The title of this blog entry says it all i think.... but not who or even what but just an overall impression of not knowing where i am going today at all.
It has been one of those days when very little has gone the way i expected it too... and it was meant to be a good day as well, yet, one mis adventure after another that has left me floundering in a soap of uncertainty and confusion over some very simple, mundane things.
Being lost isn't a new feeling for me, its one i am quite used to living with, i am not sure why but the confused and fragmented feelings i have some days never surprise me now, in fact, if i don't feel these emotions i has to pinch myself because its not something i am use to... being on an even keel i mean.
It really doesn't matter either, what went so wrong today, the fact that things did, sets the hour or minute into a framework that say "Bad day" and from then on in, doesn't matter what i do, its going to be "One of those days" and all i can do is ride it out and weather the storm as best i can.
What the heck is this woman on you are going to ask. Doesn't she talk a load of old bull. Yeah well i guess i do but me being me, i really needed to get this off my chest, shout it out and say, B/s to all the things that didn't go right today because then i can move on past them to sleep a sound and restful sleep and hope that tomorrow will be a bright new day.
i really need a cigarette right now... i would kill for just one smoke at this precise moment, in 5 minutes, it will have past and i will go forward until the next "Fag" moment passes me by but rest assured, i wont have a cigarette because i don't smoke any more but that doesn't stop me wanting one every now and then and i find it helps me to admit the craving and say to MG, "ohhhhh i want a ciggie moment is here" and we laugh and He says, Him too and we do nothing about it but agree that Yes..we could both kill for a ciggie even after 6 month of non smoking. Doesn't go away that easily and that's a fact.
Not very D/s or M/s this entry. We had plans for this last weekend, but like so many times, it really was never going to happen for a variety of reasons and to be honest, at the time i was as happy just to be with MG without all the scening and that stuff. You see, we are not the sort to make all these great big scenes up, we don't do the fantasy stuff and i like things to happen naturally, when they fit into the atmosphere as a natural progression from what was said or done, not when the plot dictates that i bend over or MG says so and so, or i play the nawty school girl and he the Teacher..nope, we don't do all that stuff. Doesn't float our boats.
On the other hand, when the occasion arises that the girls are away for a couple of days, we are only to happy to retreat into our M/s when MG can dictate the arrangement for how and what dinner will comprise of and how it wil be served and if he feels some point is needed to be made about something he might have noted with regard to my behaviour or something that i haven't done that he asked me to do, or even something he feels i might not have done to the best of my ability, these are the things we might talk about and debate and if he feels something is needed to be done, if some line is needed to be drawn or some fence mended so that i know where the boundary lays, then this is the times when we, as Master and slave, do those things. We do not need a big set up screen play to carry out the basic M/s life that we live, that is played out in real time... 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...etc etc
He is my Master, i don't need a script to tell me that nor do i need one to tell me how to fulfill the role i have within this relationship. That i know.... off by heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment