The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

I went out the door this morning without a coat... Oh joy, for those who may live in warmer climes than the U.K you might think that a rather mundane thing to be joyous about and very likely unworthy of a blog entry, but U.K weather is fickle enough and often far too cold to be no coat weather. So the first day of the year when i don’t have to put on my coat at 7am to drive Master to the train station as i need the car today (which also means I’ll need to collect Him at 9.15pm tonight) is one of immense pleasure. I’m definitely a SAD person (Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as winter depression or winter blues) not to the extent that i need artificial sunlight. Just a serious mood change when the seasons changes to cold dark morning, damp, bone chilling cold.. Oh the pleasure of British weather. But hell I’d not change being a Brit. i talk to many other nationalities in my work. My best net friend is an American girl who i’ve been pals with online for around 8 years now, she’s also sub so we have a fair bit in common as she was married to her Dom, i say was as they are now separated . Probably for the best, however single parent of 4 children under 16 is a struggle even in the UK with a lot of state benefits to help, she struggle daily with even just the very basics of food and housing. My point is the grass is not always greener on the other side, there is never a better place..The place you are at is the best place as it is Home

Private moments

i seem to get an awful lot of people following this site, i would really love to know what you all find so interesting, don’t get me wrong, im honoured so many people find the things i write worthy of being read and as so many of you do follow, I’ll let you into a secret, i have a mirror site to this one but that only has 1 follower my Master that’s His space and the posts i make there are sometimes the same as i make here but often contain the more personal aspect of our relationship, the things i don’t make public, we have always said we are happy to show an insight into our Master/slave relationship but private is private and will remain so.
the website that accompanies this blog is locate here http://www.satinandlace.seekers.org.uk
you are quite welcome to read if anyone wishes

Creature of habit

Creature of habit.. oh yes and today im knocked for six as my normal get up do a.b.c then go to work habit has been pulled from under me following a complete Buzzen shut down for network upgrades.
It’s likely to be a few days(3-7 recommended) before Buzzen’s back up and running so i need to make alternative plans for my days, Master has made a few suggestions, which of course although come out as you could … blah blah.. Really mean id like you to do….so some filing of papers that get left a long time in the in tray will get put away.
This blog will get some much needed attention, although secretly im hoping it’s only a day or 2 till i can go back to work @ "Buzzen Communications Network made especially for you! The service offers many free services to our registered members". ive never been a great one for working outside of my family duties, but this job is like my eye into the world now that i cannot physically interact with people as well as i once did, my fingers type the words that i once spoke, this way i can still be of use while no one has to stare at the broken cripple i have become (stroke survivor for those who don’t know) and i have a huge purpose, a reason to get up every day, i suppose if any other worker was given a week’s holiday, they would be over the moon, me, this creature of habit is kind of lost with no focus. But sitting here won’t help although blogging is therapeutic, lets you get it all out, still its time to find something else to do.

You are my reason

You are the reason why even at the Saddest
Parts of my life, i smile. Even at confusion,
i understand.Even in betrayal, i trust,
Even in fear of pain, i love you.

You are my reason

Why do i blog?

Because it give me even 10/15 minutes out of my otherwise often nilla day to considered who i am, to think of my submission to Master, This is for me a time in every single day where i can sit and focus “centre “ myself so to speak… on my very existence, on why i do what i do. So it most certainly isn’t one of those “He tied me up and did all these wonderful sexual things to me “those are a dime a dozen and for me come under the heading of “Private life” and will remain private.
This blog is about whom we are, not what we do. i am just a simple English lady who choose to give up on the stress filled hum drum of life and give my Husband/Master Carte blanche to decide on as many decision making areas of my life as He chooses. If we were rich and lived in a cottage with roses around the door, i could remain naked and chained all day every day, but we are not we lived in suburbia in the U.K, where it’s far too cold most of the year to not be dressed. Master has to go to work 5 days a week, leaving me to run our home, which i do to the best of my abilities now that i am quite severely restricted in my movements, but oh the love that fills this home is indescribable. The love of a wife for Her husband, of a Master for His slave, of extremely proud parents of two almost grown young ladies .What more could anyone ask for?

2010 It Spring again!

Well,2010 It Spring again!

Tired i cant believe how tired i feel today, more grouchy, bitchy, not myself, etc. ihave also noticed an increase in my stupid inability to get about.But yes i do realise its going to happen, but another year is upon us, Spring has sprung, days are getting longer, warmer too soon i hope, could do with some sunshine. Grass needs cutting means i need to get out into the garden and clear it.
Spring and "springtime" refer to the season, and broadly to ideas of rebirth, renewal and regrowth. The specific definition of "spring" as a season differs, in cultural and human terms.

Enrichment

“I am happy to give my permission for that”, was of course the answer i had hoped for, or one of them Sir, i had imagine various combinations of that along with perhaps additional restriction possibly making something more, im always looking for ways, excuses to enrich our D/s. But that answers the main question so slave thanks you Sir.
Enriching our D/s is very much in the forefront of my mind as im feeling its slipping again, yes i do appreciate real life and work etc and if You are genuinely happy with how things are then of course i am happy, but I’ll not stop looking to enhance what we have ever Sir

Grace

Being feminine is more than wearing a dress and heels and having your makeup perfect, although these are important. Being feminine is about being soft natured, being gentle, being quiet and being sweet. Control what you say, talk when you have something nice to say. Let your inner Angel shine.
The key for me personally is knowing that my Master is indulging in a way of life that makes him happy. To me because i know he can do exactly as He wishes for whatever reason means all the small things i give makes everything more pure and special!

Bitching

Truth be told i'm probably bitching far more than i'd like to be doing and for all the wrong reason, but the fact i know i am, means i can correct it. Not bitching at me or mine or Master just how my life pans out at present, my work in Buzzen is causing me more stress than i really need but its a huge part of my life so, the fact that i have to watch and monitor 500 arse holes, isn’t surprising some of it rubs off, but now I’ve said it out loud hopefully i can watch my own bitch feast and regulate it. I'm not normally a bitch, so i need to control this; it’s horrid and makes me a not nice person. And if i can say that about myself, imagine what other would be thinking. My priority now is to turn things around, the current attitude is not one i like very much.

Uncertainty

Uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. i hate games. For me, uncertainty is anxiety.i need to know my path, my place, im all thing, im a creature of habit. But i am constantly surprised—pleasantly surprised—at the dynamic nature of the thing we have called love.

Holiday

So i went a full two week without blogging. i guess i am just unfocussed lately, and really have had nothing to share that i couldnt say to you as we were together over a work holiday. slaves are there to please so now its time to get back to my slave roots and do the things i do i hope BEST

You really are a wonderful Master, in more ways than just being a Master if that makes sense. and i cannot put into words how much i love you. our relationship is most definitely M/s, but we don't always express the M/s overtly. You are my Master, but so much beyond that as well.

enough

Do i do enough to keep the heart of the man. The man i will forever call Master to my mind, body, and soul...i will do anything for Him, He is my passion, my dark and light, my sun and rain always, no matter what.i belong to Him, If He were to just ask of me, His pleasure is mine anything, enough will never be enough.

How many

Master has me counting the 5 or 6 actually regular nightly maintenance stroke's i get with the crop, on each butt cheek, bent over the breakfast bar. i never thought those 12345 numbers & 6 of course would be as much a part of who i am as they are becoming.Never ever thought counting would be a part but i enjoy the part, and would love to make it so much more, but that isn't for me to decide, so ill be happy with the counting as far as it currently goes. Until or unless Master says otherwise.

superior submissive

Now that was a jokey title but after i googled "superior submissive." i actually
found a web page. http://www.partydomme.com/webworks.htm#supersub... The Mistress Didi*s Superior submissive™ Web cam Workshop teaches protocols for submissive's that are generally accepted by the majority of Dominants in The Scene.
however it occurred to me today that i could well need an attitude shift. ill work on that i think.see where it leads me. i do wonder why Mistress Didi*s event calender is totally free. guess that says it all!!!!!
But i do really think i need to take a look at a few things and balance a bit better, that might make my day if nothing else less stressful

Yes/No..Maybe

Sometimes, when i ask him for somethings, i really want him to say no, for a couple different reasons - (1) because i to have to listen and not do what i want and (2) it reassures me that he cares enough to be strict and (3) sometimes i'm just not strong enough to say no to myself. But MOST times i really do want him to say yes!
i get disappointed when he lets me win. What i really wish is for him to say "too bad, you're not the boss" or on the other hand i'd like to have to wait .builds anticipation which is always exciting!

Life goes on

I don't have time in my life to play games. Well not unless they are fun and benefit me.
Bing cooped up in the house does not help,

Oh im not complaining.

i swear as my life progresses i am becoming more and and more a recluse. If had a palm built tree house on a dessert island as long as my family could visit and i had all the amenities, id be fine, i enjoy my own company, the outside world has never ever had a huge calling for me, im a home girl. always was, always will be. Even in my much younger days i was happy to stay home but now i find it a big big effort to conjure up the will, effort to go out.
Thank goodness i don't really need to and so...............life goes on........

More's the pity

Sometimes being submissive is not that easy, It's just i so HATE making mistakes!
i feel bad about any simple mistake and i'm sure i makes as many as i don't make, i know i can be whiny,i know i can be needy.I'm sure Master would add lazy plus a few other bad points in there as well.

i wish i had more thoughts about who we are and why we do what we do, but i guess I'm too Miss Average and the obvious slave/Master things go right over my head sometime, which is an awful admission but its true,
i know it's only a small part of the whole "us, but I've NOT thinking before I open my mouth quite a bit lately. or even thinking per say,

i want to stop the little things that might take away from the D/s thing we're trying to achieve.i want it perfect but life isn't like that ever. More's pity !!

Crumbling walls

Oh fukc it, things are going along nicely, then something happens, then another, then another and the bright sunlight becomes the gloom of a February grey day, and a gapping chasm open up where once was strong firm ground ,a bit like one of those fantasy films where you are running through the derelict castle and stone work is falling all around you. I’ve decided my life was never meant to be smooth sailing, whenever i get complacent something pulls me up real sharp, and screams “who said you could enjoy life, take this bitch smack”

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”..... Peter Marshall

Life itself is a journey of ups and downs however, , it can be one hell of a cold ... journey that all we take.... but damn if i don’t think ive cracked it only to find next time i take a serious look something or someone has decided that turning my world upside down ,and making me work real hard to try and balance it yet again is a fun pastime.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”.........lynnie_buttercup

Surrender

I know i push on certain things, probably more than would be considered submissive. But i cannot just do things blindly just because someone wants something a particular way, i still often need to know why!! i do know that there is submission, there is slavery, there is being taken.... and then there is surrender. To surrender is more than to be taken, more than to submit, and more to being some one's slave.

sur·ren·der (sə-rěn'dər)
~To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
~To give up in favour of another.
~To give up or abandon
~To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion
~To give oneself up, as to an enemy.
~The act or an instance of surrendering.

Interesting, isn't it?

The very word implies a struggle, a battle -if you will-, and the end result of which is to "give up" or "give in".

I think that this word more than any other describes my journey into my inner self, not that i feel i've ever given up or in.
The reality of human existence (as i see it) is that we need to give and take as equally as possible to have successful relationships. This give and take exists even within the most extreme M/s dynamic. A Master must give of Himself by putting the work forth to guide, teach, protect and push their pet. The slave must give of herself by putting forth the effort to give up control, to submit, to serve.
Both have expectations in return, of things they will take from the other. This is what balance is all about.

A Lovely thought

Once again various real-time issues have rendered the writing of a decent blog post, pushed into a shortest of time frames. But life goes on, as does this blog.........
and through it all this i realise once more just how much i really really Love Master. I do. I do

Take a look at the metaphors people use to describe love, and why anyone does it is a wonder.

Right off you have to fall. Geez! Or you were conquered. Or engulfed, drowning in a sea of love. And you gave all your love, so you’re feeling empty. You don’t want to get burned again. But you’re mad, wild, crazy in love. Yet you crave it.

So love means defeat, injury, death, bankruptcy, addiction and insanity. How lovely.

Why the negative take on something everyone wants, everyone in fact needs, everyone deserves? What would happen if we spent as much time loving as we seem to invest in warding it off? Hell, even children know this: “That one likes you” “Ewwwww!” And sometimes adults don’t act much better. You are loved. Oh, the horror.

So we go home, alone, protected from love, wishing we had someone there to love.