Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Child In Me

i could give a complicated explanation, but what would be gained by that?

The child ... there in every urge to stomp my foot. Whether i actually do, or just mimic the motion by jerking my leg without ever taking my foot from the ground. i can even stomp my foot in bed ...

a sudden, controlled release of stress.
There when I've stayed up too late, and want to be tucked softly into bed. And there when i don't want to go to bed yet or i have to wake too early (hence the perfection of the foot stomp in bed!)

There when I'm too tired to answer questions, too needy to make decisions or even make sense and frustration is threatening to overwhelm me.
There in every playful, silly moment. When i want to giggle a lot, or need to just be silly ...

She is there in each moment that i want to be taken care of, in a hundred different ways, for whatever reasons. She is there ... that child part of me, and she is welcome. i may only have recognized her as i began to explore and understand the 'needy' part of me, but that in no way tarnishes or diminishes her importance.
She is there, living comfortably alongside the woman i am, unafraid, because i have learned to let that child inside me be. i've learned that i am a physically, mentally and emotionally strong woman. Capable of much more than i ever thought possible, and she is part of all of that.

.
A huge part of the peace i feel surrounding this child in me. One small part of a wonderful whole.

i used to worry that this part of me was somehow a ... repercussion of/to the D/s needs i was exploring ... a cause perhaps. Something missing ... something missed as a child. Something ... unnatural.

But ... no worries!
i may still sometimes wonder about her, but there is no shame. When i give in to that part of me, i don't give up any of the responsibility of my life, or let down those that depend on me. Somehow, her presence better enables me to be all that i am in every part of my life ... to live up to the things i feel matter the most ...

know yourself, live honestly, love completely.

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