Monday, December 31, 2007

maybe i'm just a masochist

i have always wanted someone stronger than me. i have always craved someone who could take over my entire being and own me. Not necessarily in a slave sense, but still as slave im extremely happy. i do not cry from pain easily. it takes quite a bit to get me to cry.But i so remember times i have been degraded from a punishment spanking or a discipline spanking. And there is that stir of excitement in it all and i cry more easily, humiliation just makes me cry from shame. Maybe because there is that stir of...i am a grown woman and this is humiliating. Many a time i remember breaking down, the pain getting to be to much or even just the humiliation being to much. Maybe a part of my stubbornness was dying away. i know afterward i always feel more submissive. But punishment or discipline spankings are different from erotic even tho the action and pain levels are probably the same, Master put a different slant on the act in punishment Still, being spanked is a need i have however much pain result from that, is it therefore for the pain that i need to be spanked, or possibly Master attention? or maybe i'm just an out and out masochist. !!
Your slave

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Deep submission or my bound place

so its my bound place , i can work with that. Funny how the "Deep submission" got lost somewhere along the road but they are one and the same place and i'm so pleased that You understand this place of mine Sir. The mind set of my need to become so deeply absorbed within my submission to you, that i'm tied, bound, caged, limited by the very thought of being Your slave and subsequently my every move, thought is focused on You Master and my need to be subjugated by You. It is at times such as these that i need to fall to my knees and beg You please, use me, command me anything just allow me to be Your slave , my soul cries out to serve You Please Sir, beat me, anything. i wonder if this is even remotely normal. i need the feeling of free-falling, sinking, overwhelming surrender that only my deepest submission can give me. This isn't a want in me now, it has become a need an all consuming need. Begging i can do and am willing to beg You to Dom me please Sir. Hell this is a hard place to be, with an insatiable desire that i alone cannot fill.
Your slave

Saturday, December 22, 2007


i've been trying to come up with some kind of name to described my submissive place, the place i go when i feel the need to be ultra submissive, the times when if it were at all possible i would be cuffed and leashed, in those imaginary silks and at Master beck and call totally, on my knees, the head space area of my submission . i don't even know what might be appropriate. "sub-space" doesn't describe it for me, as that refers to the more erotic area of play No, i need another place when my whole being desire, needs even to be "slave" nothing more or less but totally consumed by my submission to Master, it eats away at me, this feeling all i want is to serve, to be used, to be slave at its most basic level, id throw myself to the floor if it were possible, its that consuming but can i find a single word to describe the feeling, i would really like to find a description so that at any given time if Master requires me to be ultra submissive . i.e if You wish me to attend Master You might instruct slave to be in this place knowing that my attention will be focused solely on Your needs, pleasures.Sir is the word smith maybe You can find a title for this place?
Your slave

Thursday, December 20, 2007

What frustrates me

What frustrates me is when i have a need, that needs fixing and circumstances, lack of privacy, or other life 'stuff' gets in the way of me reaching, any kind of closure. Sometimes, those circumstances or life "stuff" are avoidable, and then sometimes it's hard to be patient or understanding, when my little voice is screaming "I NEED!!! Fix it!!!! Please!!" and other times, the circumstances are out of both of our control and i merely rage at them in a petulant way that while probably adorable to watch is just a small outlet for my internal frustration. For me to be at my best, i need my fixes.. i need them regularly... . It can be achieved in subtle ways or blatant, but i do need it.
So i admit sometimes that i get frustrated with Master. It's a selfish urge, and i realise that there are slaves and submissives out there who are probably aghast with shock that i would spend an entire post talking about my needs. What kind of submissive am i?Well - i'm me. i'm my type. And being submissive, is a part of me. And that part does include needs.
i am sure my needs can also be a source of frustration for MG. What's most important is that we work together, we ebb and flow together, and that we both do our best to strike the balance between wants and needs, both of ourselves and each other. Overall, i think we both do a pretty damn fine job.
Your slave

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

submissive needs

As a submissive, or even as a woman in a relationship, i have the right to speak up and discuss what my needs are... and my wants... I trust my Master to hear those needs and wants and to know the difference. If there is a *need* that He can't provide, we talk about it... and decide how important that need is and if im to be allowed to satify that need at that time (so far there hasn't been any He can't provide). The wants are absolutely at His discretion, and He knows it, but it is a way to let Him know where i'm at. A Dominant is expected to tell their submissive what they need and expect, and yet often i see submissives told they are 'topping from the bottom' if they try and return the favour... Perhaps some Dominants are threatened by this behavior.i don't really know...i do know that our relationship is still a relationship and our marriage is like any other marriage. We have to come together as two people who love each other first and make sure we are both feeling fulfilled. That is critical no matter what kind of relationship it is, and just like any other relationship, COMMUNICATION is key.Although... i must say... that when it's little cravings, sometimes just displaying my submission to Him openly and genuinely is all that's needed!
Your slave

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Attitude, Acceptance and Obedience

i like every thing that Master has me do (or not do.) The reminder of His control over me as a person by having to ask permission for certain things is a powerful thing. It makes me more aware of things, it makes me grateful for the simpler things and it makes me appreciate Him more when He takes the time to listen to me when i ask for permission to do things that might be mundane but a privilege just the same. i like to know that if i miss asking Master is ready to remind me, it shows Your attention to those small details But i also appreciate the freedoms i am granted. i am to ask to eat, because, its a rule and focus's me Master does like to spoil me but rules are rules and permissions need to be adhered to.
To be living the dream. Sometimes things get a little hazy in this lifestyle. Master and i live a relaxed type of lifestyle - He doesn’t have too many rituals and i am not micromanaged with a 300 page list of rules to follow. So at times i take for granted (not on purpose) that this is what i dreamed of; this life and this Man and who i have become to Him.
i am where i want to be and now more than ever, i realize this. When i think about it, my heart does a little flip flop and i smile to myself. It’s not just the service part of things - it’s everything about this lifestyle. It’s the power exchange, it’s the being subjugated, beaten, that thrills me to the core. It’s the fact that Master owns me - my body, my flesh and blood and that there is a collar on my neck that reminds me every single moment of my day - that makes me all a quiver. It’s the fact that i am here to serve Him - no matter what that entails - that fulfills me. feel fulfilled every time i get Him a cup of tea or make Him a meal that pleases Him. i feel fulfilled after every sexual experience knowing that i worked hard to make Him happy, to put a smile on His face, to make Him feel good. It fulfills me to hear Him murmur sweet nothings to me about these experiences - that ive done well, that i‘m a good girl - that i am HIS good girl. i feel fulfilled every time He pats me on the head, hugs me, or kisses me sweetly. There is fulfillment in just wearing this collar. i finally am living a life where i feel like i have a purpose. To please Master. i feel fulfilled just thinking about the little things i do around this house for Him and realise that this is what has been missing from every relationship. Master doesn’t always acknowledge everything i do and it‘s okay . Within this collar, whether He acknowledges all of my positive points or not - i feel much more appreciated for my efforts than i ever have been for i know my purpose is simple - to be here, to be available. The rewards i reap emotionally from Master on this level are worth far more than anything i have ever experienced and for that i am eternally grateful. Thank You Sir
Your slave

Sunday, December 16, 2007


i do listen, and i will of course take on board everything you said Sir. i don't want or need excuses, i am happy to admit i tend to be click happy and really should concentrate more and i will now wait for you if at all unsure of what i might do. If my recklessness was regarding my safety then we might have a bigger problem but as You pointed out i haven't caused a major problem but its something i am aware of, i hope i can relearn the skills ive lost and can improve my dependability. i would hate to think that i am destined to be left, unreliable and i shall therefore make it a task to try and bring my reliability up a bit so that i don't cause You further cause for concern .
Your slave

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

how slutty am i ?

i often joke with people in the chatroom about how i'm not really a slut at all, i'm just sweet and innocent and pure and angelic, etc, etc. Most of which is pretty much tongue in cheek, although i'm really not sure exactly how slutty i am. i mean, compared to who? What's the definition of 'slut'? And it's not exactly But anyway, i decided to take an online slut test, to find out once and for all how slutty i am. Here's the results, which i think show that i'm pretty much well-balanced between being a slut and being an angel (Or perhaps they show that i'm only a partial slut, lol!

OkCupid - Free Online Dating

The Results ARE IN! You are:
60% Slut

Monday, October 29, 2007

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Saturday, October 27, 2007

I must not be a Twue slave;

I do not speak in 3rd person*
I do not turn my webcam on for everyone who asks, as i dont own one
I do not greet my Master on my knees, or in the nude
I do not have a list of dos and do nots spelled out*
I do not send out 'adult' pictures to everyone who asks for them

I do not check in daily with my Master*
I do not enjoy humuliation or objectification
I do not cyber
I do not have a poly relationship, nor will I
I do not shave everyday or on a regular basis*
I do not report what I have consumed/eaten everyday to my Master*
I do not think my Master is ALWAYS right and can do NO wrong
I do not sleep chained to my Master's bed*
I do not offer the use of my '3-holes' daily to my Master*
I do not ask for permission to speak*
I do not type with the Dominant/Top Type being Capitilized and the submissive/bottom type in lowercase*
I have safewords AND limits
I have an IQ
I have referances
I have friends who are NOT slaves or lifestylers
I have male friends - in and out of the lifestyle that I talk too
I am NOT a doormat

I KNOW the difference between a submissive and a slave, and I insit on the correct term being used
I practice and advocate SSC and RACKI speak to men and tops as my equals
i expect to be treated with respect at all times
I have and express thoughts, feelings, ideas, opinions, and desires that are not inline with my Master's
I can carry on an intelligent conversation
I can and do make my own decisions
I do wear panties, bras, lingerie and clothing on a regular basis*
I use the restroom unattended and with the door closed*
I am NOT shared or traded
I kiss and hug my close friends, regardless of gender in front of my Master
I am NOT kept in a cage at night or when not in 'use' or 'needed'

Saturday, October 20, 2007

self analysing

Oh i hate analysing myself but its been one of those weeks , it seems each time that the"why me", and then "its so unfair"appears, i crumble into the abyss, i realise that's self pity but trying to break the cycle is extremely difficult. More to the point i don't know how to. i need a leg up somehow but don't ask because i really don't know how or what a leg up might achieve. .as i say i'm not even sure why these blips occur and how to deal with them. However the prospect of a new move in my rehab is very exciting Sir, just hope i'm not disappointed. The quad stick will be another option to progress forward which im anticipating. but have to wait.. geeze i hate waiting. Then also the need to drive again, now it doesn't seem so pointless as i might be able to go out and do more for You and for me as well... i have a need and a reason Thank you sir for being there always.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Focus on what you can do

Having been talking openly with another slave who i feel is far more grounded than i am right now, her ideas of focusing on what you've got, not what i haven't sounds like a very logical step to me and one ive used before.
i could blame all sorts of issue but that would be off the mark and just making excuses for myself, i need to admit that ive slipped and stop blaming a whole lot lately on stuff that doesn't deserve the blame, but putting blame aside, i realise its time for a change in attitude if i wish to get my role of slave back to where i was happy, about 2 years ago, it will certainly take some work but im happy to put in the effort so to start i have change a few things about myself, my chat nic to represent who i am MG´s_slave_cleo, find the respect that seems to have gone astray over last year or so, joined a group of slave's in an attempt to ground /centre/focus my thoughts more onto slave attitudes, thinking the more often i get into the right circles the more ill relax into who i am , so who am i ?

He is Master and I am slave. He is Owner and I am owned. He commands and I obey. He is to be pleased and I am to please. And why is this? Because he is Master and I am slave.

and serve Master i shall in ever way possible, because we are both grateful for what we have, could be far less so ill make the most of instead of moaning about whats missing, enjoy what we have which is a huge amount of love and great family and a whole way of life open before us. im going to try anyway

MG's slave cleo

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Why should slave not argue with Master?

Following a little bit of non slave behaviour. MG order me to complete a task for him, this was to write an essay of 1,000 word of the title subject. Here then is that completed essay:-
Why should slave not argue with Master?

An argument is a statement (premise) or group of statements (premises) offered in support of another statement (conclusion).

Under normal circumstances arguments start because of differences of opinion. As a slave should happily follow the opinion of her Master there should really be no reason to argue any point but that might make slave an unthinking doormat with no opinion. So where’s a happy medium, one that both Master and slave can work with?
It's important to accept that arguments (differences of opinion) are a normal part of a relationship. We're all different and where there's difference, there will be disagreement but beneath the surface of an argument often lurks a much deeper issue, desperate to be let out and looked at - and we'll keep on arguing until we decide that the issue has been fully heard, if not answered, although slave should know better than to go on and on about any issue. Master should perhaps also “hear” that slave has a matter which needs resolving (or addressing at least) and it should be his responsibility to address as that is His place in the bigger scheme of the power exchange. Time-Out (an agreed time when slave and Master can speak freely outside of the M/s roles they have chosen) might be a means for slave to express any concerns; but this still needs to be heard and more importantly understood not pushed aside as the “rambling” of slave.
D/s relationships should be built on honest communication and trust. If you can't trust your Master enough to be able to share your anger and frustration with him, maybe you're in the wrong relationship.
When you're angry, and it's your Master that you're angry with. That is the responsibility that He has accepted, to be the rock upon which the slave can both lean, and bash her head against! (metaphorically speaking of course).
Dominants, contrary to popular belief, are not perfect creatures. They err, just like the rest of us. While we, as submissives, would like to believe that they always have our wants and needs forefront in their minds, like any good relationship, we must realise that they are humans first, and Dominants second.
These situations call for honesty. I don't think there's a Dominant in the world who wants his submissive to sit, smiling up at him and say "No, there's nothing wrong, Master" when there obviously is. Conversely, anger does not give you the right to take on the dominant role in the relationship and start berating Master thereby causing the need to argue. There has to be a middle ground.
Mentally and emotionally, from a submissive standpoint, it’s difficult for a submissive to even be angry with her Master. We want them to be godlike creatures, capable of making all of our dreams come true, but in most cases, they're just like any other person on the planet. They do screw up. How does one express any kind of anger (disappointment) towards their Dominant, without appearing to be topping from the bottom or leaving their submissive role entirely or having a blazing row? It's very easy to want to point your finger, but it's not the right approach (submissive or vanilla!) and it won't solve anything. You have to talk for the anger to go away. Set aside the D/s if you have to, but talk about it like two adult human beings. Obedience, or submissive compliance, is the act of obeying orders, if ordered to do so, slave should desist from arguing. However once again, if slave has an issue would it not be prudent of her Master to hear that issue before silencing her? Then again there is arguing and then theres arguing, Master must determine just how far He will allow his slave to continue making her point.
You should never be afraid to share your innermost, deepest feelings with your Master. These feelings are not always going to be gushing with joy and causing sexual stirrings with each other. Sometimes, they're down in the gutter of human emotions. Those need to come out, too.
Not forgetting arguing can play a beneficial role, and it can add excitement to a relationship or be a way of getting attention. It may not be the ideal way of gaining Master attention as that attention may be in the form of punishment/discipline. Arguing however might be worth the pain because of the joy of making up. And when you make up you get to reaffirm your love for each other.
Neither Dominants or subs are mind readers, each must be as open and honest about any concerns they might have and not leave imaginations to run riot as that will only cause anger to fester and inevitably begin to boil up inside until it can not longer be contained and an argument is bound to ensue at some point. We are all human and we all want to be loved; still a slave should seek to bring honour to her Master and as such arguing should not be part of that; it only shows disrespect for ones Master and herself.
At the point of accepting a collar the slave gives up her right to argue along with many other freedoms, in return for a negotiated lifestyle of trust and intimacy that is required to make as deep and meaningful a relationship possible.
Therefore the reasons why slave should not argue with her Master are:

· a slave should be respectful and dutiful in the presence of her Master
· Slaves do not argue.
· Slave is expected to have integrity, loyalty and to serve to the best of her ability.
· Slave accepts punishment and discipline without complaint and with humility.
· To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine, To submit within the power exchange is foremost
· D/s is not a democracy (knew that from day one)
· it is always better to restrain the natural tendency to argue
· everyone has a right to an opinion (a slave can have only with permission)
· I am my Master slave, I submit to his will, willingly without exception.
· Slave belongs to her Master completely (mind and body, heart and soul) unconditionally
· D/s relationships should be built on honest communication and trust.
· D/s is a lifestyle choice, Domination and submission, where people live their lives opting by nature to be either Dominant or submissive. In a relationship the one complements the other and is based on the gift of submission, and absolute trust

Monday, June 18, 2007

Learning to kneel.. again

Submissives find many and varied ways to express submission, although one of the most common seems to be that of kneeling before a Dominant. This simple act places the sub at a lower level than the Dominant and represents her being controlled and dominated by Him, by the very nature of their relative physical positions.When i had the stroke in November 2005, one of the long-term effects was what is known as hemiplegia. "Whats that?" you ask. hemiplegia is a condition where a vertical half of a patient's body is weak or paralysed, i.e. one arm and its corresponding leg do not function properly. In my case this has resulted in virtually no function at all remaining in my left arm and hand, and just a little in my left leg. i can walk a little, although i am very unstable, but have had to adapt to using one arm/hand as i have no voluntary control in my left arm at all. My balance is not too good at all, and as soon as i turns, or leans, or bends away from an upright position that loss of balance is all too obvious.Now, one of the things which had become almost a daily ritual for us before the stroke was that i would invariably kneel for MG, usually before we retired in the evening. We spent many long hours like that, discussing our D/s, our plans and our hopes for the future.It was one of those actions which gave me a way to fulfill my need to demonstrate my submission to my Master. It was a natural and comfortable position for both of us. Since the stroke and because of my physical challenges kneeling has been virtually impossible for some time now. We have tried to find alternative ways to expressing submission for me but none that we have tried gives me the same satisfaction as the act of kneeling. Of late as my balance has improved slightly, and i has a little more control in my left leg, i have managed to find a way to get back on my knees again, if only for very short periods of time. There is nothing else which comes close to the act of kneeling for me at least, that enables me to express my submission in such a tangible way. From the kneeling we may be able to move to other more "physical" things, such as going over MG's knee or some kind of mild spanking. The physical closeness which kneeling creates becomes a springboard for other actions to follow naturally, although of course with great care.So, perhaps we can return to that most fulfilling of submissive expression again, by allowing me to get back to kneeling before bed again.Perhaps it's the first (or next?) step in our regaining of the more physical side of the relationship we had. Recovery from stroke is by definition a long and very slow process and sometimes we have to look for a way to measure that, because living with the challenges every day, one does not always see those improvements. Sometimes you really have to look hard, or you miss them entirely.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

A Point

MG made a valid point and as such its for me to act on that so ill try. His point is that its not needed for me to write up each infraction of our M/s, there is no need to make a big point of faults as they are trivial compared to the whole experience. i was talking to a friend about the heavy burden placed on my Master with all that is needed to balance out the long term effects of the stroke, she replied "you always needed care cleo you just need more now" which i though was lovely way to describe our current position and as Master and i have talked about many times if the role was reversed I'd do for him but my argument to that is that i serve its what i am comfortable in doing He is a very special man and Master, i only wanna serve a special person anyway so it works for us both.M/s or any kind of lifestyle choice takes more than some knee bending the odd slap across an available butt, much much more, it goes way deeper its about given of ones inner most self to another and not asking for anything in return just love and honesty
MG once wrote:

D/s is a lifestyle choice, Domination and submission,
where people live their lives opting by nature to be either Dominant or submissive.
In a relationship the one complements the other and is based on the gift of submission,
and absolute trust
© Seekers 2002-2004

kind of says it all really

Thursday, May 10, 2007

opps boo-boobed

well, there was i so righteous and i do just what i accused others of doing. Making a decision for myself because it suited at the time, making me no better. damn. however i did own up to my error, Master was not best pleased.and i did realise albeit rather late that i had erred. I l feel as if I'd let MG down and disappointed him yet again. no excuses and whats worse was that my error in fact was to alter something MG had put in place. i could have waited and asked for Him to make the alteration, time was not a factor. i really have no excuse. just didn't think it through. let both myself and MG down.Slaves are not permitted to just assume it is OK but that's just what i did, i assumed, silly girl not much else to add.. failure, one day, maybe ill get this Master/slave thing

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

submission is not always pleasant

We came into a little money recently, not such a big deal you might say but as most people do we wanted to have something to show for it at the end of the spree so plans were made, now i have to say how good it is that MG and i have such similar taste in most thing, but the reason behind this entry is because so many sub/slave forget their submission when it comes to choices, things they want , it no longer becomes their Master choice, i'm not perfect i know, spoilt yes but perfect far from it, i wanted red kitchen cupboard, MG liked black, we are having red, MG likes red , they were his idea originally, the floor is to be black so i think He conceded but my point is submission is fine and cool, fun etc when its going all the sub/slaves way, when it becomes a pain how many stick with it. ? one sub i know recently said to me "i'm glad i don't have a time to go to bed"......... i go when i'm told it's fine with me.that's how it is, if MG wishes to watch the sports channel, we watch the sports channel (i've learnt to enjoy cricket, cant say the same of football since i became MG slave) but my point is submission isnt always plesant sometimes the ideas behind it suck its at those times when the real sub/slaves get sseen.Keep the faith

Thursday, May 03, 2007

How long have i waited

First lets take a step back in time: to when going over my Masters knee was a daily occurrence. That of course was pre-stroke way back in November 2005.Now please don't get me wrong being spanked was not as a punishment but because my Master enjoyed spanking me and i love it, cause thats how i am.. anyway i digress. since that awful day in November 2005 for various reasons spanking has not been on any ones agenda. mine as i couldn't get onto my knees well enough to facilitate the act has been my main issue. MG wasn't happy to inflict pain on me for fear of compounding my already fragile state, it isnt always about slave limits we have both needed the time to come to terms with our situation and i think the time is about right, we have vision again, clarity of how things might be again. Time heals (to a certain extent )and we move on so we have recently purchased a "spanking dress" which kinda cries out saying "spank me spank me"i'm sure you'll agree. Now you might think that buying the dress say its coming however i'm a good little slave and i never allowed the anticipation of the arrival by mail of the dress to run away with me, just patiently waited. The day arrived, we tried me in the dress early in the day, great fit (altho could do with loosing a few pounds here and there but arse sticks out just nice and coyly the anticipation starts to build as MG say "tonight slave" woo... 18months waiting not bad for a slave who want and wants now!!!!! day passes oh so slowly but eventually kids go to bed.. slave takes her bath..and we are upstairs Master buckles me into the dress, i kneel and a hair brush appears, now i need to add here that paralysis is just that not no feeling, in fact my left side is hyper sensitive, that includes my left butt cheek and no uses for 18months im soft so just a small first outing for us both, plenty of time to catch up on whats lost now. i shall look forward to ever more spanking session once again. . Each little step brings us closer to our goal of once more living day by day as Master and slave. Yes a long time coming but well worth the wait im sure.
Thank you Sir.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


In retrospect i am withdrawing my request of yesterday. i could just remove the post but i feel that i need a reminder of how easierly i could have brushed so much aside. why the change of heart. i re read my slave contract , spoke a lot to me.

Monday, April 23, 2007

sub v's slave

Following previous blog, iv'e thought about this a lot and subsequently am asking MG to allow me to revert to sub as opposed to slave. why .? i don't feel i am fulfilling the role of slave and until i do or can again id rather be sub once more. im not going to go into why here thats a matter between MG and i but suffice to say i hope He will allow my request.Until the time arrives when we can see past the disabilities the stroke left me with and see the submissive once and go about our business in am appropriate manner i see no point in fooling myself into the slave image.

Friday, April 13, 2007

loosing the way

i lay in the bath, no lets be honest. i don't lay in a bath i wallow, there are two kinds of bath for me. the first is to remain sitting on the bath hoist wash and get out usually employed when im at home alone. my favorite is to get off the hoist MG will take it out the bath so i can lay and soak, this is where i do my thinking. Anyway back to the story, i was soaking in the bath the other day and i thought i really should resume writing my blog, but in a different way to previous methods. so here goes.
We/we have lost our way i think B/both of us we have not been able as yet to find our way back to our M/s at the pre stroke level, things happen that im sure wouldn't have gone unnoticed prior also things don't happen that once did. no one is at fault, just the way it seems to be . we cannot make thing happen it has to flow naturally. we don't do false/fake moves, its a shame for both myself as slave and MG as Master that we had once move so far forward along the road only to be felled by the stroke and its subsequent restrictions, we struggle with those restrictions not only due to my inabilities now but because the girls have changed/got older and require slightly different handling. but we continue to try with little sparks. It has been said that M/s is a mind thing. of course i would whole heartedly agree to some extent but as an example you can tell yourself every day that your beautiful but if every single time you look in the mirror what stares back is not a raging beauty you become slightly ever so disillusioned. you need to feel and see the beauty once in a while to be able to hold the image. M/s for me is the same , i need to feel it as well as believe it to have it consume me totally. i wish to be my Master whore again as once i was but not putting too fine a point on it sex with physical impairments is not as easy as one would imagine and a whore need to be able to dance across her Master body with fingers and move in a way that i know longer can.. im sure it has a bearing, mind yes but only as part its a whole package, reality is being realistic and mine at present is not firing on all cylinders and if im not chances are nore is MG, we struggle constantly to be as good as we can i in my submission MG in his Dominance but life has a habit of never making it easy , sometimes the easy way isnt the right way but who amongst us wouldnt take the easy route.its a natrual way, a course, set if you wish a route mapped out but in this case someones put a line of bollards up so we cant travel along the road needed to get us to our intended destination.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Where We Are Now. written by MG

I have sat here this evening, for the last few hours contemplating very carefully where cleo and I are at within our D/s. We have spoken several times recently as she continues to recover from the stroke, about regaining some of the true essence of our personal D/s which, by force of circumstance we had lost this past year or so.

The last few days cleo has been pushing more and more against the sub/slave thing, in a sense testing me, but also telling me that she may be ready now. I believe that the time has come.

We are at a position where we could take either of two routes in our lives from here on. The first would simply be to continue as we are, doing the things we do, and simply being cleo and MG, but without too many sparks.

If we choose that option I am sure we would be happy, but I am convinced that neither of us would ever be completely fulfilled: we may be happy but not fulfilled.

Our needs will never be quenched, and the fact that we agreed to live as Master and slave will take more and more of a back seat.The fact is that when cleo signed the slave contract with me she agreed to let me decide upon the course which our lives would follow:

I accepted the responsibility to always act in her best interests, and up to now since the stroke those best interests have been served by leading a more vanilla lifestyle than a D/s one.

There are many factors which have contributed to that decision; for example, for several months after coming out of the hospital she was emotionally quite brittle, and physically quite fragile in many ways too. Spanking, cropping and other forms of physical play were more often than not out of the question, as the results would likely have been pain and anguish rather than pain and pleasure.

Where We Are Going

Just this last few days i can see a change in her, and so, the decision is made: our D/s will now come to the fore again. Of course there are still some things where she is challenged, but i am convinced that with time and a vision of where we are going, they will be overcome, in ways we may not even know yet, but overcome they will be.It is my intention that we will use the time we have to interact better with each other, and to further extend our D/s within the lifestyle circles that as yet we have not moved within.I will push cleo from now on, she will accept this course as the choice, and the decision of her Master. Having said that I know that this is the right choice for both of us, and no doubt I will have more to say on this subject as we move forward in the next days, weeks and months.