8 Ball

There you are, on a winning streak, you just cant miss the pocket, even if you try. The balls just love you and you are living a charmed life at the table's. One game up or 10 games..makes no difference, you just cant make a wrong move. The trophy is yours for the taking.... your opponent just doesn't stand a chance. Great you might say but what if the opponent is your Master....arghhhhhhhhhhhh

A game you might say and of course you would be correct however, i found that being in the winning position did not sit well with me at all, had i been able to get away with making unforced errors, believe me, i would have made them because, beating my Master at anything, even a game, is not something that i enjoy very much.
You might think that i am being rather silly, what does it matter if i beat him in a simple game of 8 ball but it goes way deeper than just a game to me. i wrote in the previous entry to this blog how i feel that in the greater scheme of things i am subservient to MG and as such feel that my place is at a lower level, that to have the upper hand, hold the winning position goes very much against the grain of how i see my role in life.

People might laugh at this notion, feel that i have as much right to win or to be equal but as before i say that i do not want or wish to be MG's equal... i want to be his slave, i give that to him daily, why should i then desire to have the upper hand in anything, even a game.
While the game was in progress i have to say that there were times when i felt bad about making a shot, about potting the 8 ball and knowing i had won another frame even when MG would say how well i was playing but deep down inside i had this gnawing feeling of....of all things.. disrespect for my Master.

i cannot explain this feeling nor can i justify it, all i can do is acknowledge the feeling of discomfort and make note that it is not for me. i don't want it or need it and would so much rather not put myself in the position of having to face it.

slave always, and that doesn't include beating my Master at 8 ball or anything else come to that, im the one who gets beaten.... at 8 ball or something else namely my butt usually.