headspace

i fight constantly to feel, to stay focussed on the physical self. Flogging/spanking helps me to do this. Once i am wrapped up in the play,i no longer worry about the surface tension in my head --i can start to see more of Who i Am, i can "listen to myself" and hear the echo coming back.THIS is where i go, when Master and i play. i need it at least occasionally and do best when i can have it every couple weeks or so.

The mental depth i crave cannot be attained until after I've at least begun to have a endorphine release. i can flit along the surface of altered states that fit into the category of headspace, but i have a hard time attaining the deep, silent state with which i look to the opening up of my "slave" headspace.

i do know that Master has a concern these days of me floating, i am not sure if i will ever be allowed to gain that depth again, having said that i enjoy the smallest beginnings of the journey. To reach the destination is ultimate but, i am happy currently to just take a little trip .