Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Memory Lane

"Footfalls echo in the memory, Down the passage which we did not take, Towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden.”
~T.S. Eliot

This slave finds a wistfulness for both what was, as well as what was "not". What "was" went too soon. The seasons change,time slips by and with each passing year this one longs to hold onto summer's fleeting days, reminding me of youthful laughter and warmth and pleasure.
The freezing of those perfect moments when they graced us is sadly impossible, time marches on, no matter what, we can but try to hold in memory every second and allow it to fill our soul to sustain during the chill and darkness.

Slavery's moments change as do all moments. My wistfulness comes due to lack of understanding of the impermanence of time. The moment which mark this slave's soul and heart keeps me forever bound to my Master even when the mark is no longer present on the flesh.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

brat !

i have seen in chat rooms ,discussions about what it means to be a brat. There are girls who are so proud of being a brat that they put it in their descriptions, an "in your face" kind of statement that says "this is how i am, i ain't changing for nobody, so THERE!"

Now, truthfully, if a girl is smartass, disobedient, making her own choices about her own behaviour, showing tremendous disrespect to most folks with a capped nick, intruding with ugly comments into ongoing scenes, and being silly and giggly just for attention.....AND states that she's proud of her behaviour....what does that tell a Dominant who is looking for a submissive to own?

Being a brat is, in my opinion, nothing more than choosing to have no self control. It's hard to not type things without the motivation of making someone proud of her restraint. Is it TOO hard not to? Or is it sheer laziness that makes some folks proud of their bratty behaviour? And what is funny to me is that so many of those brats want to top from the bottom when they DO find someone who wants to try with them....it's their nature, and they were attractive enough for the Dom to "own" them, why should they bother to change now?

When bratty behaviour is accepted, and encouraged, in a forum such as in a chat room, it is detrimental to the formation of relationships, truly D/s relationships, as well as to the room itself. Again, this is only my opinion, nothing more. But it has been both my observations, and my experiences, that have created such an opinion. You have got to desire to turn from sassy, reckless brat, into being the ideal sub any good Master could want, if it takes work so be it.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Man flu

i’ve got a cold as has Master. This is first one this year. Obviously making up for last year.

Master had a flu jag, dont think its working, so as men must do in these situations He's told everyone within hearing distance that He's ‘not well’ in a weak, croaky, bunged up voice followed by lengthy bouts of sniffing and looking helpless.


I’ve just been looking up the common cold, and it’s much worse than i feared. Apparently Master is dying through a severe version of man flu. Just check out these scary facts and fiction points nicked straight from manflu.info site, i paid particular attention to the women role section)

Man Flu is simply a cold, the symptoms of which are greatly exaggerated by men.

FALSE – Man Flu is a serious and potentially life threatening illness, and will no doubt soon be on the Health and Safety Executive’s list of Reportable Diseases. Man Flu is a distinct disease in its own right, and should not be misdiagnosed as a mere common cold.

Women can catch Man Flu

FALSE – Man Flu does not attack humans with the XX chromosome, only those with the XY chromosome. This genetic mutation effectively immunises females against Man Flu. This may account for the reason that women widely believe that Man Flu is actually just the common cold, but with a bit of extra drama thrown in for good measure.

The best way to deal with Man Flu is to just ‘get on with it

FALSE – Extensive research has proven that the only way to combat the crippling effects of Man Flu is complete withdrawal to the sofa and uninterrupted mollycoddling by the girlfriend / wife/slave.

Men have a slower recovery rate from Man Flu than women do from the common cold.

TRUE – The effects of Man Flu can linger for days and days, compared with just a few hours for the common cold. If the man is not permitted the correct period of convalescence following an attack of Man Flu he can be plunged back into a critical condition (see The Woman’s Role as Carer).

Man Flu is just a way for men to get sympathy / time off work / time in front of the telly

FALSE – Man Flu is a bona-fide and debilitating illness, would men make a meal of that sort of thing?

The pain and suffering of Man Flu is similar to that of child birth.

TRUE – Though at least with child birth it’s all done and dusted in a few hours, but Man Flu can last for weeks…

The best cure for Man Flu is a cocktail of Night Nurse, Day Nurse, chicken noodle soup and whiskey.

FALSE - There is no cure for Man Flu. Once infected the afflicted can only hope that the gods roll the dice in favour of life rather than slow, lingering death.

While suffering from Man Flu, men would like nothing more than to go to work and try to forget about their affliction.

TRUE - However, men recognise the huge risk of spreading Man Flu to other men. Indeed, a single cough in the wrong direction could hold enough Man Flu germs to wipe out a small rainforest tribe.

Flu Jab

Seasonal flu is a highly infectious respiratory illness caused by a flu virus. It spreads rapidly through the coughs and sneezes of infected people.
Seasonal flu immunisation, or the flu jab, is the injection of a vaccine against flu. It gives good protection from flu that lasts for one year.
The flu jab is offered to people in at risk groups,(Masters work give it for free, cuts down on sick days ) who are at greater risk of developing serious complications from flu. To stay protected, they need to have it every year.
The vaccine, which is normally available in the autumn, is made from the strains of flu that are expected in winter.

How effective is it?

The flu vaccines currently available give 70-80% protection against infection, with flu virus strains closely matching those in the vaccine.

Effective..? Nope cause Master had the jag last week and both of us now has flu, im dying quiely. Master being a man has the man flu strain and is dying loudly. All i can do is supply the necessary tissues and smile and say Yes Sir when He calls me rudholf.(red nose)

Monday, October 25, 2010


Communication is a key part of any relationship, especially a D/s one and i've always tried to be as honest as possible..

i'd like to think that along the way, i've worked Him out almost as completely as He has me . There are moments where i can see straight into His head and know what He's thinking, other times we fnish each other sentence, Sometimes i'll do something for Him and He'll sigh that it was just what He wanted, but i'm not always right. Knowing when to act on my gut and when to wait for Him to guide me is one of the challenges of slavery, because He doesn't always want to correct me when i anticipate His wishes, but He doesn't want a passive doormat either. That's why communication will always remain the number one priority for us, and i will never take His knowledge of me for granted.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Not even REMOTELY D/s.

My thoughts have been dwelling a lot lately on where we are now, where we've come from, and how we got here. It's such a wonderful thing to think about..

Basically, while our relationship is still very much a M/s relationship, the outward expression of M/s is not as necessary as it was in the very beginning.

Shocking, i know.

But that is what has happens we have settled into relationships. After many years (8+)...the fact is that we don't need to outwardly express what we are, simply because by living within the parameters set into place within the relationship,the control/submission is expressed daily, habitually, via the framework that Master built and set into place. Few people would ever know they were there unless they looked very hard to find them.

Probably 90% of our relationship will look "vanilla" because it IS "vanilla" in that there are hardly any outward expressions of M/s visible. We can relate as equals and you know what? It doesn't destroy what we have.

The only way we have been able to get to this point is because we liked each other as PEOPLE from the very beginning. We appeal to each other intellectually, emotionally, and in general. Yes, we do relate to each other in ways that aren't strictly D/s, or not even REMOTELY D/s.

i AM his slave and i always will be. The dynamic is there, it is strong and pure and very real. He controls what he wishes to control in my life, that, to me, is what being slave is all about.

i live my life, period. He can't live it for me, nor would he want to. He has his own life to live, and guess what?. Respecting each other as people, as a man and as a woman, as a friend, as a lover, as mature adults....that is the first cornerstone of any successful relationship, whether D/s or not.

Just because i am slave does not mean that i become useless as a human being for anything other than my Master's whim of the moment. Just because He is a Master does not mean that he becomes useless as a human being for anything other than exerting control over his slave.

D/s is so deeply and firmly embedded in our relationship, in how we live and who we are, that we just don't even really think about it anymore. We make no effort to .... i don't know, to specifically express D/s simply because we are a D/s couple, if that makes sense. It is there, believe me, and expressed in some very wonderful, special, meaningful ways...but never expressed to...prove something, i think is how i need to word it. We have nothing to prove to anyone about anything. We have already proven ourselves to each other, in the ways that count, and there is no need for it anymore.

It's just who we are>

Monday, October 18, 2010

Vice Versa

Even here, in this blog, when i have been going through my "silly" spells, i have tried hard to give an accurate picture of what it is like to be slave to a Master. i have always tried to put the good with the bad in my blog.
i am not the sort of slave who has a need to write up about every sexual experience Master and i take part in, our bedroom is just that ours. Beside there are literally hundreds of those kind of blogs around, mine doesn’t need to be fantasy of being tied, beaten etc, i don’t have a need to tell my readers if Master has clamped my nipples for 15 minutes or not or if he requires me to use any one of our dozen of toys in a certain manner. Those things are private. The mentality between a Master and slave is more interesting i believe. Thing are far far easier said than actually done ive found.
Master needs for me to be what i need to be, nothing but His, mind and body, with special attention to mind. Of course He values my body but mental Domination is as powerful, my mind, my thoughts, and my opinions - i am not a robot, or a "mindless blob". But at the core, i am totally His....not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. This is so deeply fulfilling i can't even begin to explain it. This is what a real D/s relationship is, not only “whips and chains”.

Total commitment on both sides, to fulfil the role as defined ...... to the deepest extent we are able to do so. For me to be as mentally submissive as He is mentally Dominant. And vice versa, it will always and has always been a two way street, a give and take, i forget that some times.

Sunday, October 17, 2010


i began to believe that there is no way Master could still want me crippled and getting older., i felt that i couldn't do anything right, much less be a good slave to this Man. i wasn't giving Him credit for being understanding, and yes, i was seeing from my own perspective. But i am realising that He sees not circumstances....He sees me. Such a simple, but dramatic, concept....if one doesn't "get it"....i will learn, to get over this deep seated fear of rejection that I’m carrying.

I realise now that i am more than sexual fulfilment to You. i am totally and completely Yours, i am sure that i still hold some really negative thoughts -that will probably be with me for always, i dont think i can change that, i do tend to cling to my old things with a passion, but thats a part of who i am.
Thank You, Master, for so much. For loving me , the good and the bad

Thursday, October 14, 2010

i need !!

i need clearly defined limits. i will need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways i am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so i know how far i can go and feel secure inside those limits. i will need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when i try to climb them without Your approval.

I need You to be consistent. i will need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behaviour. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You will give me. From time to time i may test You to see if You still accept control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It will not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to me. Very often it will not be done consciously and i promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.

I need to expand my limits. i need to be challenged. Left on my own, i become bored or stagnate within the boundaries i accepted in the beginning. i need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. i may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. i will depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.

I need You to teach me. i need to learn. My mind is still hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that i can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.

I need goals. i am very goal-oriented. Without Your direction i will quickly become lost so i look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as i continue in my development as Yours..

I need to be corrected. i need You to correct me when i make mistakes. Without Your correction i will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, i may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. i admire firmness in correction and will feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.

I need Your approval and reassurance. i will need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know i belong to You even if i fall short of my goals. i sometimes confuse approval with disapproval if You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. i will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.

I need to be able to express myself. i have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. i will fear Your rejection and will hate disappointing You, so i may need a little space and time to voice all the things i need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that i can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.

I need to learn from my mistakes. i need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. You may struggle with allowing me to be hurt but i need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. i will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.

I need forgiveness when i fail. Nothing hurts me more than to know i've failed or displeased and i need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrongdoing and i may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse i am carrying. i may even need to be punished, if my wrongdoing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. i will depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.

I need to feel i contribute. i have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, also. i may need to give of myself to those i hold dear but You will always receive the best i have to offer.

I need to enjoy successes. Without experiencing and enjoying my successes i may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savouring the taste of victory when i overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes will belong to You and i need to share their rewards with You. i don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.

I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual &sexual aspects of my being as well as the physical body i inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things i need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways i can achieve total openness with You. i also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.

I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership. No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, i need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all i am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if i fall short of the target. i need to be loved and to love in return. i can't survive without it.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Following on from Mondays post about asking permissions, i guess humiliation, embarrassment etc isn’t my thing and i don’t think Master is really into seeing me like that (hopes) i may be wrong but i'm pretty sure I’ll find out soon, but He has never yet wanted/needed to humiliate me. If It pleased Him, If it feeds something inside of Him, to see me on my hands and knees begging them im sure we would have gone there a long time ago. If He had a need to reduce me to my basest instincts being humiliated would be one way, but i think we know each other well enough to know its not something we have ever had a need to explore.
What i am trying to say is that, if He chooses, or needs, for me to be worthless or to feel worthless - even if He merely wanted me to feel that way "just because", then i wish to be whatever He needs, to make Him find more and deeper pleasure in owning me.
This man knows me so well. He knows what i would find deeply humiliating. He knows what i would struggle with. He knows what i have said in the past that i can't do. He knows what i still can't do.
The bottom line, for me, is that no matter what He asks of me, if it is within me, I’ll give and keep on giving.
So, please Sir....use Your slave as deeply, as strongly, and in as humiliating ways as You wish to, need to, Master. Please allow Your slave the opportunity to serve You as You wish, as You need, and as You so rightly deserve.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Born Worrier

I thought or i was thinking, always a bad sign, i’ve found it often best if i do neither, just let it wash over me because when i think i more often than not, upset myself, i can make up the world’s worse scenario in my mind with almost nothing to work on, i can do that in a millisecond but it can take days for me to recover from the black hole i more often than not put myself in.
i have all these random thoughts about life, my life and i make huge mountain out of tiny mole hill. If i had my own personal Jiminy cricket, He’d be run off his feet.. Whispering in my ear to let it go. Instead i run with any drama literally to generate something…. Why i don’t know, why not be happy, heaven knows, i’m sure there is enough real drama if i want/need to worry. But yes i think that the crux of the matter, i am a born worrier. Always worrying about something, if i don’t have something to worry about, i create it.
I wish i didn't worry about everything. i think too much, work myself up and all the time because of the "what if's...and sick of it too! Ugh, i wish i didn't worry about everything.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Saying what i mean, meaning what i say

It seems that as humans, we often think others should be able to read our minds…. by asking, we are reducing the need for others to do that.
i see this blog as my message board, only trouble is He never answers, i know it’s silly of me but i find that there are some questions still that i cannot outright ask.E.G i find it extremely difficult to ask if i might pleasure myself, even to go without rather than ask. Things like that, i turn into a giggly little school girl, in my 50's. How stupid is that. And yet still, i have always had to ask to orgasm and never really had a problem with that, maybe being out of myself usually assisted me in that quest, Post it notes would solve my problem but i don’t think He’d approve and there’s no privacy here and I’ve never been great at direct asking, i always beat around the bush for days so that gets me nowhere fast, being way to ambiguous so my request goes unanswered as its likely it was never asked in the first place , hidden amongst a load of twaddle or waffle
Learning to be direct is something i need to work on, saying what i mean, meaning what i say, and maybe I’ll get it ...i certainly never will if i don’t ask.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

inside my head

Is this noise inside my head bothering you?

Does it shout/scream too loudly? It never stops, it says, “Would Master or should i , so many questions that i have to answer and i don’t make decision, or i’d rather not and yet, inside my head is fill to bursting with questions, each one pushing for an answer. Every item has multiple priorities going on, competing agendas that come into play every time I’m forced to make a choice about doing, buying, creating or interacting. i think these determine, how good a job i do, where i shop etc

You’re inside my head, always, in every waking moment, , You determine , what i eat, , everything about my day, my life, my very existence. i cannot hide, not that i wish to, but if i did, it’s impossible. Still i really need some of those questions answer. Not the mundane, “what shall i cook for Your dinner” but bigger issues like “What do You expect from me”,” Where do we go from here on”
i still want more, i need to know if Your happy to leave things just the way they are.

We are not in the head space i always imagined we would be at this point in our lives, if Your happy with that great, but i need to know You are.
Question,answers lead to more question...............................

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What Is to What Was

I can't help comparing What Is to What Was, and feeling the disappointment that accompanies memory. While i rarely find myself angry anymore, and have made great strides forward,i cannot deny embitterment,i still dream of what was and cope daily with what is, i do dream on some days of what might have been if only……..but i also recall the words that acceptance is the key to moving forward. Oh I accept my loss, my lot, doesn’t mean i cannot dream of what once was or might have been.
You never realize just how much stuff you've invited into your life until you don’t have it anymore.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Comfort Zone

I kind of get in this comfort zone where i guess im so comfortable with Him, i act as his equal not his slave. Which Im working on remembering, i’ve had this feeling so many times before, i even tell myself in my head, it’s ok because im in my wife mentality, i have to remember that the slave one overrides, out ranks the wife, but on the days when i feel wife is needed, it’s difficult to still have a slave mentality, because these are definitely two totally separate entities, then i have the mother mentality as well, im afraid under the onslaught of the duel personalities slave does get lost sometimes, I’d rather she didn’t but unless im pull up on the mouthy (as if) wife persona slave can get lost under the “im wife i am caring for my husband here”, but i do honestly believe if Master just tugs the slave collar ever so slightly the slave will rise to the surface. Really wish He would tug more often. But He’s unwell at present, which in itself brings wife to the front, i can’t help it. The less M/s we have the more wife is top of the pecking order and no amount of me telling myself off helps

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Luv is !!!

For °°lϋvþąŷńě° my sister in heart and mind for some 10 years now

How could i have been so unthinking, unfeeling, to have as good as abandoned my dear friend to flounder without a loving hand to reach out to in her time of need. Talk about selfish, what a stupid woman i can be at times, wrapped in my own bubble, wallowing in some pity.. ive always said, i don’t do pity party. i wanted to be a part of something and i didn’t even see the cost involved until now, but now i do see, im putting it right, i just hope it’s not too late, hope my “luv”ing sister will forgive me
I am angry with myself that i didn’t care enough to really BE THERE for my sister.Stupid thing is i do care, i just couldnt see past a mist i had created, i feel i gave a bunch of lame excuses and was too far and away in my own little world to think beyond my own walls and i feel so very bad that i’ve hurt this very very special person because i was unthinking, uncaring, and left her to her fate.
Some friend i am. Just hope its not to late to put it right.

The warmth of a friend's presence brings joy to our hearts, sunlight to our souls, and pleasure to all of life.
Luv is truely very special to me.

Monday, September 20, 2010


Much is said about success. You will find many differing opinions on not only how to achieve success, but even on what success is. For some people success is financial bliss. For others, it is freedom. i find success in health, family and friends, day to day getting by in a never ending struggle.

1. Do What You Love

Have you ever found anyone that is successful doing something they hate? i guess you can take the definition of success to any extreme, but i have a hard time accepting that anyone living in misery doing something they hate can be successful. Naturally, doing what you love gets you the motivation and the excitement required to achieve success. In fact, for many, doing what you love is success in and of itself.

2. Perfect Your Game
If your definition of success is being great at something, most people will agree that in order to be successful you have to perfect your game.

3. Believe in Yourself
i am yet to find a successful person that does not believe in himself/herself. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will? Successful people believe that they can get better through their own efforts. If you want to be successful, start believing in yourself.

4.Never give up.
Last but not least, Never give up. To be successful you must persist through failures, criticisms, rejections, and all the other negative things in life. You must have heard the old cliché that success is a journey, life is a journey, neither is a destination. In the success and life journey, the only time you can say for sure that you are not a success is when you give up.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

read the instructions

Over the years i have been the recipient of multiple attempts to teach me valuable lessons that i am not allowed to forget (read the instructions).. i have been taught how to fix household appliances, and how to use technical equipment, amongst other practical application. Although when performing any of these tasks plus a few hundred more, it would be stressed again and again that i read the instructions. This philosophy is based on the belief that instructions are written to teach and to prevent mistakes.
  • Some people read to learn and read to accomplish a task. In which case, conceptual information is necessary for using a new product. In other cases, structured lists suffice for people who prefer to skip and skim through the documentation.
  • Some people don’t want to read instructions. They actually prefer to explore and to ask for help when they need it. (im in this category)
  • Some dive head long into it and i like me will eventually put together that cupboard or desk, even if it take 10 times longer and be left with 3 screws that have no use whatsoever, yet still the task will be achieved, does it really matter how or in which order, apparently, yes it does!
That booklet, piece of paper on which is printed detailed step by step instructions, is best left on the floor, in the box, when i had two hands available id think nothing of taking a broken computer apart and putting it back together, working, no instruction manual taught me that.
Adventure, try it and see, have fun, why follow the rule book, there are too many rules in life
Moral of this story—do all that you can lose the manual but don’t overlook the user’s choice or responsibility to read the instructions.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Silence is Golden


A proverbial saying, often used in circumstances where it is thought that saying nothing is preferable to speaking.
As with many proverbs, the origin of this phrase is obscured by the mists of time. "Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together; that at length they may emerge, full-formed and majestic, into the daylight of Life, which they are thenceforth to rule. A gag is usually a device designed to prevent speech, often as a restraint device to stop the subject from calling for help. This is usually done by blocking the mouth partially or completely, or attempting to prevent the tongue from moving in the normal patterns of speech. People wear a gag for a variety of reasons. Some people derive "Erotic pleasure" from a gag, either in a submissive or dominant role. When combined with other physical restraints, the wearing of a gag can increase the wearer's sense of helplessness. For me personally a "quiet" command is more often than not enough.

Thursday, July 22, 2010


I read in two separate blogs today that no court in any land, legal jurisdiction would ever consider any slave contract, legal and binding and I’m thinking duh, no but who said anything about any legal jurisdiction being important surely the only people who matter within a slave contract are the Master/ Mistress and the slave.
My/Our contract is binding between Master and i, no one else matters. Whilst creating a sources of stability within our own unique power exchange arrangements, which was why it was written, it was never meant for Master to hold me legally to anything i might have agree to at the time but rather for me to hold myself to, the commitment i made, very much like my marriage vows for as long as i wish to be held by them, some might say that not very slave like, maybe not but it’s realistic in a modern world.
slavery as we all know is not in the greater scheme of thing an acceptable practise in the modern world, but on our one to one level if i want to live that way, who’s to say i can’t. To imagine i or any intelligent human being can be held by a piece of paper is laughable and really isn’t worth debating.
Submission to a Master for every slave is unique, what i as a slave find acceptable in our arrangement another slave may not and visa versa. The agreement to a, b , c is a very personal thing and if each M&s feel a need to put it in writing then that is for then , who needs judge Judy to agree, approve, certainly not us.
My slave contract

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

It aint what you do (its the way that you do it)

How many times have we re organized a planned play session, not attended a function because kids were at home on that day, for whatever reason, just was not going to happen and still 8 years on, nothing change, we still give up on our private times because one kids or the other (no longer babies 16-23) decided not to go where it had previously been planned they would go for one night. Now we pay for a hotel room on any occasion we can think of to get some along time
So! There is really nothing going on the M/s front. It seem to function quietly in the background, pretty much without thinking after all this time, we know what is expected of the other, which is cool, i guess. I’m getting better at separating that from the kink of s-M, understanding that one does not rely on the other, and that i really can function decently without being beaten. Though there is no question that i function better with the occasional spanking. Just sayin’.

Master and i talked about this and agree that with age and disability and both kids back in the house, kink, s-M, sex blah kind of goes out the window pretty much, such is life; the one night alone we have had in the last 6 months since no1 daughter returned home from uni. was pretty much “ a let’s just be together”, the kink wasn’t as important as just being alone for once. We have both just had birthdays and another year passes, and our 60’s fast approach the talk is of the future, the inevitable and how we each view where we see it taking us, wherever together for as long as the road winds on ahead of us. He will always be Sir, Master, i will always be slave, it’s who we are, and that will never change, ever

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Blah Blah

i'm happy. i really am. And it's a strange sensation,i still second-guess myself when i say something stupid; automatically assuming He's going to knock me down a notch for it. Instead, he tends to laugh and say something equally ridiculous or extremely smart. Or he just leans over and kisses me. Tells me He loves me.

The dynamic between us is something unique. i am so exceedingly comfortable being me, however i am which doesn't for a moment compromise how wanted i feel. In fact, i feel more consistently wanted and worthwhile than i have in my entire life, even though i am probably less , useful, skin deep beautiful, fit blah blah and so on and so forth, it matters not for the person who is the essence of me is loved, wanted, needed, and that makes all the blah, irrelevant.

Friday, July 16, 2010

live to serve

• If someone had told me few year ago that i could become completely, utterly exhausted just sitting in front of the computer for 9 hours, I’d have laughed
• If someone had told me i would actually BE sitting in front of the computer, barely moving, for nine hours, brain spinning madly I’d have laughed even harder.
• Yet here i find myself and will most happily defend my position against all and any boarders.
• i work, i will also defend that status too, because what i put in each day is as much as any other person who works, albeit mine is voluntary, i supply a service, it’s what i do and who i am
Work and live to serve others, to leave the world a little better than you found it and garner for yourself as much peace of mind as you can. This is happiness.
David Sarnoff

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Abbey Road~The End~

I have completely given up trying to figure out what the hell attracts people to this blog and why. However, since lately so many visitors seem to be dropping in it must have something
.And so it goes. July already, spinning quickly into August and before we know it December Christmas and another year end.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to stay positive and make plans for my summer.

I just turned 55 a few weeks ago. In this past year, my life has certainly changed in ways, and stayed much the same in others. I've seen my family remain close while undergoing individual trials and tribulations; I've gained new friends while watching others drift out of my life; and I've tried adding new and exciting activities to the mix.

But guess what? Maybe I'm not much wiser, because what i wrote a year ago (Happy Birthday to me, June. 30 2009) still basically holds true, so I'm just going to repeat it here:
Every day of my life has led me to this exact place and time, just as it should be. The true measure of success is how many loved ones you gather, not how much wealth. You get what you give. And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make (credit: The Beatles). Lennon misquoted the line slightly; the actual words are, "And, in the end, the love you take/ Is equal to the love you make." ...
The pure love that you generate towards others comes back to you in equal measure. At the end of your life, the purity of your mind as reflected in the selfless love that you have generated in the past, attracts the corresponding positive forces, which help support you, Here's to the next part of the journey ...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

"What is this guy thinking!"

How many times have you wondered, "What is this guy thinking!" If you want to get into a man's heart, you have to start by getting into his head. The problem is many men have a hard time being open about their thoughts and feelings.
According to Wiki:-Armed with the following five techniques, a man can feel more comfortable opening up to you, so you can develop better communication with him and, ultimately, enjoy a better relationship.
1 Let him know you care about what he is saying
2. Be nonjudgmental.
3. Don't use the word "why
4. Never say, "We need to talk."
5. Learn how to really listen.

As slave i don’t try to figure out what Master is thinking, i never try to "guess" what He want because He will tell me what He want, one way or another.i never try and look for His motives behind any order because if He want me to know, He will make sure i know.
End of story.
It’s as simple as that for me., i'll ignore the 5 steps, who needs them ?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (originally effeuiller la marguerite in French) is a game of French origin, in which one person seeks to determine whether the object of their affection returns that affection or not.

A person playing the game alternately speaks the phrases "He (or she) loves me," and "He loves me not," while picking one petal off a flower (usually an oxeye daisy) for each phrase. The phrase they speak on picking off the last petal supposedly represents the truth between the object of their affection loving them or not. The player typically is motivated by attraction to the person they're speaking of while reciting the phrases. They may seek to reaffirm a pre-existing belief, or act out of whimsy.

The pronoun He, with a universally capitalized H, is often used to refer to a Higher being.

my He, my Sir

He is intelligent. i like having discussions with him. i enjoy his perspective and that he teaches me new things!

He has an amazing amount of patience!

He is a very generous man. He gives so much.

He takes care of me when i am sick. When i am tired he always knows what best

I feel at times he does things for a reason but i just can't figure out why.

My list could go on and on. i just feel very privileged to be owned by Him and serve Him! i love YOU, Master!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple.

It's a declaration of defiance, vividly and clearly expressed. Appealing to the rebel in all of us as we secretly learn to throw of the shackles of propriety and enjoy the freedom of cocking a hoot at the rest of the world.
The poem tells of a respectable middle-aged woman, as she indulges in her fantasy of a grabby old crone with her outrageous clothes and dotty behaviour.As follows :-

Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple.
By Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


I’ve felt guilty for not writing this blog as often as i have wanted to in the last few weeks. Thinking about why this happens sometimes, i can of course blame it on being occupied with various things, but really i think it comes down to expecting too much . i have a number of goals,that i am still far from attaining. i have a pretty clear idea of what i like, but i often feel that i am not in the right mood...too tired, too busy, or whatever... to lives up to my own standards let alone any one else’s.

But the real mistake here is to let that stop me from trying that would be a retrograde step indeed... even with just a few words at a time.
i need to remember, that real progress comes about mainly through the little steps we take on the path towards our goals. The steps that count most are the ones that no one congratulates us for, when we tripped up a little or even just accomplished some small success. Countless little steps cover far more distances than great marathons ever will.

Whatever it is that may be taking place in my life or in the world around me, there is invariably something beautiful there waiting to be discovered… but the approach to that beauty requires humble steps, patient walking, and a steadfast resolution not to let expectations get in the way.
i know i can do this, i just have to keep trying...

Tuesday, June 01, 2010


I dream, i desire so many things from within our M/s, i know that i have a need, it can almost be called an urge, to feel his dominance, his power, his control. i know i want this, i know i need it and yet, when it is there, it hurts, its almost to painful to bear sometimes and yet, it is who we are, it is what we do, it is what we have both said over and over again, what we give to one another. >So why, when it is there, do i struggle with it so. oh sure, i can write about all the ideas of the slave struggling with her submission, sure, i am struggling, sure i get pissed off when i have given 99.9% and it's still not enough, but then there is this spark in me that says……...sheeeshhh woman, of course it isn't, you have to give the other 0.01%, only when you have given that can you say you have given it everything you have and only then will your Master be happy with what you have done, so stop the moaning, you gave yourself, totally, even down to the 0.01% when you accepted his collar and became his slave, no half measures here.

Oh but i struggle.

i struggle with the not having, i moan about not feeling my Masters hand, mentally or physically, when the outside influences get in the way for weeks on end, my Master can literally bring me to my knees. Try as i might to deny the notion that a sub/slave punishes herself far more than her Master ever can... its right, i do.

i am not feeling his dominance, in fact, i had said much the same many times before, but now it feels different it’s almost like we are becoming a nilla old couple. He is far too soft and allowed me to get away with far too much, which i bet He won’t agreed with because he does.

i am looking for answers here. Thank you for listening

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

darkest moments

The darkest moments of our lives are not to be forgotten, rather they are memories to be called upon for inspiration to remind us of the unrelenting human spirit and our capacity to overcome the intolerable.

Our time is limited, so don't waste it. Have courage, follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want. Everything else is secondary. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. i'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that i loved and that i love . find what you love. Our lifestyle is going to fill a large part of our days, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to live what you believe is a great way of life. And the only way is to love what you do. If you put your mind to it and you believe it, you can achieve anything, everything. You cannot give up -- even if the road is a tough road.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Time Marches on

My theory is that each of us has within us, desires/wants/needs... to give and receive love and attention cause believe it or not even a man, even a Dominant gives, its not all about the sub giving and the Dom taking, not if the D/s is being done properly. Follow your desires and you are likely to end up with a pretty good and satisfying relationship. D/s is an extension of a normal loving relationship where there is give and take, that both are needed to keep an even balance between the two parties and so that they compliment one another. Add to that the D/s factor of absolute trust and total commitment and you have the foundation of a solid unbreakable bond between two human beings. Does this make one partner better than the other, more able to live life in a proper manner, better equipped to face what the big bad world has to throw at them, i don’t think so. Master or sub/slave, i am sure both are quite capable of living life, making decisions etc, the difference is that a sub chooses not to have to do that and is more content to give that responsibility over to another.

We have to be careful tho, not to fall into a rut and end up in a comfort zone where it is so easy to just let each day pass by without us even noticing. Comfort zones are those place where it is easier to just sit back and accept what we have as happy, when what we really have is nothing short of boring existence because we are too lazy or too bored or just plain cant be bothered to alter things.

We all change, nothing ever stands still, over time we develop new ideas, new beginnings etc but whatever it is we do, time has a habit of moving on with or without our knowledge or permission, we have to be aware that it happens and try our best not to become complacent and let things ride or before any of us know it, we are in the cirle of round and round we go and wouldnt life be really boring, if it was always the same, (the film Ground Hog Day springs to mind, the same day over and over again with the predicted result every time). That’s not for me. Things have to move on, they have to progress to bigger and better, they have to evolve, however...

Seems like only yesterday that my kids were little. Now, i have two very nearly grown young ladies, problem with that is a) i want my lil babies back cause they were really cute when younger, b) if they are growing up, where does that put me.. in the "old" bracket, that’s where !

Seriously, i could say that with age comes experience and all that stuff about been there done that but what i really wanted to say was this...

If i had the chance to do it all over again, would i... not a chance, even the shite bits i am happy with and ill tell you why, because it all, down to the really crappiest bits have made me, who i am, and who i am has moulded my life to where it is right now.. with Him, with the man i love, with my Master, with my submission, with my life just as i would wish it to be.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Non negotiable

i am submissive but submissive only to my Master. i think i am also, highly opinionated, infuriatingly out spoken at times and not very good at diplomacy but all that aside... what i am NOT, is someone who will simply follow the crowd.
i feel it is becoming more difficult and time consuming to keep beating my head against the wall, trying to help others, and at the same time defend our reality when so many people and places we once frequented now prefer fantasy. As far as i am concerned, it is a waste of my time. But we must not turn our back on those who may wish to learn about the lifestyle. It is depressing to remain where some are turning this lifestyle into a joke, and only for those who truly wish to learn about all that is good in this lifestyle we love...is it worth the effort to remain...other than that i would quite happily switch of my computer and never enter a chat room or community again... my life with my Master and the kids and if...and i say a definite if....if we have time..we shall give a little back... but only after we have given all we can to one another and the children.

Real life comes before anything else..that’s non negotiable, that’s how it has to be, our time together seems to get shorter, i'm not going to waste it on those who have no care or thought beyond their own. We give and we give more but how much more and for how long? Who knows, we are just the people we have always been, we do what we do, for ourselves, our family and for those truly who want to learn.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

MY Best Friend

I never had no one
I could count on
I�ve been let down so many times
I was tired of hurtin�
So tired of searchin�
�til you walked into my life
It was a feelin�
I�d never known
And for the first time
I didn�t feel alone

You�re more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
I don�t know where I�d be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You�re my best friend
You�re my best friend, oh yeah

You stand by me
And you believe in me
Like nobody ever has
When my world goes crazy
You�re right there to save me
You make me see how much I have
And I still tremble
When we touch
And oh the look in your eyes
When we make love

You�re more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
And I don�t know where I�d be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You�re my best friend
You�re my best friend

You�re more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
And I don�t know where I�d be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You�re my best friend
You�re my best friend (my best friend)
You�re my best friend (my best friend)

Wednesday, May 05, 2010


Shoe's or leather or both. Leather is a fetish, so the BDSM scene will tell you, shoes and the accompanying feet are also a fetish so i guess it is ok to put then in the same blog as a single entity.
There are some out there that would make your hair stand up on end and then there are those that a lot of people are involved in, of course, to the nilla world they are all just plain kink and are sick and depraved but within the lifestyle, your kink is yours and as long as you are happy with it, who is to say that it is wrong. my kink certainly isnt going to be the same as yours or anyone else's and as long as each is practised with the SSC code in mind, then enjoy yourself and do whatever it is that satifies the urge in you.
The list is endless, well not quite, but it is certainly long and with many a variation and it would be wrong of anyone to say that any kink, whatever its nature is anything other than the pleasure of the person involved ( i do draw the line of course at the yukky ones ie beastiality, incest, children etc, as do all true and honest lifestylers, these has no place within the realms of the lifestyle).
Age play, Asphyxiation play, Blood play, Chastity, Control scene, Daddy/Mummy, Degradation, Dirty sports, Discipline scene, Dog & Master scene, Domination scene, Edge play, ElectricityPlay, Enemas, Exhibitionism, Extreme play, Fantasy Play ....endless but each a valid feitsh to the person whom it holds a fasination for Fetish. Anything, which has been, invested with special sexual significance, e.g. Latex, Leather, Rubber, Silk, PVC, Uniforms, Boots, etc. It may also include also certain smells (e.g. of underclothes) and possibly tastes.
A person with a strong fetish.

Fetish scene. The fetish community, a group which includes people with a tolerance of, and often an interest in, BDSM. Many BDSMers have found that being part of the fetish scene is considered more acceptable to outsiders than being part of the BDSM scene.
So my liking for shoes and leather makes me one of those i guess, and very proud of it i am too...only isue is now my shoe passion cannot be fulfilled as my practical need for shoes that i can actually walk in far far outweights the fetish one, however i have keep all my stillettoes hoping one day maybe ill get to wear them gain(unlikley, but whats life without dreams)

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Life is too short

I give my submission to MG.. What does that mean... everything and nothing special really, not to anyone else anyway. However, for me and i am the only one that it has any bearing on, it says, Master, i want to be with you, i want to please you, i want to take care of you, i want to be there every minute of every day to make sure that every need, desire, whim, you name it... if there is any way that in being here beside you that i can enhance or fulfil or satisfy any one of those items, then, i am here and i am ready willing and able to do whatever it takes to see that you are happy.
Is that submission, Is that slavery? Is that a kink? Who knows... but for me it is what i have and what i offer and i am lucky in that MG wants that from me.
And in return... what do i get..( woo, is that very submissive, maybe not, but why shouldn’t i get something out of this relationship, i’ll tell you this, if i was not getting something back, i would be out of here in a flash and i challenge anyone to say they would stay in a relationship that was totally one-sided.) i get love and companionship and care and warmth etc......... i get a relationship that is so deep and so loving and whether i am submissive or MG is Dominant, who really gives a fig because at the end of the day, it works for us and we are happy and if we throw in a little or a lot of kink or D/s or BDSM while we get on with the life we have chosen to lead, and luckily we do and we both want that... is anyone going to say or label me as one thing or another... sure, if you want to...call me sub, call me slave, say i am not D/s... doesn’t make one jot of difference to how MG and i live our lives.
i know D/s couples, online and real time, i know single Dom, i know single subs, i know single vanilla females and males, i know married vanilla couples, i know some who are just starting out on the life road and some who have been around for years... makes little difference who they are, what does make each unique is the choice they make for themselves, in the way they wish to live their lives and i for one am not about to say that one way is better or that what each chooses for themselves is right or wrong.
Enjoy whatever it is you have, call it whatever you wish because life is too short to worry about semantics. At the end of the day does it really matter, what we are called or what the definition of submissive or slave is. Does it really matter whether it's a total power exchange or bedroom D/s or public play, or if you live in a Dom/me/sub, Dom/me/slave relationship as long as each and every one of us is happy with the choices we have made.
Life is too short to worry about what other people think, i have found that out, to my cost sometimes, but not any more. ... i am cleo, slave to MG, mother to my children and very happy i am too.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

I went out the door this morning without a coat... Oh joy, for those who may live in warmer climes than the U.K you might think that a rather mundane thing to be joyous about and very likely unworthy of a blog entry, but U.K weather is fickle enough and often far too cold to be no coat weather. So the first day of the year when i don’t have to put on my coat at 7am to drive Master to the train station as i need the car today (which also means I’ll need to collect Him at 9.15pm tonight) is one of immense pleasure. I’m definitely a SAD person (Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as winter depression or winter blues) not to the extent that i need artificial sunlight. Just a serious mood change when the seasons changes to cold dark morning, damp, bone chilling cold.. Oh the pleasure of British weather. But hell I’d not change being a Brit. i talk to many other nationalities in my work. My best net friend is an American girl who i’ve been pals with online for around 8 years now, she’s also sub so we have a fair bit in common as she was married to her Dom, i say was as they are now separated . Probably for the best, however single parent of 4 children under 16 is a struggle even in the UK with a lot of state benefits to help, she struggle daily with even just the very basics of food and housing. My point is the grass is not always greener on the other side, there is never a better place..The place you are at is the best place as it is Home

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Private moments

i seem to get an awful lot of people following this site, i would really love to know what you all find so interesting, don’t get me wrong, im honoured so many people find the things i write worthy of being read and as so many of you do follow, I’ll let you into a secret, i have a mirror site to this one but that only has 1 follower my Master that’s His space and the posts i make there are sometimes the same as i make here but often contain the more personal aspect of our relationship, the things i don’t make public, we have always said we are happy to show an insight into our Master/slave relationship but private is private and will remain so.
the website that accompanies this blog is locate here http://www.satinandlace.seekers.org.uk
you are quite welcome to read if anyone wishes

Monday, April 26, 2010

Creature of habit

Creature of habit.. oh yes and today im knocked for six as my normal get up do a.b.c then go to work habit has been pulled from under me following a complete Buzzen shut down for network upgrades.
It’s likely to be a few days(3-7 recommended) before Buzzen’s back up and running so i need to make alternative plans for my days, Master has made a few suggestions, which of course although come out as you could … blah blah.. Really mean id like you to do….so some filing of papers that get left a long time in the in tray will get put away.
This blog will get some much needed attention, although secretly im hoping it’s only a day or 2 till i can go back to work @ "Buzzen Communications Network made especially for you! The service offers many free services to our registered members". ive never been a great one for working outside of my family duties, but this job is like my eye into the world now that i cannot physically interact with people as well as i once did, my fingers type the words that i once spoke, this way i can still be of use while no one has to stare at the broken cripple i have become (stroke survivor for those who don’t know) and i have a huge purpose, a reason to get up every day, i suppose if any other worker was given a week’s holiday, they would be over the moon, me, this creature of habit is kind of lost with no focus. But sitting here won’t help although blogging is therapeutic, lets you get it all out, still its time to find something else to do.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

You are my reason

You are the reason why even at the Saddest
Parts of my life, i smile. Even at confusion,
i understand.Even in betrayal, i trust,
Even in fear of pain, i love you.

You are my reason

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Why do i blog?

Because it give me even 10/15 minutes out of my otherwise often nilla day to considered who i am, to think of my submission to Master, This is for me a time in every single day where i can sit and focus “centre “ myself so to speak… on my very existence, on why i do what i do. So it most certainly isn’t one of those “He tied me up and did all these wonderful sexual things to me “those are a dime a dozen and for me come under the heading of “Private life” and will remain private.
This blog is about whom we are, not what we do. i am just a simple English lady who choose to give up on the stress filled hum drum of life and give my Husband/Master Carte blanche to decide on as many decision making areas of my life as He chooses. If we were rich and lived in a cottage with roses around the door, i could remain naked and chained all day every day, but we are not we lived in suburbia in the U.K, where it’s far too cold most of the year to not be dressed. Master has to go to work 5 days a week, leaving me to run our home, which i do to the best of my abilities now that i am quite severely restricted in my movements, but oh the love that fills this home is indescribable. The love of a wife for Her husband, of a Master for His slave, of extremely proud parents of two almost grown young ladies .What more could anyone ask for?

Monday, April 12, 2010

2010 It Spring again!

Well,2010 It Spring again!

Tired i cant believe how tired i feel today, more grouchy, bitchy, not myself, etc. ihave also noticed an increase in my stupid inability to get about.But yes i do realise its going to happen, but another year is upon us, Spring has sprung, days are getting longer, warmer too soon i hope, could do with some sunshine. Grass needs cutting means i need to get out into the garden and clear it.
Spring and "springtime" refer to the season, and broadly to ideas of rebirth, renewal and regrowth. The specific definition of "spring" as a season differs, in cultural and human terms.

Thursday, April 01, 2010


“I am happy to give my permission for that”, was of course the answer i had hoped for, or one of them Sir, i had imagine various combinations of that along with perhaps additional restriction possibly making something more, im always looking for ways, excuses to enrich our D/s. But that answers the main question so slave thanks you Sir.
Enriching our D/s is very much in the forefront of my mind as im feeling its slipping again, yes i do appreciate real life and work etc and if You are genuinely happy with how things are then of course i am happy, but I’ll not stop looking to enhance what we have ever Sir

Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Being feminine is more than wearing a dress and heels and having your makeup perfect, although these are important. Being feminine is about being soft natured, being gentle, being quiet and being sweet. Control what you say, talk when you have something nice to say. Let your inner Angel shine.
The key for me personally is knowing that my Master is indulging in a way of life that makes him happy. To me because i know he can do exactly as He wishes for whatever reason means all the small things i give makes everything more pure and special!

Monday, March 29, 2010


Truth be told i'm probably bitching far more than i'd like to be doing and for all the wrong reason, but the fact i know i am, means i can correct it. Not bitching at me or mine or Master just how my life pans out at present, my work in Buzzen is causing me more stress than i really need but its a huge part of my life so, the fact that i have to watch and monitor 500 arse holes, isn’t surprising some of it rubs off, but now I’ve said it out loud hopefully i can watch my own bitch feast and regulate it. I'm not normally a bitch, so i need to control this; it’s horrid and makes me a not nice person. And if i can say that about myself, imagine what other would be thinking. My priority now is to turn things around, the current attitude is not one i like very much.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. i hate games. For me, uncertainty is anxiety.i need to know my path, my place, im all thing, im a creature of habit. But i am constantly surprised—pleasantly surprised—at the dynamic nature of the thing we have called love.

Monday, March 15, 2010


So i went a full two week without blogging. i guess i am just unfocussed lately, and really have had nothing to share that i couldnt say to you as we were together over a work holiday. slaves are there to please so now its time to get back to my slave roots and do the things i do i hope BEST

You really are a wonderful Master, in more ways than just being a Master if that makes sense. and i cannot put into words how much i love you. our relationship is most definitely M/s, but we don't always express the M/s overtly. You are my Master, but so much beyond that as well.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Do i do enough to keep the heart of the man. The man i will forever call Master to my mind, body, and soul...i will do anything for Him, He is my passion, my dark and light, my sun and rain always, no matter what.i belong to Him, If He were to just ask of me, His pleasure is mine anything, enough will never be enough.

Monday, February 22, 2010

How many

Master has me counting the 5 or 6 actually regular nightly maintenance stroke's i get with the crop, on each butt cheek, bent over the breakfast bar. i never thought those 12345 numbers & 6 of course would be as much a part of who i am as they are becoming.Never ever thought counting would be a part but i enjoy the part, and would love to make it so much more, but that isn't for me to decide, so ill be happy with the counting as far as it currently goes. Until or unless Master says otherwise.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

superior submissive

Now that was a jokey title but after i googled "superior submissive." i actually
found a web page. http://www.partydomme.com/webworks.htm#supersub... The Mistress Didi*s Superior submissive™ Web cam Workshop teaches protocols for submissive's that are generally accepted by the majority of Dominants in The Scene.
however it occurred to me today that i could well need an attitude shift. ill work on that i think.see where it leads me. i do wonder why Mistress Didi*s event calender is totally free. guess that says it all!!!!!
But i do really think i need to take a look at a few things and balance a bit better, that might make my day if nothing else less stressful

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Sometimes, when i ask him for somethings, i really want him to say no, for a couple different reasons - (1) because i to have to listen and not do what i want and (2) it reassures me that he cares enough to be strict and (3) sometimes i'm just not strong enough to say no to myself. But MOST times i really do want him to say yes!
i get disappointed when he lets me win. What i really wish is for him to say "too bad, you're not the boss" or on the other hand i'd like to have to wait .builds anticipation which is always exciting!

Friday, February 05, 2010

Life goes on

I don't have time in my life to play games. Well not unless they are fun and benefit me.
Bing cooped up in the house does not help,

Oh im not complaining.

i swear as my life progresses i am becoming more and and more a recluse. If had a palm built tree house on a dessert island as long as my family could visit and i had all the amenities, id be fine, i enjoy my own company, the outside world has never ever had a huge calling for me, im a home girl. always was, always will be. Even in my much younger days i was happy to stay home but now i find it a big big effort to conjure up the will, effort to go out.
Thank goodness i don't really need to and so...............life goes on........

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

More's the pity

Sometimes being submissive is not that easy, It's just i so HATE making mistakes!
i feel bad about any simple mistake and i'm sure i makes as many as i don't make, i know i can be whiny,i know i can be needy.I'm sure Master would add lazy plus a few other bad points in there as well.

i wish i had more thoughts about who we are and why we do what we do, but i guess I'm too Miss Average and the obvious slave/Master things go right over my head sometime, which is an awful admission but its true,
i know it's only a small part of the whole "us, but I've NOT thinking before I open my mouth quite a bit lately. or even thinking per say,

i want to stop the little things that might take away from the D/s thing we're trying to achieve.i want it perfect but life isn't like that ever. More's pity !!