Sunday, April 17, 2005

Time Out !!

Haven't been online a lot this last week or so, i'll be honest with you, the PC hasn't even been switched on as i am in one of those " PC ... grrr...." kind of moods.
The last thing i want to do is sit in front of a monitor and do, write, stare at some silly game or just a blank screen. Right now the pc holds little of my attention and even less of my time.
i can see no reason to sit in seekers chat room when no one else is there to talk too. it would be a sad day for me if that was all i had to do... sit and wait for someone to come and chat...No Sir...thats not my way. The room is there, if people want to use it, so be it, if not, so be that also and i can say without any fear of contradiction, i for one am not sitting around waiting. These times happen, when no one is around and it might last a few weeks or a few months, who knows but whatever, seekers room and of course, seekers website will always be there if people need it.

How's the smoking going.....Thanks for fact, couldn't be better as neither MG or i have had any need to have a cigarette since we made the decision to give up. So who's counting the days.... well lets see..9/10, not sure to be honest but certainly longer than a week and still going strong. Of course, the habit of smoking hasn't gone away, the times when you think to yourself, "i could just have a ciggie now", after meals, or with a cuppa, but we are both not that silly. We have talked about the " lets just have one" idea and decided that we are not the "lets just have one" type of people... its all or nothing with us as one would become two and so on, habitual kind of people we are, so we are not even going to go there... no smoking means just that..NO smoking.

How is everything else going. I guess you could say, up and down really, one day up, the next day down, nothing ever standing still or moving forward anywhere near as quickly as i would like. Lets review what's what then.

  • Divorce. Coming along, papers served to my ex and according to my solicitor, by mid July i should be a divorcee and MG and i can move on with our plans for a wedding in 2005
  • House. Moving very very slowly thanks to the bright spark who isn't such a bright spark of a financial consultant who isn't really and doesn't know his ass from his elbow. The girl behind him, the one you never see, the one that gets all the bits and pieces together and sends then all off to the appropriate quarter is the one who is the bright spark. The front man, cause that's what he is, looks good, sounds good but that's where it all ends sort of person hasn't done what he said he had done so we are a few steps back from where we thought we were, but fingers crossed, it should all carry on smoothly once the right bits of paper are with the right person at the right end. (Fingers crossed)
  • Smoking. See above
  • MGs new job is working out ok albeit for the time being Friday/Saturday/Sunday night leaving us no time whatsoever to be alone but we knew this was going to happen and we felt that for the short term we could manage with that for the good of all and for the long term benefits we would gain.
  • MGs old job has been giving us some real hassle this week when his ex boss decided to juggle the wages/holiday figures owed to his advantage and not ours. i think we might see more of this as MG isn't about to let this one go.
  • Our M/s is... i think, on hold, there are far to many other things that have to take a front seat, that we cannot pass over and because of that, something has to give and right now, its our M/s i think, altho, its still there, in the mind, and comes to the fore as and when it is a natural thing to happen. Nothing forced, nothing played , just as and when it is a natural progression, when we both react, instinctively to one another.
  • Everything else. Plodding along. Nothing to shout about, nothing to moan about. Just rather plodding at present and i guess that is about all one can hope for what with everything going on right now.

So, there you have it, what is and what isn't happening with us right now. i'll pop back soon and let you know how things are progressing.

Take care

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Non Smoker

Well, i woke up on Wednesday morning, having spent a very restless night worrying over just about everything i could possibly worry about, my health, MG's health, the kids, money, you name it, just about everything that had the tiniest reason to worry about it.

Mainly, i guess, i worried about MG and his health.
His legs are not getting any better, and now i know, he also has an infection in his right ankle. Even without that problem, i wonder where this is all leading, we manage to clear up one ulcer and maybe have a few days grace when, before our very eyes, another one break out, it goes round and round... and i have to ask myself why the doctors don't try and cure the cause rather than the symptoms because until they do, i cannot see an end to this damn circle of infection/ulcer/ weeks of treatment/healing/infection/ulcer....... round and round we have been going for nearly 16 months now.

Well, there i was laying awake and wondering what the answer was and what i, me, his slave might be able to do that might make things a little better for him and for me as well and then it struck me, lets tackle one thing at a time, first MG needs to loose weight because in doing so that will aid the leg problem as well as the high blood pressure..... what else...oh yes..the dreaded weed..!!! It really is about time we gave up the weed... stopped smoking... arggggggggg..... because at the very least giving up smoking might help all the other problems in the long term and so... we have done.. just that. Both of us have decided its time to take the step and stop. It has to be a good step as i am convinced that it is the beginning of the end to some of the other health problems that we are both suffering of late.

With the aid of stop smoking patches and a course of tablets the Doc gave MG... within a few weeks we shall be reformed..."non smokers"

As i say..the docs gave MG a course of tabs to help him to give up which he is now taking and for me...well, patches are doing it for me and this is day 3 and i am doing great, have no need or desire to have a ciggy at all and that is brilliant considering i have been a smoker for some 35 years.

The odd headache that comes with nicotine withdrawal but that's it, and i cannot believe that the desire for a ciggie isn't the total focus any more... i don't want one, i certainly am not a blubbering wreak i thought i might be and MG, well his course is a bit more complicated than mine but in time he also will have no need to have a fag and we shall have made one big big step towards altering the vicious cirlce we seem to be in regarding our general health.

Quit smoking, loose some weight, no fags means more energy= ability to go walking = exercise = fit = legs better = general improvement in health = longer life = end goal

Have it sussed i think and the first step is on its way and it feels great to finally be doing something that i can see an end result to.

i'll keep you posted as to the progress.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Born Submissive

Are You A Born Submissive?

Do you melt at the merest suggestion of a command?

Were you born to serve?

Take the test and find out just how submissive you are.

Thought i had better take the test, just in case i am in the wrong job..hahaha


You are 81% Submissive!

Submissive and dominant personality traits are part of everyone's natural make-up. You may be very dominant in the workplace or in being the head of your family, and yet still be submissive when it comes to relationship or sexual matters.

If you scored high you may want to look into BDSM as a healthy outlet for your need to serve and obey. If you scored very high it's likely you have already done so.

If you scored very low you may want to take my test on
dominance, and may have already explored BDSM as a healthy outlet for your need to control and direct others.

You can find out more about this topic at
my site.

Phew....thats ok then, at least i can hold that thought close and know i am in the right place for me... as if i needed a test to tell me what i already know, but was fun trying anyway.