Thursday, February 28, 2013


Yes i'm sure that there is a greater plan, just wish someone would let me in on what it is.
 As previously said i believe in karma so i have faith that what will be .. will be
The law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.

In the mean time i work on
clarity where my life is headed.
Balance when things get crazy
Peace of mind knowing i am addressing those aspects of your life that matter most

Newton's Third Law of Physics states for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

What goes around, comes around..A person's actions, whether good or bad, will often have consequences for that person.

All this  pretty much means the same thing..

which still leaves me with the pieces of my jigsaw puzzle lying on the table still unmade ...
Now its a well know fact that this slave has . no patience.. try as i might to learn some...
But currently i'm playing a sit and wait with so many What If's and wait and see's involved that something has to gel from it soon and when it does i'm hoping it all falls into the right place at the right time and builds my jigsaw to perfection.
Fingers Crossed

Monday, February 25, 2013

No Harm done.

How can she be submissive and assertive at the same time? Even a submissive woman can and should learn to say "no" . This is not out of her role! Submissive’s can and should have safe words [i have a safe word] or some kind of signals that allow their Dominant to know what's going on with them. SAYING "NO!" IS JUST ANOTHER SAFE WORD. But saying No isn’t in me because my core is a submissive one and by nature wishes to only say yes. But it seems today Master M decided to test His new slave and in his words "I had to give you something I knew was almost impossible for you to achieve to see if you would just blindly follow the order. You did not, you provided reasoned arguments why it could not be achieved" but He pushed me so hard to the point that i almost had to say No. Almost but not quite. i've been told so many times that submission isn’t always pleasant or easy, if it was all about submitting to the nice things what is there really in your submission. If you’re a masochist what's in submitting to a spanking, there is none. Anyway i got upset because so new in our relationship and almost the first major request Master.M had asked of me and i even considered saying No and i had this huge struggle with my inner core to not fold from what i truly felt, as it was the moment past after i said "i'll submit to Your request as You know i would, but i’m not happy about it. Shortly after Master.M was honest enough to say "that it was designed to do just as you test me so I am going to test you”. So all in all a good result. No [no pun intended] harm done

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

"Look in the mirror. What do you see?"

Every time that i look in the mirror
i see someone that i don't even know.
i see someone that i need to learned to live with
i only wish i knew what she was looking for,
when she look in the mirror.

i see someone who needs to figure out how to be happy with herself,
Within the  shattered fortress that once bound her!
i see all the dark secrets, past mistakes, downfalls and flaws.
The dirty parts that need cleaning.
if i take a closer look, i can see her golden soul, the true self, glistening through the black spots.
i see her flaws, but they just show me where she need's to improve.
i see her golden spots reminding me that nothing is ever completely ruined and stained and that i can rub off the black spots and find gold underneath it all.
i see someone who is troubled, and trying to cheat old age.
i see someone who is lost and sad. A person who is wishful and trying hard to get beyond the hurts of her heart.
i see someone who was beautiful, but now is just getting old and is maybe still pretty.
i see a lonely soul, trying not to be empty, trying to hold on to humanity and love.
i see  neither fat nor skinny i see a person tired of pain, but not ready to "throw in the towel .
i see a woman whose heart is sore , but the woman in the mirror is stubborn and won't let her pain win.
she will not give in to the demands of her pain and will not let this world hurt her anymore!!!!!!!

i see the little girl in her that wants to fulfill her dreams.
she's pushing  and pushing , trying to guide me in the right direction, but she doesn't know which way to turn.
i need to help her and i have faith that one day soon, i will.

Until then, settle down, little girl!!!

Sunday, February 17, 2013


i am Wicca in my beliefs. i accept a simple concept of karma as a way of affirming that a person's behaviour, whether good or ill, will ultimately shape his or her future destiny, whether in this life or a future life. However, karma is rather simply a law of the way things function in nature - Closely aligned to belief in karma is belief in reincarnation, or the recycling of souls. Since the body is "recycled" by decay and decomposition after death, so the soul can be recycled by taking birth in a new form. .An afterlife is an unwavering belief as is that loved ones can influence the earthly world..Therefore i firmly believe that MG has played a big part in my current situation with Master M. The realisation of this hit me today while talking with Master M. like a sledgehammer hitting a church bell....
oh what a stupid woman i am, how could i be so blind.....why pick Master M i though.. well MG would never just abandon me to sink or swim, He would do everything in his power to see to it that i was looked after, protected, etc MG and Master M are the same in so many ways yet so different in others.. in Their Mastery They are very similar, in Their outward appearance also . lil trait are different but that’s as it should be but take non similar.. Master M is a sexual creature and as such requires a sex slave. MG wasn't and didn't but He knew i had wished He was.  i can grow to fit to Master M, where as i had though i was a complete slave ...Master M has relaxed time MG never had time to give to me. MG found in Master M, i believe everything He thought i needed.. Oh blessed be and so we move forward along the path into the unknown
“All you have to do is know where you're going. The answers will come of their own accord."

Saturday, February 16, 2013

My struggle

My struggle isn't whether to submit or not, whether i should or shouldn't.

My need to be my Owner's slave is equal to my need to breathe.

 i am struggling at the moment with my slavery, but not because i am not submissive but more because the current  situation is not allowing me to submit as i need to, Master is aware that i am not my normal self and W/we are trying to deal with this, He is very understanding but we are so new at this together, He is not sure how to even begin to understand my mood swings from extremely hyper submissive to one of just bordering on acceptable, this being a situation i find myself in, trouble is , even thought i am aware that this attitude is so far from the norm for me, i am struggling to shake of an almost “sub drop” attitude, one where i’m feeling as if , honestly i need a good spanking to wake me up, it’s really a combination of 101 things that are getting in the way of our plans to move forward .Patience is not my strong suite, nor is waiting on other to fulfil my needs. i long to be less stubborn, less critical, less argumentative but being apart, there is little that Master can do to bring me into line. Sometimes i find it easy to submit and obey, but sometimes i get so far away from where i want to be it hurts

Monday, February 04, 2013


I know this much: that there is objective time, but also subjective time, the kind you wear on the inside of your wrist, next to where the pulse lies. And personal time, which is the true time, is measured in ones relationship to memory. No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away, i have not wish to erase any memories, but life goes on, just living, existing is not enough, time never stands still and with that i cannot stand still i must grow, move forward on the path i have been walking for many years. I am not getting any younger but i am not old enough to contemplate spending the rest of my days alone, The Master i knew and loved left me quite some time ago, prior to His last few weeks so i can say that i have been a  Master less slave for 7 months now and accordingly i have looked to find another who is willing to Master the screaming loudly sub that has been fighting the mourning wife for quite a while now and i have today been accepted by a wonderful man who i know is strong enough to calm the inner slave who is struggling to be heard. And i thank Him for even considering attempting to quell the raging needs i have.i have no doubt He will control in a way i need to be controlled. But only time will tell