count my blessings

i guess i must take every opportunity to count my blessings, and i have many.
i must also reflect and be grateful for what i have and what i am.
What i have is two of the most wonderful kids imaginable, even if they are teenagers and sometimes forget that being me is far more than simply being their mum. What i have is a home, peace and contentment.
What i also have is a beautiful relationship with a caring, loving, demanding, strict, understanding, controlling, easygoing, mature, fun, sadistic, tender Master.
What i am is a mother, something that brings me so much joy i never dreamed i would feel. i am a woman, a friend.
i am intelligent, finally learning to be confident, secure, stressed, loving, and most of the time i am mature.
i am submissive, slave to my Master, respectful, obedient, caring, serving, pleasing, and loving.
i can't think of anything i want, or anyone i would rather be, than what i have, and who i am.i can only hope that i prove worthy of my station, to all who my life encircles.

i am Yours

sometimes i wonder if He realizes just how much being His ... completes me.And that, is what "love" is all about. When two people meet each other's needs so completely that they truly fit together like puzzle pieces, forming a beautiful picture called "life together"... love doesn't have to be spoken. It simply is.It is once again our anniversary time and it seems that things keep getting better and better. It never seems possible, and yet somehow, it always happens.Thank You for believing in me.Thank You for being someone i can also believe in.Thank You, Master, for owning me so beautifully.Absolutely and completely devoted to You,
i am Yours.

Two years on

I am so honoured to be Your slave/wife, to wear Your collar,wedding ring, to belong to You so completely. i am proud that my obedience and my service is pleasing to You, and that You are proud to own me.
i have the support of a man who owns me so wonderfully, cares so deeply for me, sees so much in me that is there, and so much potential in me in spite of the demons, life changes and their effects....and who has made Himself open to me by encouraging my growth... because He recognizes that as i grow, i change, and change always has an element of risk. But He knows that this kind of growth makes me a better person, and He trusts and believes that it will make me a better slave as well. i shall continue to try to be the best i can be.
Your slave/wife(i adore being both Sir) thank you

Typing

i find myself tending to type here for myself more than for any other reason. This really is a good way for me to clarify some thoughts, and even seeing things in words helps me to prioritise sometimes. You have no idea the many times things are typed and deleted .
Usually i am able to type, and purge a lot of negative emotions before You ever see anything i have typed. i delete all the purging things, of course. Why is that important? Many Doms and Masters say they want to know whatever their slave/sub is feeling, but too much negativity is not good for either me or You, but an outlet to express those sometimes, dark and murky thoughts is beneficially to me to let it all go somewhere other than in a blazing row. i can surface with a spring in my step (when my backs not killing me) relatively even-keeled, i would hope to get on with what i need to do in life.
Thank You for Your patience. You have to be the most patient man i have ever had the honour of knowing, and i am one blessed to belong to You. Thank You for choosing to discuss the difficult things with me in you inimitable manner. Thank You for showing your love for me in more ways than i ever dreamed one could. Thank You, Master, for it all.

Is it possible

From Submissive Journal Prompts:

My desire to please and be found pleasing, to mold myself to Master's will and to become the person He would have me to be expresses how deep my relationship is with my Master Love, in general to me, isn't based on how good the other person makes us feel. Love is based on how well they meet our needs, even those we don't know we have. For me, love is the knowledge that i would be totally crippled without Master in my life, because of the needs He meets for me. And i honestly believe that He feels the same way about me,That kind of love does not fade. Some say that if a Master falls in love with His slave, He runs the risk of romanticising the relationship, and no longer treating her as a slave. there is some grounds for this assumption, i do feel sometimes i get away with more than i should or that Master is too soft with me but, who says that we cannot have our M/s and love as well, its just another of the many challenges we face, same as being parents in a M/s relationship, i would say that fact hinders us far more than our love does, but we wouldn’t choose not to be parents.

i say that a deep, abiding, M/s, D/s relationship can't happen without love being present.
Life isn’t for living without love M/s or otherwise.

i love my Master with all my heart, So i know that love HAS to be present in a successful D/s,M/s relationship.

Trust & Faith

The word "trust" is used to describe what is needed in order to submit.But what about when the trust is real?...really, really, real. Trust so strong that there are no limits as to what one will share.i trust Master like that...trust so strong and devoted that i can not even compare it to anything else..or to anyone else.Certainly trust is required with giving myself over to be hurt, to be used, to be subjected to pain...no question, it is imperative to be able to know i am in good hands. Knowing i can handle and at times endure painful situations. Yet, it goes deeper than just the physical. A pain slut, is a pain slut, is a pain slut, so submitting to a rather difficult session is easier for some than others and as such doesn't require as much trust .

What i find the most, comforting, is the trust that i have that goes beyond being able to trust someone who beats me.Sharing so much with Him, knowing that He will protect me . That He knows it is for Him..is exclusively His. i give it to Him because i want Him to have it all....i have the utmost faith in Him that what i give to Him, is appreciated, cared for, and gives Him pleasure. It is why i am here and because of course because i love Master and want only the very very best for Him.

i am woman

i am woman.With a woman's needs. The need of a strong man to hold me up when i'm weak, to care for me when i'm needy, to pick me up when i fall and to have my back when bad is out to get me.The need to be pampered once in awhile and to be touched with love and softness.i'm a woman.i'm soft inside for all my strength.And i'm fragile inside for all my hulking, graceless size and bulk and hobble.
i'm slave for all that by choice because for all that Master is everything i know i need and a lot more that i didn't know i needed. He is my light in the dark, my rock when my own foundations crumble, the soft pillow when im tired of the world,but most of all a big soft cuddly teddy bear who can growl real loud when im straying . Master love You forever. Thank You Sir for just being there.

Good Girl

Many slaves enjoy being good girls or at least being called a “good girl.”

For me i think it is because being called a good girl lets me know i am pleasing Master...and doing what i need to serve Him well. Internally it hits those buttons that longs for approval.

Do you like being a good girl or do you like being called a good girl? both. i like being a good girl and pleasing Master. But i also like when He says i am a good girl.

Do you like being a bad girl to get a spanking?

no. If i want a spanking, i ask/beg/plead... then He decides if he wants to give me one or not. But acting out to get one isn't my thing.

Do good girls do all this other stuff they enjoy? oh yes! i am a good girl that likes to be a slut and whore...as well, if it pleases Master

love and marriage

It is not my intent to suggest that I am a "true" submissive. i only write of what submission means to me and its place within my life and home. It is a link in my marriage, but only one of many. Without my deep friendship with and respect for Master, there would be no possibility of my submission to him. Our relationship is built on a foundation of mutual respect and is lavishly sprinkled with love. I believe that we were meant to be together. I feel that we have always loved each other. As far as I am concerned, we were led to one another five years ago. Otherwise, it was a fluke that we ever met, Our introduction was meant to be. This is a love that was written before time began. It will never die.

communication

I feel that communication is not only a valuable, but an essential tool in any relationship M/s or otherwise. For me as long as slave communicates her needs/concerns in a manner that is respectful to Master, it should be allowed. i am glad that my Master, allows free speech, i am free to say whatever i need to say and to whom i wish . Do others have the right to express opinions that differ with mine? Sure they do and i love hearing them. Gives me a lot to think about.i am as true to my beliefs,as i can be if i'm confused, i'll ask for clarification. i'll not just assume that something is this way or that. Truism(one true way) isn't a part of my thinking, but being true to myself is, which is why i'm a slave because it is who and what i am.My ultimate goal

To always be true to my MASTER, To live a life of service. And, to be true to myself.

Your slave

slut by name, slut by nature

The hope to be pleasing. The desire to comply. The love of obedience. And the helpless hunger for pain. The inescapable craving for pain. my honest desire to be a good slave. i must need to be punished every day of my life for all and every failing, not that I’d intentionally fail You because my greatest desire is to please but if i’m found too slow or that i’m being lazy, i'm never really sure but i cant be that good a slave to not warrant punishment, i want to be punished but hate deserving it, because it means i've fail You. My slavish needs are far too strong for me to ever intentionally earn punishment. Nonetheless at times i melt at the thought of Youtelling me off. I want You to be strict about the ways i am to please You. To never fail but to correct for each and every thing You require of Your slave. It is my nature to relish Your pleasure-Punishment is probably only possible between us within a formal/private setting. Rules might serve the purpose of shaping slave behaviour to match Your wishes. They also increase the likelihood that I will fail: memory, tardiness, sloppiness may leave me at fault. i want Your control, to never be displeasing and - yet - Your discipline One leads to another, either way i fail, me or You i'd rather fail me so i guess im not going to get the spanking i need soon.!! i realise we have quite serious thoughts behind discipline and punishment, im happy with either right now Sir, Yes i know slut by name, slut by nature Sir .

Your slave

am i real ?

am i real? i read a few blogs and generally when i do, i take them at face value. i believe that what i am reading is a fairly accurate account of what happened in someones life, simply because what i am reading is a blog and not erotic fiction. While i understand that even the best of us exercise a touch of poetic license on occasion to improve on our literary leavings, i cling to my belief that a blog is a glimpse into a real and not imaginary life.i used to get quite upset when i read about someone who is 'better' than me by taking a more solid beating or by being more slavery in some way. For some reason, the competitive streak in me always wants to feel that i'm much more a slave than anyone else. Of course, that's not true in any way shape or form and i am working on stopping the 'comparison cycle', but i still do feel jealous.It has often dawned on me to think that what i was reading might not be real- that it might just be someones little fantasy played out on the pages of a blog. It had also never dawned on me to be anything less than brutally honest about my life here, so i assumed that everyone else was the same. It kind of feels wrong to pass something off as real that is not.Now, i'll be the first to admit that i don't post pictures that show fat bulges. i also don't go into great lengths about the just how much i might suck as a slave , but i also don't parade around as 'Miss Slavery 2007/8'. i try to keep things in balance and show an overall view of the realities of D/s in my life. Although i try to keep the realities of my vanilla life to a minimum in this blog it doesn't mean that they don't exist and it certainly doesn't mean that i clean the house in a maid's outfit and stilettos or spend twenty two hours a day on my knees. I have a life and D/s is but a part of it.

rest easy mel

The loss of one so young, makes the world a cruel place terri (melova)was a sweet girl even tho 26, she had put up with so much in her short life, it was never going to be easy, but she rarely complained, and just at the time of year when we all look forward she looses her fight, how much sorrow i feel that i might also not have been there for her at her greatest time of need, a sister in the lifestyle. she will be sadly missed

R.I.P. mel hunnie

maybe i'm just a masochist

i have always wanted someone stronger than me. i have always craved someone who could take over my entire being and own me. Not necessarily in a slave sense, but still as slave im extremely happy. i do not cry from pain easily. it takes quite a bit to get me to cry.But i so remember times i have been degraded from a punishment spanking or a discipline spanking. And there is that stir of excitement in it all and i cry more easily, humiliation just makes me cry from shame. Maybe because there is that stir of...i am a grown woman and this is humiliating. Many a time i remember breaking down, the pain getting to be to much or even just the humiliation being to much. Maybe a part of my stubbornness was dying away. i know afterward i always feel more submissive. But punishment or discipline spankings are different from erotic even tho the action and pain levels are probably the same, Master put a different slant on the act in punishment Still, being spanked is a need i have however much pain result from that, is it therefore for the pain that i need to be spanked, or possibly Master attention? or maybe i'm just an out and out masochist. !!
Your slave

Deep submission or my bound place

so its my bound place , i can work with that. Funny how the "Deep submission" got lost somewhere along the road but they are one and the same place and i'm so pleased that You understand this place of mine Sir. The mind set of my need to become so deeply absorbed within my submission to you, that i'm tied, bound, caged, limited by the very thought of being Your slave and subsequently my every move, thought is focused on You Master and my need to be subjugated by You. It is at times such as these that i need to fall to my knees and beg You please, use me, command me anything just allow me to be Your slave , my soul cries out to serve You Please Sir, beat me, anything. i wonder if this is even remotely normal. i need the feeling of free-falling, sinking, overwhelming surrender that only my deepest submission can give me. This isn't a want in me now, it has become a need an all consuming need. Begging i can do and am willing to beg You to Dom me please Sir. Hell this is a hard place to be, with an insatiable desire that i alone cannot fill.

Your slave

wordsmith

i've been trying to come up with some kind of name to described my submissive place, the place i go when i feel the need to be ultra submissive, the times when if it were at all possible i would be cuffed and leashed, in those imaginary silks and at Master beck and call totally, on my knees, the head space area of my submission . i don't even know what might be appropriate. "sub-space" doesn't describe it for me, as that refers to the more erotic area of play No, i need another place when my whole being desire, needs even to be "slave" nothing more or less but totally consumed by my submission to Master, it eats away at me, this feeling all i want is to serve, to be used, to be slave at its most basic level, id throw myself to the floor if it were possible, its that consuming but can i find a single word to describe the feeling, i would really like to find a description so that at any given time if Master requires me to be ultra submissive . i.e if You wish me to attend Master You might instruct slave to be in this place knowing that my attention will be focused solely on Your needs, pleasures.Sir is the word smith maybe You can find a title for this place?
Your slave

What frustrates me

What frustrates me is when i have a need, that needs fixing and circumstances, lack of privacy, or other life 'stuff' gets in the way of me reaching, any kind of closure. Sometimes, those circumstances or life "stuff" are avoidable, and then sometimes it's hard to be patient or understanding, when my little voice is screaming "I NEED!!! Fix it!!!! Please!!" and other times, the circumstances are out of both of our control and i merely rage at them in a petulant way that while probably adorable to watch is just a small outlet for my internal frustration. For me to be at my best, i need my fixes.. i need them regularly... . It can be achieved in subtle ways or blatant, but i do need it.
So i admit sometimes that i get frustrated with Master. It's a selfish urge, and i realise that there are slaves and submissives out there who are probably aghast with shock that i would spend an entire post talking about my needs. What kind of submissive am i?Well - i'm me. i'm my type. And being submissive, is a part of me. And that part does include needs.
i am sure my needs can also be a source of frustration for MG. What's most important is that we work together, we ebb and flow together, and that we both do our best to strike the balance between wants and needs, both of ourselves and each other. Overall, i think we both do a pretty damn fine job.
Your slave

submissive needs

As a submissive, or even as a woman in a relationship, i have the right to speak up and discuss what my needs are... and my wants... I trust my Master to hear those needs and wants and to know the difference. If there is a *need* that He can't provide, we talk about it... and decide how important that need is and if im to be allowed to satify that need at that time (so far there hasn't been any He can't provide). The wants are absolutely at His discretion, and He knows it, but it is a way to let Him know where i'm at. A Dominant is expected to tell their submissive what they need and expect, and yet often i see submissives told they are 'topping from the bottom' if they try and return the favour... Perhaps some Dominants are threatened by this behavior.i don't really know...i do know that our relationship is still a relationship and our marriage is like any other marriage. We have to come together as two people who love each other first and make sure we are both feeling fulfilled. That is critical no matter what kind of relationship it is, and just like any other relationship, COMMUNICATION is key.Although... i must say... that when it's little cravings, sometimes just displaying my submission to Him openly and genuinely is all that's needed!
Your slave

Attitude, Acceptance and Obedience

i like every thing that Master has me do (or not do.) The reminder of His control over me as a person by having to ask permission for certain things is a powerful thing. It makes me more aware of things, it makes me grateful for the simpler things and it makes me appreciate Him more when He takes the time to listen to me when i ask for permission to do things that might be mundane but a privilege just the same. i like to know that if i miss asking Master is ready to remind me, it shows Your attention to those small details But i also appreciate the freedoms i am granted. i am to ask to eat, because, its a rule and focus's me Master does like to spoil me but rules are rules and permissions need to be adhered to.
To be living the dream. Sometimes things get a little hazy in this lifestyle. Master and i live a relaxed type of lifestyle - He doesn’t have too many rituals and i am not micromanaged with a 300 page list of rules to follow. So at times i take for granted (not on purpose) that this is what i dreamed of; this life and this Man and who i have become to Him.
i am where i want to be and now more than ever, i realize this. When i think about it, my heart does a little flip flop and i smile to myself. It’s not just the service part of things - it’s everything about this lifestyle. It’s the power exchange, it’s the being subjugated, beaten, that thrills me to the core. It’s the fact that Master owns me - my body, my flesh and blood and that there is a collar on my neck that reminds me every single moment of my day - that makes me all a quiver. It’s the fact that i am here to serve Him - no matter what that entails - that fulfills me. feel fulfilled every time i get Him a cup of tea or make Him a meal that pleases Him. i feel fulfilled after every sexual experience knowing that i worked hard to make Him happy, to put a smile on His face, to make Him feel good. It fulfills me to hear Him murmur sweet nothings to me about these experiences - that ive done well, that i‘m a good girl - that i am HIS good girl. i feel fulfilled every time He pats me on the head, hugs me, or kisses me sweetly. There is fulfillment in just wearing this collar. i finally am living a life where i feel like i have a purpose. To please Master. i feel fulfilled just thinking about the little things i do around this house for Him and realise that this is what has been missing from every relationship. Master doesn’t always acknowledge everything i do and it‘s okay . Within this collar, whether He acknowledges all of my positive points or not - i feel much more appreciated for my efforts than i ever have been for i know my purpose is simple - to be here, to be available. The rewards i reap emotionally from Master on this level are worth far more than anything i have ever experienced and for that i am eternally grateful. Thank You Sir
Your slave

Lectured

i do listen, and i will of course take on board everything you said Sir. i don't want or need excuses, i am happy to admit i tend to be click happy and really should concentrate more and i will now wait for you if at all unsure of what i might do. If my recklessness was regarding my safety then we might have a bigger problem but as You pointed out i haven't caused a major problem but its something i am aware of, i hope i can relearn the skills ive lost and can improve my dependability. i would hate to think that i am destined to be left, unreliable and i shall therefore make it a task to try and bring my reliability up a bit so that i don't cause You further cause for concern .

Your slave