some consternation and left me feeling empty and very alone.
Now this is rather odd for me, the experience of going alone somewhere, as i normally either go with MG or i don't go at all and i have become very used to that. There are not many events that require my attendance that haven't worked out so that we can go together so this evening was a rarity and one i hope that doesn't happen too often as i wasn't at all happy going without MG . I have become quite dependent on him being there with me, as a guide, as a support, as my Master in all things and i now find it quite disconcerting to have to do these things alone.
i am quite capable of making these little excursions, i have always done it in the past, in fact, in the eleven years that i have attending this particular function i would think i have gone alone to at least half of those and yet, this year, i felt the lost, the need to have MG beside me and something even funnier was that it was dark and i never go out in the dark or if i have too, its never without MG.. how silly is that, im 49 years old and i don't go out in the dark alone !!!
i guess i have become pretty dependent on MG for all sorts of things and his holding my hand, literally and metaphorically is one of those lil dependencies that i have become very use too and now feel a little lost without.
i am not sure if that is good or bad to be honest, that i rely on him so heavily, that i am so dependent on having him walk beside me in so many basic aspects of my life but i also think that its because of the closeness and the M/s relationship that we have that this sort of thing will happen. The restrictions i have on me, by design and by the way we choose to live our lives places me in a position of being dependent on his word and permission to do so many things that i have given up the right and need to choose for myself or to do things without him being there.
Unfortunately there are going to be times when he cannot be with me therefore i must still be able to function as a single unit sometimes but that has become less and less and i suppose that is why, when it does happen, i find it a difficult exercise to do. However, its not something i relish or that i would want to do on an regular basis and i hope i don't have too.... i am slave, i choose not have to make decisions for myself, i give that over to my Master and in doing so i have come to rely on him to make those choices for me, even down to what i wear and where i go. Thats what being his slave means and i give it gladly and i know he holds that responsibility willingly. So the difficulty come when he isn't here to tell me what to wear or when to go out or when to be back etc altho i did have to text before, during and after my evening so that he was fully aware of my whereabouts and that i was safely home afterwards which gave me some sense of well being anyway.

Still, i did what i had to do and my lil one had her mother close at hand to hear her sing and play and that too, is an important aspect of who i am, working to the best of my ability as MG's slave and mother to my children. They are my life, as much a part as Master is and as a family unit we usually work these things out so that everyone's needs are fulfilled and i think i managed to get the balance right this evening even tho it meant i had to take the bull by the horns and brave, yes brave going alone because its become a bit like that, i have to steel myself to do these things now, they are no longer natural to me. i am not independent, i was, but i gave that up a long time ago.