Time to say GoodBye my darling

Blessed be

You came and touched so many hearts

In so many different ways.

You gave so much, and asked very little in return.

But I am sure with time you will show me how to be whole again.

 I know you are safe now, and nothing can harm you.

Remember, although we're apart,

We will always be together

With Knowledge, We Grow

With Knowledge, We Grow.
We enter this world with nothing: no hate, no fear, no prejudice, no cares or worries, and no hidden demons.
Only as we experience life do these things become part of us.
We should aspire to keep them at bay, and to be better today than we were yesterday.
The spine which should support us all should consist of love, of self-control, of trust, respect, and of course, honesty.
Without these things we are nothing.
Through our experience we learn to choose whether we will be good, or bad, and those choices are reflected in how others see us.
Make those choices wisely, for if you do, you will be loved by others, and comfortable in yourself.
Do not judge, for others may judge you the same. Have an open mind, and a gentle demeanor, for in all things the good in you will shine through, as long as you let it.
Do not pretend to be something you are not. If others cannot accept you for who you really are, they may not be worthy of knowing you anyway.
With Knowledge, We Grow. Live this way and at the right time you may leave this existence at peace with yourself, and the rest of the world.

  written by MG back in 2006
http://www.seekers.org.uk/With%20Knowledge%20We%20Grow.htm

Memory Lane

"Footfalls echo in the memory, Down the passage which we did not take, Towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden.”
~T.S. Eliot

This slave finds a wistfulness for both what was, as well as what was "not". What "was" went too soon. The seasons change,time slips by and with each passing year this one longs to hold onto summer's fleeting days, reminding me of youthful laughter and warmth and pleasure.
The freezing of those perfect moments when they graced us is sadly impossible, time marches on, no matter what, we can but try to hold in memory every second and allow it to fill our soul to sustain during the chill and darkness.

Slavery's moments change as do all moments. My wistfulness comes due to lack of understanding of the impermanence of time. The moment which mark this slave's soul and heart keeps me forever bound to my Master even when the mark is no longer present on the flesh.

Re posted from December 2010: MG was so pleased with this post In His memory i re post now
 Rest Peacefully now my darling my memories will hold you close always

Alter bridge- Watch over you

Yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, which is why it is called the present. 

What the caterpillar perceives is the end; to the butterfly is just the beginning. 

Everything that has a beginning has an ending. 

Make your peace with that and all will be well

Tears

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.".Washington Irving

Life moments

How long is a man's life, finally?
Is it a thousand days, or only one?
One week, or few centuries?
How long does a man's death last?
And what do we mean when we say, 'gone forever'?

Adrift in such preoccupations, we seek clarification.
We can go to the philosophers,
But they will grow tired of our questions.
We can go to the priests and the rabbis
But they might be too busy with administrations.

So, how long does a man live, finally?
And how much does he live while he lives?
We fret, and ask so many questions
Then when it comes to us
The answer is so simple

A man lives for as long as we carry him inside us,
For as long as we carry the harvest of his dreams,
For as long as we ourselves live,
Holding memories in common, a man lives.

His lover will carry his man's scent, his touch:
His children will carry the weight of his love.
One friend will carry his argument,
Another will hum his favourite tunes,
Another will still share his terrors.

And the days will pass with baffled faces,
Then the weeks, then the months,
Then there will be a day when no question is asked
And the knots of grief will loosen in the stomach,
And the puffed faces will calm.
And on that day he will not have ceased,
But will have ceased to be separated by death.
How long does a man live, finally?

R.I.P my darling

19.7.1956 - 18.10.2012

My Master Past away on 18th October 2012 after almost a year fighting a battle with cancer that he could never win. i had sat at his side for 7 weeks and if i could have taken His place,  removed His pain  i surely would have but my lot in life is to be the one left behind to carry on.

 and i shall and make Him proud of me.so i begin a new phase of my life without my soul mate, without my Master. how will i cope, right now i have absolutely no idea.

Even Keel

Oh i am so bad for not coming here more often but my life seems to either be up in some cloud 9 cuckoo land or deep in the grand canyon, never ever for more than a week or two on any thing like an even keel.
Times when in pasts i've wish for more time with MG, times Hes wished to be at home , all these wishes, once before i had cause to reconsider my desires, what i wished for  and now here we are 8 months on and due to His ill health we are at home together, fighting the Cancer demon. Last November following a very minor health scare we followed the course as you do and ;February He was diagnosed with Bladder cancer, since then we have experienced chemotherapy, radiotherapy and emergency surgery on a broken humerus,  hair loss, weight loss, pain the use of a whole lot of Morphine among other controlled drugs.where this leave us is, well in an upside down situation from where we knew we could survive, cope etc Work has stopped for Him, way to many hospital appointments, too much tiredness and pain to cope with without the added pressure of a 12 hour work shift so we now tread the benefit trail in an attempt to financially maintain our way of life, so far its not going to badly, we are far from destitute.As for our lifestyle, we remain as always Master and slave, we continue to look after each other in more ways than one now, together we are a formidable team and will not go down without a fight We will beat this new challenge.. together as always. BUT we do now have the time to be together , to do the things, follow the few rituals be who we are, our girls have left home so we are alone , together and so we are making time to rekindle some of what time has taken from us, neither of us are under any illusion that we can get back to where we once were within our own M/s but we are sure we can go a fair way into living the life once more. i'm not going to wish, I've done that before and my wishes have been granted but at what cost!!!!!!

solace

she swims an ocean of tears, navigating her pain with a graceful eloquence reserved for the most majestic of beings.

Solace is found herein, measured by depth within the flowing ease, knowing the real, so far away, is dull and harmless.Her soft satin skin unencumbered by the scars of past affliction, a contention never to be removed from the silk of her creation.

Her soul as tender as a first kiss, the kind that retains the unspoken promise therein.

She holds her head high as her soul drowns in dreams of yesterday, Choking on the remembrance of the life she was supposed to have, the one dreamed when dreams were still safe.

Her tumultuous spirit at war with the very idea of hope, begging to be heard, to be seen, to be felt.

Direction

Direction, as insane as it may sound is not always about the A to Z of a map. There is evidence to show that working with direction can help you in a very positive way. Direction can be a course along which someone or something moves. Or a course that must be taken in order to reach a certain place or a position in ones career.
The act of directing, of aiming, regulating, guiding in a D/s lifestyle is the responsibility of the Dom or Master. Mine decided to be directional yesterday, and i’m all good with it, i need direction, i’ve always said that if the fences/ boundaries’ are not pointed out, i cannot be in the wrong for stepping over out of those fences, boundaries. There's no point in setting goals if you don't know what goal are set. There's no point in planning, in committing to actions and - just so you have the illusion of submission. Submission is about making a choice. Because i do have choices. i choose to hand over control, i choose to be owned, ichoose to submit.
MG will exert that control with a strong hand, hold me when I cry, rub my back when it hurts, tell me when I'm full of shit, and compliment my intelligence. He is a caring father and a good role model. In short, He really is the perfect man for me.
I think that allowing yourself to be who you really are makes for a more complete and balanced human being and that has proven to be true. Sometime we just get fogged in and cant see the wood for the trees for a while, but ultimately the fog clears and the path once more comes into view and we can tread our choosen direction once more

sub or slave

• A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her.
• A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is incumbent upon her to obey.

I am fond of this definition because it describes not only my personal experience of submission and slavery, but with some minimal qualification also applies to every submissive or slave relationship i have known of.

At the heart of submission is the choice to submit and the option to say "No". The submissive decides how much authority she will cede to another, how much control she will bow to, and what aspects of her life she will surrender to the dominant's command. Submissive power exchange is about choice: about the option to decide how one feels about a demand and what one is going to do about it. At any point that the sub is not comfortable with this arrangement, it is within her rights to say "No, I'm not going to do that", and this becomes a signal to the couple that they need to renegotiate something. It does not completely derail the power dynamic between them.

• A submissive chooses to submit and has the option to say 'no' in at least one aspect of hir life.

A submissive who is controlled in large tracts of her life – her sexuality, work, dress, social habits, etc - may fall into a space of obedience where orders in those arenas are never mulled over or reassessed (in the sense of "renewing the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her"). I contend that this is not counter to the definition I offer above but a special subset thereof: even for such a closely-controlled submissive, there remains some area of her life or aspect of her person where she retains autonomy, or where it is her option to decide if she wishes to submit in the moment.

• In short: a submissive chooses to submit and has the option in some area or another to say "no" to a dominant command.
• A slave commits to obey. A 'no' becomes a dealbreaker in a way it can never be for a submissive.

Mindset

I read in another blog today of a sub struggling with some newly found disabilities and i can so understand from where she’s coming but in the same vein i think i have got my head around submission on a more mental level these days… Here's what she wrote….

”What kind of service is there in needing Master to take care me instead of me caring for Him? i understand that all stable relationships have their own precarious balance of give and take, but in our relationship, as a slave there are (to my way of thinking & feeling) a few absolutes. Number one for me is SERVICE. That is my “thing”, my banner, wave it high. “Can i get You…., Would You like…., Is there anything i can….” are my mantras. Now every time i turn around, i hear those very words spilling like waterfalls from the mouth of the One who used to shoot verbiage like “NOW!” It is unnerving how much our roles have changed. i still feel submissive, but in a different way. He has always called me His “pet”, but now i honestly feel more like a pet than anything else. i mean, before, i could do things, now He’s doing most of them for me. The worst of it is that i an not unable to complete tasks, it just takes me longer and i tire easily. I have too embraced the opportunity to go in new directions, but i have not. i am going to have to find a way to get my head around that. i know this, but i don’t know how & i feel so, SO guilty for all the changes that this is bringing into Master’s life as well.
I had these same thought on my return from the hospital 6 years ago and even today MG still does for me, more than i do for Him, but that’s a joining, a coming together of two loving souls and i have to say that far far outweighs the need for anything D/s.. MG will let me struggle if i really need help i can ask and He will always give me assistance, but still allowing my need to serve Him. Of course our play has mellowed with age and disabilities, but i think i was being naive if i thought I’d still be an hour a night on my knees as i got older, disabilities or not. Funnily enough it was a joke i once laughed at with MG but we are still and will always be Master & slave because i feel it’s an exception to the “actions speak louder than words” rule D/s is all about mindset.And my mind is set, rigid, unwavering on He is Master, i am slave and i'm planning on going to my grave with that mindset

In the meantime

I realize I’ve been bad at posting lately. It’s a combination of factors.
I wake up each day, and then watch the clock, wondering how I’ll make it to the end of the day. I have trouble falling asleep, and once I do, I wake up early and can’t fall back asleep. . I don’t know why I’m so eager to make it through each day, I take it second-by-second, minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, day-by-day, week-by-week.Life doesnt get an easier, i struggle evey day and im sure ll continue to do so, Some days are easier than others.

i cant and dont expect life to get any easier on me, my situation cant improve so can only get worse as my health,/fitness follows my age. As i get older so my physical disabilities will become more and more of an issue, this scares the hell out of me.but as there is nothing i can do to change the facts of the case n point in dwelling on it but i needed some dominance in my life. we don’t have many rituals or requirements that I’m required to follow leftSo I need some dominance, to bring me back to center. I miss it, and when its been too long, I sometimes forgot how it makes me feel.In the meantime, i just keep my head above water.

Slave to:

I believe that there are certain people--and, yes, they are most likely few and far between--whose place in the world is in the ownership of another. Yeah, i believe slavery has valid applications, and not just "ooh, fun sex slavery," either. i simply perform better when I'm told what to do than when i have to figure it out myself. On my own, i waffle and waver and never really get anywhere. i have no impulse control, and i basically just do whatever takes my fancy at the time, whether it's a good idea or not.

So.
Inability to make decisions.
Lack of direction.
Lack of willpower.
Yes, let’s not even bringing up the inherent desire to please, the way i submit to my Master’s wishes, etc.
One of two things happens to people like me. Either we find ourselves in abusive relationships, one after the other, or we somehow manage to fall into a situation where our need to be a possession, is used for good. Now, honestly, I'm too damn stubborn for the former. Somehow i got lucky enough to get the latter second time around.
The upshot of which is that i really believe i need more of this type of control in my life. i obviously suck at doing things without it. Not to mention how good, how secure, how WHOLE it makes me feel.
The truth is, i need it. i need my whole life to be subject to the whims of my Master. Not just parts of it. Not just, "Hey, do this one time.". Not that i think i'd be good at being micromanaged. That's not Master’s style at all anyway so no fear there.. Just tell me what you need done please. i need something to work towards .
idon't think the need to be owned has anything to do with age, sex, race, religion, financial status (or lack thereof), or anything else. i just think that there are certain people in the world who function at their best only when they are under control of another.
That's pretty much it.
Love You Master

Devotion and Respect.

i try to make Master happy, because i love his happiness. It makes me happy to make him happy. There is a very real and fulfilling reinforcement for my obedience and submission to him. i love pleasing him, but not because i am "his slave". i love making him happy because the happier i make him, the more he will show his happiness, his appreciation, and his love for me - making me happy in return. It truly is a never-ending, wonderful cycle. But what most people miss is that this has absolutely nothing to do with D/s whatsoever.

Sure it makes us happy to participate in a D/s relationship. Because we understand that he is the Master and i am the slave, there are certain dynamics in place that make us happy by their very nature. He controls, i let him. No matter how much fun we have with it, though, the bottom line is that no matter what we call ourselves, it is simply because that is who we are.. And no matter what i call myself, i am going to revel in the knowledge that he is controlling and taking responsibility and making decisions, and because of that and the gratitude i feel that he lifts my unwanted burdens, i will offer and eagerly look for ways to please him. And the happier he is, the happier he will make me, and the world, or our little piece of it, becomes a beautiful garden of devotion and respect.

Need to be told i'm a "Good Girl"

i still need to be told i a “good girl”

• Be helpful. say "Is there anything i can do for you Sir?"
• Be friendly. Always be nice. Don't gossip or say bad things about people behind their back. Smile!
• Be polite. Courtesy is a big part of being good. people will respect you more if you say things like please, thank you, and may i. Let older people go first.
• Learn helpful skills. Learn how to cook, do housework, –
• Be organized. "have a place for everything, and everything in it's place
•. Learn to ask politely for help, respect the advice given you.
• Dress like the good girl you are. Ditch the leather jacket and ripped up jeans! Get into a nice fitted pair of jeans and a cute colored tee shirt (pink, purple, or blue are some options). Get a few pretty skirts too. Make sure to also brush your hair and keep it in a nice style. A bit of bright jewelry is fine. Remember, good doesn't mean dull!
• Don't wear a lot of makeup. Too much of it makes you look trashy. Don't wear it at all if you don't feel like it. Or use natural makeup, lightly applied. The same goes for jewelry.
• Stick to good morals and values. Don't drink, smoke, do drugs. These things aren't important, they won't help your future-and they're definitely not good for you or your health. Stay away from it. Stick to your curfew hour.
• Stick to good music, books, movies, tv, etc. Have fun! It's okay to sometimes act a little immature and watch a good Disney movie show or read a kids' book again. You can still watch tv, listen to music, and see movies that are good-don't worry, they're just as good as the more "adult" ones, sometimes better! ;) Learn about different kinds of music and reading.
• Keep regular hours, and be sure to get plenty of sleep. Being well rested will help you feel healthier and it will be easier to be courteous to others.

Memory Lane

"Footfalls echo in the memory, Down the passage which we did not take, Towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden.”
~T.S. Eliot

This slave finds a wistfulness for both what was, as well as what was "not". What "was" went too soon. The seasons change,time slips by and with each passing year this one longs to hold onto summer's fleeting days, reminding me of youthful laughter and warmth and pleasure.
The freezing of those perfect moments when they graced us is sadly impossible, time marches on, no matter what, we can but try to hold in memory every second and allow it to fill our soul to sustain during the chill and darkness.

Slavery's moments change as do all moments. My wistfulness comes due to lack of understanding of the impermanence of time. The moment which mark this slave's soul and heart keeps me forever bound to my Master even when the mark is no longer present on the flesh.

brat !

i have seen in chat rooms ,discussions about what it means to be a brat. There are girls who are so proud of being a brat that they put it in their descriptions, an "in your face" kind of statement that says "this is how i am, i ain't changing for nobody, so THERE!"

Now, truthfully, if a girl is smartass, disobedient, making her own choices about her own behaviour, showing tremendous disrespect to most folks with a capped nick, intruding with ugly comments into ongoing scenes, and being silly and giggly just for attention.....AND states that she's proud of her behaviour....what does that tell a Dominant who is looking for a submissive to own?

Being a brat is, in my opinion, nothing more than choosing to have no self control. It's hard to not type things without the motivation of making someone proud of her restraint. Is it TOO hard not to? Or is it sheer laziness that makes some folks proud of their bratty behaviour? And what is funny to me is that so many of those brats want to top from the bottom when they DO find someone who wants to try with them....it's their nature, and they were attractive enough for the Dom to "own" them, why should they bother to change now?

When bratty behaviour is accepted, and encouraged, in a forum such as in a chat room, it is detrimental to the formation of relationships, truly D/s relationships, as well as to the room itself. Again, this is only my opinion, nothing more. But it has been both my observations, and my experiences, that have created such an opinion. You have got to desire to turn from sassy, reckless brat, into being the ideal sub any good Master could want, if it takes work so be it.