Monday, November 15, 2004

Life is but a dream

A debate in the chat room this evening was about some peoples opinion that it is better to have a partner even tho you might have to feel the lost of that person on a day to day basis, when each time you are removed from them the pain you feel is like that of the loss of a part of you.... than to not have anyone to pine for or to love at all.
i thought about this and i guess those who have not got that sort of a relationship cannot understand that those who's love is so great and so strong might feel the pain of parting and that the pain rips the very heart and soul out of them.
i also believe that to not have someone in your life to cherish and care for, must also be painful but the idea that you cannot miss what you have never had could be easier on those who have never experienced this feeling.... but if you have been there and enjoyed a loving relationship and then, for whatever reason, it is lost to you... that pain i would think is also devastating.. wishing, wondering if you will ever find the one who makes your heart race once more.

I do think tho that it is difficult for those who do not have or have not experienced the kind of love i hold for my Master, that they also cannot understand where it is that i am coming from, if i try to explain to those who do not have that sort of relationship i am told to be grateful for what i have... and please do not think i am not.. i would not give up what i have for anything, but i do wish people would open their eyes and see that love can hurt as much as not loving.
The desire to be loved is all consuming, it is a part of the human make up and if we go deeper into the realms of the lifestyle, the need to give of ourselves to our Masters is the greatest desire for a submissive, to be unable to do that must also make one feel as if a part of their very souls are missing.
However, in my deepest moments of missing my darling Master, when i am at my lowest, at a times when you will not likely find me with a smile on my face and a happy disposition, when i cannot summon up the attitude of all is rosey in the garden, people do have a tendency to poo poo the fact that i can be sad and depressed they cannot see that i have anything to be sad about and rarely do they even begin to understand the struggle i am having to cope with when a major part of me is missing.
That hole in me, that swallows up my very begin sometimes, when i am weak and not able to hold on to the thought that soon the hole will be healed and i shall be complete again....at those times, when i look to my friends to help me through, other people sit on the side line, without full knowledge of who i am and decry my sadness at missing my Master. I have also felt that it is impossible to explain to others who's relationships are not as ours is, whose lives are lived within comfort zones because they are not able or not willing to make the changes needed to find the one who makes them feel the way MG makes me feel. They are just existing for existing sake, they do not have the love for their partners that make their hearts pound or that makes them feel totally lost when they are apart. Those i pity...that they will never know what it is like to be truly loved for themselves.
What keeps me going..the knowledge that it isn't too long to wait until Master and i are as one again, i know that we will always be together, and because we will, i also know that there are going to be times when we are forced to be apart, it will always be that way, that's life...i also know the partings will never get any easier...so i shall continue to love MG with all my heart and soul and live each day in the knowledge that he will return to me as soon as he is able so that we may continue with our lives as one. i shall live with the pain of parting and the joy of reunion, i shall continue to serve him to the very best of my ability and be happy in doing that for he is my life and my love and without him, i would only be half the person i am right now.

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