i have been instructed by MG to make this entry following an incident within our M/s that he feels might be a good lesson for me to learn and maybe, in the process give other subs an insight into why we all do things that we really know we shouldn't .... yet still we do it. Rather than use scenario's i may as well tell you what happened and you may judge for yourselves the rights and wrongs of the situation.
The condition with my arm (frozen shoulder ) is compounded, we have come to believe by excessive use of the mouse on my PC, the more i use it the more painful my shoulder becomes, not typing, but precision work with the mouse. Therefore, i am told by MG that i should restrict the mouse usage to a point that does not cause me any unnecessary pain or discomfort.. logical you might say and i would tend to agree with you, after all i am the one who has to suffer this and therefore you would think that i wouldn't do anything that makes it worse.
i have had a couple of relatively pain free days this week, nothing that i cant handle, the odd twinge here and there, but all in all, the shoulder had settled to a dull ache and so, silly me, goes off into my designer mode and i am deep into web designing and graphics, very mouse intense stuff, close work and controlled actions. This you might say (and i would have to agree) is rather silly to say the least but hey, life as i have already said in another blog, is full of bad habits and i am not excluded from enjoying my pleasures, graphics being one of them... i can spend hours working on just one set, and get a great deal of satisfaction from the finished article (view my websets if you would like to see what it is i work on)
Anyway..to the current situation... today i made a webset and gained much pleasure from doing so, enjoying as i always do the creativity that this kind of activity affords me, as always, i showed MG my work, which he was very pleased with and praises me on. He then quite categorically states, "No more today slave, you have done enough".. i hear what he says and i have no intention of going against his wishes which are of course, in my best interest anyway to give my shoulder a much needed rest.... and then, his words go right out of my head, not another thought is given to them. Life goes on, Master goes off to work and i am left to deal with home and kids and normally daily life resumes.
This is where it all goes wrong folks and my admission here is that, the words of my Master got lost. Not just his words either, but a command, instruction even, that i was to do no more. Those words never came back into my mind, they were not given another thought...That's a hard admission to make and one that MG will no doubt find odd when he reads this as i haven't even told him that yet. Think about this good people... in our lives, we have pleasures that we enjoy and usually, no one will be in a position to tell you that you cannot take those pleasures as and when you wish too... i am just like anyone else and would in the past, do what i wanted to do, when i wanted to do it and if necessary, suffer the consequences of my own actions, whatever they may be. And that's just what i did today... i did some more work, i continued with my designing even after my Master had quite clearly instructed me not too. Without a second thought to his instruction, it wasn't disobeying in the full sense of the word because the command never re-entered my head until....... MG came online from work and i was about to say... "i have made another set Sir"... then it hit me and instead of saying that.. i had to admit that i had gone against his wishes and had done exactly what he had told me not to do.
The disappointment in me that he showed was obvious, that i could so outrageously go totally against his wishes and blatantly disobey him is not something that he expects of me and not something that i would normally expect of myself and i have no excuse other than the one already given which is that his order wasn't disobeyed as it wasn't even registered in my brain.... yes of course i heard it and acknowledged it at the time it was given, but that's as far as it got. However, that in itself is no excuse really. Or is it. How can i follow an order if the order itself isn't embedded in my brain.
That aside, the disappointment MG has is expressed and without a valid excuse for my actions, which tantamount to flagrant disobedience, i am duly reprimanded and instructed to write this episode up as a blog for all to see in the hope that other might learn from my mistakes. But, having thought hard about this whole thing, i am not sure if this is D/s or M/s or just human nature and if it is the latter, what can be learn from this, other than maybe, to listen and take in what is said to one.
i have no excuses to make as to why i continued to work, because at the time, the instruction not too wasn't even a consideration, it never came into the reckoning.... that's the main fault here as i see it, that it didn't, that i had not taken on board MG words, when i should have, not that i did more work.
This is M/s of course, the Master's word, instruction, command, that the slave, without questions adheres too, which is all well and good if the slave hears the words in the first place... for whatever reason, i didn't and they didn't have any bearing on my continuation until the moment when i was about to tell MG what i had been doing. Can i be at fault for that or was the wrong on my part merely that i hadn't really listened to and taken on board, what he had said in the first place.?
Have i learnt a lesson ? of course i have, to listen and hear, to not be distracted by other things when Master is talking to me, (easier said then done sometimes when all around you is busy busy, sort this, sort that.. no excuse really but its life as it is).. Will i do it again, of course not, as i am now convinced that i didn't do it in the first place.. i do not blatantly disobey my Master.. it is not what my submission is about..in fact, it pains me no end to think that i might have. But the more i think about this whole incident the more i am convinced that i cannot have disobeyed something that i did not have in my head at the time of the incident....the order to not continue was never there... it hadn't registered, how can i have disobeyed it if it wasn't there.?
Enough said...a lesson learnt of course, to focus or at least try to when all around is hustle and bustle, and for myself, to be more aware that if i am to at least have a few days of no pain, then i should restrict myself, i shouldn't have to depend on MG to do it for me.
Your comments will be gratefully received if you have any thoughts on this situation.
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