Tuesday, April 24, 2007


In retrospect i am withdrawing my request of yesterday. i could just remove the post but i feel that i need a reminder of how easierly i could have brushed so much aside. why the change of heart. i re read my slave contract , spoke a lot to me.

Monday, April 23, 2007

sub v's slave

Following previous blog, iv'e thought about this a lot and subsequently am asking MG to allow me to revert to sub as opposed to slave. why .? i don't feel i am fulfilling the role of slave and until i do or can again id rather be sub once more. im not going to go into why here thats a matter between MG and i but suffice to say i hope He will allow my request.Until the time arrives when we can see past the disabilities the stroke left me with and see the submissive once and go about our business in am appropriate manner i see no point in fooling myself into the slave image.

Friday, April 13, 2007

loosing the way

i lay in the bath, no lets be honest. i don't lay in a bath i wallow, there are two kinds of bath for me. the first is to remain sitting on the bath hoist wash and get out usually employed when im at home alone. my favorite is to get off the hoist MG will take it out the bath so i can lay and soak, this is where i do my thinking. Anyway back to the story, i was soaking in the bath the other day and i thought i really should resume writing my blog, but in a different way to previous methods. so here goes.
We/we have lost our way i think B/both of us we have not been able as yet to find our way back to our M/s at the pre stroke level, things happen that im sure wouldn't have gone unnoticed prior also things don't happen that once did. no one is at fault, just the way it seems to be . we cannot make thing happen it has to flow naturally. we don't do false/fake moves, its a shame for both myself as slave and MG as Master that we had once move so far forward along the road only to be felled by the stroke and its subsequent restrictions, we struggle with those restrictions not only due to my inabilities now but because the girls have changed/got older and require slightly different handling. but we continue to try with little sparks. It has been said that M/s is a mind thing. of course i would whole heartedly agree to some extent but as an example you can tell yourself every day that your beautiful but if every single time you look in the mirror what stares back is not a raging beauty you become slightly ever so disillusioned. you need to feel and see the beauty once in a while to be able to hold the image. M/s for me is the same , i need to feel it as well as believe it to have it consume me totally. i wish to be my Master whore again as once i was but not putting too fine a point on it sex with physical impairments is not as easy as one would imagine and a whore need to be able to dance across her Master body with fingers and move in a way that i know longer can.. im sure it has a bearing, mind yes but only as part its a whole package, reality is being realistic and mine at present is not firing on all cylinders and if im not chances are nore is MG, we struggle constantly to be as good as we can i in my submission MG in his Dominance but life has a habit of never making it easy , sometimes the easy way isnt the right way but who amongst us wouldnt take the easy route.its a natrual way, a course, set if you wish a route mapped out but in this case someones put a line of bollards up so we cant travel along the road needed to get us to our intended destination.