Thursday, May 29, 2008

level of submission

it's about commitment to him, not a certain level of submission.

i didn't promise to be his slave; i didn't promise to keep up a specific level of submission; i didn't give up this or that right. i am his slave; my collar doesn’t change that or make it any more permanent because i already am His.

It's the way I'm built, it's the way we function as a couple, and it’s what makes me happy.

There is no uncertainty there; it's just a fact, a part of us.
i promise my dedication to Master and our relationship. My promise to try my hardest to be the best i can for him regardless of the D/s intensity level at the moment - because that will change and evolve over time. The collar around my neck is a symbol of my commitment to Master and our relationship.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


i love being your slave., what a honour and privilege it is, knowing that you chose me i love that you have seen the real me, deep inside and you take the gift i offer willingly and together we live laugh and grow!

Words whispered to my ear, words you only use for me. Your slave, Your slut, Your whore, I've have never in my life been allowed to feel like this.
I love you with all that i am...and all that i will be .........forever Yours

Sunday, May 25, 2008


If only i could stop my thoughts from wandering off to some of the darker caverns and crevices of my mind you would be taking in a reasonably (!)Coherent entry that would shed a little more light on our dynamics but my bottom needs attention, and im off focus on anything but my butt.
Each time Master hits me it feel like a kiss.
Oh I need kisses.
Instead, you get nothing. It's not that i don't want to write, i really, really do, i just can't think straight enough to come up with something comprehensible. All I'm able to think of are pain and playing--lots of of both please! Preferably so much that i cannot (and no longer want to) remember my own name.Combined with the obligations of daily life a lack of intense contact always makes me insanely needy and, well, horny.
I’m begging please Sir.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Buildng our life

There are so many reasons to be good. To be obedient. To not give Master a load of grief.

So it should be easy to be the perfect submissive right?

Well No.i am submissive, I’m not just ‘playing at it’ or doing it as part of a weekend kinky sex game. The problem is that I’m also headstrong,stubborn and likes to get my own way and yes, at times a BRAT. So sometimes there is a bit of an inner conflict of interest!

The problem is that most physical things Master might do to me, i enjoys. Ok, sometimes i’ll hate them at the time but regardless. So pain in itself is not necessarily a punishment. Because of this, Master and i rarely do ‘punishment’ in the physical sence. There isn’t any point adopting the idea that Master will hurt me if im bad, because, it’s no secret he’s the sadist and im a masochist. So pain, pleasure, it all mingles up together. So we continue to strive to be better at who we are and how we behave even towards each other., continuing to build together a structure, that work on a day by day level.

Thank you for being you Sir, letting me be me, and sharing my life

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

the power of choice

"Man experiences the essence of his masculinity in the act of romantic dominance; woman experiences the essence of her femininity in the act of romantic surrender."
-Ayn Rand

Yes, I submit to Master. But he is a specific man - i do not submit to all men because no other man has a right to dominate me. No other man has my permission to dominate me. And i know that sounds Dommish of me, but it's true. The only way a D/s relationship can work is if we want it. Master can't force me to submit, i can't force my submission upon him, because he can refuse to dominate.

So we both have the choice of D/s, and that's the crucial distinction For me, it is the one that i have selected as the one i wish to pursue.

And that's female empowerment - the power of choice.

Monday, May 19, 2008


i fight constantly to feel, to stay focussed on the physical self. Flogging/spanking helps me to do this. Once i am wrapped up in the play,i no longer worry about the surface tension in my head --i can start to see more of Who i Am, i can "listen to myself" and hear the echo coming back.THIS is where i go, when Master and i play. i need it at least occasionally and do best when i can have it every couple weeks or so.
The mental depth i crave cannot be attained until after I've at least begun to have a endorphine release. i can flit along the surface of altered states that fit into the category of headspace, but i have a hard time attaining the deep, silent state with which i look to the opening up of my "slave" headspace.

i do know that Master has a concern these days of me floating, i am not sure if i will ever be allowed to gain that depth again, having said that i enjoy the smallest beginnings of the journey. To reach the destination is ultimate but, i am happy currently to just take a little trip .

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Being grateful

Whether one is completely in sub mode or whether one is not. - i am always his property, that doesn't change. What changes is the formal/less formal way i behave. More often than not, i follow his lead regarding the tone of the moment when i need to determine how to react. i can tell by the look on his face, the things he says (or doesn't say) whether or not i'm on the right track.
i'm conscious that i've not been getting a lot of opportunities lately to submit to very much of anything. Master is pre occupied, and feeling somewhat less than Dominant, i think. i realised that while for the most part He doesn't change his mindset to far from the middle line He tends to walk, i'm the one that follows along with the "adjustment", to create the balance, its not for my Master to re focus, that’s slaves job. In saying that i have no complaints, whatever he gives me - rewards, affection, tokens or restrictions, i take them gladly. Whatever his motivations i'm just the recipient of his choices, his mindset. Luckily for both of us, all of the things he gives me i'm grateful for. i don't change my behaviour towards what he gives me depending on what it is.
If he struggles with whether he's being firm enough or caring enough or honest enough, those are struggles i can't assist with, other than hearing them out if he chooses to share.
But i will always take what he gives me and be grateful for it. It’s just how it is.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

You are my sun and my moon

We have moved into the sun, feel the warmth.

As so often in my life, i finds i can best understand what i has experienced when looking back. Sometimes the weight of the moment makes it impossible to accurately assess any situation.

First, i will acknowledge my most basic and true nature.

That of slave.Your slave.

For me life has been very much about service. i have always been a servant, served my children till it hurt, used to committ (often over-committ!) my time to community work. All of these bits of service gave me great joy at the time, i just didn't understand when to say "enough"! i recall Master telling me on several occasions to put myself before others; i have never known this in my life and find it difficult to experience now. Im trying to make sense of my longings and desires, to try to understand if what i feel so strongly are actual NEED or just WANTs. life tends to scare the living dayights out of me these days.

This may surprise you, but i do realise, although, i hate to admit this, but it's not just all about me.In fact its all about You Sir, You are my sun and my moon, my light, and my darkness, my world my very life.

i would like to promise to always love You as much as i do now,

i just can't bring myself to lie to You.

i know that by tonight, i will already love You more !!

Monday, May 12, 2008

how to know when a slave needs

how to know when a slave needs to get laid....

.. when she's on edge!

-- a woman who is UPTIGHT or tightly wound is NOT TIED TIGHT ENOUGH. She needs someone to THROW her down and screw the living daylights out of her and if you can manage a gag and some rope, then you're going to REALLY do wonders for ME! Today, i am one of those in need!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i guess i am feeling a little jaded of late. Everything i read is so full of all this beautiful prose that leaves me wondering if i am missing something. Glistening petals covered in gentle dew, opening for the sword. It's a cunt, a wet cunt at that, that so needs penetrated by a cock. i am not sure why it has to be something more.: HARD and ROUGH.GOD, i can't wait, Master!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am not just aching for but NEEDING a beating and a good seeing too!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Down here in that exquisite tortured state is where sub-space beams eternal ... i'll just walk around like a zombie afterward ... .. and nothing will bother me at all. i won't NEED to say my peace because peace will be me.i am horny, i am desperate, i am currently having too much to say, and i don't like myself when i'm this way. i basically become all the things i despise.OH!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know what is going on! When i'm needing Master's attention and i get myself all worked up in that knickers-in-a-knot way (rather than the preferable slave-in-multiple-knots way). i get testy. i get fierce with saying, hey, what about me? Aren't you going to notice me? Suddenly i have something to prove and i REALLY detest that feeling.So no wonder! All those un-tight women you see around town ... have it made? They're laid all the time! They're happy! They're not on edge DYING for release. They're easy going, nothing bothers the ones in heat whereas EVERYTHING bothers the ones needing warmth.PLEASE -- before i bite someone's head off with heavy-handed opinions or spitefully plotted vindication. PLEASE! --. Please make me pretty again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 09, 2008

Staying the course

Surrendering one's will to another, completely, daily and fully is a challenge which must be renewed with each day. Slave discovered how difficult it is to kneel continually, even when service is the core motivation.
Master understands the responsibility of His Ownership. He accepted that when He placed His collar on my neck. That responsibility, or duty, requires He first and foremost , BE THE MASTER. This means not letting His emotions allow Him to falter or moved from His course. Slave has seen how truly difficult it is for Master to stay the course and be true to the values He set out for His ownership of His human property, His slave. He has shown the strength of character, self confidence and self control that first drew my heart to Him in friendship, then love, then devotion, and finally surrender. He stayed the course by being true to Himself, which luckily for me, means protecting

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


Spring has finally sprung and life moves on. i find it remarkable, when viewed from the point of view of my life previous to being as Your slave, to experience the joy of following my most basic instincts with One who understands, accepts, and embraces my true slave nature.
i do not think anything of the routines i preform, . This is my life. It is remarkable how the inner peace and sense of well being floods over me when i acknowledge who and what i am. Anytime of year, im happiest in Your service, i dont ever wish it to be any different.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Life in Chains

“If loving You makes a slave of me, then I’ll spend my whole life in chains.”

~Sophie B Hawkins

Friday, May 02, 2008

not a perfect woman

i am not a perfect woman. i have flaws both physically and in all other areas. i have things to work through, i see some of those flaws more clearly when i'm alone. i do not want to be stagnant but constantly renewing the inner woman, refining her, perfecting the good and sanding down the bad. Embracing the girl and polishing the woman.There are days when i struggle with feeling less than worthy.
One thing i have come to love over the years is the feeling of certain materials against my skin. The brush of a skirt hemline against a bare leg, really nice stockings, a gorgeous bra, clothes that accent the positive and help erase the things i find negative about my body, hair products that make my hair soft and silky.
As a submissive woman, my heart's desire is to remain graceful and gentle, but for now, what i have before me, the inner woman, the slave, the submissive one can continue to enjoying the things mentioned before and carry on learning to be graceful in manners and disposition.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

wants and needs Again

i need to be Your submissive all the time. i need to submit to You in every way that You ask of me, whenever and wherever You ask it. i need to feel that i am of good use to You.

i want to be open and yielding and taken and owned. Completely and relentlessly. i want to give up myself to You, to give over control to You. To be Yours in every way i can be, and to find the peace and contentment and purpose that being owned by You brings. i want to not have to question or wonder, but simply obey and please You by doing so.