January 1st 2005

I have always believed that D/s is a lifestyle to be lived and one to learn and grow into. I don't think anyone is born into it, it must be learned and practiced... a sub might have a submissive nature, might be naturally submissive in their daily life but along with that will come the need to learn about the lifestyle, about a Masters requirements, which of course will be totally different for each Dom they might come into contact with, it is a constant growth thing, with constant learning. The same applies to Doms, of course a Dominant personality is something that you are born with, but to be dominant in your every day life is a learning process as well and a major part of that learning is the one that builds trust.

I do not see how people can have wonderful and fulfilling relationships if they don’t have the essential element of trust, vanilla or otherwise, for without trust any relationship is fraught with dangers and pitfalls that life throw at all of us. I have thought so often of many of my friends relationships and how the husband lies to his lady wife about so many things or how she makes up false reasons for not doing what is considered her responsibility within that marriage and I am never really surprised when I hear that their relationship has floundered and they are going their separate ways. And then I think about what makes a good D/s relationship and I find that the element of trust between a Master and slave is such a major part of all they do and that because of the trust, there is no need for the lies and deceit that is all to prevalent in many peoples lives and yet still we have people who say D/s is not “normal” or is not right or is kinky and I think…if this is kinky or if this is abnormal then bring it on because I have total and absolute trust in MG and because I do, our relationship is as solid as a rock.

We have read all the horror stories about BDSM, but I suspect it’s rather like anything in life, if people don’t think it can hurt them, they don’t protect themselves against it, a naive attitude but one that we see a lot of, and without some firm groundwork and a time for learning about one another, trust cannot possibly be there from the outset, it takes time and a lot of it to build sufficient trust to place oneself into the hands of another.
In the beginning of a relationship, it’s essential to build trust and to develop that as time goes on. You can’t instantly give yourself to someone who you only just met! Surely that goes without saying yet some do and wonder why on earth it all goes pear shaped within a matter of days or weeks. What happened to the getting to know you period, the easy does it lets not go to fast and too far, what is there about D/s that drives people to take huge risks with life and limb, its silly and so unsafe, people wouldn’t usually do some of the things they get up to in the name of D/s, I don’t understand what drives them sometimes, honestly, but I know that some 'new' people get attracted to the lifestyle for its rather 'romantic' expectations. It’s those people I would hope, who will take the time to listen and learn about themselves and the lifestyle before they go head over heels and walk into something they really have little or no concept of and get themselves into big trouble.

It is a fantastic way of life, when the parties involved are caring and sensitive individuals who also happen to be sane, safe and consensually aware but there will always be those who are not, who use the lifestyle for other reasons, who have hidden agendas and only use chat and online to make an easy killing on some unsuspecting person who’s desires seem, (for some really weird reason) to have put up a mental block against their own safety and welfare.

On this first day of a New Year I ask all to take time and to step back just a little, make 2005 the year for you but do it safely and sanely and build the trust that is required before you give yourself totally to another.

Happy 2005 to you All