Re Focused

Following on from yesterdays entry when it was in the front of my mind that my submission and all that it entails has been somewhat off the mark of late, i am pulled kicking and screaming into the here and now with an incident that could never have been foreseen but that has put me fairly and squarely back at my Masters feet and under his control... which is of course.. where i always want to be.. so why am i shouting about it. Maybe because it was the very last thing that i had expected to happen and because of that i was a bit taken aback by the whole thing.

So you may ask..what could possibly have happened in such a short space of time to bring this slave once more to her knees.... well having overstepped the bounds of what is acceptable within our M/s relationship by not seeking permission or discussion on a comm change with Master, He felt rightly that some discipline was needed as i seem to be a bit of a loose cannon at present, going my own sweet way without thought to who i am ( a slave) and that i need to seek MGs approval on matters such as this. Altho we do not quite met here on the reasons for the discipline and i voiced my opinions on those reasons to Him, as His slave it is my duty to submit to His decision, which i have done.
In that one act, of bending and submitting to my Master's power and control, in that simple act i have been firmly put right back where i belong, at the feet of my Master, whom i love and adore and who is my life and my entire world... so i cannot complain.. it is after all the place i long to be.

But in the moment of submitting i can only think of the pain and the hurt i am feeling, not just the physical, but the mental and emotional pain that i have caused by even placing myself in a position that leads my Master to feel he has a need to discipline me in the first place and try as i might to focus on the reasoning behind the act, all that runs through my head is..what have i done, why am i reduced to being punished ... what was i thinking.. will i ever learn... all these thoughts and when i have time to reflect on each one...i guess that i am not perfect and i am going to make mistakes and if i do, it is MGs duty and responsibility to correct me, he would be failing in his position as my Master if he did not.

Anyway... having taken my punishment like a good slave, ( i lie, it reduced me to a blubbering heap as punishment always does and a very sore rear end to boot, which is currently causing me some discomfort as i type) i now feel that i am firmly back where i should be, at my Masters feet, under His control and in an attempt to keep myself there i have made some lil decisions of my own which i hope Master will approve of.

It is my intention to try and keep this "attitude" and have it flow through all that i do from now on, i shall try my best to remain focused on who i am in all aspects of my daily life. The only problem i can see with this is that i may cause some extra weight on MG which he really doesn't need right now... not as if he doesn't have enough pressure, what with work and lack of sleep etc.. in having His slave come to him on many points of her daily life which she would normally just go about without a second thought however, if that turns out to be case, in MGs' best interest i shall need to rethink how i can remain focused on who i am, more than i have been doing in the past.

i am slave, i want to be a slave but for so many years i have had to rely on myself to make some basic life decisions and i admit i sometimes find it hard to let that go and refer to MG on things that i have always just assumed and taking responsibility for. i have to learn.. or re learn that as His slave, i no longer need or should want to do that..its hard.. but i shall try and keep trying and if i make a mistake, if i err on the wrong side..i can only hope that MG will take the steps needed to see that i am brought back on track by whatever means he feels are in my best interest.