Tuesday, April 29, 2008
My underlying thought is i need accountability and discipline if needed i love Master very much He is the best thing that has ever happened to my life. But discipline was very therapeutic for me and i know that i really need a” firm" hand once in a while, what i need is to be held accountable for minor and major misdeeds. Even just a good talking too goes a long way to balancing me, puts some purpose back where its lost, Thank You Sir for the talk, i did listen and will certainly act on some of Your suggestions
Monday, April 28, 2008
But i did give it some fair thought and after thinking about it and evaluating it all i came to the conclusion that it could be a stressful job! i know that he always makes his decisions according to my best interest.
i love MG with all of my heart and soul and i would do anything for him and it breaks my heart to think that i have made his job harder than it has to be. Some days i look at myself in a mirror and i think ...oh god who would want to be with me? Or no wonder MG rarely wants to touch me in certain ways .......that is how i think most of the time. i know i got to get past a lot of this and i am trying but it's a hard road to travel. There are a lot of days that out of the blue i just want to cry and it's because i am so unhappy with myself and with the way i look ....and i think no wonder MG rarely think of wanting sex with me..... My thought process needs a lot of work though! i guess i am lucky that MG at least wants to spank me.I try to think about the positives but most of the time i fail it's very hard to be happy with yourself when half of you is never going to work right again. i have to do some reverse thinking so i can get past that and start loving and liking myself again. i am not happy with myself ...I hate "ME" and i don't know how to start loving myself. i don't understand how MG can love me because i take one good look at myself and i wonder why or what he sees in me to love! But i guess men deal with it differently than women do. It's all hard for me, i wish it were easier. Some days i do love myself but other days i end up hating myself and those are the days that i don't look forward too so every day that i love myself are the days i cherish.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
im full of comments on things that really are nothing to do with me. Sometimes i try too hard..i. do not mean to be annoying..if that is what i am,i’m sure i am if im honest, i bug Master to distraction sometimes, on the littlest of things, when i don’t get my way, i brat out, I know im doing it, know i shouldn’t but somewhere inside me i justify the questioning, the reasons for change when really that is not my place at all, i can say to myself that there is no reason as to why i shouldn’t question i know i have this tendency to over analyze and like to make sure i am still on the right page.its been said i create things to worry about when there are noneThere are times i feel so attached and embedded into Master that it overwhelms me with feelings of contentment and then there are others where i feel so far away and remote that i feel as if i am treading water in the distance.
For a submissive, i am a bit of a control freak when it comes to certain areas of my life. Not sure if that is a pro or a con in the submissive arena..but i am honest enough to admit it
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
i need to stay focused on what is important in my life now...us as ONE, growing together.
i am YOURS, yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow
Yesterday is a memory
Whether it was good or bad
No matter right or wrong
The days of yesterday are now gone
We can't undue the mistakes we have made
We can only live, learn, and pray today.
We must live it to its fullest
Live, love, and grow
Give your heart away and let it show
Don't worry about tomorrow and what it may bring
Only think about today and live it well
Tomorrow is another chance, another day
A day to do what is right
A day to correct the wrongs of yesterday
A day to make someones day bright
A day to spread kindness
But most of all it is another day to love
So take yesterday
and Make today
A better day tomorrow
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Every once in awhile, something just really hits hard about belonging to someone else. Often it is the craziest things that have nothing to do with the exhibited concept of submission.
During everyday normal daily existence i get smacked with who i am by just little things that occur out of the blue every once in a while. Such as I’ll see something I’d like to buy either for me or one of the girls or even for Master i struggled with if He would be okay with me buying it. i figured since the total purchase would be under £10 he wouldn't mind(i'm assuming here of course and making my own reasons for doing what i want to do). But i really struggled back and forth with it because i am owned and everything i do i need to ask permission so it just throws my brain into a tizzy, it would probably take 10 to 15 minutes of me talking to myself back and forth, "should i, shouldn't i, knowing all along i shouldn't, but convincing myself if it would be okay and that just really brings home to me who i am. Then if i have gone and bought something without asking i have this huge guilt trip because i know deep down i should have asked (Master doesnt often deny me anything, im one very spoilt slave). No –one punishes a slave more than she does, herself.
Other times it comes when i stop myself from making a decision regarding our home, it suddenly occurs to me that i can't make that decision, thats Master place not mine. i have to wait for Him to say yes or no.
Then there are moments that happen that i feel like this is who i have been forever and the movement come and passes naturally without a second thought.i am my Masters slave.
Friday, April 18, 2008
i trust Him with every part of me, including the ugliness. i don’t know why, but it has been this way from day one of our relationship. i have shared things with Him that no one knows. i have told Him things that i told no other person ever.
Today I’m reminded that HE CHOSE ME, i was told, no discussion. Despite the mess, despite the pain, despite the past; HE CHOSE ME. i just hope i never let him down. i hope and pray i never give Him cause to rethink his choice.
There is something in His nature that i inherently trust and desire to draw close to. He makes me want to be better in all areas of myself, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically...Master understands it all.
Crazy as that sounds.... this is where my heart is... inside His heart. Master makes me feel safe, and wanted and beautiful
Thursday, April 17, 2008
slave has learned over time the best way to face those challenges is with faith and focus on our reality. With faith in Master's love and direction, i am ever closer to my goal of beating the obstacles that my lifes path has in store for me. Huge challenges become merely hurdles on the journey of my life. Master remains calm and strong and His attitude and direction allows me the freedom to meet the obstacle with resolve and commitment, knowing i am a reflection of Him and subject to His will. i will carry His love and support with me as i face situations which will challenge my strength and courage. i have found new courage and freedom from old enemies by no longer allowing them to control me or my actions. This slave knows who and what controls her and to whom she answers. She wears His collar and His permanent mark with immense pride. Thank You Sir
Monday, April 14, 2008
i have to let Him know that he's loved and worshipped more than any other man on this earth. Because not only is he the perfect, the best, of all Masters, but he's also just an incredible man. It’s terribly difficult to ever stay angry with a man who sacrifices so much, to deal with a headstrong slut who should know better, but You puts up me.
i honestly have no idea what i could have done to deserve love like this, to have someone so thoroughly who could really do so much better, with someone he wouldn't have to spend the rest of his life looking after. If i were any less selfish, i would give You up. But i feel just fine about being incredibly selfish the rest of my life. i only hope You finds me worth it, in the end.
- i realised that maybe i emphasise your good points just a little.
- i may get slightly sulky once in a while.
- i know, occasionally i need a reminder of who You are and who i am.
Even though this was suppose to be(with all due respect of course) my complaining-about-what-a-pain-in-the-arse-You-can-be-sometimes, it really can't be, because, in the greater scheme of things Your so incredible and good to me all the time and sometimes it surprises me all over again just how madly and desperately in love i am, and how in spite of all the crap I'm happier than I've ever been, with a prospect of. Well who knows what’s around the next corner, I'm not lying: Master really is perfect.
Thank You Sir, for just being You
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
Mostly my day is like most other people who are stay at home mums with teenage daughters. Lots of time is taken up with housework, straightening out, prepaing meals and all that stuff. So all of that is included.For me however, the mental knowledge . No certainty, is that everything i do is to please Master often make a difficult day a little easier. i try to remember that i am supposed to be pleasing Him.To watch me go about my daily routine you would have no idea that i was owned. The power exchange is subtle and quiet. It can get loud if the situation warrants it, but most of the time it is simply this very quiet knowledge within myself that i belong to Master and that everything i do either must please him or have a really good excuse for not pleasing him.i do the same things everyone else does in real life. i shop, cook, clean, and do what my Master tells me to do. If i fail, i expect punishment. That's about it for what i do all day
Sunday, April 06, 2008
- "I live to obey master. I live to serve master. I live to pleasure master. I am lost without master "
- "He is Master and I am slave. He is Owner and I am owned. He commands and I obey.
- "He is to be pleased and I am to please. And why is this? Because he is Master and I am slave."
my submissive thought for the day :
I am not responsible for other people’s issues