Wednesday, June 16, 2010


I’ve felt guilty for not writing this blog as often as i have wanted to in the last few weeks. Thinking about why this happens sometimes, i can of course blame it on being occupied with various things, but really i think it comes down to expecting too much . i have a number of goals,that i am still far from attaining. i have a pretty clear idea of what i like, but i often feel that i am not in the right mood...too tired, too busy, or whatever... to lives up to my own standards let alone any one else’s.

But the real mistake here is to let that stop me from trying that would be a retrograde step indeed... even with just a few words at a time.
i need to remember, that real progress comes about mainly through the little steps we take on the path towards our goals. The steps that count most are the ones that no one congratulates us for, when we tripped up a little or even just accomplished some small success. Countless little steps cover far more distances than great marathons ever will.

Whatever it is that may be taking place in my life or in the world around me, there is invariably something beautiful there waiting to be discovered… but the approach to that beauty requires humble steps, patient walking, and a steadfast resolution not to let expectations get in the way.
i know i can do this, i just have to keep trying...

Tuesday, June 01, 2010


I dream, i desire so many things from within our M/s, i know that i have a need, it can almost be called an urge, to feel his dominance, his power, his control. i know i want this, i know i need it and yet, when it is there, it hurts, its almost to painful to bear sometimes and yet, it is who we are, it is what we do, it is what we have both said over and over again, what we give to one another. >So why, when it is there, do i struggle with it so. oh sure, i can write about all the ideas of the slave struggling with her submission, sure, i am struggling, sure i get pissed off when i have given 99.9% and it's still not enough, but then there is this spark in me that says……...sheeeshhh woman, of course it isn't, you have to give the other 0.01%, only when you have given that can you say you have given it everything you have and only then will your Master be happy with what you have done, so stop the moaning, you gave yourself, totally, even down to the 0.01% when you accepted his collar and became his slave, no half measures here.

Oh but i struggle.

i struggle with the not having, i moan about not feeling my Masters hand, mentally or physically, when the outside influences get in the way for weeks on end, my Master can literally bring me to my knees. Try as i might to deny the notion that a sub/slave punishes herself far more than her Master ever can... its right, i do.

i am not feeling his dominance, in fact, i had said much the same many times before, but now it feels different it’s almost like we are becoming a nilla old couple. He is far too soft and allowed me to get away with far too much, which i bet He won’t agreed with because he does.

i am looking for answers here. Thank you for listening