Sunday, November 20, 2005

Missing piece of my puzzle

i was chatting to a sub friend last night, someone who is so like me that we could be twins.
i don't mean alike, as in the way we look, we are far from the same on that department, no i mean that we are so alike within what we feel and think regarding our submission that we could be one and the same. We seem to go through the same ups and down which can be a help to us both sometimes, as we can see what the other is talking about because we have either been there ourselves or we are likely to go there at some point... so to rose, my dear friend, i say, thanks, for all the times you have listened and been there, i hope i have been able to help you as much as you have helped me.

Having said that, rose is one of those people who is always so damn right... just when you think you have her stumped, out come these really perfect words that crush any form of defense you might have had in your reasoning for being a stroppy, pouting demanding sub/slave.

So the talk was of, the Men in our lives and the fact that they both work away from home at the weekends and how she and i find ways of coping with that.

There i am feeling really moody and sorry for myself and she comes out with the notion that ... of course one can stamp ones foot and make a big scene and make it really difficult for Master to leave, knowing full well that the last thing He wants to do is go, knowing that His lady is all upset etc etc... and then again, you could give Him your total and utter support in His endeavours to provide what is needed for His family to the very best of His abilities and not make a Huge mountain out of the little mole hill that is " work" and be there for Him and give Him the space needed to do what He has to do without the pouts or the paddies etc etc

And of course, rose is right.. and altho it is never easy when the Men have to leave, it is a necessary evil and one that we as their sub/slaves should be happy to accept knowing that what they do is for the whole family and altho not easy must be done for the good of all.

doesn't stop me missing MG... Its like having my right arm cut off, or a piece of my jigsaw is lost, and the whole picture in incomplete. Ying and yang, a single being, soulmates... meant to be together.

i am alone and it isn't my favourite time so with that i shall say good night and go bury my head in an attempt to pass the time, the morning will come quicker and MG will be home.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

One step at a time.

I’ve felt guilty for not writing this blog as often as i have wanted to in the last few weeks. Thinking about why this happens sometimes, i can of course blame it on being occupied with various things, but really i think it comes down to expecting too much of myself. i have tried to learn about writing and web design and making cards and websets, and i have a number of goals in these fields that i am still far from attaining. i have a pretty clear idea of what i like, but i often feel that i am not in the right mood...too tired, too sick, too busy, or whatever... to lives up to my own standards let alone any one elses.

But the real mistake here is to let that stop me from trying that would be a retrograde step indeed... even with just a few words or a bit of designing at a time.

i need to remember, that real progress comes about mainly through the little steps we take on the path towards our goals. The steps that count most are the ones that no one congratulates us for, when we tripped up a little or even just accomplished some small success. Countless little steps cover far more distances than great marathons ever will.

Whatever it is that may be taking place in my life or in the world around me, there is invariably something beautiful there waiting to be discovered… but the approach to that beauty requires humble steps, patient walking, and a steadfast resolution not to let expectations get in the way.

i know i can do this, i just have to keep trying...

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Change is as good as a rest

It has often been asked if subs are made or if submission is taught, well i am not the best person to ask that question of as my instant reaction to the "training" theory is that i and my fellow subs and slaves are not dogs or horses so training doesn’t come into it, guide, of course, show us an alternative way of doing things that the Dom would prefer, of course but forget the idea that i can be trained like an animal cause although at times i might be a pussy cat, hell i have sharp claws as well.

My theory is that each of us has within us, desires/wants/needs... to give and receive love and attention cause believe it or not even a man, even a Dominant gives, its not all about the sub giving and the Dom taking, not if the D/s is being done properly. Follow your desires and you are likely to end up with a pretty good and satisfying relationship. D/s is an extension of a normal loving relationship where there is give and take, that both are needed to keep an even balance between the two parties and so that they compliment one another. Add to that the D/s factor of absolute trust and total commitment and you have the foundation of a solid unbreakable bond between two human beings. Does this make one partner better than the other, more able to live life in a proper manner, better equipped to face what the big bad world has to throw at them, i don’t think so. Master or sub/slave, i am sure both are quite capable of living life, making decisions etc, the difference is that a sub chooses not to have to do that and is more content to give that responsibility over to another.

We have to be careful tho, not to fall into a rut and end up in a comfort zone where it is so easy to just let each day pass by without us even noticing. Comfort zones are those place where it is easier to just sit back and accept what we have as happy, when what we really have is nothing short of boring existence because we are too lazy or too bored or just plain cant be bothered to alter things.

We all change, nothing ever stands still, over time we develop new ideas, new beginnings etc but whatever it is we do, time has a habit of moving on with or without our knowledge or permission, we have to be aware that it happens and try our best not to become complacent and let things ride or before any of us know it, we are in the cirle of round and round we go and wouldnt life be really boring, if it was always the same, (the film Ground Hog Day springs to mind, the same day over and over again with the predicted result every time). That’s not for me. Things have to move on, they have to progress to bigger and better, they have to evolve, however...

Seems like only yesterday that my kids were little. Now, i have two very nearly grown young ladies, problem with that is a) i want my lil babies back cause they were really cute when younger, b) if they are growing up, where does that put me.. in the "old" bracket, that’s where !

Seriously, i could say that with age comes experience and all that stuff about been there done that but what i really wanted to say was this...

If i had the chance to do it all over again, would i... not a chance, even the shite bits i am happy with and ill tell you why, because it all, down to the really crappiest bits have made me, who i am, and who i am has moulded my life to where it is right now.. with Him, with the man i love, with my Master, with my submission, with my life just as i would wish it to be.