Thursday, May 18, 2006
i have to say here and now, dont get me wrong, it not about "a higher power" or anything like that, but i had a realisation this last few days regarding my situation. It goes something like this:i am not anything special; i may be an inspiration to some (so i am told) but believe me, i certainly am not anything special, i just try to make the best of what i have, for me and mine.However i have thought recently that maybe, as i have often experienced in other situations in my life, that the stroke was some kind of fate or my destiny. i was never going to die, i didn't come anywhere near dying because it wasnt my time. So, i am meant to be here for some reason. Never in my muddled life has anything happened to me that hasnt had some kind of silver lining. i recall in the early days of recovery i tried to find what that silver lining was, i couldnt see it then, now maybe i am thinking and ill be really frank here; if the roles had been reversed, had the stroke happened to MG and not me, my family might have suffered far more. i would have really struggled to cope with not only MG being ill but all the other effects now so i am disabled but i am alive to give to mine what i can, maybe MG and i would still be only planning our wedding had we not had the incentive to do something about it.My girls have learned a valuable lesson here too: that life can be tough and to fend for themselves a little more than they knew before. My Sarah can cook most things now which she couldn't before and wash and iron as good as any housewife. Hannah has gained patience, and understands that she isnt due anything free , that life itself isn't a free ride.Having said all that and if i am destined to be in this situation, it also follows that if the hand/arm is meant to regain some movement it will. Of course that doesn't mean i am going to stop with the work or the effort i have to put in daily to continue that improvement; as i said: "nothing in life is free".Nothing in my life has ever been free, so i'll continue with my daily struggle to regain control of my body as a whole, but my vision is altered; no longer do i think "why me?" or how bad things are. Now i look for that silver lining that i am sure is there. i am happy again with myself, with life, and with who i am. Sure if i had the chance to do without the disability i would, but i also think what might have been the cost to others of that and would it be worth it? to not be in this current situation. Who knows ?If I hadn't had the stroke and someone else had that doesnt mean they too wouldnt have coped: sure they would, differently maybe, but it was my turn and right now i am happy with my lot in life. It has never been average, i wasnt meant to have an average life. Do take care people. Life is too short and too precious, so look to tomorrow rather than what might have been before.Tomorrow is a new adventure, grasp it with both hands.