Slipping

The imperfections of us all.... Oh dear.. and i feel at the moment that i have more than my normal share... i know MG will not agree with me as we have discussed this a lot recently, but i do feel i am failing in the very basic tenants of our M/s relationship at present. Loosing sight of what is required and expected of me under the weight of all the every day stuff that also has to be dealt with as well. i am finding it hard to remain focused on what i should do and what i am expected to do and i am drifting on some cloud that takes away the very essence of who i am. MG's slave... first and foremost, mother to my kids...

There have been times in my life when unbeknownst to me (until it was pointed out by MG ) i have been in the circle of always coming last or putting myself last should i say, no one put me there, it was of my own doing. i had always had others to consider before me and have happily done so without a thought or to question the reasons why, maybe this is a sub trait, but before i found D/s i never really thought about it..i just did it. Then i found D/s and it suited who i was, the need to serve other, the putting of myself in a submissive position where i could happily continue with what was, me just being me. So why now, all of a sudden am i not thinking of others, doing what comes naturally to me.. that's what confuses me about this whole situation... instead of getting on with things, knowing i should be doing such and such and yet.. not doing it.. not doing what is required of me, sometimes not even listening, drifting along without a thought in my head... sawdust, they used to call it when i was at school (many moons ago)
MG says i need to refocus and maybe he is right and we have plans these next few days to take some time to look into that and hopefully that will help but right now i feel lost in all this and confused at myself because this isn't the me i know and that pains me no end.
Of course, i could make all sorts of excuses for myself, tired, the pain i have with my shoulder, normal nilla daily life struggles and worries, but they are always there and have never affected me like this before so what's changed to bring on this situation i now find myself in. If only i knew.!!!!
There is never perfection and i am far from it even if there was, but the confusion i am experiencing at present is just compounding the little faults i have and making me see them as huge mountains that i haven't got a hope in hell of ever managing to climb but.. and here's the but... i will continue to try, to the very best of my ability to conquer and over come the failings that seem to have reared their ugly head of late.
slave..Oh yes, always, nothing will change that, a better slave..Well, i can but try and continue to try. i don't give up that easily.