Monday, August 31, 2009


Being open and honest at all times seems easy enough, right? But in any other type of relationship how much openness and honesty was really there? Because most of the time we Think we are doing this with each other but there is always something lurking around that you couldn’t - or wouldn’t - tell the other for the fear of backlash.

i learned that by not being completely open and honest with Master i am in essence taking away an aspect of control from Him. If i’m not telling Him my thoughts then i am essentially holding back a part of me and not giving Him my whole self. So that if i have thoughts and fears and worries and anxiety - no matter how minor or major - i try to tell Him immediately. i still hold back but only because inside my own head my thoughts and fears seemed trivial and do i really need to bother Him with stuff like that, but is it my decision to even think i know what He wants or needs to know with regard to how im thinking. My overall well being is His concern so He needs to know all about my physical, mental and emotional balance at all times.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

black hole

Master's very good about not keeping me "in-the-loop" with things . If i don't know what the plan is, true i can't build up any expectations. If i don't have any expectations, i can't be disappointed. If i'm not disappointed, i don't head off into Master's gone vanilla/hates me/doesn't want me anymore/ thinks i'm a fat cow/ territory but i need to know, im a worrier, and have an over active imagination, and because this is so, i can create in a matter of hours this huge black hole that just eats away from inside outwards. Truth, so tell me, id rather know then i can at least adjust to the consequences of the reality. a black hole is so powerful that nothing, including light can escape its pull. The black hole has a one-way surface, into which objects can fall, but out of which nothing can come, reflecting nothing, i need the light, i need to know where im at all the time, i need to feel that control, good or bad, so tell me. nothing is so bad if i know.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

to err is human, to forgive divine"

i’m a good slave. Good enough that He doesn’t have to micromanage me. And i have a lot more “freedoms” under His hand than most might because of how i carry myself most of the time.(occassional i'll err, but no ones pefect) But it’s also why i feel like i’m flapping in the breezes sometimes…waiting for somebody to take hold of my sails and turn me into the wind so that i go the right direction instead of just drifting. He grabs the sails when He has to; and the control is there, just under the surface. i just don’t always feel it or see it.

Today's Idiom ="to err is human, to forgive divine"