Wednesday, June 17, 2009


I am up to my eyeballs in rest. i have no other choice because of my physical limitations these days, i just need to feel normal or as normal as lack of patience is probably why i walk around frustrated most days. i walk around half the time not sure of what i want and need to be happy only to realize that what i thought would pacify me, doesn't. i grow bored quickly.

I found myself thinking about what i really want, and i don't know that i have a firm plan just yet. i don't know what the future holds, but i hope it contains much happiness, love, adventure, passion, kink, spanking, and security!! i need live to in the moment for now ;-) .......

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Pages of a book

i am a slave
This is who i am. This makes me happy. This is right for me.
I'm not going to stop my submission or even put it on hold.i have been having doubts of whether submission really works in this day and age, i've been trying to work through those doubts, but they're my own and on a completely different level to every day life. i don't want to lose my understanding of my submission, i want to return to that place where, i don't doubt, i so want to go there.

i know who i love, who i submit to and how i want to love Him, submit to Him, just hope we can met on the same page of the same book.>

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

optical illusion

There are times where i think myself inside a box. The box is cushioned and clean, and it’s painted white inside. i think it means that i feel im, going no where, no beginning , no end, just a huge spiral, like one of those images( optical illusion) that go on endlessly never reaching a destination or pinnacle.
I haven’t explored my submission much recently; instead, it has become the subject of memory and fantasy. Don’t misunderstand me — it’s not that i’ve stopped being submissive or wanting that in my life. i guess you can’t be a true submissive without vulnerability though. and sometimes i feel soo venerable, and i get hurt.
All i know is that it's easy to climb back into my pretty white box, pull my security blanket right up over my head. and wrap myself in a no care, no worry cushion, because sometimes the hurt is to painful.