Friday, March 28, 2008

Pleasure from giving

i am not weak, i am not helpless,. i am not alone. i am part of a couple, of a family. Master is a part of me and i am a part of Him. i am allowed to see the depth and the strength of the man who owns me. i have always known Master is focused and has a plan for O/our path. Even as i attempt to offer my service and make sure His basic needs are being met, my submission is Master's. He can choose to refine it and develop that aspect of my personality or not. As slave, the decision is not mine to make.. When Master wants submission, He commands it. i embrace my slavery and the control, order, discipline, and safety which come from service to Master, yet i always envy those slaves that get a beating just whenever. Yes, sometimes my Master frustrates me beyond belief. Sometimes i could just shake Him until He listens to me. But He is my Husband, my lover, my love, my heart, my darling Master whom i just utterly and totally adore, even when He isn't doing what i want Him to do. slave does not ever want to show disrespect or disobedience but slave longs to be USED... often and with very little regard to her personal pleasure. i am usually a masochist. Delicate little strokes and pink Velcro handcuffs do not send me where i want to be. When i think He is doing something just because of His responsibility i experience it almost like a "mercy fuck. But still i beg, for more and for Master's Use, this slave is drifting in a powerless state, serving Master and waiting for spring. For me, there are times when service is it's Own reward and since that delight is so self pleasing, i feel as tho i am still serving while gaining pleasure for myself. It pleases me to please Master.My Master's pleasure becomes my own. if Master would just take His pleasure, slaves appetite would be sated also, as in service, pleasure is gained. It is possible to take pleasure from giving; i do it all the time.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Good Girl

A connection was formed something close to five years ago and remains active. When i realised i loved You, once that had occurred and i realised i was "in love “with You, my path was set. Any way, things are what they are. We keep doing what we’re doing and end up where we end up. To submit, after some thought and some hunting around on-line for a definition, the original Latin meaning of submit which comes from the word submittere "to yield, lower, let down, put under, reduce," “Now, it may just be me, but i don't see anything in there about 'happily, with a big joyous smile on one's face' or ’with great enthusiasm'. There's nothing in that definition that says you have to like or enjoy it. Yes, there is an inference of willingness in that the person has to yield (give in, so to speak) or lower themselves, but it says nothing about there being blissful flights of angels to accompany it. Because, sometimes 'obeying' is just a big pain in the ass. That brings us to the big question "What do i get out of my submission?” i don't know is the honest answer. i have a burning need to serve and please, of course i prefer Master to be happy than angry or sad, serving and pleasing are so much driving needs in me.. i need to be serving Him in order to feel complete. i think i get varying degrees of satisfaction more than anything else when I've managed to do what is required of me. Achieving something that was previously impossible give me a sense inside that I've 'done well'. It's the acknowledgement that i enjoy more than the serving and pleasing per se.The "good Girl" pat on the head. There are times when i've been beaten and taken quite a solid beating and it's never quite made me feel so 'acknowledged' as your slave, as when i've struggled through a light beating. i guess for me i get a stronger sense of satisfaction when it's not so easy, when i struggle for Your pleasure - when i'm doing things that i don't want to do. We’ve often said submission isn’t always about the nicer side.i guess i need the struggle.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


We’ve had a lot of high points in the past five years.. and we’ve had our lows too. Not because of us, but because of life being thrown at us time and time again. i can’t count the times that Master has not only kept my head above water, but has yanked me out of the depths. And for that i can not thank Him enough. i could say “Thank You” five times a day, every day, for the rest of my life and it wouldn’t be enough. And i know i’ve done the same for Him, and i know He appreciates it.Speaking of saying thank You. Thank You Master for Your love. Without You i shudder to think of where i would be in my life right now… let alone who i would be. i didn’t like myself very much at all when i first met You. And now? i am a much better person. i know there have been times where i have said i don’t think we would work out very well at all if all of a sudden we dropped the M/s lifestyle. But i don’t believe that anymore, If it wouldn’t have worked… we never would have gotten past the one year together. Yes, we had started kink in the bedroom and some things outside of it.. but it was nothing like what it is today. Even if You were to stop being my Master, for whatever reason, You would still be my Husband, my lover, my friend, my mate. Nothing can change that. I love You.You are the one who loves me even with knowing all of my secrets, from the smallest ones to the ones And even though there may be times where i wonder how that is possible… You loving me … i am grateful for it. i am grateful that i have someone who truly knows me, even the darker me that i don’t let out all that often. And You don’t love me besides those things but because of them. Our love has deepened every time another layer has peeled away, every time we had to pick each other up, every time that we reached and surpassed a new height.Neither You nor i are the same people we were when we first met. And regardless that we have grown on our own…. we have grown together and just compliment each other even more as we change.I love it when suddenly one of us will take a breath, and the other will pick up the conversation right where it was left off… and it turns into some sort of tag team conversation that not only makes sense, but is exactly what one of us would have said had the other not picked up the thread.So here we are, my Husband. my Master. And there has been great joy in our past, and great pain, but i wouldn’t change a thing. If i did, one of the dominoes wouldn’t have been knocked down and we wouldn’t be where we are today. And i would never want that. Long may it continue Sir

Friday, March 21, 2008


My journey into submission has been an adventure. An adventure that i didn't know could happen to me . i had for many years longed for some kind of relationship, that went past the normal nilla one. A relationship that is open and honest, communicative and loving. Then i met Sir, now i want nothing more then to please Him and love Him. Make Him proud of me. i have since those first early days been brought deeper into my submission by being His slave and learning that my need to serve is a natural part of who i have always been, to now, and who i have become, just how much i love Him, makes my days, and my service all the more worthwhile. Nothing will ever alter that love, only make it stronger, by building on our journey so far.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


The gist of it is that our M/s is very real to us, & is not (to simplify it considerably) "sexual".
In our sexual play, on the other hand, we incorporate BDSM but for its erotic qualities rather than its sexaul ones.

Life is good. i am extremely happy and content in my role as slave to my Master, albeit , id like to serve more, but as things currently are , i do what Master needs me to do i believe, as is often stated Master decides, not slave and Master is content with slaves input, that is good enough for me.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Silver surfer

So i read (lots of ideas spring from reading), and i think, and i often imagine doing things that are, i would realise if i thought things through, not particularly good ideas. Good idea or not, there is absolutely no harm in thinking things. Thoughts that stay inside our heads are private. No one can blame you, tease you, humiliate or punish you, for a thought that is and remains unvoiced and un-acted upon.
My problem lies in the fact that the filter between my mind and my mouth is a flimsy thing. Add sex, spanking, etc and not only do i say exactly what i'm thinking, i start to think things that would make a common prostitute blush. It's not a pretty, feminine thing, but Master likes the whore sometimes so, i don't think i need to change that bit of me. Some of my ideas are so way off, i know, totally impractical for us, but i still have them and still relate then to Master, He of course will pick and choose all or any or none as He sees fit, which is how it should be, but without slave's input, maybe no idea would be forthcoming... stagnation.
Fresh idea never harmed anyone, other than maybe slaves butt from time to time,
Maybe i should suggest a gag and let that be my last bad idea.
Your slave

Monday, March 10, 2008

That's what sluts like you are for

When Master administered a spanking, it hurts a lot. It hurt so much that i wriggle on his lap, hoping to shift my position just enough that the blows would fall on unbruised flesh. It's not strictly about the pain. i'm not a true masochist. Pain alone would never satisfy me. we proved that a long time ago. What i enjoy is the submission, His dominance, being vulnerable to Him. He enjoys the power, the sense of control, What it really come down to is being there for Him and His pleasure regardless. In the end it doesn't matter, as long as His wants and needs are satisfied. That is the whole point, nothing else really matters. When asked if it hurt and when i say it does i am merely told "Good. That's what sluts like you are for." touche

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Know your place

i ask myself what my purpose is, well as a slave it's to make Master happy. i only desired what constantly burns in me; to serve and please Him. As mother, to see to the wants and needs of my children. As far as sex is concerned, sex is sex but to me it's also a very special thing. i have always been a touchy feely kind of person, the intimacy that is there between myself and my Master when He uses me sexually is needed, it helps me find my centre to remember outside of all the day to day shit who i am and what i am. i'm my Master slave but oh i still have needs and one of those is intimacy with Master, i also need boundaries and guidelines, that are reinforced constantly, i need ritual and tasks and all that sort of thing, just to keep me focused on who i am, what i am.

my Master slave, whore, hole, fuck toy and anything else Master wants me to be.